mckamey manor and reckless ben’s exposé

as the days go by and we get closer and closer to halloween, more and more haunted houses are popping up all over the country. people line up for miles just to get scared and experience the thrill of total simulated terror- to appreciate the art of the scare… or, if you’re russ mckamey: the art of torture.

mckamey manor: “you really don’t want to do this”

mckamey manor is a haunted house created and founded in 2001 by house owner russ mckamey. it is marketed as the “scariest haunted house in the world” and is regarded as an experience only the toughest and fittest can go through with. the house claims to have a waitlist over 24,000 people, with citizens from all over the country flooding to tennessee just to go through the haunted house. the house is year long, and you have to sign a waiver stating that you give russ mckamey and his scare actors permission to subject you to physical and psychological torture for hours on end. for such a renowned and extreme haunted house, you would think there would be a heavy price to pay at the gate, right? well, you’d be wrong. all russ asks for in return in two bags of dog food… and a big chunk of your mental and physical health, of course. in return for making through the house, you receive $20,000. as suspected, no one has ever actually made it through the house… supposedly. 

reckless ben: a new-generation investigative journalist

reckless ben is a youtuber i found randomly one day that has completely changed my perspective on how we track investigations in the journalism community. his content is crazy entertaining and is so daring and real that some days i even fear for the guy’s safety. reckless ben is no newbie to risk, as some of his most popular series on youtube include him infiltrating the yellow deli cult and even scientology. he also holds the world record for the closest someone has gotten to the bohemian grove cult after the security increase following alex jones’ infiltration. pretty cool guy, right? well, three months, he decided to start a series on mckamey manor. he and his close friend signed up for the tour and quickly discovered that both were not able to get to the actual haunted house. not because they gave up, but, get this, because there is no haunted house. neither ben nor his friend ever said the safe word (which, by the way, wasn’t even allowed until a couple years ago) but russ both deemed them “too hurt to continue.” what really happened was ben was forced to do petty-exercises outside and then when he asked to go to the haunted house, russ brushed it off and eventually refused to allow him into the house. ben was promised to be covered in rats and snakes, go through an underwater maze, and so much more, but was never even able to enter the house. doesn’t that raise some questions?

what ben has proposed so far regarding the manor

while i can’t retell every little thing ben has uncovered in his investigation, i can tell you about some of the main points. as you may have guessed, the haunted house actually doesn’t exist. the terrifying, thrilling, snake-ridden underwater maze haunted house actually doesn’t exist. not surprising. this point was proved when ben got in contact with an infamous mckamey manor hate group online. russ begged ben to help shut down the group, and so he did, but the group had one thing they wanted to see before they quieted down for good. all they wanted was to have russ show them at least one live animal that he keeps in the haunted house. this could include rats, snakes, or any large collection of bugs. after desperately wanting this group to be taken down, russ heard this one final term and chose not to show any animals DESPITE wanting the group to be taken down, effectively telling us that there were no animals in the house because the haunted house never existed at all. so what actually happens in the house if there is no haunted house? well, russ pretty much just makes you do rigorous exercises or he’ll beat you up as much as he can, making you “unable” to go through the house. also, you probably already guessed that the cash prize at the end is 100% fake, too. when you enter the house, you have absolutely no chance of getting the grand prize and making it through… not because the house is too hard to get through, but because it doesn’t even exist and russ would never let you win. if anything, you might go home in an ambulance instead.

reckless ben’s mckamey manor series and why you should watch it

what else good do you have to do with your time? this series is so interesting and is an excellent showcase of the new generation of investigative journalists. reckless ben has infiltrated so many different organizations so many times and the bravery he has is absolutely incredible. mckamey manor has been under the spotlight for many many years, and while so many people have suspected it of wrongdoing, ben has been one of the only ones who has had the courage to attack it head on and attempt to get it shut down. whether not you believe mckamey manor is an extreme haunted house or a man’s excuse to torture people legally, the infiltrating mckamey manor series is one of the most fulfilling you can find on the youtube platform (of course, many of the videos are being taken down as ben himself is getting sued by mckamey manor, lol). oh yeah, did i mention that ben managed to actually file paperwork that says he is the true owner of mckamey manor? despite what you may think, everything he did was legal- just absolutely crazy. if you’re interested in a skinny guy with the guts and audacity of a soldier do absolutely insane things (legally) to take down unfair corporations, cults, or scams… then reckless ben on youtube is for you!

here is a link to the playlist of the series (the video linked down below is the latest of the series, but it allows you to see the previous ones in the playlist). please let me know if you end up watching it, i’m a huge fan of him and all his videos ! well, that’s all from me. see you next month, scare fans.

