A Somewhat Gracious, Sort-of Grateful Goodbye :)

Well, here we are. The dreaded cap and gown are close enough to touch, and the pollen is coating the sidewalks on the days without the infamous April showers. The end of the year is upon us, and with it, the end of life as we seniors know it. Our time at MSA is bringing it’s Twilight years to an end, and I figured that warranted one final return to the blog world.

Firstly, I am sorry for my extended absence. To say that my senior year has been chaotic is the understatement of a lifetime, and that’s coming from someone who had the junior year that I did, so you know it’s saying something. I have done so much growing this year in so many ways that I don’t even recognize myself, and I couldn’t be happier about that. I am looking so forward to getting to know this new me, and I thought that should be recorded. 

Truthfully, I’ve avoided writing this blog for quite some time. The infamous “goodbye blog” has been on my mind since I read Lauren’s at the beginning of junior year. But the idea of actually sitting down to write mine brought me so much sadness. Writing this meant that it was real, that it was truly almost over. I avoided the blog when I accepting scholarships, on Awards Day, at Prom, at my senior showcase, through all the big milestones. But I couldn’t make it go away. I cannot escape goodbyes. So, I may as well say them with as much grace as I can. 

I’d like to wish the most complicated goodbye to the most convoluted place I’ve ever been. MSA, for better or worse, was the first home I ever knew. It was the place where I first found people that not only loved me for who I was, but who I would become. The first place that allowed me the opportunity (and the catalyst) to grow into someone that I would be proud to meet in the mirror today. MSA was the place that I discovered who I was. It was the place where I finally found, or rather learned how to create a reflection I was proud to meet in the mirror every day. It is, in every way that matters, the origin of me. 

Granted, it wasn’t always the happiest of beginnings. MSA has been the sight of some of the most taxing, challenging, heart wrenching emotional battles of my life. I have known heartbreak and strife here like I have not anywhere else in my life, and I have had more than my fair share of experiences. MSA has broken me completely down more times than I can ever count, and it has never been gentle about it. But it has always built me back up into someone better. 

If you would have told me when I first got here that the platinum haired hopeless romantic gay boy in skinny jeans that walked in on New Student Day would graduate a gender-nonconforming, emotionally mature, mentally aware, self-loving, kind, brown-haired enby, I would have thought you were absolutely insane. I would not recognize who I am today, and I could not be more thankful for that fact. Who I am today is someone who’s beauty was beyond the imagination of who I was when I walked on this campus for the first time, and I cannot fathom something more miraculous. 

This place and the people in it, in every way, good, bad, and messy, have changed me so completely that I quite literally cannot imagine the path my life would be on if I had not come to this place. Who I was is gone, and who I am is better than they could ever have imagined being, and I am so grateful for that fact. 

So, a thank you to everyone I’ve met here. Whether we hated each other or were the best of friends, whether we spoke once or every day, whether you didn’t even know my favorite color of if you know my deepest, darkest secrets: thank you. Thank you for the part you played, however big or small, in the wonder of helping me becoming who I am. Thank you for helping me learn to live and love my life. 

And to anyone who reads this, from my fellow soon-to-be graduates to the juniors who will take our place next year, and even those who will come years after me and find this blog on an old, dusty webpage in the twilight years of the literary program, my words of wisdom to you are this: 

Embrace everything about this place. There will be good, there will be bad, there will be beauty, there will be ugliness, all of it to degrees you could not even imagine, much less survive. Don’t let that scare you away. This place has the potential to grow you into someone you could not even imagine being. It can hold some of the most beautiful, pivotal, formative, miraculous experiences of your life if you let it. Don’t miss your chance to change, and don’t be afraid to become whoever you want. That’s what this place is for. 

Love each other, remember your kindness, look forward to your changes, and remember to say hello to the ghosts of seniors past when you’re walking to your classes. We all leave a piece of ourselves here. Don’t be afraid to leave yours. 

With all the love I have in my heart to each and every one of you, 


-Love, Elliot <3

World Building Project pt.16

Tensions were high. The Chitin Empire bolstered their border world’s patrols, with no less than 50,000 soldiers per planet. Even long-held dogmas were swept aside in the face of the postatons rising aggression. After the Night of Red Petals, the centuries-old bans on buboes and black ash storks participating in joint armed forces operations were lifted, and their enlistment became commonplace. While this migration of people had its own negative effects on the empire’s workforce, the cost seemed well worth the risk. Little did they know however that in only two years the postatons control would fall at the hands of their citizens, and no interstellar war would be necessary. In fact, only two battles were ever fought in that time of militarism. 


