goodbye msa

Hey guys, today’s blog is going to be about goodbyes. This blog has come faster than I imagined. Time seems so short when you think there’s too much of it. We as humans are never worried about the effects of time, but only the actuality of events. With that being said, I feel that I have been affected by this time phenomenon and it makes me a tiny bit sad about the way I have mistreated this very small portion of my life. However, I am more than ready for a huge change, and I regret nothing in life. I have enjoyed my time here at MSA fairly well, yet there are challenging policies in this place that I do not align with. On a better note, let’s get to the all the sad stuff and weepy goodbyes. 

#1 Goodbye to my dorm, room 605. This room has some of the most enticing yet insane memories, and I hope to God that I never have to forget them. This room has leaked, clanked, and almost even fell apart, yet it has occupied some of the greatest times in life. From figuring out how to clean the slick floor of the bathroom, how to stop the leaking sink, how to have dance parties after room check, deciding if we should doordash or take our chances in the cafeteria, and simply laughing out butts off @3am knowing we’ll be tired tomorrow, because the jokes only get funnier. 

#2 Goodbye to the most loving food service staff a student could have. The encouragement, advice, smiles, and simple interactions mean more each day than one could know. Thank you for the positive time, energy, and love that you pour into our food each day. There will be immense blessings given to your persons in the future; I will pray for them personally. 

#3 Goodbye to Dr. Alexis and the Literary Department. When I got here, I was expecting Ms. Sibley and didn’t know what to think of a new teacher, but I am forever grateful that I got one. I have been pushed past the shore and into the ocean of uncertainty. Every assignment, project, or masterclass has taught me patience, time management, problem solving skills. Sometimes I may have been unhappy about doing it, but I always ended up on the right side of the spectrum, because of you Dr. Alexis. There are moments in this world that make me question why things happen, but you becoming my teacher was never one of those moments.  

#4 Goodbye to my friends. If only I could express in words, the way you guys have supported me. Shakeera, Asia, Kaydence, I sincerely love you guys and nothing in this world could change that. During the hardest times of our lives, we have managed to stick together from beginning to end and there isn’t another group of people I would have rather struggled with. However, through the struggle there are always amazing times. From head bobbing to metal at 1am, to the dance parties, us playing tennis, pool, putting together puzzles, doing homework at the last minute, being upset when the sink leaks on our feet, and hiding from staff when they knock on our doors. This journey has been the ultimate test of time, truth, and trust. You are the most amazing young ladies I have ever come across, but never forget even thousands of light years away souls and hearts still may touch. I LOVE YOU. 

#5 Goodbye to my buddies. Ava, Sarah, and Erin. This is truly a bittersweet time, and I have no idea how to handle the emotions that have suddenly emerged. I don’t think I have any words to explain so wordless I will go. You guys fully occupy a piece of my heart and I will always love you. On your journeys near or far I wish you guys a wonderful and happy life. Ava you are terrifyingly beautiful, intelligent, and funny. Sarah you are the epitome of sweetness, joy, and love. Erin you are the ultimate yapper, the most committed fan, and my brain’s soulmate. BE GREAT MY LOVES. 

#6 Goodbye to myself. To the girl I was when I first came here. To the sweet, partially innocent 16-year-old that came here with a dream, I would tell her to just keep going. As a young adult I feel so bittersweet about this place, I truly can’t even tell if it was worth it or not. I’m leaving here with an entirely different outlook on life. Everyone should follow the examples of Dr. Harlie, Ms. Cristi Wolfe, and Ms. Lambert. They are sweetness and the epitome of help. 

That’s all for now guys. I hope that I see you all again in this lifetime or the next.

goodbye msa. 

the end, so far

it’s that time of year. for some reason– in this exact moment– it doesn’t feel like it’s time yet. i mean, a part of me still feels like a junior right now, daydreaming about my final goodbye. but i’m not. i’m a senior. and this is it. this is that final goodbye.

it feels soon. don’t get me wrong, i’m ready to leave. if i’m anything, it’s that. but something just feels weird about it. this doesn’t really feel like the end right now. and while in the grand scheme of things, it really isn’t, in my small little life right now, it is. i think im ready. i have no choice but to be.