American Cryptids: The Lizard Man and The Dover Demon

The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp is one of the lesser-known cryptids in American folklore, yet it has captured the imagination of cryptozoology enthusiasts and curious locals in South Carolina. This creature is said to inhabit the swamps and woods around Lee County, primarily in and around Scape Ore Swamp. This area is located near Bishopville. The legend of the lizard man dates back to the late 1980’s. The Lizard Man is often described as a reptilian humanoid. He is said to be around seven feet tall. He has scaly, green skin, three toes on his feet, and three fingers. People claim it has glowing red or orange eyes and sharp teeth as well. Some people mention it having a tail. The legend of the Lizard Man has become an integral part of local folklore in Bishopville and the surrounding area. It has inspired books, documentaries, and even a local festival called “Lizard Man Festival.” This event attracts enthusiasts and curious visitors looking to learn more about this cryptid.

The first notable sighting of the Lizard Man occurred in the summer of 1988. A local teenager named Christopher Davis claimed to have been attacked by a creature matching the description of the lizard man while changing a flat tire near Scape Ore Swamp. Davis reported that the creature damaged his car and left scratch marks on the vehicle. His account, accompanied by photographs of the damaged car, gained widespread attention. Following Christopher Davis’s report, numerous other witnesses came forward with their own stories of encounters with this creature. Some claimed to have seen the lizard man in or near the swamp, while others reported damage to their vehicles or property, similar to Christopher’s experience. Skeptics have given various explanations to everyone’s encounters saying witnesses may have seen misidentified animals or were influenced by the media attention generated by Christopher Davis’s encounter. However, believers in the Lizard Man’s existence point to the consistency of eyewitness accounts and the relatively remote location of the swamp, making it less likely for hoaxes to persist.


The Dover Demon

               The Dover Demon in an American cryptid that came around in the 1970’s. It is associated with a series of sightings in the town Dover, Massachusetts in the course of 2 nights in April of 1977. The Dover Demon is described as small and humanoid. It stands around 3-4 feet tall, thin limbs, and hairless. It has peach-colored, pinkish-grey skin. It is described as having large, glowing, orange eyes, a melon-shaped head, and long fingers. The Dover demon remains a legacy in American folklore and cryptozoology. Although the sightings in Dover are isolated to a few nights in 1977 we can talk about that.

               The first reported sighting of the Dover Demon was on the night of April 21, 197. Three teenagers, Bill Barlett, Mike Mazzocca, and Andy Brodie, claimed to have an encounter with this creature while driving in separate vehicles. They gave a description matching the one above saying it was walking along a stone wall. The nights after these many other sightings were reported by different witnesses. There were no documented photos, but the sightings became a local interest. Some believe it as a teenage lie for attention, others say it was a moose or fawn. 

My Experience Applying for Colleges

Hey guys, it is October, and I am super excited for Halloween nevertheless, but today’s blog is not about that. Today’s blog is about my experience applying for colleges so far. Okay so I have applied upward towards about 40 colleges. I have them in a binder in my room, but off the top of my head I have applied to  

Mississippi State University (MSU)      

Delta State University (DSU)           

Belhaven University                             

Arizona State University (ASU)         

University of New Orleans (UNO)     

University of Memphis (UofM)       

University of Notre Dame (UND)     

School of the Art Institute of Chicago (SAIC)

Xavier university       

University of Mississippi (Ole Miss)   

Clemson University             

Baylor University       

Kansas State University (KSU)     

Texas A & M Vet Med School            

Florida State University (FSU)   

Spelman College and many more.   

I love MSA (Mississippi School of the Arts), and I have enjoyed my time here even though I have about 7 months left, but I am ready for something new. I like knowing what to expect, but I hate stagnancy. I love the routine I have created for myself and the life I have here. I have met the best people and some of the not so best but nevertheless it has been amazing. Back to the college experience, going into the process I really did not know what to expect. I did not know what the process was like, where I wanted to go, or what I wanted from a college. I did not even know what I wanted to major in. I had some colleges in mind that I really liked, for example SAIC (School of the Art Institute of Chicago), Notre Dame, and UofM and I still like them, and I thought I would major in screenwriting, but my mind has changed since last year. I may minor in creative writing, but it will not be my main occupation. I will be majoring in Pre-Veterinary Medicine (specifically biology/ animal sciences). I could also major in chemistry but uhmm that’s an obvious no, because me and math do not mix. Also, going into the process I was not necessarily worried, because things always work themselves out, but when I first started it STRESSED ME OUT. I think the first college I applied to was either Delta State University or Belhaven University, and it was not hard, but it was most definitely not pretty. Belhaven had a lot of links and different ways to get to the application in the email they sent me, so that threw me off as well as trying to find the link to the Angie Thomas Scholarship and what they wanted in my writing portfolio, but on the other hand Delta State University, was so smooth and easy. After applying to Delta State, I began carrying my laptop everywhere I went and was applying to schools in all of my free time and even my busy time, but what I absolutely DREADED was FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) oh my goodness. I know it has not even opened yet, but you still have to make an account as a senior before it opens on December first and I have never in my life, been interrogated so specifically. It takes a long amount of time to create an account, but I have been told by admissions groups at different schools that they have decreased the number of questions by half or more so when it opens on December first, I will not have to answer questions for hours. I don’t want to make it seem like I hated the process I absolutely enjoyed applying for colleges, and the virtual tours were really helpful, especially when it came to the dorms, bathrooms, and other living space amenities. I think my favorite online application had to be scholarships. I loved applying for scholarships and even when applying generally to a college most would take that and put it in as a scholarship application so less work for me. Mississippi State offered me about $6,000 but that is the scholarship they give all first-year students if you have the right ACT score, but I have not applied for anymore there, because I am not going there duh! However, Kansas State University offered me $67,496 over four academic years, but I also have not applied for any of their other school specific ones. I have also applied for the Gates Scholarship which pays full tuition and more, btu I have not heard much back yet. The biggest scholarship I have right now is the Coca-Cola Scholarship which started off with more than 100,000 applicants but now is down to 1,515 applicants and I am one of those semifinalists. If I make it through this phase, then it will be 250 applicants and I must go through an interview process to be one of the 150 applicants who are awarded. This scholarship awards 80,000 dollars to be used over 4 years, it also covers books, certain personal expenses, and will pay for my travel to and from college since I will be going out of state. This scholarship also grants me a week trip to Atlanta, Georgia for a ceremony, and other activities fully paid for. I have been accepted into every college I have applied to and heard back from and scholarships so far as well, and I could not be more grateful. All I could hope for is more scholarships, financial aid, and grant money to come my way soon, Thank you guys for reading. Until next time! 

