I envy people that feel really comfortable in their own skin. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate myself or feel just at the lowest of lows with myself. However, I’m not too pleased with everything about myself. Of course, it’s typical teenage insecurities but I just want to do something about it. When I was younger, I didn’t really care too much about my appearance. I’d wear whatever and I didn’t care if I looked ‘cute’ or not. It didn’t matter. Now, though, it matters so much to me. It honestly surprises me how much I care about these matters now because I hated anything that dealt with dressing up or looking nice. I go on social media and see so many people wearing aesthetic or vintage clothes that look so nice and cool and I want to wear those things. But then I look at myself and immediately doubt that I could wear those things. I don’t think I’d look right in them. I try on clothes that I find so cute but immediately put it back if my arms show too much or my legs look too big. If I have to go a size up, I just don’t get it – especially if it’s not meant to be over sized. It just really sucks. I want to find confidence but I don’t have the motivation to exercise daily. But, thinking about all this kind of gives me the adrenaline to push so that I can be smaller again and feel pretty. I know it’ll take a while but I can get there. My goal is to go back to my original weight when I started high school. I’m going to get there no matter how much it takes. I just want to be able to be comfortable when I go out. I’m gonna do it, though. I swear to it.
eh, i understand.