Into the Garden
I found myself lost. My feet carried me, but my body felt still. Confusion and displacement beat me. In their fight to the finish, they killed me. They won. With the reality that I had to get up this morning, the defeat felt even worse. I don’t know why I am here. I don’t know why I chose to do this. It was too late last night to back out of it…I had to come. The fearless screams from the rowdy children replay in my head.
Why must they scream so loud?
My fingers slowly found their way to my temples, moving counterclockwise in an attempt to stop the screams from getting louder. It barely helped. With my head hurting, I began to feel again. I felt myself moving. My feet took me around the building and around again. I am clearly lost. I stop and take in my surroundings. Lights erupt from under my feet. With each step I take, a range of colors from dark blue to a raging red shine in my eyes. The lights form a path leading to the outside garden. Before I could stop myself, my feet start following the lit path. As if everyone dissapeared, it was just me. I walked with hesitation.
What could possiby be outside? Could it be more chilrdren? Could it be a world of more confusion? More displacement?
When I reached the large double doors, I heard a voice. The electronic yet lively voice compelled me to walk through the doors. I walked in on soft feet…careful to make no sound. I was on full awareness. Silence filled the space, but I know I heard her.
The electronic woman spoke again.
“Do you like to read books?”
Chills erupted on my skin. I didn’t know what else to do, so I replied.
“I-I do sometimes. I read maybe 2 books a year.”
I paused my body. My breath stopped. My eyes remained open. I was dormant. I waited for the voice…and then it came.
“2 books? That’s amazing! Can you read three?”
I released my breath in a laugh.
“I probably could, you know?”
A choppy, electronic laugh escaped in the air.
‘Well, I think you could. I think you can do anything!”
I looked around and saw a bench. I made my way towards the bench and sat down slowly. I look around to see tall, bamboo trees, 3 purple and pink mushrooms, a strawberry plant, and a large, green tower.
While my eyes roam, I remember to reply.
“You think I can do anything, huh? You think I can read say…20 books?”
It took her a little while to respond.
“I think you can read 30 books! I believe in you!”
My eyebrows furrowed.
“How can you say you believe in me? You don’t know me. What if I’m a bad person? Do you want to believe in a bad person?”
Again, it took her a while to respond but when she did, I was stuck.
“You don’t sound like a bad person. A bad person doesn’t read 2 books a year. They don’t read any! I think you’re a good person.”
I stood anxiously.
“Who are you? How can you talk like this?”
The voice laughed.
“I am the book seeker in the garden. I see all. I know all.”
I studied the garden closer.
“Where are you?”
A loud ding suddenly filled the air. I turned to see one mushroom shine with bright, green lights.
“I am the mushroom. I am here…”
Another ding filled the air and another mushroom was lit.
“I am here…”
The third mushroom lit along with the sudden ding.
“And I’m here.”
I look between the three mushrooms in shock.
“Do you always converse with people here?”
The third mushroom replied.
“I talk to all the children who come to learn about books. I talk to anybody who wants to talk about books. Do you want to talk about books?”
I turned in awe of the garden. It was so…lively.
“What is this place?”
Classical music suddenly began to play. I could hear the deep, dark groan of the cello. I could hear the screech of the violins. I could even hear the low mewl of the violas. It surrounded me.
“This the literary garden. This is where you come to explore the world of books.”
I go back to the bench to think. I was brought here for a reason. This is where I am supposed to be.
After a few minutes of reflection, I decide to explore the garden. I could find answers. I could clear my confusion…my displacement.
I stand with intent.
“I want to talk about a problem.”
The mushroom wasted no time in responding.
“A problem with a book?”
I laugh.
“No. Not a problem with a book. A problem with the world. The world I’m in.”
The voice fills with confusion.
“The world of the literary garden? That’s why you should go look around at what’s to see!”
I grow seemingly frustrated.
“No. Not the garden. The world I’m in. The world my life is in. My life…I don’t know where I am in my life. I’m utterly lost. Everything has been stripped of me. I-I don’t know what to do.”
The voice came in my ears softly.
“What do you want your world to be?”
I ponder over the question.
What do I want my world to be?
Before I register, I respond.
“I want my world to be full of light. I want the unexpected to happen. I want my world to be free and true. I want the rawness of the world. I want the truth.”
The next words said solved my problem.
“The reason you are confused…displaced…is because the world you are in isn’t the world you want. It isn’t the world you need to be in. The one you spoke of will align you. It will clear confusion and displacement. You will fill whole. Look around. Look in books! Look for ways to create the world you want…then live in it. Did that help?”
I smiled to myself before beginning my walk around the garden.
“Yeah…yeah that helped.”
Classical music filled the garden once more. It was mozart, I believe. It was perfect for my exploration of the garden. It fit the garden. It fit in this world.
Enjoy this piece of mine. I somehow keep coming back to read it during the quarantine. Lately, I have been reminiscing on old memories and the backstory to this story is based from one of my favorite places in the world. I hope this brings you joy…or peace…or confusion…I hope it brings you something.
Stay safe y’all!