Writing Inspo and Ideas

I have no other idea of what to write about, so I’d like to use this month’s blog to kinda spill out what has been my inspiration lately as well as some workshop ideas for future pieces. Since we are now in our poetry unit, I have been using platforms like Pinterest to spark ideas and I normally look for photography that is very creative/unique and kind of tells its own story. I love using pictures as visual prompts for future poems and I thought I’d share some of them and maybe they spark something for you as well 🙂

Image previewImage previewImage previewImage previewImage previewImage preview900+ Best the Lighthouse ideas | lighthouse, beautiful lighthouse, lighthouse  pictures

Some of these I’ve already used for a piece, but these are some that I find really cool and would love to use them for prompts in the near future. I’ve used the lighthouse photo for an idea for a story that I’m not quite sure if I want to do for the national writing month. I was thinking something like a haunted lighthouse that a young woman has to look after since her family member passed away or something like that. I think it may be interesting especially if the lighthouse is isolated from the mainland like in the picture. I don’t know, it’s still a work-in-process kind of an idea. I’ve used the picture of the girl with the bottle for one of my poems in my collection(which y’all will see soon enough). When I first saw if, of course, the first thing I though of was bottling emotions so I ran with that idea. I feel like some of the other pictures could be used to write something spooky or eerie. Maybe y’all see something different in these photos. I especially love the photo of the girl and the headlights and the one where it looks like someone is trying to escape a mirror or painting.

Pinterest | Aesthetic photography, Art reference photos, Aesthetic artPhotography Retrato Art | Creative portrait photography, Portrait art,  Conceptual photographyPinterest

Here are some others that I really love and I think each interpretation of these could go a bunch a different ways, so that’s why I added these.

Some other ideas that I had for the national writing month are more along the lines of fantasy and mystery. I started something a little while ago about a girl named Briar and her two best friends, Kat and Serena, sleeping over at Briar’s house and someone breaks in. What I have written down so far is simply the character detail and background of Briar and what her current situation is leading up to the first main event. I’m not sure where I want to take it and how I want to evolve(for lack of a better word) the situation. I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. The thing is that I don’t know which idea I like more: Briar’s story or the story with the lighthouse. What do y’all think(no, seriously, I’m looking for honest opinions and you can even tell me that they’re silly if they are)?

I know this is a particularly short blog, but I figured I wouldn’t bore y’all too much with so many details. Spooky day is almost here so I hope that each of you have a happy Halloween and I’d love to know what or who y’all are dressing up as. I hope y’all enjoyed this and I will see you guys next time. Much love<3

My New Car

Hey guys, I’m back for September’s bloggg!  


This blog is about MY NEWWW CARRRRRRRRRRR. Okay you got me, I haven’t got it yet, but I will, I just haven’t found THE 1 yet. Sooo my family has been and will always be into cars. My stepfather is a fantastic mechanic. I grew up around racing, going to the track, trading, buying, and fixing up cars with him so I’ve always taken a great liking to it.  

I have had about 5 cars in my life, a Hyundai genesis, an Infiniti qx60, a Honda sport coupe, a Chevrolet Malibu, and a Honda Sport which is what I have now. None of these were bought specifically for me but when my mom, dad, sister, or stepdad got a new car I always ended up with what was left. That’s NOT a complaint AT ALL those are terrific cars, and they had no issues whatsoever, but they weren’t bought FOR ME. 

