I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I’ve made

I’m sorry I can’t keep things straight

I’m sorry sometimes I get so mad

Sometimes to cover up the bad

I’m sorry my feelings don’t make sense

I’m sorry my apologies aren’t enough

I could never bring people back

So I lay awake in the tear-stained black.

 

Why do I feel as I will never be enough

Maybe it was being compared to people my whole existence

Maybe it was so many people trampling my heart

I apologize a million times a day 

But never enough for the big mistake 

The big mistake that is me.

 

Every time I’m around

People seem to get hurt

I try to make people smile

Then…

why is everyone staring?

 

This is a poem I wrote as a sort of vent for myself.  Definitely not the best thing I have written, but it was not supposed to be.  It was simply to get the thoughts out of my head.  I often feel like I am not worthy of normal things.  So common to me is the feeling of insignificance.   

Life always seems to throw things at me that I can’t seem to dodge.  Sometimes they are so hard to avoid because even I don’t see them coming.   Then again, sometimes, I can and still just can’t prevent it.  I try, I try my best to prevent all the things thrown at me but they come too fast and are thrown too hard to be stopped.  After all, you can’t dodge a speeding bullet.  That really is what it feels like sometimes, that you are just getting shot repeatedly.  Then instead of someone helping you up they take the opportunity to shoot you while you are down.  The best way I can explain it is: to see someone injured and take the chance to hurt them even more because they are less able to fight back. That’s pretty much how it’s like.

I guess the lesson here is to be kind to people who are already hurting.  No one wants to be shot, but absolutely no one wants to be shot repeatedly.  So, just be nice. If you have a problem with them, try talking to them 1 on 1 instead of just cancelling them in front of people because it makes you feel superior.