First and Now

This is for

every moment I held your hand

whether it be in the literal sense

or the figurative

 

This is for

the dancing I made you do

that you loved

but never admitted

 

This is for

every smile, laugh, and kiss we shared

all the truths I whispered to you

that you never believed

 

This is for

our lives before each other

and the tales we shared

trusting someone for the first time

 

This is for

our youth

the story of first loves

the passion that bubbled beneath our young flesh

 

This is for

the dreams we shared

the plans we had

the promises we made

 

This is for

the scars and the tears

that still stain our skin

that we hate but never want to lose

 

This is for

your options

that you explored

Leaving me to await your return

 

This is for

me tearing you down

for letting me down

and leaving us both in tears

 

This is for

The confidence that we grew

and destroyed

which we needed, but could not hold on to

 

This is f0r

the feelings that we did not understand

but pretended to

as they began to consume us

 

This is for

last kisses on an old couch

but not knowing how final

it really was this time

 

This is for

the words we screamed

but did not mean

the pain I felt when you left… again

 

This is for

begging you

to come back

until the day came I no longer wanted that

 

This is for

the years that were not wasted

but encompassed with so much

loving betrayal

 

This is for

trying to be friends

but failing

and giving up

 

This is for

seeing each other

after all had ended

and the infiltration of wonder

 

This is for

the possibilities

of what we could have been

but never will become

 

This is for

who we are now

and all the ways we have grown

all the ways we have weakened

 

This is for

kissing someone else

that sour taste left in my mouth

that I eventually craved

 

This is for

the second loves

and moving on

but never forgetting

 

This is for

the phrase “I am not in love with you,

but I will always love you.”

My first love, forevermore