Finding Self

The other day one of my friends and I were catching up and he referred to me as a Tumblr girl, and I understood exactly what he meant.  All my life I’ve been this image of balance and I’ve preached about loving and finding yourself, all while trying to find myself; trying to figure out self love. Some days, I absolutely love myself, the way I look, who I am as a person, what I stand for. I think i’m the greatest thing on two feet. Other days I look in the mirror or i’m sitting in my bed and i’m questioning why I was ever born. Why is it that i have to live this life, in this body, at this time. Self love is important, and I don’t lack it, but I do often forget to exercise it.

I realized that you have to practice what you preach, but I find it a lot easier to put my energy into others, to love and care for them, to guide them; even if I haven’t gotten it all figured out for myself.

But I know you can’t always put other people first, because you matter! 

I’ve often been in situations where I put myself on the back burner, given up on myself, my dreams, even my writing. But I’ve also always been there to pick my own head up, put the pen back on the paper, or at least have enough sense to look for encouragement. I have made it a point in my life to give myself breaks, regroup, and come back refreshed. As people, we tend to be hard on ourselves. Nitpicking at small things, being insecure, obsessing on materialistic matters that won’t matter after a while. You’ve got to remember that you are a living, breathing being. You have feelings. You’re emotional just like everyone else. It’s completely okay to cry.

There was a point in my life when I felt completely hopeless. I felt as if my worth wasn’t good enough, as if I was only spitting out art because I had to. I’d lost my passion, my drive, and I had no intention of reigniting that flame. I didn’t see a reason to, as in my mind, my life was already in shambles. How pitiful does that sound? For about three months it was like this. I’d go to class, sleep, and never leave my room. I was the party pooper of the year. After some self reflection and thought collection, I realized I didn’t like my own energy. It was as if I was making myself sick. And who wants to be sick?

As a self help and/or remedy to my problems, I went out and bought some new journals and pens. I wrote for hours, expressing on paper what’d been trapped in my mind. I expelled all the negative energy and used it to get my head in a good space.

I fell both out and back in love with myself and my writing in a matter of months. It just had to be done, because sometimes you have to look at an old thing with new eyes and readjust. It was a necessary evil of sorts. And I say all of this to say:

  • practice what you peach
  • learn to love yourself
  • never give up
  • give yourself a break
  • you’re only human

Author: Amaria Sumler

Self proclaimed Indigo Child, crystal lover, and collector. I'm an ambivert with frequent mood changes. I'm socially aware as well as a future activist and leader. I am also an avid reader. I can go on to state that I am very much interested in the ins and outs of the human mind. I am currently finding myself, so that I can again lose myself in my work. I am a lover of words thoughtfully put together. People, their actions, and interactions influence a lot of my writing. I strongly believe in freedom of speech and many other rightful freedoms of the people. In conclusion, all is fair and life is amazing, I will remain prosperous!

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