That made it feel like they never completely belonged to me. I have ALWAYS wanted a sports car because when I was growing up that’s all I saw my family driving. The cars above were just daily drivers. I have dreamed of owning a mustang since I could speak, I think. Me, and all 3 of my parents agreed that I could get a sports car when I turned 18, because of my “recklessness.” I’m not reckless at all, I have never had an accident, I don’t pick up my phone while driving or anything else typically dangerous, but they’re concerned about my speed range. I like driving fast, I always have. I’ve been driving since I was 13 or 14 so all the cars, I grew up driving were sports cars with V8 engines, exhaust systems, mufflers, super or turbochargers, had cold air intakes, dark tint, they were lowered, etc,etc. That set my standard for what I wanted to drive. I was driving manual cars by my 15th brithday and the snap crackles, and pops, I heard coming out of the pipes only fueled my desire to have my own someday. I’m a great driver, and I’m very experienced but my mother doesn’t trust my experience, therefore she wants me to keep driving cars she’s bought so that she can have some form of boundary for me, but that’s not what I want.  

I want to be free; I want to own a sports car and I will by June 2024. I’ve been saving money for a couple of years now, not necessarily for a sports car but for a car in general. I have the support of my parents now that my birthday is quickly arriving and they’re going to help me find exactly what I want. I’m so excited for what I’m getting. My ultimate dream is the 2022 OR 2023 Chevrolet Camaro ZLE 1LE either black (exterior) on black (interior), white (exterior) on black (interior), or black (exterior) on red (exterior). The price of the car is not an issue, but I did set a limit for myself just so that I don’t go overboard, and I have a healthy down payment prepared. I really have the perfect team, A mechanic (stepdad), a financial advisor (dad), and a facilitator (mom). It sounds so professional that it’s kind of funny. Hehe 😊 Okay now more about the actual car. The car is new, so it won’t have but about 10-12k miles at the most, and it has top-tier technology, so you get performance with luxury. It has alloy, wheels, cloth seats, Wi-Fi hotspot, cruise control, a rear-view camera, remote start, push to start, ABS brakes, daytime running lights, heating and cooling seats, traction control, and a 4-cylinder v8 4L engine. I’ll most likely get an automatic car for long distance driving purposes, but they come with 10-speed manual paddle shifters on the wheel just in case I want to show out a little bit more. I know people buy sports cars for them to be eye candy and mine will look great, but I want it for the performance! 

Okay now for my favorite part, UPGRADES! First off, I’m probably going to supercharge (gives 50-100 more hp) or turbocharge (gives 70-150 more hp) the engine for more horsepower. I’ll tint it dark on the sides but lighter on the front and back windshield. I want side skirts, a valance, I want it lowered, I want a cool air intake, an oil catch can, an exhaust system, and a wing, but they usually come stock with a wing, valance, and side skirts. It just depends on what it comes stocked with and that’s how I’ll decide what to upgrade. I’ll also try to buy one with rims I like but I’m picky so I may just end up buying those too. 

Anyways thanks for reading my blog, see you next month! 

My Favorite Pinterest Artists

So, lately I’ve been needing some inspiration for a project whether that just be pencil and paper, watercolor, paint on a canvas, or a digital drawing. So, of course, I go straight to Pinterest and I revisited some artwork by some artists that I absolutely love. They each have very different styles and each one is unique. From what I’ve seen, what they each have in common is that their artwork is mostly character design. I say Pinterest artists even though I know their artwork can be found elsewhere; this is just where I found them. So, for this blog, I thought I’d share some of my favorite artists that I found on Pinterest and their artwork. I hope you enjoy:) 

(Btw: fair warning, I don’t know much about each artist as a person and their growth as an artist. I’m just going based on observations of their pieces. Maybe later on, I’ll do more research on them)

1. Margaret Morales

Margaret Morales — Bio

I have grown very fond of her unique character drawings. Every one of her pieces I’ve seen, they’ve been fantasy characters and she uses a wide range of color palettes and not just either light or dark or bright. Each one of her pieces, in my opinion, is beautifully unique. If I’m not mistaken, her main medium of choice is watercolor, which I love because of the amount of detail in each of her pieces.

Margaret Morales – Tintoretto – Official WebsiteMargaret Morales — Ink illustrationsTwinkle, an art canvas by Margaret Morales - INPRNTMargaret Morales – Tintoretto – Official WebsiteMargaret MoralesMargaret Morales — Gallery work and auctionsVibrant watercolours - PressReaderMargaret Morales (@margaretmoralesart) • Instagram photos and videos


2. Gretal Lusky

Gretel Lusky – Audio Books, Best Sellers, Author Bio |

I love their style and various different character drawings and they also do fanart. I have a lot of their drawing saved. From what I understand, they use a wide range of mediums like marker, watercolor, and digital. I like that their style is fun, cool, and mystical all at the same time. I have seen their drawing of Disney princesses, DC characters, Marvel characters, Winx Club characters, and more. They really make them look like their own characters, and I love it.

Art of Gretel LuskyArt of Gretel LuskyWonder Woman, in Ron Pittman's Gretel Lusky Comic Art Gallery RoomPin on Art InspoArt of Gretel LuskyArt of Gretel LuskyGretel Lusky on X: "New art ☄️" / XArt of Gretel Lusky


3. Angel Ganev

Stream Angel Ganev music | Listen to songs, albums, playlists for free on  SoundCloud

I have been a fan of their art for a few years now, and I even attempted to redraw some of their pieces in my style(they definitely didn’t do the originals justice). Their pieces consist of mainly character drawing and I believe they’ve done portraits of some of their followers or something like that. Their range of mediums mainly goes from pen and pencil drawings and digital drawings.

