- I suppose this is an update on my mental state as of now. Well, i’m sane as far as anyone knows. I have ten fingers ten toes. My hair is still unimaginably curly, my eyes are still that dark color of brown that seems ordinary enough to change to light gray. I still blink on command and still breathe without thinking too much about it. But older in that weird way that makes people question if you’re actually you, or a clone masking as you as some giant government ploy to take over the world. Even though they already own the world. We just don’t know it. Or we do, but choose to ignore it because ignoring seems better than acknowledging a powerless existence.
Ok, enough of that, let’s get back to me. I seem to split down the middle, not literally of course. But mentally I suppose like my two main personalities are battling each other trying to take control of me at the same time but end up giving up and sizzles down to neutral agreements about clothing or the typical school conversations. But then we got instances that are similar to those that require huge amounts of agreements, a situation that is more important to the path that I need to take and at that moment is when all guns are loaded and my head rages for the option to take control. At this point, I end up malfunctioning almost like a robot, freezing up on myself. My face would scrunch up in weird angles and my eyes may stop blinking and I may stop breathing and it may be that way for an extremely uncomfortable minute. But I always listen to the one that seems to be better in that situation. Which is always varying of course. But its still fairly pesky I would whether have a nice equal but at this point in time, it doesn’t seem possible. And yeah I know it could be the case of the teenage mind and hormonal episodes that keeps me this way and when I get older my brain will obey one day almost all at once and decide that I am worthy of a clear focused path in life and BAM! Normal thinking patterns, or at least that’s what I hope will happen, but until then it’ll just sit back and wait.
Now I’m making this blog so i can share the most outrageous splits and to make it easier to distinguish between the two i named them. One will be Eli and the other will be Jane. So you all can see what i have to deal with on a almost daiy basis.
I’m curious as to who you favor more between the two. Are they like the devil and angel on you shoulder or are they simply to beings that disagree?
I’m very excited to read about how your mind works! I understand the doubt that comes from thinking that maybe your thoughts and feelings aren’t valid and im glad you’re able to post about it. Great job!