I’m just going to do this off of the top of my head because I think it’s better that way. We edit too much, and we censor ourselves. There is something raw to listening to someone ramble; you get to know their true thoughts off of the top of their head.
I’m always afraid that the thoughts off of the top of my head aren’t good enough. I don’t know enough weird facts. I know a lot about sharks, though. I’m scared of the ocean, and I’m scared of sharks especially. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to get into a shark cage if I ever get the chance, though. I live for the thrill.
Someone once told me that I had lived too much in too short of a time. I was bored because I was an adrenaline junkie. I don’t know whether or not that’s true; I just do whatever makes me happy. I follow my heart no matter what.
I often get really bored with life. I need constant change, and I thrive on it.
I don’t like to share things about myself. The things that you know are not in my comfort zone of things to tell people. I suppose that’s why, sometimes, I overindulge. I like to be out of my comfort zone. Being comfortable makes me uncomfortable in a way–not in the heart pounding way that I want, but rather in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out.
I suppose that’s why I wait to do blogs until the last moment. I don’t follow directions that well because in a way, that makes me vulnerable in a way that I do not ever want to be again. I used to follow every direction every uttered to me.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t know where I’m going in life. The truth is that I’m lost, and I’m just rambling because it’s 8:21 PM on Wednesday night.
I’m lost in life right now. The thing that scares me the most is that I don’t know what my passion is anymore. Writing has lost a lot of its zeal now that I’m forced to do it. I’m terrified that one day, the appeal will slip from me or bubble and boil into something as dreadful as work. I used to play a lot of instruments, but that just doesn’t bring me the same feeling it used to. Besides, I always feel like I’m missing out on life if I’m not doing something adventurous.
I just want passion, and I’ve followed my heart so recklessly for so long that I think I’ve done a lot of what I wanted to do. It really upsets me sometimes. Sometimes I’m afraid that people love me for my quirks and for the things that I do instead of the things I say. It’s weird, I know.
I’m weird in a lot of ways. Anyways, that is all. Have a nice day.
I really relate with the fear of having nothing left to be passionate about. Though writing is still exciting to me, I know that that might not and likely will not last forever, and that really scares me.
I really enjoyed reading this post and seeing how your mind may work on a daily basis and the thoughts that jumble together.
I really like the raw approach taken in this blog. I also like how you told a lot of things about your inner thoughts and how you don’t like sharing things about yourself. I don’t know, I just love how raw in emotion this is.
This is nice. I too enjoy rambles. I ramble a lot myself. And it seems personal but not in a very vulnerable tone. Like, I enjoy this and knowing this about you but I don’t feel like it was a secret or anything. Just something I might not have acknowledged. Anyway, great post. Very nice!
i really get where you’re coming from in terms of always looking for an adventure and change. most of the time it’s like i can feel my heart beating in a different direction than the one i’m currently on. also, the zeal lost with having to write as a grade is something i struggle with a lot and how, in the back of my mind, instead of thinking about meanings and passion, i see something that’s just there for me to fail. Great post!
This was great, i really like to hear your thoughts Zoe they always interest me. Even when you ramble it feels like poetry, and i understand where your mind goes. It starts to get repetitive forced to write over and over again and being confide to a school where people always have to know where you are at all times. It feels better to get up and go, go, go rather then type or write for an eternity. But i always keep this little tip that i gave myself a while back, that i can write just about whatever i want. And when i cant handle doing things that everyone can do i go crazy and do the most ridiculous things over and over into i feel like going back to orderly life.
A stream of consciousness is a beautiful thing. You revealed things because they were on your mind, not too personal, but not distant either. From the pen to paper(brain to blog).