One at the starward end of the empire where a miscommunication between two infantry regiments caused them to open fire on one another, and the battle of scales in the border world of Mattri, which will be the subject of this article.


Prior to the Chitin Empires’ claim to the backwater planet of Mattri, a small colony of lilarianads settled on the planet. Though the wider Lilarianad Federation made no claims to the planet due to the colony’s minuscule size and isolated position, the colony itself (as most lilarianads do) guarded their new home with an untamed fervor. For a long time, the colony went without contact with the greater universe and had not yet been made aware of the rising tensions or the Federation’s new policies which withdrew themselves from foreign affairs. So it comes as no surprise that when Chitin troops landed looking ready for a fight, it would be a fight they would get. 


It was a short, but bloody battle. Though the Chiten troops had superior weapons and numbers, outmanning the defenders 4/1, the lilarianads fought with a ferocity the attackers had yet been ignorant of. This is reflected in the losses of each side, while the lilarianads lost roughly 6,200 soldiers the Chitin troops lost 29,100. 


Above is a scene in which a surviving chitin soldier depicts the loss of their squad mate. Their squad was composed of 6 individuals, and only suffered one casualty. The group surrounds their fallen comrade, and an abstract symbol of religious iconography is shown dripping from their blood. Despite the societal prejudice against buboes and black ash storks, the three in the drawing (Two buboes on the left and the stork on the right) are allowed to openly grieve. There is a common stereotype that buboes cannibalize and use corpses in dark magic, and the touch of a stork is seen as poisonous due to their nocuous discharge. Yet, the buboes are allowed to kneel in reverence, and a hand of comfort from the squad’s stork rests on the head of the squad’s sibilusian. 

I can only imagine that while in the grips of heartache, such intolerance is irrelevant. And maybe it will stay irrelevant.

Soundtrack Outros to Say Goodbye

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog. Look at how far we have come. We have gone through music, movies, characters, books, and everything else under the sun. It has all come to a conclusion with this final blog post. We all know that the ending song of any film’s soundtrack is the most important; it’s what you’ll always remember. So, in order to conclude this year’s soundtrack I’ve decided to list an outro song for each of the people that have made an impact on me this year. I love you all!

Cain – Mary on a Cross by Ghost


Cain, my dear roommate, thank you for being one of the coolest people that I have ever known. You never fail to make me smile (or make me wanna hit you). I don’t know where I would be today without you. These two years being your friend have been the best. You are such a happy soul and you are so talented. I am already so proud of you for all that you’ve done, but I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you. So, for your outro, it was a very easy decision. Mary on a Cross by Ghost. It was the first song that I showed you from them and one that sparked a whole new era for you. I hope when you hear this song from now on you think of me, one of your bestest buds. 




Erin – Angeles (Live) by Elliott Smith


Erin, you just might be the human equivalent of a Sony Walkman. When I met you I immediately knew that you would grow to be one of my favorite people and one of the people that kept me sane throughout the year. You are so incredibly smart, passionate, and just freaking cool. Dude, you wouldn’t believe how hard it was to pick an outro for you. We have so many memories with so many different songs. I was going to pick a slipknot song or one that we both had a huge love for, but instead, I wanted to choose one song that reminds me of you. Your soundtrack finale is: Angeles – The Live Version by Elliott Smith because it’s your favorite and you have played it live for me so many times. I was never not impressed. I love you and I can’t wait to see what you become!



Emma – Talk to Me by Stevie Nicks


Emma, it’s really hard to describe how much you have impacted my life over these two years we have spent together. I never thought I would meet someone who gets me the way that you do! You have opened my eyes to so many great pieces of art (Scully & Mulder/Joel & Clem) and you always made it hard not to be happy around you. You are one of the strongest, most creative people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I bet you already knew this, but picking your outro was super hard because listening to music is something that we do together often. I was considering A Case of You by Joni Mitchell, Rooms on Fire by Stevie Nicks, the theme song from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and even the Wishing Tree song from South Park. While those are all significant options, I found myself drawn to Talk to Me by Stevie Nicks because of how much the song means to you and now how whenever I hear it I think of you.  I also know how much Stevie in general means to you, so I had to do what had to be done. Anyways, I am so honored to be able to call you one of my best friends. 



