The Diary of a Teenage Girl

I haven’t read much throughout the past month, but I am about half way through The Diary of a Teenage Girl by Phoebe Gloeckner. The book is an interesting read and I would overall recommend it to anyone who likes coming of age stories. This is the book for you in that case.

The book is based off of the authors diary entries when she was a teenager. It’s even formatted like a diary in which it has doodles and dates above each entry. Sometimes it feels like you’re literally reading someones diary.

The main characters name is Minnie and she is a very wise yet naive girl. She likes having fun and being a little rebellious at times. She lives with her mother and younger sister in San Francisco. The story is set in the 70s which is also interesting. The story’s plot is based on Minnie’s life experiences at this time in her life.

I love the language of the book. The writing style is like no other that I’ve ever read before. The character development is also very interesting and relatable as a whole.

So far, I’m absolutely in love with the book. It has comic strips at times as well and sketches embedded within it which keeps things interesting and helps the reader visualize what is going on. I would recommend it to anyone in need of a good read at this time.

Looking For Alaska

Wow, so I haven’t done much reading lately. Especially considering the fact that I went from having two off blocks last semester, to having none at all. Time to do my everyday tasks has been limited; however, I have been able to read a little bit of the book, Looking for Alaska, written by John Green.

The book isn’t set up like normal books with normal chapters. It has a chapter-like set up, but instead of it reading “chapters” it says something like “128 days before” and so on. When I first picked up the book, this really sparked my interest because in my mind, I was thinking “before what,” so I think that Green did an amazing job at reeling the reader in with that.

128 days before

Within this first “chapter” the reader is introduced to the main character of the book, Miles. Miles is described as an “unpopular” teenage boy who lives in Florida. In the first chapter the reader is told that Miles is planning to soon go to a boarding school in Alabama. His parents throw him a going-away-party, however, no one shows up.

After reading this chapter, I noticed that the writing style was very familiar. Mind you, I didn’t look to see who the author was before I started reading it. I got about half way through the chapter and then realized that the author was John Green. It all made sense why his style of writing seemed so familiar; it’s because it was! I had read a few of his books in my early high school years. He definitely sticks to his unique voice in Looking for Alaska.

128 days before

In the next chapter, Miles begins his journey to the boarding school he will soon start attending. The reader is then introduced to Miles’ roommate, Chip. Chip is a very well developed character. Right off the bat, he tells Miles the “rules” of the dorm and the do’s and don’ts. After settling in, Chip takes Miles to meet a girl named Alaska. Miles is faced with an immediate attraction to her.

In this chapter I realized that “Alaska” which is in the title of the book, is an actual person. This got me even more engaged in the book due to the fact that I wanted to know why someone was looking for her.

The writing of the two chapters is very descriptive and entertaining. If I had the time, I know that it would be very hard for me to put down. I expect to finish this book soon, but as of now, I’m really enjoying it and enjoying the content.

Learning To Be Alone

Recently, I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself, and it has been the hardest, most uplifting time of my life. About two months ago, I ended up getting a room by myself, and it was really scary for me at first because I had never been truly on my own in my entire life. I always shared a room with my sister or (of course) had a roommate. The feeling was very new to me, and I knew that it was going to take some time to get used to.

The first two weeks were really rough. It was very silent when I woke up, and throughout the entire day as well. I had two off blocks at the time, so I spent a lot of time in my room. I know you’re probably thinking, “Vic, don’t you have friends?” and the answer is yes, I do have friends, but at the time, everyone was studying and worrying about their own problems. Therefore, there wasn’t much time to hang out. I spent most of my time on my phone watching Tiktok or making Tiktoks (HA). Looking back at this, I wasted a lot of valuable time that I could have used to do more productive things instead of trying to distract myself from my loneliness.

It wasn’t until during Thanksgiving break that I started to improve myself and make myself be more productive. I also had the house to myself for half of the week, so that too was a time where I was forced to be alone, but it helped me so much. During the break I really self reflected. I evaluated myself and my toxic traits, and this led me to realizing that it’s okay to be alone sometimes.

Once I got back to school, I spent even more time in my room. I liked it. I could be myself and do the things I wanted to do. All of the things I thought required the company of other people really only required myself. After the break, I decided to tap into my creative side because I realized that I hadn’t done that in a while. I painted a lot more and journaled every day. I prioritized not only my school work and the things I needed to do, but also my mental health and loving myself. It was through all of this that I realized that in the end, you’re only going to have yourself. Sometimes you are going to have to be your own best friend, and that is okay. It’s okay to detach and take personal steps towards growing and developing as a person.

