Ten-I-See

So I was thinking about running for president.  But I’ll only have one platform: Tennessee.

We should basically just quarantine Tennessee.  The only real worthwhile contribution the state has ever made that is even scraping subpar is the pick-up line.  But basically, we section it off, and then we make everything in Tennessee $10.  Absolutely everything.

Think about it.  It kind of balances out.

Houses? $10.  (But you can only have ten.)

Any sort of food? $10.

Medical operations? $10.

Price of gas per gallon? $10.

I say we quarantine it and see if it works.  And if it doesn’t work, Tennessee burns in anarchy, and we just let them go at it, you know?  Like let them set up their own government if they want to, whatever.  It will probably take them a while to figure out that the government is coming to stop anyone.

Why isn’t the government going to intervene?  Because no one can go in or out of Tennessee.  You don’t want them buying things for other than $10 or people giving them stuff or them buying things for other people.

Also, there are only 10 dollar bills.  I say that it will work better than any trickle-down economic theory.

Plus, it will be pretty neat to have a new joke for Tennessee that isn’t a pickup line.
“What kind of dollar bills do you have?”
“The only dollar bill is the ten-I-see.”

Amazing, right?  Then Tennessee isn’t completely worthless.  Granted, Mississippi is going to have to find a new “vacation spot” that isn’t basically Mississippi.  They’ll have to, I don’t know, actually go somewhere new and experience new things instead of going to Tennessee just for the sake of saying you went somewhere.

The armpit of the country will turn into a frick frack amazing social economic theory war zone.  How cool is that?

I mean, you’d have to weigh the cons and pros of living there.  Everything is only $10, but so are inexpensive things.  There’s also a lot of anarchy, which I count as a major plus.

I would volunteer Mississippi to be the guinea pig, just because it’s a terrible state, but the whole point to sectioning off Tennessee is the same.

Then again, maybe we can start making some six dollar bills for Mis-six-ippi.  At least then we’d get something other than some annoying song.

And that is why you should vote for Z Money as president.

(I would go contact my senator and tell them my amazing idea, but I think they’d steal it.)

Author: Zoe Conner

I'm Zoe Conner. I'm writing on a computer named Rambo, which you should only say with a rolled r. I write because I don't want to be just another cog in the machine. I live. I write. That's all you need to know. View all posts by Zoe Conner