At a young age, I knew I wanted to find love. I wanted to be the princes who found her prince charming and live happily ever after. I wanted to meet one man and spend the rest of my life with him, just the two of us. I wanted to love and experience romance and all the glorified things that came with it. At the age of 16, I met the love of my life. Captain of the soccer team, angelic in looks, a true sweetheart. We started dating my sophomore year of high school.
He was my high school sweetheart, I supported him at every soccer game even come to his nieces and nephew’s events. I invested not only money but time and emotions into him and what we had been. Everything was fine until the year he had graduated. We had gone on dates, went to prom together, we were even voted the cutest couple, and then he left. I didn’t think we could make it long-distance through college. Despite what everyone said and even what I thought, we did it. I supported him through his career and he came to every volleyball game he could make it to. Jeremiah’s parents threw him a graduation party at their house. All our family and closest friends were in attendance. During the party, Jeremiah stood up in front of everyone to thank them for being there. While doing so, he asked me to come stand by him. He then got down on one knee and gave me my first (and only) promise ring. He wanted to be more adventurous, have an open relationship, try “new things”. He started dating other women, hanging out with more guy friends and even drinking. After a few months of this, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him I no longer wanted to anything to do with him. Instead of listening to me, two days later he asked me to marry him with a declaration of his undying love for me, and at the age of 22, there I was jumping for joy and showing my friends the ring the love of my life had given me. Our wedding was spectacular, he went to unnecessary measures just to make sure I had everything I wanted, and I was and will be forever grateful for that act. For the first two years us being married, he was perfect. He’d wanted kids, but I was not ready, as I was 24 and starting full-time nursing at the local hospital. I hadn’t even thought of children, just happy to be married and having a career I could stick with. At one point, the idea scared me.
I did not know if it was the kid thing or that he had just lost interest, but either way, I could tell the love was fleeting. He started cheating, drinking, going out more. He wouldn’t come home until the late hours of the night leading into the early morning. He worked all day and was out all night, so there was never any time for me. I decided to dig myself so deeply into my work that I became the head of my department. I climbed the latter at work and I felt fulfilled, but I still wanted more. At a point in time I realized that I did, in fact, deserve love, so I went out and found it.
As the saying goes I “started wearing less and going out more”. At 25, I was married and neglected, but still beautiful, both inside and out. And Michael realized that he’d come in, talked to me in a bar, and swept me off my feet. I was intoxicated with the idea of hope and finally being appreciated. We dated for a year and a half. Outings trips together, we dined and romanced each other until one day… Jeremiah caught on. He’d rolled over in bed one night to ask me something, but got distracted by the messages on my phone. He’d seemed devastated that night. The man who had neglected me for years seemed devastated about his lonely wife, cheating, the same as him. Jeremiah said that he’d wanted a divorce immediately and I obliged, I was no longer in love with him. I was not in love with anyone for that matter, not even myself. I left immediately and only took what was of importance to me, I could replace anything else. I let Jeremiah keep the house and I moved into my own little condo. It was cozy and warm, perfect for me to start a life on my own.
Michael and I were distancing ourselves from each other as well. Possibly because of my recent divorce, the excitement diminished. He came over and sat across from me on the couch one night and said he’d been thinking about how we’d be better as friends. Another one, lost. I was then 26, single, and with no children. I came to the realization that I was miserable and seeking love in forbidden places. I had become my husband and instead of changing our course, I joined him, and we parted like the sea. Without anyone in my life, I turned to myself, and self-knew best.
I soon started traveling and fell in love with the world. I’d gone from country to country exploring and making myself feel at home. I meditated with Monks in Thailand, hiked in Sweden, visited the Coliseum in Rome, I even swam with sharks in Bora Bora. I realized that I belonged to the world, not man. I practiced Buddhism, befriended strangers, I took on the world and made it my own.
And I tried dating again too! I met a man by the name of Demond who was absolutely inviting. He was beautiful, funny, and a great dancer. He was my travel guide in Thailand and we have been inseparable ever since. He’s really a great guy. And if I ever gave true love a chance, I think it’d be with him.
I am now 29, dating, with no children, but I have found love. I know self-love, as well as self-acceptance. I have seen the world, known the touch of a man, and learned the loss of self. I had become so enthralled in the forces around me, that I had not paid attention to the one in myself.
My life turned upside down at the age of 24, and at the age of 29, I turned it right side up. I am not your average love story or your average woman for that matter. The initial plan I had in mind was not for me, and it may not be for you either. The world is yours for the taking and your youth isn’t the only time that you can conquer. You are never too old for life.
I really enjoy this! It’s so real, but there were slightly funny parts like the Drake reference. The sea metaphor was fantastic, and I enjoy your writing down to the basic word choice, because you’re really unique in that way. Great job!