One morning you wake up. Get dressed. Brush your teeth brush your hair. Pick out any random old outfit, you didn’t feel like dressing up that day. Apply cologne or perfume. Smear on some makeup, but maybe not. You didn’t intend for yourself to look nice but smiling in the mirror you consider yourself nice looking. At least for that day. You grab your phone look through your social media. Like photos of people you don’t talk to but pretend you actually still consider them friends. You stop at a photo of a girl posting a quote about how she wants to be in love. You smile knowing you have someone to love. Their face may flash in your mind or it might not. Any way it goes you feel that familiar warmth that you get from thinking of then even if you didn’t. Then you feel a discomfort but ignore it because today is supposed to be an OK day. You put on clothes grab a shower or just leave entirely because you had one that night. Walk down the concrete steps it echoes with every step. realized too late that you forgot you badge run up and get it. You look around the tables take a seat near friends not your love because they are sitting with people you don’t like. People that you feel that discomfort towards. It lingers like a really bad smell, it sticks too you and as the day goes on you feel a eternal dread for something out of your control. But, you ignore it chop it up to a gut feeling. You’ve had many “gut feelings” all of which were wrong. Some, of course, proving correct but that’s all superstition. The day continues as normal you begin to forget why you were so anxious as it moves along in a steady pace you see them. Standing alone or perhaps not but still there, you smile for a moment regain some type of posture and walk up. Not to quick not to slow you wouldn’t want to seem rushed. They are just a person someone normal not anything special. So why does your heart jump and your skin catch on fire. Maybe you can put it out before you reach them but no use you burn in their presence, but at least you stand a little more unique in the crowd. If there is a crow that is. They may smile or not. You may wave or smile, too or frown or push them backwards and say the words “I hate you”. Its entirely a joke but for that moment you kinda want to. But they do smile from that comment adding on a quick ” I hate you, too” because that’s how this game works that’s how the race is won. Whoever can say I hate first and mean it is the real winner but neither are going to. But from behind fluttered eyelashes, you know deep down that it may be on their tongue, and that’s when the dread comes back.
I really enjoyed this. The emotions were very real and very relatable. Nice piece!
This seems like a really personal, but then impersonal, and I enjoyed it.
I loved the title, and the content. You’re writing flows very well, and although it sometimes feels fragmented in structure, I think it fits better in the way it sounds like thinking more than writing. Lovely piece, good post.