CW: Depression and Suicide
When I was in middle school, I was absolutely obsessed with the British sci-fi drama Doctor Who. I first got into it in elementary school back when episodes aired on Disney XD for a short amount of time around 2015. I was instantly hooked, and I spent a large chunk of my childhood writing fanfiction, going to conventions, and collecting merchandise and art from the show. One of my childhood dreams was to travel the universe in the TARDIS with the doctor, and if I’m completely honest, I’d say I still have that dream. Of course, I’d rather not meet an untimely death or have something awful happen to me, so maybe it could be a one-time trip around the stars.
After all of this time, though, a couple of episodes still come to my mind. Out of all of them, Vincent and the Doctor, written by Richard Curtis, is probably the one I think about the most. I remember it was the one episode I wouldn’t allow my mom to delete from the DVR because of how much I adored it. The writing was phenomenal, and the beautiful imagery only added to it. It made me profoundly emotional, and I even have a poster on my wall of a quote from that episode.
To sum up what happens, The Doctor and Amy visit an art museum and notice a strange creature in one of the windows in The Church at Auvers by Vincent van Gogh. They ask a museum guide when the painting was done, and he explains that it was painted in 1890, which was about a year before Van Gogh committed suicide. The Doctor and Amy go back in time to try and figure out the mystery behind the creature in the window. Long story short, since it is Doctor Who, the monster turns out to be an alien only Vincent can see, and The Doctor has to find a way to help it find its way home. In the end, Vincent accidentally fatally wounds the creature, and it dies in the halls of the church being comforted by The Doctor. The alien aspect of the episode is definitely the weakest, which sadly isn’t uncommon for the show. The real greatness shines through with Vincent’s character, the interactions he has with Amy and The Doctor, and the portrayal of depression in a realistic manner.
When The Doctor and Amy first arrive and meet Vincent, they witness the way the townspeople mistreat and ridicule him and his art. He’s grown to think that his art truly is horrible and he only ever does it for himself. Despite the objections from the pair, he never truly believes their praise of his art. The people around him were constantly calling him deranged and mad to the point where he fully believes it. The episode takes a few creative liberties, as do most fictional stories about historical figures, like excluding the fact that Vincent cut off part of his own ear and sent it to a woman. Rather, the story focuses more on his depression, mental anguish, and loneliness.
The ending of this episode is what brings me to tears every viewing. Before The Doctor and Amy leave, they bring Vincent into the future to see the same art museum from the beginning of the episode. When they arrive at the Van Gogh exhibit, Vincent is shocked and amazed to find his art on display. The Doctor then asks the museum guide from before to sum up where Vincent van Gogh stands in the history of art. He gives this response:
“Well, big question, but to me, Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all. Certainly, the most popular great painter of all time. The most beloved. His command of colour, the most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world. No one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again. To my mind, that strange, wild man who roamed the fields of Provence was not only the world’s greatest artist, but also one of the greatest men who ever lived.”
It’s then that Vincent breaks into tears and thanks the museum guide for his kind words. The guide is obviously taken aback and confused by this, but before he could ask any questions, they had already left.
When they arrive back to his time in France, Vincent thanks them again and they say their goodbyes. They’ll all sad to part, but they have to return to their own time.
When Amy and The Doctor return to the museum again in the future, Amy is excited to see the exhibit and is convinced there will be new paintings now that Vincent changed his mind about suicide after he learned how much his work meant to people and the impact he had. However, when they arrive, there are no new paintings. Vincent still kills himself at the age of 37. The point of this scene was to emphasize that even though he knew how important he would be and the joy he brought others in the future, his present was still bleak and horrible for him. The knowledge that he left a great impact doesn’t change his surroundings much at all. He didn’t live in our present. When Amy realizes this, she breaks into tears at the museum and The Doctor goes to comfort her. She claims they didn’t make a difference at all, and this is when that quote I mentioned earlier is said.
“I wouldn’t say that. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.”
The Doctor shows her that they did indeed make a difference by showing her the absence of the creature in the church window, and Amy catches a glimpse of new writing that’s on the painting Sunflowers. Amy had been trying to get Vincent to paint the sunflowers painting while they were there by saying how much she adored sunflowers and picking some for him. So when she got closer and saw the message “For Amy – Vincent” she smiled and realized she really did change things and was appreciated.
The way this episode and quote changed me was that I realized that every little positive thing you can say to or do for someone adds to their pile of good things in life. Part of my life goal is to add to the good things pile to everyone I meet, no matter how big of a difference it makes. Everything has a little impact— just try to make good ones. Add to the good things pile, and not the bad. I’d ask everyone reading this tries to as well. You never know how much better it could make someone’s day.
