Look into the mirror and realize you want to die.
Like a girl in her teens again obsessing over men who are not yet men and girls who are more woman than you.
First, you will go to class as if nothing ever happened, like everything is fine. You’ll make it to third period before you meet him, and he’ll be wearing your favorite shade of blue.
He’ll notice you immediately, and though you’ve never met before, the intensity of his stare will make you and anyone else think otherwise.
Instead of your name, he asks your major, you say Interior Design. And like smoke seeps into couch cushions, his energy, his power, seeps into you. You don’t want to die as much as you did five hours ago. You crack a smile.
Both of you are coincidentally free in the same hour. You go get coffee. You order a Vanilla Frappe and he orders coffee, black. He calls you cliché for your frappe and you call him bitter for black.
There you are, basking in someone else’s energy, one that’s not your own destructive rage and fury, and you love it. Yet you still don’t know his name, but you don’t care.
He says it’s time for him to go, that he’ll see you some time later, though he’s hesitant to leave.
You don’t pay attention to his farewell, as it’s almost impossible for him to find you on such a campus.
As days go by, you forget him. You are your own energy again, you are consumed.
You are sitting outside of a coffee shop, writing a letter to someone who will never read it. Then there’s a tap on your shoulder, it’s him. In green now, he looks more appealing and although you’ve never liked forests, this shade changes your mind.
He asks you on a date, specifically “would you like to go out some time?”
And you oblige. You haven’t been out in a while, so why not.
You find yourself in a bar, three drinks in and you’re still sober. He’s also on number three but spouting nonsense left and right at whoever walks by. He’s funny, really funny. You laugh so hard that your stomach hurts.
That night when you are alone, you want to die again.
You will see all your insecurities and they will consume you entirely.
You’ll sleep, trying to forget them for now.
I enjoyed reading this. I was interested the whole way through. I loved the way you told the story of the girl and the boy whose name she doesn’t know.