Here at MSA, I go by Carter. It’s not a preference; I don’t mind being called Imani because that’s my name. Carter is typically what I want to change my last name to because I genuinely hate my current last name and I’ve always wanted to change it. But, I feel like there’s a difference between Skipwith and Carter. When I say this, I mean Jackson Imani (Skipwith) and MSA Imani (Carter). I started noticing this a couple weeks ago and I was talking to someone the other day about the changes I make when entering these different environments. When I’m Imani, I try to maintain a certain image everywhere I go. Skipwith’s a really smart person who doesn’t have any anxiety, depression, and works hard to maintain a good image. She works hard to make everyone happy; if everyone else is happy, so is she. She has no problems with religion. She’s an all around happy and fun-loving person and though she has moods, they don’t last very long.
However, Skipwith is just the surface of Imani while Carter is the depth, it seems. Carter is still smart but she’s not as interested in academics like Skipwith. She’d rather be somewhere writing, drawing, or learning an instrument. She really dislikes school because of the previous pressure that was put on her from years back that Skipwith dealt with. And yes, Carter has always been there of course, but her full debut has been here at MSA away from the having to maintain a certain image and be this person everyone that she was. So, when heading back to Jackson, I have to be Skipwith and leave Carter behind at MSA. Lately, she’s been sneaking back to Jackson with me, though. Carter isn’t too worried about religion, either. She doesn’t get too caught up in beliefs or go strictly by the book. Carter isn’t afraid to hide her issues. She will tell you she has anxiety. She most definitely will tell you she has depression if it comes to that. She’s more cautious than Skipwith. She won’t leak out things that she feels will harm her later on. She thinks through so many situations at once. She doesn’t have that mental barrier that Skipwith has either. She did once upon a time but now that it’s down, she wears her heart on her sleeves and it’s more obvious than if it were Skipwith.
It’s just been weighing heavy on my chest lately. The surface of me and the depth of me. That’s just the way I think of it. As Carter and as Skipwith. It’s a topic I don’t talk about much and I had to get it off my chest somehow. Becoming Imani Carter is just interesting, but I feel more comfortable and more myself when I’m not wearing that mask. Honestly, being Imani Skipwith is draining because all I can do is hold it in but Carter doesn’t care. If she has to let it out, she will. If she needs to scream, she will do so. Imani Carter is so natural and more like who I need to be. I will, of course, still have tendencies of my past self, which is just how it is. So, yeah, my name’s Imani Skipwith-Carter and I approve this message.
