One of my favorite things to write is prose; specifically prose about emotion. I love to delve into my character’s feelings and try to write them with utmost detail, hoping to ignite those same feelings within the reader. I haven’t been able to write prose for a while due to other things capturing my attention, but while daydreaming, I came up with a prompt I’d love to share: getting a glimpse into a few experiences having ADHD. Or at least my version of ADHD- there’s plenty of different variants. I love looking into other people’s brains, but I have yet to find anything going into detail on neurodivergent OR neurotypical experiences. I’ve seen explanations, but not anything immersive, which makes sense. Explaining how brains feel is difficult. Still, though. I’ve figured: “Hey, if I can’t find anything, I can at least write my experiences instead!” So… here!
Keep in mind that everyone’s experiences are different, no matter what they have. I am one voice who speaks for one person: myself.
Overstimulation
You have so many things to do.
There’s a test in three days, laundry to do at home, a shower to take at home, a submission in a week, a math guide due tomorrow, pages to write, the fans are rumbling, you have to finish this painting, you didn’t know you had to paint two, there’s two paintings due tomorrow, your classmate is moving, the sketch won’t stay still, you have a test in three days, you have to study, you have to move classrooms, people are moving- the shuffling of chairs and art supplies fills your ears, but you can hardly hear the noise over your whirlpooling thoughts and the sight of your cluttered desk. There’s a bag of art supplies on the desk’s edge, a jug of paint water to your left, paintbrushes on paper towels to your right, a sketch in front of you, a painting in front of you, and you have to clean up. You have to move classrooms, like everyone else. You have to study for your test, you have a shower to take, you have to finish this painting, you have to finish another painting, so move, move, move, move, move.
Your heart is beating so fast it feels nonexistent, screaming and bouncing and leaving nothing but a horrifically bright, prickly feeling in your chest as you scramble for your supplies. Cleaning up is such a simple task, and you’re already behind everyone else. Cleaning up is such a simple task, but you’re clumsy and trying to stop the feeling of your lips falling off, your eyes watering, and your tongue rolling. Everyone is doing fine. You have to clean off your paintbrushes, clean off your hands, the teacher is looking at you, your classmate is by the door, you have to throw way the paper towels, you have to move classrooms, you don’t have time to move classrooms, you have to finish your painting, you have to take a shower, you hate showers until you get in them, you have to study for your test, your hands are shaking, you have to do your math guide, you have to finish your paintings, you have to move classrooms- the teacher calls for you to hurry up as you try to figure out how to fold your sketch. What do you do with all this supplies? Carry it? Leave it? The sketch won’t fold right, and you give the teacher a smile that you hope doesn’t look deranged. The crinkling sketch makes you want to scream; your lips feel like tiny balls of energy are exploding inside your flesh. The crinkly paper feels like it’s shaving off your fingertips and prying off your buzzing hands. You want to tear it to shreds and hit the table. Your chest feels like it isn’t there- like it’s just a gaping hole that’s serrated at the edges, sucking in your limbs and eyes and soul and filling them with prickles, prickles, prickles, FOLD, FOLD, FOLD. You shove the innocent, serene paper into your tools bag, wanting more than the sharp crumpling noise you get in return, but also wanting that noise to shut up.
Daydreaming
It’s testing day in math class, and you’re on the fifth problem of twenty. You’re also off your ADHD medication, and while medication doesn’t solve everything, yours is pretty helpful. Not that it can help you now.
You know you need to finish the problem you’re working on, and you’re staring at the text, pencil in hand. What equation do you need to use? You read the text with furrowed brows, but the words slide across your eyelids like rain on a windowpane. You frown to yourself and try again. The words still slide, and, unbeknownst to you in the slightest, your thoughts slide with them. You stare blankly at the paper you’ve forgotten exists, imagining prose, dialogue, and interactions between your characters. You roll around some scenario that has to do with your special interest, thoroughly captivated by whatever you’ve created.
The inky forms of the text then swiftly fade back into your consciousness. You blink, maybe even jump a little bit- Oh, crap, you forgot about the test. How much time do you have left now? You need to solve this problem fast. You reread the text, having an easier time comprehending them, and move on to solving. Your special interest pops back up, and you end up imagining…
CURSES. You snap back into it again after an undetermined amount of time, still on the fifth problem of twenty. Your time concerns only grow, and you rush to finish the last of the problem- or at least, you try to. You think for too long on one section before you remind yourself of the time limit. You move onto the next problem, and it goes better. You circle your answer, look at the tiling on the floor, and you don’t realize yourself starting to think about…
There are a lot of other experiences I could share, but this blog post can only be so long! Maybe I’ll write some more eventually. For whatever reason you read these, I hope you enjoyed! Second person is pretty fun to write in.
Aaaah this one is so interesting to me?? Like you get it. As someone who has trouble writing things like these you put it together so well it all kinda fits yk?
The overstimulation was worded perfectly. As I was reading it I was imagining it. I could see and feel it perfectly.
I am always jealous of people who can write really good prose, please teach me. I also love the scenarios given that spur each event.