Rambling of a New-found North Wind

Take a step in my direction

come closer,

no.  really look at me.

observe my fuzzy lines and changing angles.

Notice I havent yet faded?

I’ve just switched  my colors

from a solid green to yellowed, rainbow pinstripes.

I am different;

I am changing.

Sometimes, I feel like I am not who I am supposed to be.  Not that who I am is bad.  Just that I never saw myself here, not physically, but personality-wise.

So when I think about reverting, going back to the old me or who I think I am supposed to be; I reject the idea within minutes.  First, I think, ‘What a great exterior that would be.’  Then I realize just how unhappy I would be.

So, I am accepting the changing, the shaping, the unknowing.  I’m going to tumble where the wind blows me.  I don’t want to be tied down, yet I don’t want to be lost to all.   There is a sort of balance I strive for, which, I know will take a long time to achieve.  Somehow, it’s like I won’t be happy until I can follow my heart, but I also want someone to help guide me along the way from time to time.  It’s sort of a give and take.  It just isn’t as easy as staying still and stagnant, which I can’t do.

I don’t care that it might take years; I accept the challenge.

Since I was in junior high, I wanted to become familiar with every inch of land on this earth.  I wanted to feel every ray of sun and moon, and touch every drop of ocean and sea.  I wanted a new perspective because I knew the one I had was not the only one to have, and that bothered me.  I need variety.  I need change.

Before now–today, sitting right here typing this–I had been stuck on the past.  I was stuck on everything that had ever bruised or brushed me, good or bad.

I think I am done with that.  I think that from now on I am going to try to transition into a new sight, a completely different outlook on person.  I used to see all those cheesy quotes like, “It’s not where you came from, it’s where you’re headed”.  I would look at them and think, ‘no.’  But now, I find sort of a truth in it.  It does matter where I came from, but not as much as I previously had thought.

I am headed wherever I choose.  Not one word of my past will whisper my future, because if people can change immensely, so can fate.

Author: Sidney Medina

I dedicate these works to the steady flow of strangers, acquaintances, and teachers who constantly shaped me, vanishing before I thanked them. They pulled me from a hole I didn't know I was in. View all posts by Sidney Medina