a part of me still feels like that 16 year old who came to this school with no idea what i really wanted to do with my life. i knew i was good at writing, and i knew i loved music, but that was really it. i had no idea that year i would be meeting some of the most important people i’d ever meet in my entire life. and i’m happy to say that now, a year later, those people are still in my life. i would not be the person i am today without them. and even though i’ve been apart from them for the past year, i don’t feel any less amount of love for them. 

on the other end, a part of me feels like i’ve already graduated. like i’ve been in college for the past year and i’ve fully accepted the fact that i’m on my own. and that i’ve been acting like i’m on my own. i don’t know which daydream is closer to reality.

nevertheless, the present is real, and the present is nothing more than dwindling weeks leading to graduation. my best guess is i’ll be here for maybe two more weeks. i’m hoping to move out as soon as i can, because like i said, i’m ready to leave, even if it hasn’t really felt like two years yet. 

i always thought that the seniors that graduate truly knew this place. but i feel as though i know nothing about this place. i know how it’s made me feel, and i know what’s happened to me here, but i don’t really know this place like i thought i would. i don’t think anyone does. i think we all leave this place with a vague idea of what it was actually like. as if the brain is hiding all the in-between moments experienced here. or maybe it’s just me. 

i always thought my last post here would be grand and sentimental, but it isn’t. i’m writing this the day of it being due. i’m writing my thoughts as they come to me. in all honestly, i’m more focused on planning out the rest of my day. as if this isn’t a big moment. as if this isn’t one of the final thoughts of a set routine i’ve built over the past two years. it’s bittersweet– but as if the sweet side is unbearably sweet. and the bitter side is overwhelmingly bitter. everything is too much. but it’s memorable, nevertheless. the strict clash of good and bad is memorable. 

i don’t want to make this too long. or sentimental. i’m just another person passing through the grip of this school. another author lined up in the search bar. i plan to get a degree in journalism and creative writing. i want to be a writer. and i want to be a musician. and this is the final note typed by my hands on this keyboard that is not really mine but has my dna lodged into its keys. the last time i’ll press publish. this is it. the end, so far.

for the last time, thank you for reading, and i’ll see you somewhere along the line. peace out.

A Bittersweet End

So, this is it. The last blog. It’s quite funny how it’s the little things, to me, that make the end of milestones bittersweet. I remember having to do the blogs every week and it was difficult to keep coming up with topics to talk about. Now, this will be the last time you’ll hear from me on here because I’ll be graduating. Knowing you’ll be doing something, big or little, for the last time because of a big change can make me feel many things. It’s becoming more real as each little thing comes to an end right before officially ending my high school career.

Most of my favorite memories came from my time here as well as some bad ones. Nevertheless, it truly is an unforgettable experience from beginning to end.

I found all my favorite people and made friendships to last me a lifetime. It’s really hard to say goodbye to people you’ve grown so close with and you know y’all are going your separate ways. I have found healthy relationships that I never want to let go of. I have found who my real friends were and people who genuinely loved me and cared about me, and for that I will forever be grateful.

(I had more pictures and video clips, but none I can share on a blog, lol)

I’ve made incredible memories that I never want to forget. I know that when I look back years down the road, these will be my best memories. I was genuinely happy and content with my life. I’ll always remember the trips, the events, both proms, everyday life, going out with friends, and enjoying the present moment. There were definitely some core memories made here.

I found out what kind of person I wanted to be while I was here getting to know all kinds of different people and learning others’ stories. I learned what values were my own and which ones would kind of guide who I’ll be all throughout my adult life. Attending a live-in high school and getting a somewhat college experience two years before college tends to do that.

Before I began coming here, I thought I was set for what college to go to and I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. So many things have changed since then, and I learned to stop worrying about things(for the most part) that I can’t control. I feel more steady and yet anxious at the same time. You’d think it’d help to know that there are just some things I can’t control and I shouldn’t try to, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it scares me more when there’s nothing I can do. But I know what I want to do and I need to let things fall into place as they’re meant to. I’ll pursue writing all throughout my life, wherever that takes me. I know I won’t be alone for the ride, and I’m very thankful for that.

MSA  will always be a big part of my life and it’ll be very bittersweet when this chapter ends. It wasn’t always the best, but I know that when I reflect on my life, I can thank this place for being where I found my favorite people and discovered my favorite things about myself.

I wish everyone reading good luck wherever life takes y’all. I hope you’ve enjoyed all my random topics and posts. Thank you for reading all this time and listening to my rambling. For the last time, much love<3

I guess this is good bye.