My Goodbye – Learning To Fly by Pink Floyd


Here we are once again. When I think of the ending of this chapter, this installment of my life I think about the youthful desire to break free from the constraints of life and live on your own terms. Although I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t living on my own terms, this song beautifully encapsulates the feelings of an end but also a beginning. I can picture it as the screen fades in and as it fades back to black. My soundtrack outro song is Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd.


All of this nice talk coming from me is odd, so I’ll have to end this one on a short message. “In case I don’t see you… good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”

my favorite endings

for the last time ever…hello, blog. bittersweet, i know. attempting to not be overly sentimental in this post, i’ve decided to stick with my tradition of writing about media. in honor of this chapter of my life coming to a close, i’ve decided to write about some of my favorite endings in tv shows and movies. spoilers included and in no particular order.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

i love that the ending of this movie is so ambiguous. to me, it’s a happy ending, but i’ve heard many say that it’s sad. ultimately, after their relationship is put through the wringer several times, joel and clementine decide to give it another try. i like the ending because it leaves us with the possibility of the two of them ending up together. personally, i think their love will definitely withstand the test of time. if you ask me, they’re together to this day, in an apartment full of potato people and at least one really creative kid.

This contains an image of: Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders

wild things

this movie has several of the craziest plot twists of anything i’ve ever seen. there are twists and turns at every single corner. my favorite, though, has got to be the very end. just when we think the two sleezy guys have gotten away with it, suzy comes out of nowhere and reclaims the victory. wild things is a story of total corruption and scandal, and it’s hard to say who the good guys and bad guys are. however, i just can’t see an ending with neve campbell riding off into the sunset on a sailboat and not think that it’s perfectly fair and just.

23 Fun Trivia Facts About 'Wild Things' (1998) – Creepy Catalog

scream 3

the original scream trilogy will always be my favorites of the franchise. it might be somewhat sappy, but i just love a happy ending, and i love that this was actually meant to be the closing of the franchise as a whole. as much as i’m grateful for the next three movies, i just adore the idea of things closing at the end of this one. the movie also features roman, who is the absolute best ghostface in the franchise in my (correct) opinion. it ends with dewey and gale (the best couple in the franchise) safe and happy, getting engaged. sidney is settled into a beautiful home with the perfect guy (played by patrick dempsey. it doesn’t get much better than that!). the only things that could make it better, for me, would be to have jennifer jolie survive and gale get rid of her horrifying bangs.

Prime Video: Scream 3


i just watched this movie for the first time, and, wow. the future for the horror genre is so bright, and i love to see it. i expected it to just be a typical revenge story, but it exceeded my expectations in every way. the twist at the end where she doesn’t actually harm the girls but frees them instead is just perfect. i was physically shocked by all the turns. i love the way she defended herself against the villain and how well it fit into the symbolism and tone that had been set up. she could’ve chosen to get revenge, but she chose peace and forgiveness, and what strength of character that took after the way she was treated to the very end. i especially love the twist on the whole “getting the guy” trope when she leaves with pedro (my personal favorite character. such a sweet person.)

Piggy (movie, 2022)


i simply have to include this one because upon a rewatch, i noticed something i had never seen before. i’ve seen this movie more times than my paternal grandfather, and i thought i pretty much knew everything about it, but i was wrong. i went and watched it for the first time in years at the anniversary re-showing in theatres back in february. i noticed, for the first time ever, that the old lady dies at the end. i never knew that! genuinely thought she just fell asleep. i watched it with a friend who had never seen it before, and they pointed it out, saying how sad and sweet it was that she died close to jack, right above the water where she lost him. it hit me like a freight train. what gorgeous writing. it’s like she grew so old and just refused to leave until she was warm in bed with him right there, just like they said. i also love the pictures in her room of her doing all those amazing things and traveling the world. rose is one of my favorite fictional characters, and it’s amazing to know that she lived a beautiful life.