Through these past two months, I’ve not only learned how to be happy when I’m alone, but I’ve also learned how to balance my social life with my work life. I prioritize my work and put everything else second. For me, I’ve really fallen in love with working on things that I’m passionate about. It used to feel like my discipline work was a chore, but now I’m so eager to get the next assignment.

I’ve also stopped using sleep as an escape from my problems. I used to sleep in order to get away temporarily from my problems, which is not a good coping mechanism at all and could dig your hole even deeper than it already is. I found that staying up just a little longer to work a bit more on projects or to study for tests can show such a large improvement in your life. If anything, I definitely feel more prepared and less stressed.

These past two months have really helped me to calm my stress. I didn’t realize that most of my stress was coming from NOT being alone enough, not giving myself time to recollect myself and do the things I needed to do.

Anyways, that’s my spill on self love and doing what’s best for you. New chapters are good; I promise. Even the worst memories can turn into great ones if you change your perspective and find the lessons within them.

The Universe of Us

I just got done reading this book, and I’d be lying if I said it was any different than amazing. I’ve always loved poetry books, but I believe this one is my new favorite. It had versatility to the point where I believe absolutely anyone could relate to at least one of the poems.

The Universe of Us, written by Lang Leav is a book filled with poetry of all different tones. Some of them are sad, happy, and even angry.

One of my favorite poems was A Premonition on page 117.

It reads, “There are some people who you look at, and you can just tell how their story will end. I don’t know what it is; they have everything going for them, yet it will never be enough. But when I look at you, I just know instinctively, that despite the odds against you and although life will always find a way to test you, someday you’ll have everything you want. Your ending will be a happy one.”

This piece in particular really resonated with me due to the fact that I could relate to it heavily. Throughout my own life, I have had so many doors blocking my path, and to get through them, I had to figure a few things out and be smart about it. This piece was very motivational, and when I read it, it seemed as though I was meant to read it right then.

Another piece that stood out to me was Her Time on page 63.

It read, “She has been feeling it for awhile–that sense of awakening. There is a gentle rage simmering inside her, and it is getting stronger by the day. She will hold it close to her– she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is rocket fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core– this is her time. She will not only climb mountains–she will move them too.”

First, I’d like to point out Lang’s use of hyphens. It’s very interesting how and where she placed them. She only used them in sentences that started with “She has,” “She can,” or “She will.” She uses them when the character is doing something. Lang follows the dash with a clarification of the statement before it. It almost gives off a “cause and effect” sense. Overall, I loved her use of the hyphens, and I believe it really added to the overall tone of the piece.

Today, on page 25, I have to say, is my favorite within the entire collection.

It reads, “Today I am not in my skin. My body cannot contain me. I am spilling out and over, like a rogue wave on the shore. Today I can’t keep myself from feeling like I don’t have a friend in the world. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to pick myself up off the floor. My demons are lying in wait, they are grinning in the shadows, their polished fangs glinting, knowing today, it will be an easy kill. But tomorrow, tomorrow could be different, and that is what keeps me going today.”

This piece reminds me of the feeling of hope. Within the text you see someone speaking from the first person. They are explaining their physical struggles in a moment of despair, and how they feel as though they can’t continue. But, the last sentence, and it’s my favorite, reads, “But tomorrow, tomorrow could be different, and that is what keeps me going today.” This entire sentence is a sentence of hope. Even though the character is surrounded by disaster, they are continuing because they have hope that tomorrow is a better day.

The Universe of Us by Lang Leav is overall an amazing and inspiring collection of literary pieces. I encourage anyone looking for a good book to read right before you go to bed, to check this one out. You won’t regret it, and you will most definitely be enlightened by a multitude of motivation and inspiration.

Life Update: Information About My Fashion Magazine

If I could describe in one word how I’m feeling right now, the word would be “stressed.” I’m sure everyone at MSA can relate to that statement in some way, shape, or form. I thought I was at the pinnacle of stress at the start of senior year and even during some periods of my junior year; however, I’ve never been so stressed in my life.

It’s late November, and at this point, I’ve been working on my Fashion Magazine for about two months. I got inspired for the project early October while I was at a friends house one weekend(see previous blog to get the entire scoop), and since then I’ve been working on it daily. This is very rare for me. If you know me personally, you know that I get ideas, and if it isn’t something that can get done within a week or two, I usually drop it. The fact that I’ve been working on this for two months is an accomplishment in itself, but I have so much more to do.