Hi guys. Welcome to my last blog post. Today I’m kind of just going to talk. Not really about anything specific. I’m not sure how I feel about my time at MSA, but I know there have been changes made for the better too. I came from LCHS barely passing to here and having straight A’s, which I am thankful for after going through the college application process. I got good opportunities as well. I feel like I can maintain my grades and do well in the future too. I guess what I could talk most about are the people I met here. I met A LOT of people. No matter where I looked there was someone who was supporting me or being kind, which I enjoyed a lot. I had several friends and people looking out for me. There was a good support system here which was nice if you looked at the workload. Even with the higher workload I still managed and managed to have free time to go out. Going out was one of the best parts. I loved going out to eat and shopping with friends even though we didn’t go out as much. But staying in was fun in its own way. My roommate and I watch movies together a lot and we play games together or watch each other play. She loves it when I listen to her yap about her interests, but she does the same for me. Having a roommate and living in the dorm was probably my favorite part about being at MSA. I love it when people come to my room, or I go to theirs. Hanging out in the dorms was always fun. Especially the time we all got together in someone’s room to play Twister. I made plenty of good memories with the people I met here. I’m sad I didn’t get to know a few certain people more though. I have been trying not to think about the “should’ve.” I just want to think of good memories and embrace the sweet part of a bittersweet thing such as graduation. I’m trying to save the bitter for after lol. Some of the staff here have also made my experience easier. I loved Ms. Malone and Ms. Cathy will always be my savior. Ms. Cathy listened to me rant every night and always gossiped with me. Ms. Malone was just one of the best teachers I have had and I loved her because we were very similar people too. I know right now I’m so wrapped up in graduating and getting everything done so I haven’t really gotten to think about my time at MSA and in high school in general. I know I will miss it eventually, but right now I am very excited to move on from this part and go to the next. Bye bye high school.

a mixed bag of life-changing media for when you’re sad

i don’t know if it’s the second semester of senior year hitting me, or if i genuinely need to go see a psychiatrist, because it’s getting rough. like, unimaginably rough. i can barely get out of bed. even after class, i sleep the entire day and then take melatonin so i can sleep more at night. i’ve been in this phase for a while now. the stress of this school is really starting to way down on me. when i get this way, i usually turn towards media. despite what you may think, i don’t reach out for happy media. rather, i consume media that is absolutely gut-wrenching. for some reason, it’s the only thing i can take when i’m like this. so, i thought i’d share some of my favorite gut-wrenchingly beautiful media. you don’t have to be in emotional distress to consume this stuff, but it helps.

lift your skinny fists like antennas to heaven – an album by godspeed you! black emperor

as im writing this, this is the album i’m listening to (that’s how bad it is rn). this album really changed my life. the circumstances around me hearing it for the first time is sort of a sore subject now, but we’ll dance around it so i can explain the context of this album within my life. it’s a 1 hour and 27 minute album with only four songs: storm, static, sleep, and like antennas to heaven… the album is completely instrumental, with the only voices coming in the form of samples and short dialogue. no singing whatsoever. despite this, this album makes me feel more than any other out there. i could not recommend this album more. especially if you’re listening to it alone in the dark, eyes wide open and staring at the visual deformities in your eye. the vivid scenes i see in my head from this album are terrifying, and resemble the likes of the great artist Zdzislaw Beksinski. speaking of him, he’s also included in this list. 

works by zdzislaw beksinski

the works by zdzislaw beksinski give me a feeling of absolute tragedy and dread like no other. i’m in love with them. i’ve always been a fan of surrealism, and beksinski pairs surrealism with a dystopian future and it is the perfect mix of absolute inexplicable dread. there are scenes of great walls with bodies strung from the top made out of bones thin as wire. great black birds with bellies full of blood fly above giant cathedrals made of the dead. faces are wrapped in layers of gauze and bodies crawl on all fours away from a burning fire. this is a nightmare world. beksinski creates this sense of horror and dread by making everything that is unimaginable and terrifying giant, and making us so so small. the album i previously mentioned can be best described as the soundtrack for this dystopian nightmare world. it’s a world i find myself lost in all the time. i don’t know how to describe it, but it’s everything i believe beauty and horror is. 

