Have you ever felt like your entire world was tumbling down? I feel like that a lot now. It is hard being this far away from home, with no one to call my own. I am used to having something or someone to depend on. Now, I am really depending on myself. A lot of people are quick to say, “Let me know if you need anything” or “I am always here, if you need me.” But, they do not really mean it. If they did, I would not be in the position I am in now. I am LOST, among many dangers. I am afraid of what will happen next. It is easy to say, lean on God. But, I do not need to lean. I need resting. I need time away from this place of disappointments. Do not get me wrong though, some of what is happening is my fault. I let some things get to me. I let myself, let go. Now that I am trying to fix all that I have broken about myself, I am lost and confused as to why I would let it go this far. I do not even know who I am anymore. I am taking my life back though. Slowly, yes. But please be assured that I am doing it. Mentally, I need rest. Emotionally, I need healing. Physically, I need building. With the help of absolutely no one, I will make it. I just do not know where to start. There is so much that I still have to do throughout this time. There is no time for me to sit around and cry. But, that is stressing me out. Think about it! Try figuring your ENTIRE life back out, while still having to go through a daily routine that does nothing but tear you down some more. Now, I am fixing what I had already done and then some. The craziest part about all of this, is that I am perfect at giving other people advice on how to fix things, but my life is in complete shambles. I am not crying out for help because I know that after this is all over, I will be stronger than ever before. But, what scares me, is the thought that there will be times in life harder than this. I need some reassurance, some hope, some love, some understanding, some SUPPORT. Support from someone who does not have to give it to me. Sometimes, the feeling that somebody cares, is enough. Unfortunately, I do not even have that.
Michael, I love you dearly. Even if I cannot always be there, my love and admiration for you will always linger.