Some form of trauma exists in us all. I have seen the results of having a divorce in a terrorizing cult some may call a religion. I feel as though some people think the couple is better together for the children. I can tell you now it’s bad apart, worse staying together. The “religion” being one of the underlying dementors of it all.
The cult obstructs your way of reasoning religion. One jumps to the conclusion of immediate ostracizing with mention of a god or deity. Cast away! I don’t know if that should be the case though, and that is not the joy I have to write of. There are nights where things are spoken of or illuminated into the conscious view that will have an everlasting evolution on one’s perception. Loose-lipped whispers and rumors are hard to be believe until you’ve heard so many that those seem like the only tokens of truth from historians of the time, a time and places you were too young to remember or your mind simply helped you forget. It’s a game of trying to unlock an unknown past of messed up decisions made onto innocent minds.
I used to be carefree on the matter. I would let my mind deceive me into thinking I had no qualms in the matter. I should simply ignore the hard times. It does not perceive me some might say. That was only doing an injustice to myself however. Now, I wonder if it is not the same self-induced oppression the closet restricted me once to.
What have I learned through these hard times? I’m not entirely sure. I can see that even those much older than me are still affected by the experiences of a suffocating “religion.” The struggles of, what religion will I bring my kids into? What should I tell them to say when other kids at school ask? Things of that nature have shown me that at least through it all, the only times anyone has benefited from this shared trauma has been when you have someone who understands why you feel the pressure of having to ask those questions. When it’s been related to on a personal level with one another is when the right kind of evolving occurs. Sometimes I try and consolidate when I’m feeling the sadness it has ringed out onto me from its dirty rag to the one person who’s affecting me, but it wasn’t until even just writing this that I realize there were other people, even just in my family, who could help.
I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is that there’s just a certain paradise many of us are trying to get to. Sometimes you just have to ask for help before you drown on the way, and then you can even help the other ship get there. Communities aren’t built overnight. People are not one in a swift motion or snap. The shifting moments however, are golden.
Here’s just a little video to end out the post. I hope you enjoy, it is a new single from BTS. They always just take me there gurl and this video is no exception.
I know my past is nothing compared to what you’ve gone through, but this resonated with me so much. Living in a small town in the Bible belt shows you the damage extremist views on religion can do. I’m so glad you’ve managed to overcome it all. 🙂 You’re super strong.