My fingers softly run over the smooth keys of my keyboard. I don’t add pressure. I don’t type. I have nothing to say. There are no words. There is nothing- nothing but tears. My tears fall from my eyelashes and find solace in landing messily on my keyboard. I have nothing to say. No reason for the tears. No reason for the sobs tearing at my throat. No reason for my fingers to be shaking. Maybe I will give birth to them. Maybe I should allow them to pierce the surrounding silence. Maybe if I let them out they will explain why I hurt. Why I feel such a solemn pain? Or maybe if I let them out I will be left with more questions. Who am I crying for? Who has left me in such a state? My heart beats at a pace I find uncomfortable. My jaw clenches and grinds my teeth together. The pressure causing my head to throb. I focus on the pressure. It is better than focusing on the uncomfortable feeling in my chest. Better than focusing on the problem. Better than trying to fix it. Can you fix a broken heart? Is that possible? Do we sew the pieces back together? Maybe my doctor will recommend surgery. Maybe my doctor will inform me that I have days or better yet hours before my imminent death. Maybe he will tell me that there is nothing wrong with me. Maybe he will admit me into Whitfield. Maybe I will be locked into a padded room. Maybe I will be prescribed a list of medications to help with this pain. But who knows? I am tired of the maybes and the pains and the uncomfortable pace my heart keeps beating. I am so tired. And I want to tell you that I am tired. But every time I go to open my mouth, I have nothing to say.
I don’t know who the narrator is supposed to be here, you or one of your character’s, but I can really see how they’re feeling. You present their emotions by showing different ticks and actions generally tied to those feelings. Very nice post!
This makes me pretty sad, which is not how i planned to feel on such a lovely Friday afternoon but i think that just means you did a great job conveying your feelings in your post. I really like the internal conflict that you bring up in this blog and how you don’t talk much about the external. Great job!
I love this. Many of the lines stand out and some run together in ideas and processes, much like our thoughts at times. I liked the line, “Maybe I will give birth to them.” It stood out so much to me, I just stopped and thought about when I feel the way you’re feeling, as a writer, as an emotional person. I love how you asked questions in your blog, not as though you were addressing them to us, but rather addressing them to yourself. 🙂
I really like the way this was done. When I first started reading it I thought it was jus going to be someone complaining about not knowing what to talk about but as it progressed it told a whole story of someone who got their heart broken. Then at the end you connected the two ideas and I loved it. I thought it was really clever and I really enjoyed reading it!
What you can’t say vocally, say with your fingers and your keyboard. Give birth to a great story for ages to come. You being tired and the pain you feel and the uncertainties you face can very well be your destruction or rebirth.
This broke my heart, Tyler i’m so sorry, whoever hurt you, i’ll fight them. No one as sweet as you deserves anything less than perfection. please continue to share your heart with us, i’ll always be around to listen.