If you’re anything like me, high school (and everything that came before it) was probably filled with an overpowering sense of anxiety and doubt. What your peers and teachers could think of you would swarm in your mind like wasps, and at times, they would sting. It’s a horrible feeling to constantly feel as if you weren’t good enough by being yourself, and it can have disastrous effects on your psyche. As someone who was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in 8th grade (among other things), I can say improving and learning to accept yourself isn’t easy. At all. Yes, therapy and medication can help, but most of the progress has to come from YOU. I’ve learned that.
The first step is to challenge your anxious thoughts and try and replace them with positive ones, if possible. Funnily enough, this is still the hardest part for me. Ask yourself, “can I prove if this thought is accurate?” if the answer is no, ask yourself “so why am I assuming the negative?” If your answer isn’t based on the actual situation or is “I don’t know.” Then congrats! You’ve identified an irrational thought! My most common response was usually “You can’t read minds! There’s no way to tell what they’re thinking!” And, well, that’s right. It’s always been what I struggled the most with. But when you’re faced with an unknown like this, choose the positive possibility. It’s a VERY hard practice to get down, but with a bit of practice, you can convince yourself. Instead of “Everyone here thinks I look stupid today. I should have just worn normal clothes,” try “Everyone here is admiring my style and individuality today! I’m the main character!” Now, which one of these thoughts would make you feel better? The one fueled by anxiety, or the one that makes you feel the slightest bit of confidence?
Next, use those positive thoughts to inch your way into the world. As someone who spent 90% of my middle school and early high school years indoors and on my computer, getting used to social situations like dances, big sleepovers, and parties is DEFINITELY too much for a push. Sit with those people you thought were nice and cool at lunch! Invite people to sit with you! Engage with people really around you and not hundreds of miles away. You’ll gain a few friends, and while this may cause new anxious thoughts, it’s well worth it. Soon, you’ll begin to move onto the next and final stage that I like to call-
“The Art of Not Caring.”
(see what i did there?)
This is the phase where you can be unapologetically yourself in every aspect. You can build off of “I can’t know what people think of me, so I’ll assume the positive!” to eventually confront actual negative opinions with “Who cares if a few people *do* think poorly of me because of my quirks? Does their opinion really matter?” That, of course, shouldn’t be focused towards actually harmful parts about yourself, but rather towards self expression and loving yourself. The Art of Not Caring is the goal here, and while I’m still working towards it, I encourage you all to go on this journey along with me. :)))))
ALSO:
If you’re reading this and would also like to branch out of your shell, the Animation Appreication Club (that I so wonderly created, mwah) is hosting a viewing of Promare (2019) in the Phoenix at 7:00 Thursday. It is one of my favorite movies of all time and is an absolute BLAST. This is your invitation.
Woah, thanks so much for this. 🙂 I hope you realize this is helping more people than you may think, and I want to join the “The Art of Not Caring” movement!
Lauren, this blog is excellent! I’m so glad that you decided to share your reflections/advice on this matter, and I hope you know just how helpful this will be to the people fortunate enough to come across it. Providing specific examples served this blog well, and your openness made for a read that both engaged and reassured me. Thank you for this; it’s lovely work!! 🙂