Painting Artwork Color Demon By Angel Ganev 3angel ganevArtStation - S k e t c h e s 🌿 + Tutorial, Angel Ganev | Drawing people,  Cool art drawings, Art drawings sketchesLinxspiration — Angel Ganev Creates Illustrations With Incredible...Angel Ganev (angelganev) - Profile | PinterestThis contains an image of: I n n o n c e, by Angel Ganev

Of course, these are not the only artists that I particularly love, but I thought that for this post, these would be great to start the list. I may do another blog later about other artists, but I’m not sure. If any of you can think of other artists that you love, I’d love to hear them. They may end up being a new favorite or favorites. Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and I will see you guys next time. Much love<3

the ending of neon genesis evangelion is perfect and here’s why

around this time last year, i was writing about the series “goodnight punpun”- a manga a close friend recommended to me that changed my life (and also ruined it.) well, apparently this friend can’t help sending me into episodes, because over the summer they convinced me to finally watch neon genesis evangelion. everything was fine. i was enjoying the show, for a while. i really enjoyed the graphics and i was very happy there wasn’t too many episodes, as it’s really hard for me to commit to a long-running show. everything was great, then i got to the final two episodes. i don’t think i’ve ever had such a strong emotional reaction to something like i did to the ending of neon genesis. i was hyperventilating, sobbing my ass off, on the floor WRITHING. my eyes were bloodshot. the ending of the show touched me in such a life-changing way (no, like, literally- my philosophy on life changed after i watched this show). so it’s no surprise that when i saw people absolutely hated the way the show ended, i had some thoughts. well, here are those thoughts. enjoy.

a quick explanation of the plot for context

so, the plot of evangelion can be hard to understand. i caught on pretty quickly, but i was also actually watching the show, not just reading a blog online. i’m going to try my best and explain the premise of the first part of the show. so, the show starts in 2015- 15 years after the “second impact.” the second impact was a global disaster that led to the death of half of the earth’s population. it was believed that the second impact was the result of a meteorite landing that changed the earth’s axis, but this was later proved to be false. the actual cause of the second impact was contact and experimentation with what would later be the first of the angels, adam. the angels are beings that are destroyed over the course of the series- they are adam’s offspring. these experiments were done by two organizations: SEELE and Gehirn. in 2010, Gehrin changed into a paramilitary organization called NERV. it is located in tokyo-3, which is a militarized civilian city. NERV’s mission is to destroy all angels predicted by SEELE, but the higher ups of NERV have a different mission. commander gendo ikari- the main character’s father- is the head of the human instrumentality project. the human instrumentality project is an effort to unite all human minds into one entity, effectively ending all human problems and loneliness. associated with NERV is the Marduk Institute. the Marduk Institute has the responsibility of finding pilots for their giant mecha machines: the evas. the most capable of piloting the evas are children born after the second impact: 14 year olds. the evas are used to destroy all angels. 

a quick retelling of the story for well… for context

okay yeah i know: lots of lore, but it’s essential. so basically the story of neon genesis evangelion follows 14 year old shinji ikari who is summoned to tokyo-3 by his father, gendo ikari. the year is 2015, and tokyo-3 is being attacked by the third angel. shinji doesn’t know much about his father– just that he works for something very important. shinji later finds out that he’s been summoned by his father to pilot the eva unit 01. he reluctantly agrees and lives with captain misato katsuragi in tokyo-3. shinji and fellow pilot rei ayanami defeat the third angel and are the two main pilots until they are later joined by asuka soryu, the eva unit 02 pilot. later in the show, there is a fourth pilot, but these three are the main characters. for the majority of the series, these three (and then four) go off to defeat each angel, getting increasingly more injured as the days go on. while this is happening, the true intentions of NERV become more apparent. also happening includes the deterioration of each character’s psyche, self esteem, physical body, etc. relationships grow tense and fall apart. visuals and story go haywire and almost unexplainable, and it all leads up to the final two episodes. those last two episodes are pure peak film, and i believe they end the series perfectly, despite popular opinion.

the end: instrumentality is completed

shinji kills the final angel and the instrumentality project is set into motion by his father. SEELE wants instrumentality to happen because of the spiritual belief that life is not fit to live in its current state; ikari wants instrumentality to happen to carry out the plans of his late wife– shinji’s mother. gendo has a desire to see her again and allow humanity a better future whereas SEELE desires a permanent reset. as the instrumentality project is set into motion, the show begins to look wildly different. each main character in the series begins to confront themselves in what can be described as an animated schizophrenic manner. shinji travels deep inside of himself and confronts the parts of him that he ignored throughout the show. he faces the reality of becoming his father, and he faces the comforting thought of being able to change his reality by accepting himself and redefining his worth. instrumentality is working, and dark is explored before light is found. as shinji slips deeper and deeper into his own mind, he realizes that his self worth has not only altered himself, but his friends and partners. visually, everything is stripped from us except for the image of shinji (and other characters and they too are depicted going through instrumentality). he begins to imagine him and his friends as normal teenagers in high school, and he begins to realize that this is only an alternate reality: an impossible possibility. shinji finds self-freedom, and he is able to realize his own self worth. there are two main endings to this series (i have not seen the others), and this one can only be described as the most hopeful and positive ending possible. shinji has a breakthrough and realizes his worth; everything is brought back and shinji stands surrounded by characters in the show. he has changed his path and is congratulated by all characters in the show. here is the final moment in a transcript.