I’ve decided that I want to be completely finished with the magazine by April 20th, 2020, which is the day of my showcase. By the way, the event is open to the public, so if you’re interested in this magazine or any of my work in general, you should most definitely come check it out. This deadline will also mean that the magazines will be completely printed and in my hands, ready to order by this date. From today, that is about five months from now. *internally screaming*

Within the magazine there will be photo shoots, shot by me, of students at MSA that have so graciously been willing to participate. There will also be interviews and articles about certain people at MSA that I find exceptionally rich in their specific art. Whether that be Vocal, Literary, Fashion Design, Theater, Visual, Dance, and even Cinematography. It will all be included.

I’ve even decided to design and create fashion pieces of my own. This took a lot of consideration in deciding to do this. I was scared that I wouldn’t have time or willing participants, but I decided that the magazine wouldn’t be my own if I didn’t include this. So far I’ve created one of my fashion pieces, and I’m so excited to create the other pieces.

Overall, I believe that the magazine will reflect the inspirations I’ve kept bottled up for so many years. I’ve always wanted to create something that showed who I am as a person and the things I care about. This magazine has already become so important to me, which is so exciting for me.

Working on my magazine along with applying for colleges, scholarships, and just everyday MSA routines has been causing me a lot of stress, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy. I’ve never been so happy in my entire life. I’ve never had so much fun while doing work. I realized that fashion and journalism is my passion because I’ve never been so stressed with something, yet still have the most fun I could possibly have. I already know that this project is going to help me learn so many things about myself because in a way, it already has.

I just want to thank everyone who is supporting me and supporting my vision. I know for a fact that if it weren’t for any of you, this really would not be possible, and I mean that wholeheartedly. I know that’s so cliche to say, but I’m so serious about it. I really mean it. I’m so excited to share this piece of myself with you guys. It will take a while, but I promise it will be so worth it. I won’t let you down!

Check back with me April 20th, 2020:)

Self Development: What I’ve Learned

If you would have asked me two months ago what I wanted to pursue as a career, I would tell you that I wanted to be an environmental lawyer. I would go on and on about how I wanted to save the planet from itself, and give random facts about how much time we have left until it’s impossible for human existence on earth. I did everything in my power to help the earth become more green. This is not a bad thing; I’m not saying it is, but I don’t believe I did it completely because I was passionate about it. I think I did it because I wanted my family and other people to be proud of me. I wanted to be enough for them.

I tried my absolute hardest to prove to people that I was smart and capable of making a difference. What I didn’t realize is that it caused me to detach from myself. It caused me to neglect my true talents and passions.

Earlier this year, in the second semester of junior year, I was completely unhappy with everything. I closed myself off from so many things. I completely isolated myself. Around mid-April, I realized that I needed to better myself. I knew that I wasn’t the best version of myself and I wanted to make a change. Throughout the entire summer I completely changed my outlook of everything, and I will be honest, I did feel so completely happy, but something else was missing. I couldn’t figure out what it was.

About a month ago, I stayed with a close friends house and we had a very deep conversation. We talked about how I wasn’t happy and how I was tricking myself into thinking I was happy. She told me, “you have to let go,” and that’s when my eyes were opened up to everything. I realized that I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I only wanted to be a lawyer so that my family and friends would be proud of me. I do care about the environment and I do think that we should do everything in our power to make some type of difference, but I also have my own passions that I want to be able to pursue as well. All along I had lived my life for others. That is why I wasn’t happy. I was neglecting what actually made me happy because of what others told me.

Upon this discovery, I realized that I want to be a Fashion Journalist. I always have. I want to work on projects that make me happy, not projects that other people tell me will make me happy. Ever since that day I have been pursuing the things I love instead of the things other people think I would excel at. And that in itself has caused me to be joyful and excited for my future.

For the first time in a very long time, I am excited for the things to come.

Milk and Honey: A Second Read

Most poetry fanatics know about this young adult poetry book, and if you’re on Pinterest or even Tumblr, you definitely know about this book. Even if you don’t know about it, you’ve probably stumbled upon one of its poems through an Instagram post. However, if you are one of the few who have no idea what I’m talking about, I will say it’s a relatable book filled with poetry and prose, written by Rupi Kaur.