Titanic (1997) – My First True Punch-Drunk Movie Love - Planet Yabadada

mulholland dr.

i just watched this movie for the first time the other day, and there aren’t even words for how i feel about it. i’m actually revisiting this post just to add it to the list. i’ve loved david lynch since i was a preteen and have always wanted to watch this movie but never got around to it. best decision ever. i loved every moment, but the way the ending ties everything together is just beyond anything i’ve ever seen. talk about elevating a trope. generally, i think it-was-all-a-dream is played out and lazy, but this does it masterfully and spins it on its head (i’d expect nothing less from david). betty/diana is such a well-written character that i still feel bad for her losing rita/camila, even if it was of her own doing. i immediately had to watch and read analyses of this movie, and if that’s not a sign that it’s something special, i don’t know what is.

Mulholland Drive Ending Explained: The False Promise Of Hollywood

so, for the very last time…goodbye, blog. special thanks to clinnesha sibley and dr. alexis for getting me into blogging and to my classmates for inspiring me with their work. so long!

Why is a Blog?

So, at the beginning of my Junior year at MSA, I wrote a blog about, well, blogs. Specifically, I wanted to discuss what exactly a blog was. The answer that I had come across was that a blog was anything that the author decided it would be. I had decided on the answer spur of the moment, mostly due to the lack of desire to write a blog in the first place. 

Now, three weeks away from graduation, I want to revisit this topic… but with a twist! Instead of asking “What is a blog?”, I’m going to talk about “Why is a blog?”. Well, I specifically want to talk about my feelings towards the act of blogging during my time at MSA. 

To begin with, I would like to say that I still mostly agree with the answer I had to what a blog is. It is, indeed, whatever the author intends it to be. However, there is one thing that a blog has to be, no matter what. A blog absolutely must deliver a message of some kind. Not towards its readers, but towards the writers future self. It is a time capsule, a frozen piece of the author’s voice, their ideas, their likes and dislikes. So, anything, in theory, could technically qualify as a blog. A blog could be considered an important historical record, a glimpse into the past. So, my final answer to the question of what a blog is: history. It’s history, plain and simple.

Anyway, let’s move on to the main question. Why is a blog? Blogs are often thought of as public digi-diaries and can often be just that. Now, I’m not going to discuss anything like “author intent” while trying to answer this question. I want to talk specifically about my experience with the form. 

So, I don’t like blogging. I think it’s a waste of time, especially when limited to the type of blogs that I was during my senior year. What was once absolute freedom became confining, and frankly quite exhausting. The importance of blogs is the freedom that they can give to people to simply write whatever is on their mind. So, when you take that away, the blog loses its value. 

I do not speak for everyone when I say that, of course. This is more so my own unique perspective on it. I don’t think that I’ll be writing more blogs in the future once I’ve graduated, but you never know for sure. If I do, be sure to expect any imaginable absurdity. That way you’ll be prepared when I write about something even more absurd than that. 

So here’s the climactic finale that you’ve been waiting for. Here’s the answer to the question. Here it is!


Q: Why is a blog?

A: I have absolutely no idea.

First Impressions: Things That Grow by Meredith Goldstein

I think I have a new favorite book. 

Yeah, It may be too early in the novel to say that, but when you know you know lol.  Everything about this book has completely captured my full attention. The characters, setting, and plot are exactly what I look for in a book. Each aspect of this story has brought me so much comfort, and I can’t seem to put it down. 

Usually, I’d read only the first chapter of a book before doing a first impressions blog like this, but I couldn’t just stop at one chapter while reading this book. I am around halfway done with the story, though I’ll try to keep this analysis focused around my ideas and feelings at the beginning of the book. 


Lori Seltzer is a seventeen year old girl who lives with her Grandmother and is an avid writer. Her grandmother, and avid reader, is her biggest supporter. 

When Lori’s grandmother suddenly passes away, she is faced with the aftermath of her complicated family. Her mother comes back to town and gives her the news that Lori will have to move in with her and her boyfriend, away from Lori’s Hometown and her best friend, Chris. 

Desperate to stay as long as she can, Lori decides to follow her grandmother’s will and plan a series of road trips to spread her ashes along the most beautiful garden in the state. Along the way, Lori and her family encounter obstacles and try to navigate grieving while honoring the monarch of the family. 

First Impressions: 

I have to admit that I read more than a few chapters of this book before sitting down to write a blog. But every chapter I have read so far has been amazing. 