the end of evangelion 

if you’ve ever watched neon genesis evangelion, then you know that is has a rather optimistic ending. if you don’t know about the ending to the show, read my blog about it here for context. basically, in the movie the end of evangelion, we see a more terrifying and unfulfilling ending. shinji rejects himself, and he succumbs to his darker parts. in turn, the world around him crumbles and falls as the third impact takes place. shinji rejects instrumentality. decomposing entities and blood oceans can be seen throughout the ending scenes. what was supposed to be a new existence of endless companionship and the end of depression and loneliness is now ultimately hollow and worthless. shinji stands on the shore and looks at the emptiness, mirroring himself. this movie practically threw out the optimistic ending of the show that brought me to tears, and took the show down a route that left me feeling as empty as the world i was watching. this movie is beautiful, but almost hard to watch. i couldn’t recommend it more. 

six feet under

six feet under is a television show that follows the life of a family that owns a funeral home. every single episode starts with a death. the first episode, the death of the family’s father. the final episode, the death of the family. everything in-between is various deaths of unknown strangers. yet, we find ourselves getting to know those strangers through the actions of the main family. this show basically deals with death. all kinds of death. there is not a single episode of this show that doesn’t have some kind of death in it. this show left such an impact on me because of the way it ended. it is said to have one of the best endings in all of television. i think this is true. you watch these characters change and grow and in the end you watch every single one of them die. as a teenager with a suffocating fear of death, the ending broke me completely. i couldn’t take it. this show takes a very long time to finish, so i only recommend it when you truly feel like you’re at rock bottom, and you won’t be getting out anytime soon.

bojack horseman

this is an obvious one. bojack horseman is a show that follows the life of former tv star bojack horseman as he navigates his personal grievances and mental issues. there are so many different characters in this show that i feel like represent a different part of me. the empty longing and cycle of suffering of diane. the self sabotage of bojack. the unfulfilling life of princess carolyn. there is so many things i could say about each character, but as a whole, this show is 100% life changing. not sure if it’s in a good way or not. but if you haven’t seen it, then it’s a must watch. the ending isn’t satisfying– not at all. and that’s because it’s real. this show doesn’t bullshit you. it doesn’t try to convince you that any of these characters are redeemable, or that they’ll get their final closure. because that’s not how life works. this show puts the ugly on show. it shows you the real grit of life. and that’s why it always hurts so much to watch. but i love it. 

cry of fear

cry of fear is a video game that i hold very close to my heart. i’ve played it over 5 times now, and it’s a game i turn to often. it’s older and flawed, but is universally an agreed masterpiece. the game follows 19 year old simon after he gets into an accident. when he wakes up after the accident, he is alone in a world full of terrifying entities. as he navigates this world, all other signs of life get slim and slimmer. the girl he loves dies in front of him. he chases after a crazy doctor only to fall behind over and over again. he goes through these nightmare episode worlds that are surreal and terrifying. and he all wants to do is go home. when he finally reaches home, he realizes no one is home. and as he turns around, he is met with himself. there are many different endings to this game, and each reveals a new secret about the story. the real underlying truth about the storyline is that simon is immediately paralyzed from the waist down after the accident. he is brought to the hospital and told by his doctor to write a book to help him deal with the depression and depressing thoughts made prevalent by the accident. when simon wakes up alone in the game, that is where the book starts. the book ends when simon decides the fate of his own life. there are no happy endings to this game. in each one, death lingers and takes the lives of someone close to simon. in most, simon is that person. the game itself is terrifying and one of the most life-changing video games you can play for free.

so yeah, that’s all i have for today. i have plenty of life-changing media that i could share, but these are the things i reach for when life gets pretty hard, as it is. if you decide to look into any of them, i hope they comfort you like me. that’s all from me. peace out.

My fixation pt. 2

So, for those who may not remember, I posted a blog consisting of some Egyptian gods and goddesses that I really like and find intriguing. I really enjoy Egyptian mythology and love learning more about it. This post is a continuation of the list from last time. Hope you enjoy:)

Again, these are in no particular order.

1. Ammit

Illustration showing a creature, with the green head of a crocodile, the forelegs of a golden lion and the brown hind legs of a hippopotamus.

If you’ve ever watched Moonknight(great series, btw) then you may already know of Ammit. Does the series accurately depict Ammit, though? Not entirely. First off, she’s not technically a goddess. She’s more often referred to as a demoness or some greatly feared creature. She’s physically depicted as having the head of a crocodile, the front legs of a lion, and the hind legs of a hippo. Her name means “devourer” or “soul-eater”. So… yeah, not entirely friendly. She’s associated with the idea of punishment for the soul. Her image served as a warning to the living to live a good life and avoid wrongdoing. The first thing I noticed after watching Moonknight and looking up the depiction of Ammit was obviously the physical difference.

