I know I write quite a bit about youth and childhood and blah blah blah but I feel like a legitimate forgetful youth right about now. I’ve been really reminiscent and I just kind of wish I could go back to the days when smiling was a lot easier and the school work was a little simpler and the kids didn’t judge you so much. I don’t really remember the happier feelings from back then. When I was younger, I constantly talked about how I couldn’t wait to turn 18 and that I was going to immediately leave home without any care in the world because I wanted to be an adult. I wish I could punch that Imani in the mouth lol. I mean, I am excited for that independence but the fear of it is way stronger than my excitement. I mean, come on. Who wants to worry about finances and work or having to pay the bills or rent on time? Literally no one. It just blows.
Lately, life has really been hitting me in the face. Every time it does, I think to myself, “Hey! Two years and you’ll have to be on your own! You know how you stress now? Multiply that by a few thousands and boom! That’s adulthood. You’re gonna do so bad. <3 ” And that, my friend, is my exact thought process when anyone asks me what college I’m going to go to or what I want to major in or even where I’m going to be in the next 10 years. Heck, I want you to tell me where I’m gonna be in the next 10 years, Auntie. Because, I sure as heck don’t know. All these future responsibilities drive me mad and I’m not even a senior yet. I can only imagine how they feel. I keep saying that I’m going to ‘live in the moment’ or ‘live for right now’ but in reality I stress out over so many things that I won’t even encounter in the next 3 years. Crazy, right?
I just hate the fact that I tried to grow up so fast at one point that I wasn’t able to fully enjoy my youth. I was so ready to be like the other kids and I was ready to throw away my childish ways for their acceptance but what even is a group of snot-nosed rug rats’ attention compared to that sweet child-like happiness that you feel. In the end, those people didn’t even matter. It was just the happiness that I felt. However, I wasn’t grateful to that and I wanted to leave behind that sweet happiness and become a forgetful youth but I’m so tired of being a forgetful youth. So, screw it. I’m just gonna have to get my memory together and remember better.