In the first few chapters, I knew I would enjoy reading this book just by the POV and main character’s thoughts. It was really easy for me to connect myself to this character and her feelings. It is one of those books that you find yourself so lost in that you have to step away from for a while to detach from. 

The characters are all so lovable, and Lori’s grandmother, although not alive, is such a big piece of this story. She is a huge part of the memories mentioned in the story, and you get to know her well in the very first chapters. 

Lori’s best friend, Chris, is also a character that ends up playing a major role later in the book, but at the very beginning you follow Lori on her new journey with grief. 

This book really has everything that a teen really wants. Its not completely superficial or only a romance story. This book deals with things heavier and so real to many that will read it. 

Meredith Goldstein really went above and beyond with this story. She managed to make a story around grief that is not simply about the pain of it all, but about the journey and happiness that you can find amongst the pain. 

Ghostface Rankings: Who is the best slasher?

Hello everyone, and welcome back to my blog! This is not a surprising entry on the site, yet you know I had to come out and update the list since the new Scream (6) came out. I just watched it yesterday, so my opinions are all fresh in my mind. So, in this blog, we will be ranking the Ghostface killers based on intelligence, motive, kill count, and brutality.

10. Quinn, Detective Bailey, Ethan (Scream 6)

I hate to put them in last place, but frankly, I just can’t bring myself to put them over any other Ghostface killer. I find it very disappointing that there were only 5 kills in the movie despite having the biggest team. I thought the brutality in this film was one of the more intense ones, which I do love to see in Scream movies. I thought the twist of Quinn faking her death was interesting, but that is not enough to make me go crazy on this ranking. I also thought their motive was reused from Mrs. Loomis, which was also a little disappointing. The movie was spectacular and one of my favorites, but these guys hardly make the list.

Intelligence: 3.5/5

Motive: 2/5

Kill count: 5 total

Brutality: 4.5/5

Plan Execution: 1.5/5

9. Amber (Scream 5)

A lot of people really liked Amber in Scream 5… I did not. I thought she was a very obvious killer and very annoying. Some people speculate that she was the mastermind that was pulling the strings on Richie, but they are very much portrayed as equals and are the only Ghostface killers to not turn on each other at the end. Amber also was able to kill off a legacy character (rest his soul) which is a very rare occurrence, and I do give her props for that. It is the reason she is not last. 

Intelligence: 3/5

Motive: 2/5

Kill count: 3 (Dewey, Liv, Judy)

Brutality: 3.5/5

Plan Execution: 3.5/5

8. Richie (Scream 5)

This shouldn’t be very surprising. He isn’t very great and is also very obnoxious. I feel like they tried to mix Charlie and Stu and came out with the son of Dennis Quaid. He has an equal amount of kills with Amber, yet somehow he seems like he was just better. He was able to infiltrate Sam’s life on his own without the history that was provided to Amber. He was also not very smart to think a lot of the things he planned would actually end up that way. 

Intelligence: 3/5

Motive: 2/5

Kill count: 3 (Vince, Wes, officer)

Brutality: 3.5/5

Plan execution: 3.5/5

7. Charlie (Scream 4)

Charlie had some of the most brutal kills, phone calls, and one of the highest total kill counts of the entire franchise, which is the only thing that I really like about him. Jill was the mastermind behind the two, and somehow he did not predict her turning on him despite the fact that all the Ghostface’s prior had had that happen to them… and he called himself a Stab expert. I also take off points for not successfully killing off Kirby. He seemed like a very average Ghostface.

Intelligence: 3/5

Motive: 2/5

Kill count: 7 (Marnie, Jenny, Rebecca, Hoss, Perkins, Kate, Robbie)

Brutality: 5/5

Plan execution: 1/5

6. Mrs. Loomis (Scream 2)

Mrs. Loomis’s reveal went down as one of the biggest plot twists of the century, but that doesn’t mean that she was a great Ghostface. She was the mastermind behind Mickey and had him do most of the heavy lifting before offing him. Her motive was solid, but what was really special about her? Nothing other than killing Randy, one of the most loved characters in the franchise. Her motive, however, was pretty good. The only issue I have with it is that she had deserted her son in the years before this, so I was a little confused as to why she was so hellbent on getting revenge. 

