we used to wait // arcade fire
since coming here, everything i used to do at home has become past tense. the life i’ve known for seven years has become the life i knew, as cliche as that sounds. my old daily routines have become old habits i finally managed to break.
time always feels slower at home. the days seem to drag on forever, the seconds growing longer and longer as i would sit and wait. but i always ended up on the same bus route home, listening to the same music as i stared out the window from the same seat and watched the same storefronts go by.
but here, i can hardly blink before august becomes october. the storefronts seem to rearrange themselves every time i leave the high school to come back to campus.
i spent so much of my time in the suburbs just waiting, and i don’t even know what i was really waiting for. i guess i was just waiting for something new to happen. i was waiting for change. i was hoping the breeze would catch the town just right and shift everything just a little bit off-kilter. i waited as if i thought something else had to come along and change my life for me.
then i applied for msa. and was accepted into the audition stage of msa. and was actually accepted into msa. and actually started changing my life on my own accord.
but everything is changing so much faster than i’d prepared myself for. the days fly by like someone’s actually tearing pages from a calendar, and i feel like i’m wasting what little time i have here. i wasted too many hours sitting on my bed and waiting for the world to change around me instead of going out there and changing it myself, and i’ll be damned if i’m gonna sit here and let the world change faster than i can change it.
at home, all i ever did was wait. i sat and waited and procrastinated and made absolutely nothing of myself, and i’m not gonna let that be who i am here. i’m not gonna just let myself sit here and wait on the breeze to blow me away. i’m so sick of just watching friends become strangers and waiting for strangers to become friends.
it’s my turn to change things, and change will come.
