I love telling random stories. This might become a series. Enjoy.
My mom needs one of those bumper stickers that says, “please be patient student driver.” I have a perfectly good explanation for this, I promise. I actually have a story for this. I was in my kitchen looking at my fridge which is COVERED with fridge magnets that my mom has collected from all over the US and Canada, when my mom walked in. I don’t know why but the magnets reminded me of those student driver stickers. I looked from the fridge to my mom and said, “You need one of those student driver stickers for your car.” she looked at me confused and said, “What? No I don’t! I’m a great driver! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I then proceeded to remind her of a couple of different things. For example, I reminded her about how when she was teaching my brother, Thomas, to drive, she taught him in her jeep which is a stick-shift. She told him the clutch was the gas, the gas was the break, and the break was the clutch. After Thomas stalled the jeep a couple of times he asked my mom if he got the pedals tight. Her exact response was, “I don’t know, let me get in the driver’s seat and see.”
Next, I reminded her of the time she and my brother came up here to Brookhaven for something and we went to one of the pizza places. My mom was driving my brother’s car which also happens to be a clutch. As my mom was backing out of the space, the car started to roll forward. This is normal, Thomas’ car does that. It rolls forward like three inches then backs up. Thomas, however, forgot about this and started panicking about how our mom was going to crash the car he just got. After a little bit of bantering my brother asked if he could drive. My mom was hangry and said something like, “Thomas, I’m already here and I’m hungry and tired. Let’s just go.” Thomas agreed with her for about 30 seconds before she started backing up. Thomas yelled at her to stop the car because she was about to crash into another car that was coming up behind us. That was a fun night.
Next, I reminded her of the time she tried to teach me how to drive. She also got the pedals mixed up for me. I told her she was wrong because I already knew which pedals were which. She said something like, “Oh f*** off” I then started the jeep and put it into first great and started driving around an empty parking lot. She told me to go a little faster and go into second gear. I did. Then she told me to turn. I did. As soon as I turned she said, “WOW HOLY S*** SLOW DOWN!” me being me, I replied with, “Slow down?!? You told me to go that fast and then turn!”.
Another story I reminded her of was when it was the summer before I went into 4th grade. For some reason my mom decided to go to Target which was 45 minutes away instead of Walmart which was 15. As we approached Target she kept talking to herself asking where the entrance to get into the parking lot was. I told her and pointed it out. She said that wasn’t it because it was too far away from the actual store. After about 6 trips around the block, lots of cursing (from my mom), and my mom telling me not to be a backseat driver, she finally took the turn I told her to. We arrived at Target shortly after. When we got there I said, “See, I told you so.” she replied with, “You’re grounded.”
Last but not least, I reminded her of the time when I was about three, we were leaving Hobby Lobby. We got into the jeep and she turned her head around to start backing out of the spot. She pressed the gas and the jeep went forward. She hit a lamp post.
I ended my stories by saying to her, “You need one of those stickers.” She said, “I…Well…” and walked away in defeat.