Intelligence: 5/5

Motive: 4/5

Kill count: 2 (Randy, Mickey)

Brutality: 1/5

Plan execution: 3/5

5. Mickey (Scream 2)

Mickey is probably one of the most underrated Ghostface killers. Yes, he was almost as obvious as Amber, but he had the motive to go with it. He wanted it to be obvious so that he could go to court and blame the movies. He was the first Ghostface to incorporate the movies in his motive, which set a precedent for all future killers. He was sneaky, sociopathic, and creative, which are all great traits for a Ghostface. He also has the third-highest kill count of them all.

Intelligence: 2/5

Motive: 4.5/5

Kill count: 6 (Phil, Derek, Maureen Evans, Cece, Halle) 

Brutality: 4/5

Plan execution: 2/5

4. Jill (Scream 4)

Jill is just the way better version of Amber. She had a better motive, was more intelligent, and was the only Ghostfave EVER to get passed the 3rd act. She had everyone fooled, even the audience. I am not a huge Jill fan, but I can give respect when respect is deserved. She was smart, savvy, and bloodthirsty for fame. She herself had a low kill count but somehow made up for it in every other aspect. 

Intelligence: 5/5

Motive: 4.5/5

Kill count: 2 (Charlie, Trevor)

Brutality: 4/5

Plan execution: 4.5/5

3. Stu (Scream)

You can never go wrong with the original. Stu was the sidekick to Billy’s plans and had one of my favorite motives: none. In the movie, he blames it on peer pressure, but he obviously has a lack of empathy for human life and tends to have a liking for the “slice and dice,” if you know what I mean. Some watchers did not enjoy his presence, but the overwhelming amount of fans he has says otherwise. He brings in a lot of the comedy for the franchise and really sparked a lot of ideas for future killers. 

Intelligence: 1/5

Motive: 4.5/5

Kill count: 2 (Kenny, Steve)

Brutality: 4/5

Plan execution: 1.5/5

2. Billy (Scream)

Now here come the heavy hitters… literally. Billy is by far the best Ghostface on the playing field of history and almost every other aspect than the ones I am focused on. He had some super creative kills, sick lines, and all-around great motive because it is the only one that stems from his own experience and is created without the influence of prior Ghostfaces. 

Intelligence: 4/5

Motive: 5/5

Kill count: 4 (Tatum, Casey, Principal Himbry, Maureen Prescott)

Brutality: 4/5

Plan execution: 2/5

1. Roman (Scream 3)

While Scream 3 is not one of the fan favorites of the franchise, we all agree that Roman is by far the most impressive Ghostface. He has the biggest kill count of the entire list at a whopping 9. Not to mention he was the only lone killer. He did not have any partners in his film and was the mastermind behind the first movie. He is far too great of a character to deserve anything other than the number-one spot. I guess it runs in the family. 

Intelligence: 5/5

Motive: 5/5

Kill count: 9 (Cotton, Christine, Sarah, Steven Stone, Tom, Angelina, Tyson, Jennifer, John)

Brutality: 4/5

Plan execution: 4.5/5


Thank you all for reading this month. I hope you enjoyed everything and I will see you next time! <3

goodbye, writing

hey, blog. this is a flash memoir that i wrote on a whim, and i decided to use it as my blog for the month. warning–it is melodramatic and somewhat boring. i should be back to the regularly scheduled programming next month.

dear writing,

i’m sick of you. you’ve sucked the life out of me for years now. i’ve devoted everything to you without even realizing it. become a hollow shell of a human for the sake of you; and you don’t even care. why would you? you’re not real. you’re not my friend, not my confidante, and certainly not my therapist. just typing words right now makes me physically sick. i don’t know when that started, and i don’t care enough to figure it out.

my aunt asked me a few weeks ago what i planned to do with my writing after graduation, and i told her nothing. absolutely nothing. no novel, no poetry book, no play. nothing. the furthest my writing will go is what i’m doing right now–just scratching down how i feel. i’ll never submit anything again, never participate in an open mic, never share my writing. i don’t want to. i don’t need to.

she was disturbed. she said it would be a shame. we dropped the subject. a few days later, we were at a gathering with basically my whole family. while we were all sitting at the table, she made me say it in front of everyone. how sick i am of you. how apathetic and numb. they thought it strange. i smiled. writing is great–freedom is better.

i’ll always be a writer, really. just not one who writes. i’ll always have a mind full of ideas and visions and i’ll always record some of them. maybe eventually i’ll decide to make something of them. but writing in the traditional sense or with the goal of success just isn’t right for me. never was. i still love words and stories and creating characters–i just never want to sell myself out again.

so, i say goodbye to writing. not to words or my love for them. just to a rigid practice that has become too much for me. i say goodbye to deadlines and wordcounts and journals and submissions.

i say hello to a new way of being a literary artist. to healthy habits. to building my own worlds. to learning new tricks. to my own way.

