the lipstick.

My knight in shining armor left me.

I was no princess to him.

Just a washed up version,

of a girl locked in the tower of her spiraling mind.

 

I’ve turned this hotel bathroom into my new oasis.

The place where I presume to gather my thoughts,

but I’m doing nothing of that sort.

I’m just making it worse.

 

I looked up to see the reflection,

of a girl I once had overflowing love for.

I now see her dark makeup running down her blush cheeks,

and smeared lipstick creeping down her chin.

 

I started crying even harder because I knew I looked hideous.

I knew he left in his maroon colored getaway car.

Simply because I could never be good enough.

and I never would be.

 

I’ll never have silky blonde hair and ocean blue eyes,

like the girl he chose.

I’d trade my dull hair and basic eyes,

Anyday for a fraction of what she has.

 

“Look at you.

Your hair isn’t straight.

Your face is too round.

Too chubby.

 

You’ll never succeed at that prestigious school,

With thousands of academic driven people.

You’ll only be lonely,

because everyone who meets you, ends up leaving you.

 

I take my bright, red lipstick from my golden clutch.

It’s in a white, cylinder shaped tube,

marked with the name “To Be Beautiful.”

and god, did I believe it would.

 

I start to smear it on my large lips,

because with it,

i’m not as awful as I was without it.

I felt a little more approachable.

I felt less horrid.

 

After I rubbed it into my chapped lips,

I looked into the mirror once more.

I began to cry even harder,

smearing it all over my porcelain face.

 

Next thing I know,

My fist is smashing the dirty mirror,

Over and over again.

I let out a loud scream,

I’m not sure if it was out of physical or mental pain,

or both.

 

I slid down the wall with my knees in front of me,

my blush pink dress that my mother spent a fortune on,

was now covered in red lipstick,

and hurtful tears.

 

I sit there for a moment wondering what I’m doing.

Why I’m here.

What I should be doing.

What my true purpose is.

I get no answer in return.

 

Almost instantly, a majestic figure appears,

on the green sofa in the corner of the bathroom.

She was angelic and mystical.

Frightened, I move away from her.

She stopped me and told me to calm down.

She told me I was safe.

 

“Look at you, my beautiful one,

Your hair’s a mess, and your dress is rugged.

And what have you done with that red paint of yours?

Oh, and your hand, your delicate hand.

 

I looked down at my hand.

There was no scars.

No blood.

It looked perfectly normal.

 

“Who are you?” I ask in shock.

“I am Aphrodite, goddess of love.

I’m here to show you what you aren’t seeing.

Give you a new set of eyes for a minute.

 

Come with me and you will see.”

I hesitated, but carried on with her.

I walked into the pink portal that she came from.

Almost instantly, we were out of this world.

 

It’s green all around,

with white skies and dandelions.

There’s one tree in the distance.

I see a girl sitting on a swing made from rope and wood.

 

She is beautiful and devine.

She has long, dark locks of smooth hair.

And the whitest skin you’d ever see.

She had moviestar looks with sharp cheekbones.

 

I ran towards her, and realized that the girl was me.

She was wearing my prom dress,

And the diamond ring Daddy gave me.

She was gorgeous.

I was gorgeous.

 

“I’ve given you eyes of another.

I’ve let you see yourself away from your prospective,

to show you just how stunning you truly are,

Behind your eyes that have become scars.

 

Millie, you may not see it with your own,

but you are one of a kind.

No one can ever take that away from you, unless you let them,

But if you don’t, you will see this, too.

 

You will succeed in this short life of yours.

Even in the next and the next.

You will become even more great than you already are,

and everyone will recognize this.

You possess the power to become more successful that you could ever imagined.

 

And you are lovely, child.

Don’t let your mind tell you otherwise,

The truth is, you are your own worst enemy.

The cause of all your lies and cries.”

 

“I am gorgeous, and I’ll never forget it.

I’ll treat myself the way she deserves,

Never letting myself see otherwise.

My name is Millie and I am beautiful.”

 

Next thing I know I’m in my room.

With string lights on the walls,

And Polaroids of me taken from a distance.

My dress is clean,

My hand is healed.

I feel at peace.

 

I get up and walk towards the tall mirror by my closet.

There’s a note in the corner.

“Millie, never forget, darling. Never forget.”

I put the note away.

 

I then flip the mirror over to where it’s facing the wall.

I cover my vanity and bathroom mirror,

with towels from our linen closet.

I wasn’t going to let myself forget.

 

I go across the room to get my blue Polaroid.

I put the film in and turn it towards me.

I snap a picture of myself.

This time my face is closer to the camera.

I hang it with the rest of the pictures,

Then lie my head down to rest.

 

Months go by like hours.

I’m now moving into my dorm,

about to embark on a journey that will shape my life.

An amazing adventure that will help me find myself.

 

I open up a box labeled “junk.”

Sitting on top of a silk, black scarf is the tube of red lipstick.

I look at it, observing the grooves in it.

The name I believed rang true.

I let out a sigh.

And toss it into the trash along with a pile of mirrors I once had.