Feeling

I feel really great.  I’m happy, and I don’t really know why.  Nothing has really happened to make me feel like this, but I just do regardless of reason.  Last week, I don’t know why, but I felt really down.  People say that you decide the kind of day that you have, but I’ve found that that is absolutely untrue.  I tried everything I could to be happy, but I just couldn’t, and this week, I feel the way that I had been trying to without any of the effort I’d wasted last week.  I really don’t understand how emotions work, and I’d be fine with that if I know that I’d continue to feel the way that I do.  Of course I don’t and can’t know that.  I think I just have ups and downs.  I don’t know why it is the way it is, but it still is.  I think people like to tell themselves that they can control how they feel just to feel like they have more control over themselves than they really do, or maybe they actually do.  Maybe that’s just the way that I see things because I assume that the way things affect me is the way that they affect everybody.  I guess that that’s kind of a pretentious assumption, but I only really have my own perception to work with when figuring out how others operate.  I really don’t know that I do understand how others operate.  I’ll begin to think that I’m not like other people because I’ll think that I don’t like what other people like.  Say, for instance, parties; I always thought that I just didn’t really like parties.  I never understood why other people did, but recently that’s changed.  I’ve gone to parties where I was much closer with the people there, and I genuinely enjoyed them.  It makes me think that I am like others but just haven’t figured it out yet entirely, but that’s not all.  It makes me wonder if some of the stranger things that I like would be liked by others if they were exposed to them.  Maybe if other people tried it out, they’d enjoy watching terrible movies from the 70’s that have been posted on YouTube because the rightsholders don’t care enough to take them because they know that nobody would be willing to pay money to see them.  Maybe more people would enjoy playing old video games on consoles that don’t work with modern televisions if they could try them out, and not just the classics like Mario and Sonic games but games like Bonk’s Adventure on the TurboGrafx-16 which sold really poorly in the U.S.  Maybe that’s just where I really am different, but there’s a chance that it’s not.  There’s a part of me that really wishes people were more different.  I feel like these things are part of what makes me who I am, but I know that I can enjoy what others enjoy if I decide to.  Sometimes, it just seems like if I want to be able to relate to others, I have to hold back a part of myself.

Author: Jackson Palmer

Jackson Palmer is a student studying literature at the Mississippi School of the Arts. He hopes to use the education he obtains there to write novels, short stories, poetry, and scripts for movies, television, and theater productions. Additionally, he would like to write within a number of genres such as comedy, drama, horror, etc. Some of his favorite writers and influences include Billy Joel, John Steinbeck, and Dan Harmon. He hopes to explore concepts and systems of thought such as existentialism, nihilism, and fulfillment within his writing. He would like to thank you visiting his blog and hopefully reading his work. View all posts by Jackson Palmer