Sone’t released a blog about eating food from cartoons and I realized I had a chance to one up her (that I totally didn’t run by her beforehand) and decided to look at my list of “yeah I would eat that” from video games I’ve frequented over the years. note: there will be a separate blog dedicated to ranking undertale food but for now just any valid game food I know of counts

PAPA’S GAMES

PAPA’S FREEZERIA SHAKES

There’s something monumentally wrong with this shake in a way I can describe. I think you pour it on the ground and it keeps its shape. I think you taste the whip cream and it’s as old as 1936, and I am certain they are the type of shakes that make you absolutely ill over the Papa’s Freezeria Boardwalk Siding. And I think the rustic nature forgives that. Or maybe it doesn’t and I’m deluding myself HOWEVER I cannot say with the flavor choices offered if given the chance I would turn down a Papa’s Freezeria shake.

PAPA’S PASTARIA PASTA

Yeah, this one. I cannot lie to you. Macaroni, spaghetti, ravioli, I don’t care, pasta is pasta. Let me be one of the customers here and I promise I will be a regular. Worst part is I haven’t even played this one, so I’m just speaking from the heart here. Now the actual menu items that aren’t pasta? Kinda tragic, I will not lie to you. The bread doesn’t look bad but these sauces? Who let that happen.

PAPA’S SUSHIRIA SUSHI

Hot take? (Cold take?) Idk, I don’t care, as this just looks genuinely good in a way I can’t explain. Maybe it’s the process that alluring or the fact it’s so symmetrical it’d be hard to mess up sushi from Papa’s Sushiria. I don’t even want to take a bite of the slices, give me the whole unadulterated roll and I’m good.

MINECRAFT

GOLDEN APPLE (GAPPLE)

It’s a gapple, man. Aside from the health benefits that would make me feel rich, it just looks delicious.

Enough said.

WATERMELON SLICE

This doesn’t even look like real watermelon. it doesn’t. they chose the least looking watermelon sprite and I’m so happy they did.

look at that sprite. that is a taste singular entirely to minecraft. that’s what Scott Pilgrim would eat for +10

SUSPICIOUS STEW

HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT

NIGHT IN THE WOODS

PIZZA FROM THE CLIK CLAK DINER

in game the pizza is stated as below subpar. worse than fast food pizza chains, but I still want it. and idk why—maybe the experience. like.

no charm to its name. not appetizing in the slightest. it’s cheap and probably tastes like cardboard.

we need more like it.

DONUTS FROM DONUT WOLF

I’m mad; these donuts look fantastic. Like the game really didn’t need to go all out because these look genuinely magical or something almost pulled straight out of bee and puppycat? There doesn’t look to be any discernable taste but I don’t think there needs to be, I just kinda want one. I think this is the one I’m most serious about on this whole list.

PRETZELS FROM TROLLEYSIDE NEWS

Now. These are in like an underground tunnel restaurant that does have water next to it

so realistically should these be damp or worse soggy from condensation? Yes. however other than the donuts I fear these may be the only actually well-made food in the whole game. like the donuts are good but these are made by an actual chef and I can’t bring myself to be mad at them even if I really want to be.