Shinji:         The real world might not always be bad.
                But, I hate myself.

Makoto:         It's your mind that conceives that the reality is bad
                and hateful.

Shigeru:        The mind which confuses Reality with the Truth.

Maya:           The angle of view, the position. If these are slightly
                 different, what is inside your mind will change a lot.

Ryouji:         There are as many truths as there are people.

Kensuke:        But there's only one truth that you have,
                which is formed from your narrow view of the world,
                It is revised information to protect yourself,
                the twisted truth.

Touji:          Oh, yes. the view of the world that one can
                have is quite small.

Hikari:         Yes, you measure things only by your own small

Asuka:          One sees things with the truth, given by others.

Misato:         Happy on a sunny day.

Rei:            Gloomy on a rainy day.

Asuka:          If you're taught that, you always think so.

Ritsuko:        But, you can enjoy rainy days.

Fuyutsuki:      Through different ways of conceiving, the truth
                will change into very different things; it's a weak thing.

Ryouji:         The truth within a person is such a cheap thing that
                people wish to know deeper truths.

Gendou:         It's only that you're not used to being liked by people.

Misato:         So, you don't have to look to others' faces.

Shinji:         But, don't you hate me?

Asuka:          You idiot! It's only you who is always trying to believe

Shinji:         Yet, I hate myself.

Rei:            Those who hate themselves cannot love or trust others.

Shinji:         I am wicked, cowardly, weak and ..

Misato:         If you know yourself, you can be kind to others.

Shinji:         I hate myself.
                But, I might be able to love myself.
                I might be allowed to stay here.
                Yes. I am nothing but I.
                I am I. I wish to be I.
                I want to stay here!
                I can stay here!

People:         Congratulations!

Shinji:         Thank you!

                        Thank you, my father.
                        Good  bye, my mother.
                        And to the all the children,


these words completely destroyed me– but in such a great way. i too felt like i found a new worth in myself, and have been carrying that idea ever since. it’s truly like philosophy to me, and the final two episodes of this show completely changed my life and reality. everything about it is perfect.

final thoughts: the end of evangelion ruins every good thing about the ending of neon genesis

so, small fact, a lot of people really didn’t like the ending of neon genesis evangelion. they weren’t happy with the metaphorical and different approach it took– they would have much rather seen the true action-based ending. i am not one of these people, but oh well. in response to the backlash from the ending, hideaki anno basically said oh, you want a different ending? and gave us the disaster (but really great) that is the end of evangelion. to sum it up without explaining every detail, the end of evangelion is the ending in which shinji is not able to grow and expand himself. it is the ending in which instrumentality begins and he is unable to accept growth. everyone is shrouded in a disgusting and appalling light, much like shinji himself. nothing is positive about this ending, and instead of all characters being redeemed, they just get worse. one notable scene from this movie includes shinji choking asuka after she simply tells him the truth about himself. later, in the very final scene of the movie, he chooses to choke asuka once more. they are two washed up beings from the sea of humanity– the only two people– and he chooses to choke her once more. he does not grow. he becomes disgusting.

end: reality is not linear

while i like to tell myself the original ending of neon genesis is canon, i have to remind myself that there are infinite possibilities and endings in the evangelion universe. there are even some more recent movies that i have never seen with COMPLETELY different endings. it’s like a grab bag of endings, and you can pick which one you like the most and attempt to rid your mind of the other endings. hideaki anno described the series as a jigsaw puzzle with no reference photo: everything fits in the end, but every person who completes the puzzle will have a different finished piece. no two completed puzzles will be the same, just like no two perspectives and ideas of evangelion will be the same. there are infinite ways to analyze this series, and the implications are beautiful. it is truly a perfect and devastating series, and while i do love the end of evangelion, nothing compares to the final two episodes of neon genesis evangelion. absolutely nothing.

thank you to my father, goodbye to my mother, and to all the children, congratulations!