My favorite lines from my favorite movies

Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog. Today we will be covering the cousin of last month’s blog. Instead of music, we will be covering movies. Now, these movies might be some of my favorites but not all of them. There are way too many movies to even consider. Finally, these are not in any particular order. Let’s begin.

1. Practical Magic

“Of course, you’re going to see me again. We’ll grow old together. It’s going to be you and me living in a big house… these two old biddies with all these cats. I bet we even die on the same day.” – Gillian Owens

I feel as if I should have mentioned that these lines are my favorite due to the context of the movie. If you haven’t seen the movie you won’t understand the heart-wrenching ache of happiness that this line brings me.  This movie is about two sisters who are witches. This quote comes from my favorite moment between them. They have some troubles with a very special man, and things go down. Through all of the trials and tribulations, one thing comes of it: the importance and resilience of sisterhood. 

2. Girl, Interrupted

“Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60s. Or maybe I was just a girl… interrupted.” – Susanna Kaysen

This might seem like a very basic choice for this movie considering the title is in the quote, but there is something about it that speaks volumes to the feeling I get while watching this movie. Susanna Kaysen is incredibly insightful.

3. The Virgin Suicides

“So much has been said about the girls over the years, but we have never found an answer. It didn’t matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them” – Narrators 

This is a great quote from the movie, but not for a good reason. The whole premise of the narrator being a group of boys on the outside watching the Lisbon sisters suffer means so much because of how they see them. They are no different from Trip or any other boy that hurt the girls. They do not love them like they say. They cannot even fathom them and the complexities of their individual aches.  

4. Almost Famous

“It’s all happening” – Penny Lane

You know I had to choose a quote from my girl Penny Lane. This is her mantra for essentially living in the moment and taking it all in because her words are true. It is all happening all of the time. 

5. Empire Records

“Damn the man, Save the empire” – Lucas

The infamous ‘man’ has not only been mentioned in this film but also in School of Rock in the form of “stick it to the man”. ‘The Man’ is who runs the world. It is whoever is in charge or whatever group or person is above you. Tyrants, bosses, governments, and all of the above. This means too much to the movie and the characters in it, not because they are struggling financially to save Empire Records from being bought by a bigger franchise, but because of each character’s troubles as mentioned in the film prior. 

6. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Clementine: …Show me which constellations you know.

Joel: Um…oh…I don’t know any.

Clementine: Show me which ones you know!

Joel: Okay…okay

There are so many lines in this movie that deserve to be in this spot, but there is something about this interaction between Joel and Clementine that stabs me directly in the heart.  He obviously doesn’t know any constellations, so he makes one up and I think that is so beautiful. 

7. Dazed and Confused

“Let me tell you this: The older you do get, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’, man, L-I-V-I-N.” – Wooderson

This is a really cool quote from a not-so-cool character. It’s iconic, therefore I have to include it. However, he didn’t lie. You just gotta keep living man. 

8. 10 Things I Hate About You

“But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” – Kat Stratford

This might also seem like a basic pick but the delivery made by Kat was absolutely magnificent, not to mention the cut to Patrick’s face as he watches her from his own seat. It is such an impactful moment. 

9. The Lost Boys

“Initiation’s Over, Michael, It’s Time To Join The Club.” – David

The Lost Boys is an 80s cult classic vampire movie and one of my favorite films. This is a really interesting line because of the situation that Michael is in. He is hanging underneath a bridge with a bunch of leather-wearing vampires that want to turn him into one of them. They suddenly drop one by one into the abyss. 

10. Pretty Woman

“Do You Have Anything In This Shop As Beautiful As She Is?” – Edward

To most people, this line might fly right over their heads, but for me, it stood out like a sore thumb considering Edward’s usual demeanor. He is consistently cold and sarcastic with his comments, but this one is sweet. It is foreshadowing for the later events and one of my favorite lines from Richard Gere.


