Rose Colored Glasses

I just spent the last three days applying for a scholarship program I know I’ll never get. Now that I’m done with it, I can’t help but be upset. I’m not upset because the requirements are outrageous. I’m not upset because I’ve been working so hard to get it all done. I’m not upset that I got my hopes up. I’m upset because if I would have put in more effort in the past three years of my life, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. 

I’m smart. I know this, but not smart enough. I’m not brilliant. I don’t have a 32 on the ACT. Hell, I’m barely hanging onto my 3.5 GPA. I’m mediocre, and I think now that I realize this, I’m starting to realize how big my dreams are, and how I may not ever be able to accomplish them. And this is all due to the fact that I slacked off my freshman and sophomore year. 

But maybe going to this school has gotten to my head. That somehow this school is going to magically pave the way of my future, like the last two years of my life don’t matter. But it doesn’t work like that. All those B’s are still on my transcript. I know people say there is no such thing as a permanent record, but that transcript is pretty damn permanent. 

Maybe I needed all of this in order for me to realize that there’s no way I can be perfect. I’m so tired of trying to make everything I do perfect because I’m not. I never will be, and that is okay.

I’m just gonna continue to be the best me possible, and to stop trying to be this above average person. 

Lesson: It’s okay to be average. We can’t all be geniuses, but it’s up to you how close you get.

(This is all over the place, and I’m sorry about that. I just needed to say all of this.)

Author: Victoria Jerde

Victoria Jerde is a writer who enjoys long walks through forgotten mine fields, cutting her hair spontaneously, and reading books that make her cry for no reason. She likes to spend all her money on face masks that probably don't make a recognizable difference, and she is also the type of person to lose everything that she owns. Her favorite hobbies include waking up at two in the morning because she thought of something to write about, sewing clothes when she gets stressed out, and being a fake IG model because hey, why not? View all posts by Victoria Jerde