The first time I read the book, I read it completely for enjoyment. I related to some of the pieces and then felt empathy for those who related to the others. I found myself wanting to savor it, but at the same time, I couldn’t put the book down. The poems are generally short as well, so it is very easy to fly through it without even knowing it. When I first read it for entertainment purposes, it was genius in my opinion. It evoked emotion in me. I would put post-it notes throughout the book, and even write and underline keywords. By the time I read the last page, I decided it would be only fitting for me to keep it on my shelf along with my other favorite books.

However, I did recently read it for a second time, and sadly, the experience was not as golden as my last. The first time I read her book, I was 15 and just coming out of a relationship to which I describe as my first love in today’s time. Automatically, my love for the book was amplified due to the fact that I was heartbroken and a sophomore in high school. That was a time in my life where I wanted to feel every feeling I possibly could, and that I did. Now, almost three years later, I read the book and find that it is beautiful and poetic; however, I wouldn’t write it off as the best poetry I’ve read.

In the last year, I’ve been exposed to a wide variety of amazing poets that are infamous in the writing world. Poets like, Liz Waldner and Ina Coolbrith (two of my personal favorite poets), who have phenomenal work. After reading the book a second time, I found that Kaur’s couldn’t compare. But then I thought about this for a moment and realized that Kaur’s goal was not to be like these amazing, award-winning poets. Her goal was to take her feelings and put them out to the world. Her goal was to take the situations she’s been through and give them to the reader so that they can relate and realize that they aren’t alone. Once I stepped away from the words on the paper and looked at the book as a whole, I realized that this wasn’t about writing amazing poetry. It was about helping others, and there is something so admirable about that.

Lana Del Rey – Ride Monologue

Here lately I’ve been really inspired by the work of Lana Del Rey. I know, I know, I’m a tad bit late, but I will say that her lyrics and writing have really influenced some of my own writing in the past month or so. I found it only fitting that I review one of her monologues (which happens to be my favorite) as a thank you for the inspiration she has granted me.

Also, I highly suggest that if you’re reading this that you also go listen to her read it because it honestly makes it so much more magical.

My words and thoughts will be in red:)

Ride Monologue- Lana Del Rey

I was in the winter of my life

Usually, when someone says that they are in the winter of their life, that means that they are going through a tough time or a rough patch. 
And the men I met along the road were my only summer

Meaning, the men she met were the only ones that made her truly happy.
At night I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them

She wishes to be with them (be happy) all the time.
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me

These two lines remind me a lot of how I get when I’m in a situation that I don’t like. I tend to imagine situations that make me happy to get myself away from the discomfort. These two lines truly resonated with me.
And my only real happy times


I was a singer
Not a very popular one
I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet

These three lines always seem to make me smile because it really shows how us as artists tend to think that we are less than we are. Most people know who Lana Del Rey is, and I’d say she is fairly popular. Personally, I also believe that her poetry is beautiful. It’s just so interesting to see just how critical we can be to ourselves as artists.
But upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky

I love the metaphorical sense that this gave off. 
That I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken

I also love the use of repetition here that creates emphasis. 
But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is

This is honestly such a good life lesson in general. I really appreciate the fact that she put this in the monologue because she does have a generally younger audience (people ranging from teenagers to young adults.) This could honestly be the right advise at the right time for someone.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing how I had been living, they asked me why, but there’s no use in talking to people who have a home
They have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people
For home to be wherever you lie your head

This is my favorite stanza in this entire monologue because I never thought of home being “wherever you lie your head.” I love what she did with this stanza, and the way she expressed the way she views this certain thing is honestly beautiful.

I was always an unusual girl

I remember reading this line for the first time and saying to myself, “same.”
My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul

I appreciated the fact that she made it even more personal by including her mother.
No moral compass pointing due north
No fixed personality

Love the repetition.
Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean
And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying

This entire stanza is the perfect example of a Gemini. (I just looked it up, and indeed, Lana is a Gemini.)

Because I was born to be the other woman

This line really hit me hard because of how much it holds even though it is just a few words.
Who belonged to no one
Who belonged to everyone
Who had nothing
Who wanted everything

This also had the same affect on me as the line before. Just absolutely beautiful.
With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it
And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me

I almost feel like this isn’t finished. But, then again she could have intended it to be that way.