Instead of looking like this…

ᴀᴍᴍɪᴛ | ɪᴄᴏɴ

She would look like this…

Ammit is a demon creature that has the head of a crocodile the upper body  of a lion with huge mane and lower body of a hippo. It eats evil souls. The

I know it’s just a show, but I just find it a little humorous.

2. Anubis

Illustration showing a man with the head of a jackal, holding an ankh and a sceptre.

Despite what you may see in movies, Anubis is a pretty cool guy. It’s not really his fault he’s the god of the dead. Movies may often refer to him as something bad(because Hollywood), but he’s not. He’s depicted as having the head of a jackal and the body of a man. Worshipped throughout Egypt, he’s said to be a protector of the dead as he guides them in their journey through the underworld. He’s also the god of mummification and the afterlife(much like Osiris). He’s said to be a gentle and caring god, ensuring the dead are treated with respect. It’s really neat viewing him in this light.

3.  Ma’at

Illustration shows a woman with a blue ostrich feather on her head, and green wings which she holds out with her hands, she is wearing a red garment.

As the goddess of truth, justice, and balance, Ma’at is associated with order and harmony.  She is often shown as a woman wearing an ostrich feather on her headdress and having wings she holds out with her hands. She’s believed to represent the force that keeps the universe in balance and is called upon events such as crowning a pharaoh, or the signing of a peace treaty.  When people would die and make their way through the underworld to be judged, their deceased hearts would be weighed against Ma’at or her feather. I feel like she’d be like one of those moms where nothing gets past her.

4. Sekhmet

Illustration shows a woman with the head of a green lioness, she is wearing a red garment and holding an ankh cross and a sceptre.

This is the goddess of war, destruction, power, and strength. Her image is used as a symbol of courage and resilience. She is also the goddess of pestilence and plague, and because of this, she was thought to have the power to protect against disease and evil. She’s depicted as having the head of a lioness and the body of a woman and wears a headdress of a sun disc. If you remember me talking about Bastet and Hathor in my last post, I talked about how both of them have the power to protect against disease just like Sekhmet. This is because Sekhmet is the goddess that they turn into when angered. Once calm, she turns back into either Bastet or Hathor. Sekhmet is also considered a warrior of the sun god Ra and would fight against enemies of the sun.

That is it for the list. I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. See you next month. Much love<3

Overwatch Tier list :)

Inside my brain holds vast amounts of knowledge that is absolutely useless to me in reality. This is where I share my information since people don’t like when you yap for hours about overwatch 2. So, let me get my yapping out of my system with this post. Basicalllyyyyy, I made a tier list of all the overwatch heroes from S (best) to D (worst). This is my list and a synopsis of my thoughts. 

I guess this is where I break it down….so

S Tier

In S tier I have Dva, Lucio, Ball, Ramatra, Zenyatta, Sombra, Kiriko, Junker Queen, Sojourn, Baptiste, and Zarya (in order on the tier). is kind of hit or miss depending on skill. If you have a very skilled tank player on your team then yeah she is S, but if your Dva is terrible she’s going to drop to a C or D. This is because she has a kit thats very useful for the team if you know how to time it all. Lucio is a very good support pick right now. He is in the meta at the moment. He takes a decent amount of skill though making it hard for lower ranks to have a meta team composition. His speed boost is just very useful, his ability to hold overtime, and his heals. Ball is a very hard character to play. If your tank is just playing ball to play him your team is going to get rolled. When you play ball, you have to know map layouts, good aim, good use of your abilities, timing, and any other tank skill. He just requires a lot of skill, but if your tank is a skilled ball, you 100% will win. Ramatra is another tank I’d class similarly to ball. He doesn’t require as much skill mostly knowing how to utilize your kit, but I love having a good Ram because he is harder to play against. Next is a support hero, Zenyatta. Zenyatta is also a part of the meta right now in lower lobbies and higher ones. I wouldn’t say you need crazy skill, but you need some. Mostly game sense and aim. His discord ability is so useful in winning fights and his heals are decent. I wouldn’t usually class sombra so high, but she is in the meta right now as well since she got ANOTHER rework on her hero. She is in absolutely every single game I que into and she absolutely destroys the teams back line. Kiriko, also meta right now, is a support who has one of the best kits for survivability. She has immortality, teleportation, and fast healing. 10/10. Junker queen is just unkillable. If you know how to play her kit she is very hard to kill. Sojourn is also meta right now for damage players. She just has good utility and shes a value to have on your team. Baptiste is another support in meta due to his high damage output and great healing. Zarya is a good tank to play but she is not meta at all and I would only suggest playing her if your are a skilled Zarya player. 