Unveiling the Enigma: The American Folklore of Skinwalkers

Nestled within the rich stories of American folklore lies a chilling tale that has captivated the imaginations of many for generations: Skinwalkers. With its origins deeply rooted in the beliefs and traditions of indigenous peoples, the legend of the Skinwalker continues to intrigue and terrify those who dare to delve into its shadowy depths. In this blog, we will embark on a journey through the mystique of Skinwalkers, exploring their origins, characteristics, and the enduring fascination that surrounds them.
To understand the lore of Skinwalkers, one must first acknowledge its origins in Native American cultures, particularly within the Navajo and Pueblo communities of the American Southwest. Known by different names in various tribal traditions, these malevolent shape-shifters are believed to be powerful witches or shamans who have strayed down a dark and forbidden path. In many indigenous cultures, the act of shape-shifting is considered taboo, as it involves tapping into dark magic and sacrificing one’s humanity for supernatural abilities.
The most distinctive feature of Skinwalkers is their ability to transform into animals at will. While they can assume the forms of various creatures, common choices include coyotes, wolves, and owls. This shape-shifting ability grants them a terrifying advantage, allowing them to blend seamlessly with their surroundings and stalk their prey with uncanny stealth. Moreover, Skinwalkers are believed to possess other supernatural powers, such as mind control, telepathy, and the ability to curse or harm others from a distance.
Encounters with Skinwalkers are rare, and those who claim to have crossed paths with these malevolent beings often recount chilling tales of their experiences. Some describe witnessing an animal that should not be present, exhibiting unnaturally intelligent and predatory behavior. Others speak of eerie encounters with humans who display unnatural agility and a malevolent aura. One common thread in these stories is the feeling of dread and unease that washes over those who encounter Skinwalkers. Native American cultures emphasize that even acknowledging the presence of a Skinwalker can invite their malevolence, making it essential to avoid engaging with or even discussing them whenever possible.
Given the sinister reputation of Skinwalkers, indigenous communities have developed rituals and safeguards to protect themselves from these malevolent entities. Many Navajo and Pueblo traditions include rituals involving the use of sacred herbs, blessings, and protective charms. These practices are meant to deter Skinwalkers and safeguard individuals and communities from their dark influence.
Despite their terrifying reputation, Skinwalkers have captured the imaginations of many beyond indigenous communities. They have become a fixture in modern paranormal and horror lore, featuring prominently in literature, films, and television series. The enigmatic nature of these shape-shifters, their connection to ancient Native American cultures, and the fear they evoke all contribute to their enduring fascination.
The American folklore of Skinwalkers is a haunting and mysterious tale deeply rooted in the traditions and beliefs of indigenous peoples. While they may be the stuff of nightmares, Skinwalkers continue to intrigue and terrify those who delve into their lore. Whether encountered in stories or whispered about in hushed tones, these malevolent shape-shifters remind us of the enduring power of folklore to captivate our imaginations and awaken our deepest fears.

the importance of understanding impulsive vs. intrusive and why the “letting my intrusive thoughts win” trend is harmful

i’m sure at some point you’ve seen a video of someone acting out in a unpredictable way- most likely acting on an impulse that most ignore. you go to the comments and every single one says something along the lines of “letting my intrusive thoughts win.” you get a laugh; it’s just a harmless joke, right? what you see as a harmless joke is what people with ocd- like me- see as a kick to the face. if our intrusive thoughts were something harmless like that, i’m sure we’d be laughing too. when we try to explain to people the difference between impulsive vs. intrusive, they get hostile: offended even. then you have those who claim to be an english professor who blindly explain what intrusive “actually” means while idiotically ignoring the idea of a clinical term. people don’t take the differentiation seriously enough, and as someone who has had such crippling struggles with ocd and intrusive thoughts, i’m sick of it.

let’s talk about what “intrusive thoughts” actually are

intrusive thoughts can be defined as unwanted, distressing and repetitive thoughts that often go against your morals. these can include acting out towards people you love in violent or morally unacceptable ways. intrusive thoughts are not exclusive to people with ocd- but they are a common (and arguably the most debilitating) sign of the illness. they can make you question your own morals and convince yourself you actually want to act out on your thoughts. this is not the case. intrusive thoughts are the manifestation of your worst fears and the things that disturb you the most/go against your morals. someone who has intrusive thoughts about hurting themselves or hurting someone they love does not want to act out on those thoughts. actually, it means that they are incredibly disturbed by those thoughts and would most likely do anything to ensure they don’t happen- like acting out compulsions, another common sign of ocd. people who experience intrusive thoughts are not their thoughts, and their thoughts do not represent their urges or morals at all.

now that we know what intrusive thoughts are, what are impulsive thoughts?

impulsive thoughts are exactly what they sound like. they are thoughts of acting out on an impulse. an impulse is defined as a strong urge or desire to act on something. that is one of the main differences between impulsive vs. intrusive- an impulsive thought is something you have an urge/desire to act out on, an intrusive thought is a thought that is uncomfortable and more often than not disgusts you: it is something you would never want to act out on. impulsive thoughts could be something like wanting to cut your own hair at 2am even though you know you’d botch it, or the urge to grab and eat food you see in the fridge that isn’t yours. the difference is drastic, so why do people insist on using intrusive when they really mean impulsive? maybe it’s unwillingness to change, or maybe it’s pure disregard for mental health. 

how is using “intrusive” when you mean “impulsive” harmful to others?