Overall, this monologue is very raw and real. I really enjoyed how I could get a clear cut picture of how she is feeling throughout the piece. The song that follows after this is beautiful as well, and gives more clarity on why Lana is how she is. I could really see into her mind in this piece, and I greatly appreciate that because it takes a lot to be vulnerable and put your emotions out for the entire world to see. 

a reflection of my junior year

Junior year is slowly creeping to an end, and I have to say, it has been WILD. Upon the day I moved into MSA, I would have never imagined it would be this amazing and life changing.

I can say confidently that I am not the same person as I was when I walked in this place, but this isn’t a bad thing! I’ve grown into the person I’ve always wanted to be; the person I never knew I wanted to be. And the best part about it is I’m still growing. MSA has definitely shaped me into someone I’m happy to be, which has never happened before.

Throughout this year I’ve met the most amazing people, who have been the most loving and accepting people possible. I’ve been hit full blown with the procrastination wrath, and yes, I did come out victoriously. I came out to my parents, which is something I was always so afraid of doing. I’ve played around with my style, (which includes chopping all of my hair off. Hey baby juniors, if you’re reading this DO NOT CHOP ALL YOUR HAIR OFF IMPULSIVELY). I’ve lost some friends and gained some, but I can say that I still love each and every one of them. I’ve gotten through the hard times, and made the good ones last. I’ve pulled an all-nighter doing school work instead of at a sleep over.

I’ve found the beauty in collaging and the inspiration it can hold. I paid for pizza with pocket change, and in that moment I have never related more with a college student. I found myself not wanting to grow up for the first time, which is something I thought would never happen. I went from an introvert to an extrovert and then, yes, back to an introvert. I’ve found the beauty in other peoples words and thoughts. I’ve ALSO found the beauty in inspirational, cheesy, Ted Talks (I know I know, don’t come for me.) I created a “spam” account and felt the pain of posting something meant for your spam, on your main account, and I have never wanted to not exist as much as I did right then lol. I went about a month without caring about ANYTHING, until I logged onto ActiveParent and received a not too pleasing surprise (again, baby juniors, if you are reading this DO NOT SLACK OFF BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT BE PLEASED WITH THE OUTCOME). I’ve cried over the stinky seniors leaving because some of them I actually look up to, and would practically die for (shout out to Zoe, Fidel, and Avery:)). I’ve met some all around, true friends who I absolutely adore and love.

With all of that being said, I’ve packed my things and gotten ready for summer, and I am COMPLETELY ready for senior year. This year has been an experience that I will never get again, but I can’t help but have no regrets about anything that I’ve done here because in a way, I wouldn’t have come out as the person I am right here, right now.

(ew sorry that was absolutely disgustingly sappy, but hey, give me a break:))

And of course it wouldn’t be a blog by Vic without a song to end it. (LISTEN! IT’S AN AMAZING SONG.)


Another Added To The List

Today, I found out that giraffes are becoming extinct. I’d say I’m surprised, but the truth is, I’m not. This will make 41,415 that are on that fatal list. Along with the bees and the polar bears, people will simply forget them. They’ll become nothing but a mere memory of the once quiet lives they lived.

Some spent their days within walls that were made of metal bars, never once even knowing what it’s like to be free. Whether it be a circus or a zoo, they lived for peoples entertainment, never once living for themselves.

I think it’s definite that circus animals have it worse than zoo animals. I’ve seen so many videos of innocent animals being held in cages where they can only maybe take a step forward or a step backward. The innocent animals being beaten by the owners. It’s borderline neglect, and the only reason it’s not is that they get so much attention in their circus shows. The amount of disgust those documentaries brought me made it to where I will never be able to enjoy a circus again.

The zoo isn’t much better. Unless they have some crazy big budget, the animals rarely get provided everything a wild animal needs. Who said the workers and owners of the zoo actually care about the animals? I hate to break it to you, but zoos aren’t for endangered animals, zoos are a business. The owners and CEOs only care about how much money they will get at the end of the day, and the next new animal attraction they can get their hands on to attract more people. They live their lives in captivity while little children and their families come and go, staring at them through glass, nets, and bars. How selfish, but I too went to the zoo some time ago to enjoy seeing the lovely animals, but what I didn’t notice was the sadness that rests in the pupils of their eyes. Dark, morbid even.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not surprised. This world is cruel, I know this. Who said even the animals were safe?

Forty-one thousand four hundred and fifteen.

Today, I found out giraffes are becoming extinct, but I cannot be mad at this world because I am just as guilty as everyone else.

Image result for giraffes