A Tier

I’m going to talk about A tier more as a whole because most of what I have to say can be said about all of these heroes. First, let me tell you their names in order of the photo. Bastion, Genji, Winston, Reaper, Symmetra, Reinhardt, Tracer, Widowmaker, Moira, Mauga, Sigma, and Orisa. Almost everyone in A tier provides so much value to your team if played right. Almost all of them are heroes that require a lot of skill to provide any value. Some definitely aren’t like Mauga, Orisa, and Moira. The rest of these heroes you have to have game sense, know flanking strategies, know your kit, have good aim, etc etc. BUT if you are good on them they are very very valuable to your team. 

B Tier

B Tier are the heroes who just aren’t very in meta, kits aren’t that great right now, and I’m just losing matches with these people on my team. We have Junkrat, Mei, Pharah, Soldier 76, Roadhog, Torbjorn, Lifeweaver, Ashe, Brigetta, Doomfist, and Ana. I don’t mind having these heroes on my team but they typically don’t provide a lot unless played well, and they typically just get counter picked. There is one hero in here i would put higher in the tiers though. Ana. Her kit is amazing and so useful, but unfortunately we are only human and everybody’s aim sucks. Ana is a support sniper. You can play her close or long range but your aim has to be good or you might loose the whole game for everyone. A skilled Ana player I would throw to S. 

C Tier

I only have 5 people down here because there aren’t really any characters who are truly terrible. You can win with any comp if you have any skill. In C I have Cassidy, Hanzo, Mercy, Illari, and Echo. Cassidy belongs in D tier honestly. He has no value to the team, his kit is bad, and you have to have good aim to play him. Hanzo is in C due to his recent nerf. He used to could 1 shot people if it was a headshot, but he can no longer do that, so he just isn’t too great anymore. Mercy is a good support she just is not in the meta at all right now. Her healing is way to slow to the point of when you play her you have to ONLY heal. No damage. No damage boosting. Only healing. The meta right now is fast, hit scan, etc. so mercy doesn’t quite do the job. Illari is another support who doesn’t have great healing or dps and isn’t meta so no one is playing her right now. 

After making the tier list and typing this out I want to move Echo to A. She is very good at getting important picks if you know her kit well and have decent timing and aim. I think she is good to have if the person playing her is a good Echo. 


Thank you. 


Hello guys,

I am back again and tears are flooding my keyboard. Sooo, college season is coming to a detrimental end. I will be receiving my last few decisions this week. I have been accepted to 15 schools, but we always talk about the acceptances and the rejections get no attention. I understand the need of staying positive during this horrid time, but I want to talk about my rejections, how I reacted to them, and how they made me feel later on.

All the colleges I got accepted to had decent acceptance rates (30% and up), but my top schools are 15% and under and they have truly humbled me. Of course I didn’t expect to be accepted to all of them, but I definitely didn’t think there would be so many back to back rejections. The first one was the University of Florida followed by Tulane, Notre Dame, Baylor, Johns Hopkins, University of Southern California, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Swarthmore, and Northeastern. After applying, thinking about the possibility of rejection initially struck me hard, and I thought I would be devastated, crying, and sad. Fortunately, that was not the case and I took the rejections pretty well. When I first open them I’m a little bummed like any normal person would be and I think about them often, not separately but as a whole and it still hasn’t struck me very hard. I only think it will hit me excruciatingly hard if I don’t get into ANY of my top schools. I’m not necessarily worried about that, because I am still awaiting 14 schools to release decisions and I think I have good odds to get at least 2 out of 23 top schools in all. 

Even if I don’t get into them that just means that it’s not meant for me to be there and I have 15 other schools to pick from and am grateful for all my acceptances. I’m just ready to know all my decisions so I can start narrowing down my options, because people keep asking me where I’m going and I am so tired of saying idk. Yet, I’m also not trying to rush the process, because I don’t want to make the wrong decision and I will never have the opportunity to do this again, to be at this exact moment in life again, or to be this same person.