i first started getting intrusive thoughts when i was 14, and i was too scared to tell anyone about it. i thought everyone would think i was a horrible person and call me crazy- the one word no one with ocd wants to be called. if you use “intrusive” when you mean “impulsive,” it gives people the wrong idea about what intrusive thoughts actually are- so when people with genuine intrusive thoughts explain what they experience, others react in a negative and disgusted manner because they have this false idea that intrusive thoughts are harmless impulses that wouldn’t harm anyone in any serious way to act out on. this makes people with ocd feel crazy and misunderstood, and being understood is the most important thing when it comes to dealing with ocd. another thing is how people say they “let their intrusive thoughts win.” if someone with genuine intrusive thoughts “let them win,” they would be imprisoned or dead. telling someone with intrusive thoughts to “let them win” is disgusting and disrespectful, and it only showcases how uneducated you are. 

now that we understand the difference and how using intrusive when we mean impulsive is harmful, where do we go from here? 

as someone with ocd, when i see the misuse of the term “intrusive thoughts,” i educated immediately. you should too. if you see someone using the term intrusive incorrectly, you need to correct them and explain the severity of their mistake. if you ignore it and allow them to use the incorrect term, you are harming MILLIONS of people with ocd and worsening the mindset around genuine intrusive thoughts. it is not hard to switch “intrusive” to “impulsive.” if you are not willing to make that change, then you are the exact problem i have described in this blog. don’t be complacent. speak up when you see misinformation regarding ocd. don’t just let it happen- for all of our sakes. 

a final note to everyone who has ocd and/or experiences intrusive thoughts

you are not your thoughts. that’s right, you. are. not. your. thoughts. there is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. if you are someone i know reading this, just know that the only reason i wrote about this is because i experience it too. you are not alone. please come to me if you need help dealing with this crippling disease. i’ve struggled so that i can  help others, and i will not hesitate to share this wisdom with you. it’s going to be okay. you’re going to be okay. everything is going to be okay<3.

a final note to everyone else

the best thing you can do to help is educating yourself on ocd and the difference between intrusive and impulsive. you can even start right here on the msa literary blog! my beautiful friend and former roommate emma stapp has many articles about ocd and i 100% recommend reading each one she has posted: they are beautifully written and so important.

here are additional resources about ocd and intrusive thoughts to learn from:,mind%20without%20any%20apparent%20trigger.

i sincerely hope this blog helped you & inspired you to educate yourself on ocd. let’s come together and end the misconceptions about ocd and intrusive thoughts!<3 

also please check out emma stapp’s article “ocd is not an adjective…”

I’m Back!

Hello friends, long time no see. How was your guys’ summer? Hopefully well. My summer was extremely fun! I loved hanging out with my friends, working, swimming and going on vacations, but that is not the point of this blog. Without further ado let’s get into the blog. 

In the first blog of SENIOR YEAR (woohoo can you tell I’m excited?) I will be reading and analyzing A poem by the lovely, yet terrifying Edgar Allen Poe entitled “A Dream Within a Dream, using the Liz Lerman workshop method. 

I’ll insert the poem here: 

A Dream Within a Dream 

By Edgar Allen Poe 

Take this kiss upon the brow! 

And, in parting from you now, 

Thus, much let me avow– 

You are not wrong, you deem 

That my days have been a dream; 

Yet if hope has flown away 

In a night, or in a day, 

In a vision, or in none, 

Is it therefore the less gone? 

All that we see or seem 

Is but a dream within a dream. 


I stand amid the roar 

Of a surf-tormented shore, 

And I hold within my hand 

Grains of the golden sand– 

How few? Yet how they creep 

Through my fingers to the deep, 

While I weep—while I weep! 

O God! Can I not grasp 

Them with a tighter clasp? 

O God! can I not save 

One from the pitiless wave? 

Is all that we see or seem 

But a dream within a dream? 


This poem is one of my favorite pieces by him. The piece was first published in 1849 which isn’t modern at all so the writing form and some of the language is drastically different than what is commonly used in the 2000’s. That’s a big part of why I love historical poets or authors in general. First, we will start off with statements of meaning. I love the tone of this story. He sounds so desperate, so eager yet still so vulnerable. There’s something he wants but his depth of emotions leaves him so unhinged that he’s unable to grasp it, so it leaves him wondering if it’s real life or a dream. I also enjoyed that he uses only one period (.) throughout the piece. It gives me the feeling that these are fast, intense and draining thoughts that must get out, therefore they all begin running together instead of calm, concise thoughts that conclude themselves.  

He also references nature repeatedly in this poem when he talks about the shore in line 13 and the golden grained sand in line 15. He also mentions a pitiless wave in line 22 that seems overbearing in my opinion. He has a few words that are italicized in the piece which are “gone”, “All”, “One” “all”. Two of the words begin with a capital letter and two of them are all lowercase. I don’t really know why he did this, but my brain puts the words together as “all gone, all one.” I feel like he’s trying to express that everything he talks about in the poem is one “thing” or “being” but then he realizes it’s a dream and then it’s all gone when the dream perishes. At the end he cries out to God which means he has some form of religious belief and that he thinks that whatever higher power that he believes in can save him from this everlasting dream.  

Well, in the name of Looney Tunes, that’s all 4 today folks. Thanks for reading my blog, see you next month. Byeeee.