Thank you all for reading this month and I hope to see you all back next month.

ocd representation in media: my take

hello and welcome! for this blog, i’ll be discussing different characters that represent obsessive compulsive disorder in media. first of all, i’d like to note that these aren’t all of the characters who have it–i’ll only be talking about the ones who i’ve personally seen on screen and know about.

(Content Warning: Mental Illness, Suicide)


monica geller from friends

Pin on Inspirational people

this is a show that i grew up watching, and monica was always my favorite character because i thought she was strong, smart, and funny in her own way. then, when i grew up, i found that a lot of people didn’t feel the same at all. they found her uptight, obnoxious, and controlling. they would say: i can’t stand monica–she’s so ocd. that was probably the first time i ever heard ocd used as an adjective and in a derogatory way. two birds with one stone, right?

now, let’s dissect how effective she is as a representative of the disorder. while it is positive that monica’s character was able to stir up conversation and build awareness, there’s no denying the negative impact it had. because the form her disorder took mostly revolved around cleanliness and order, people often took that at face value and assumed that was all there is to ocd. that couldn’t be further from the truth. it’s a diverse spectrum of symptoms and coping mechanisms that simply couldn’t be encompassed by a 90s sitcom; and the sad part is, that’s about as mainstream as it gets, so that’s what frames the narrative of how people view the disorder.


daisy randone from girl, interrupted

Image about daisy in Brittany Murphy ✞☪ by ☮madddiiee☮

Girl, Interrupted is one of the most life-changing pieces of media i’ve ever consumed, both the book and the film. it presents mental illness in a jarringly accurate way, particularly with the character of daisy. her diagnosis in the book and film is ocd, and that’s about the only reason you recognize that she has it. that may sound like a negative thing as far as representation goes, but i’d argue that it’s extremely smart and well-done. 

i think that daisy is an excellent example of how ocd can manifest when mixed with other mental illnesses, which it commonly does. daisy also suffers from addiction, eating disorders, and severe depression. she doesn’t wash her hands often, keep everything tidy, or have everything in perfect order. she’s just a smart, pretty, antisocial young woman who happens to suffer from the disorder. ocd often stems from trauma or extreme stress, both of which daisy suffers from, and it ultimately leads to her taking her own life. i consider her to be strong, accurate representation, even though she meets a tragic end.


Bob wiley from “what about bob?”

Tommy London - “There are two types of people. Those who like Neil Diamond,  and those who don't” - Bob Wiley #WhatAboutBob | Facebook

i absolutely despise this movie. it was one of my mom’s favorites, and we used to watch it together when i was little. i just never liked it. in the film, the main character, bob, is trying to overcome crippling ocd and becomes obsessed with his therapist, eventually going on vacation with his family. the movie is a kind of buddy comedy, starring bill murray. the main reason i never liked it is because it simply isn’t funny. that, however, doesn’t mean that the character is bad.

i do honestly think there is some merit to the movie’s portrayal of ocd. murray’s character shows diverse symptoms, such as doing things in particular orders, repeating mantras, and obsessing over thoughts, or rumination. i appreciate that the writers seem to have put in at least a bit of research rather than just making him super clean or something. the problem, though, is that bob’s disorder is played for laughs more than anything, or to infantilize him. it sort of feeds into the narrative of the disorder just consisting of “little quirks”.

emma pillsbury from glee

Glee: Emma Pillsbury's Parents Come to Town | TVLine

i grew up with this show and am ashamed (kinda) to say that it holds a special place in my heart and always will. one of my favorite side characters, emma, is known to suffer from ocd. it’s talked about frequently throughout the show, sometimes as a punchline, and sometimes as a serious issue.

what i love about emma is that she made me feel so seen as a kid, when i saw her doing things like wearing gloves to eat or wiping down her grapes. these were things that i did, and seeing a grown-up do them on tv made me feel like maybe i wasn’t so weird after all. while the show is infamous for dealing with serious issues poorly, i think ocd is an exception. yes, people occasionally poke fun at emma, but no character is safe on this show. i love that other characters who care for her push her to seek treatment and are patient with her. those who want to be an ally to people with ocd, or any mental disorder, really, could take notes from how john stamos’s character treats her in particular.


well, that’s all i’ve got for this post. if you stuck around until the end, thank you, and see you next time!