Now to go more in depth on my feelings about the rejections. I am happy that I can honestly say that I have not shed a single tear over a college rejection. Sometimes I don’t know how to feel about that, because it could mean that I am secure in myself, happy with my acceptances, and proud of myself for even having the courage to submit applications to these places. On the other hand it could mean that I didn’t put enough effort into my application, I don’t care enough about the colleges, or that I am very nonchalant. Either way it’s over and I cannot redo it so I’ll just stick with the first option to keep a positive mind, because there’s no point in overthinking about things that are already done. 

The only thing that makes me kind of sad is the thought that if I were at my old school I would have been valedictorian, class president, and probably would have gotten into some of these schools. I think the MSA classes on my transcript probably aren’t taken serious, because they aren’t academic classes. I could have been taking so many more AP and DC classes, but here I am. Colleges say they like creatives and standouts, but that is only true for art, design, music, and dance colleges. College is like monopoly or spades; it’s a gamble and only a very few win. Even those that win get screwed over sometimes, but college admissions is all a game and whoever plays it the best will get the outcome they want. 

It’s been a long wait, but it’s almost over and I am truly excited for the college experience and the ability to explore the world. Thank you for listening to my sob story. The tears flooding my keyboard have now dried!

A New Hyperfixation… Possibly

I’ve always been interested in mythology, but I think it’s lately become a hyper-fixation. To be more specific, I’ve been diving into Egyptian mythology; although, I wouldn’t call it diving into it right now- more like swimming in the shallow waters before getting into the deep end of it. Growing up, I loved movies such as “The Mummy”(1999) and “Gods of Egypt”(2016) and I’ve always enjoyed hearing about how a lot of the mythology deals with the afterlife and not just the various deities. It’s definitely worth doing far more research on, in my opinion. The reason I chose to research Egyptian mythology as opposed to something like Greek mythology is that I feel like Greek mythology is so popularized that everyone knows at least a little bit about it. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think it’s interesting, but I like learning more about things that may not be so commonly known. I also view Greek mythology as more or less like a modern reality TV show with a lot of drama like that- as far as the gods and goddesses are concerned. There are a lot of lessons to be taken from Greek myths, for sure, just like many other kinds of myths.

In this post, I want to talk about some of the gods/goddesses I really like and am learning more things about. I hope you enjoy this as much as I like talking about it<3

(Sidenote: these are not in any particular order, there aren’t any that I like more than the others)

1.The Ennead

Colourful illustratons of the nine Ennead gods and goddesses.

The way I understand it, the Ennead is possibly the most popular myth regarding the creation of the world- there are many Egyptian myths that talk about the creation of the world and Egypt. They are a group of nine ancient gods and goddesses that basically work together to make up everything regarding creation including life, death, the atmosphere, moisture in the environment, the sky, etc. Some of the gods and goddesses that are commonly known are part of the Ennead like Osiris(the god of the afterlife and fertility) and Isis(the goddess of protection, motherhood, and magic). A few that I’ll list will be those in the Ennead because I really think they’re interesting.

2. Atum

Illustration showing a man wearing a crown, with a long black beard, gold and blue clothing, holding an ankh and a sceptre.

According to a popular Egyptian myth, he is part of the Ennead and he created the world along with the other gods and goddesses. His direct children are Shu(the god of air) and Tefnut(goddess of moisture), and from them, the other gods came to be. He is depicted as a man wearing a double crown for Upper and Lower Egypt. He is associated with the evening sun, and it was believed that he traveled across the sky during the day and passed through the underworld at night before being reborn at dawn.

3. Bastet

Illustration showing a woman figure, with a cat head, holding an ankh and wearing colourful clothing.

Bastet is the goddess of cats, fertility, and childbirth; she is often associated with joy and dance. She is often depicted as a woman with the head of a cat, as shown in the picture above. She is mostly worshipped by Egyptians who own cats(cats are considered very sacred in ancient Egypt). She is believed to have the power to protect against evil spirits and diseases and her image is used as a kind of a good luck charm.

4. Hathor

Illustration shows a woman wearing a red dress and a red sun disc headdress with a snake at the front, holding an ankh and a sceptre.

