Recently, I became all too aware of a groundless fear of mine. A fear of writing. Now this is probably the most ridiculous fear of mine. My irrational fear of a shark attacking me in my shower probably makes more sense than this to be quite honest.
I am a literary student. I was accepted into an Art school primarily for my writing. But as the months progress and the work intensifies, I begin to fear what words may come to me as I sit at my desk. I fear the overwhelming emotions that overtake me as I place my innermost thoughts onto paper.
I fear the criticism I will ultimately receive. I fear the expectations. I fear putting my work out into the world for I do not know how the world will respond. Will people applaud my writing or will they tear it to shreds? Will I be recognized for my work or will i be pushed aside?
I lay awake at all times of the night thinking of how my poems can contain as much emotion as possible. I dream of nothing but pens on paper and fingertips on a keyboard.
I only hope that the world will give my writing a chance.
I really like the raw honesty in this post. I really relate with what you said about the criticism. Mostly because I too am real in my writing. So that makes me fear the opinions of others. I love how you presented that idea in this.
I love one of the last lines when you state, ” I dream of pens and papers and fingertips on a keyboard.”, that really stuck out to me as an emotionally charged statement. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this post, it’s cool that you strive to better yourself and overcome your fear, despite criticism and ridicule you could possibly receive. Great post!
Tyler, you’re not alone. I don’t necessarily fear writing, but I do fear how my writing will be received. Poorly, mostly, and I’ll feel like I’ll be grasping to explain it. And like listening to everyone in the class share their writing, I feel like they’re so much more talented than me. So this is a very vulnerable and real post, and I think you did a good job with it. And by the way, your writing is pretty great.
You started off really strong and intrigued me to keep reading, and the shark-shower thing was really funny because I also have many irrational fears that I know are stupid but just make my skin crawl. I love that you told your story and how you feel in the second paragraph alone, summarizing it as well as letting all of your feelings out. Very valiant of you! You put what all artists fear in the third paragraph: criticism, the audience, being recognized… It was very refreshing to see this perspective on paper – or well, computer screen. I love the last line, it’s very beautiful and ends the piece on a hopeful note. 🙂
I agree with you Tyler, i’m also extremely scared about what will come out of my writing given this outlet I now have and I want to say that you are an amazing writer, and i doubt anyone could push you aside, but rather be caught up in all the emotion you give out and ride along with you to the very end.
I really appreciate how open you are about this insecurity of yours. I know that I always feel like my writing isn’t good enough, even when other people enjoy it. Writers are often their own worst critics and sometimes the worst kind of perfectionist (maybe the perfectionist part is just me though), and the way you capitalized on that innate fear we all have was relatable and real.
Don’t let the writing overwhelm you!! You are the piece, the piece is you. Be one with it and draw all inspiration from your inner self. I have a mindset that I will not let anything deter me from my writing or life as a whole. You can conquer all fears!