Hathor is the goddess of love, joy, music, and beauty; she’s often linked to women, motherhood, and fertility. She is depicted as either with the head of a cow and the body of a woman, a woman with a headdress of cow horns and a sun disc, or a cow with a headdress of cow horns and a sun disc. She is thought to protect against illness and danger, much like Bastet. Egyptian queens are often portrayed with Hathor’s headdress. Hathor is the Egyptian version of Aphrodite- the Greek goddess of love and beauty.

5. Isis

Illustration showing a woman in a red dress with a throne as a crown on her head, she is holding an ankh and a sceptre.

One of my personal favorites(along with Ma’at, who I’ll talk about in another post, possibly) and one of the Ennead, Isis is the goddess of protection, motherhood, and magic. She is the wife of Osiris and the mother of Horus(god of the sky). She is often depicted as a woman with the hieroglyph for “throne” worn as a crown or with Hathor’s crown. She is believed to perform magic and heal the sick. In some myths, it’s said that the annual floods of the Nile are caused by Isis’ tears over her late husband Osiris.

Those are all that I’ll talk about in this post, and I’ll post a part two to this. There is a lot about the mythology that I find really interesting and I want to learn more about it. I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I did and I’ll see you guys next time. Much love<3

What YouTube videos have I been watching? :)

I wasn’t sure what I should write about this month since I have previously written about everything involving my interests. I realized I watch YouTube A LOT so here we are. I watch it while I eat, which is a must for me to enjoy my food, and to go to sleep. I also use it as background noise for almost everything I do. 

  1. Jay3

Jay3 is an Overwatch youtuber/streamer who puts out a variety of content. He is someone I watch while I eat and for background noise. On his channel you can watch many different series. I enjoy his two series’ called Elo Hell and I spectated. In Elo Hell he watches people who think they deserve a higher rank in Overwatch 2 and Jay determines if so and if not he gives tips. I spectated is just Jay spectating players in competitive who are hacking/cheating. He has a huge variety of Overwatch content that I love to play in the background while I work or eat. 

2. Ice burgs

Ice burgs is not a channel but a category on youtube consisting of videos that are anywhere between 1-3 hours long. Each video is a certain category that the youtuber discusses in a chart. The chart is shaped like an ice burg showing the two top layers, middle layer, and 2 bottom layers underneath the water. Basically, each 5 sections of the ice burg is filled with subcategories related to the main subject that get progressively deeper, worse, or darker the further down the ice burg. There are tons of these videos regarding different subject matter that I love listening to. Videos like these I mainly sleep to but occasionally I’ll use an ice burg video as background noise to work to.  

3. Broogli

I LOVE Broogli. A lot. He is a youtuber that focuses his entire main channel to explaining the backrooms. He does explanations of each level, item, or entities you can find in the backrooms. I pretty much only watch him when I’m going to bed because I like his voice and his videos aren’t as serious as most videos that explain things. 

4. Stories

Recently, I have been listening to stories to sleep to. I am obsessed with cryptids, specifically skinwalkers. I love to find a good 5-10 hour video of someone telling short, scary stories about skinwalkers. Usually, they get the stories from Reddit and read them with rain or fire sounds in the background. I love listening to these. Chefs kiss. 


BONUS: My Encounter with a Skinwalker (totally real)

I drove to Raymond, MS a couple months ago to meet up with someone I had started being friends with. His name is Ken. Anyway, I picked him up from his house and we went to this park called Raymond Military Park, I think. It’s basically just a big circle trail. We get out and decide to do a lap around the trail, and we do. On our second lap around we decided to stop at this bridge we found off to the side of the trail. Underneath was just a small creek. I was not satisfied with being on the bridge because I wanted to explore the underneath. We both found a little area where we could get underneath the bridge and sit. Some stone pilers were broke in the sand making the perfect benches so that’s where we sat. I would say about 30 minutes later we hear rustling in the bushes behind us. It was on the edge of the creek off to our right more but still behind us. We look that way, then back at each other, and we hear something jump out of the woods. It was a deer. We both just kind of froze and looked at this deer in awe. Personally, I knew it was mating season and that buck would smack me with an antler, so I just sat still and watched as it ran down the creek. It got close to the other tree line in front of us and just stopped. The deer turned around and stared at us. Not its body, just its head. I think Ken and I made solid eye contact with this deer for 3 minutes before it leaped back into the woods. No way this deer wasn’t a skin walker fr. 

The End.