A Non-Heartfelt Letter

Dear you,

I feel like trash.  And it’s partially thanks to you.  I thought that if you cared for someone, you stuck around and waited for – helped – them to get better.  I thought that if you were wanting to be a friend, you chose what was best for them – not what was most convenient for you.  But apparently, I was wrong.  Unfortunately, caring for someone means that you “put up” with how negatively they talk and think of themselves until you just give up.  According to you, a friend isn’t someone who tells you when they feel bad.  According to you, a friend is not, nor will it ever be, someone who’s honest when you ask how they’re doing because it would hurt your feelings too much.  According to you, I will never be anyone’s friend in this lifetime because I can never live down to those standards.  You hurt me, and I am utterly enraged at your for it.  Because all I ever tried to do was be honest with you.  You say that I sound as though I am constantly asking for pity – although it is never an intention – but I never deliberately put my feelings and what is easiest for me over those of the people I care about – actually care about – or what is best for them.

Besides, your whole supposed “reason” for just up and leaving like you did was because you “hated seeing” the way you say I talk about myself.  But if that were true, would you have even said all that you did say to me?  Would you really have just walked out the door because it got “too hard” for you?  Is that really how you treat the people you say you care about?  If so, then I thank you.  I thank you for getting me out of there.  You twisted my words and said that I told you things I have not thought in years, and I’m beginning to think that all you wanted was an excuse to get rid of me.  You said I was not “bothering” you, yet you were constantly saying saying that you were going to stop talking to me – just out of nowhere.  No warnings, no reasons, just “I won’t talk to you anymore.”  I said to you multiple times how I word things horribly when it comes to personal matters.  And you held it against me.  You said I never listened to things you said, but it was always you that asked about me, and I never wanted to talk about anything personal.  You say you don’t care about my problems, but before we stopped talking, you were constantly asking about them – even after I had clearly stated that I did not want to talk about it.  When we first met, you pushed me for a good five to ten minutes to talk about what was bothering me, and I said – over and over again – that I did not want to bother a stranger with my personal problems.  And you still pushed.  So I caved.  And you let me, gave me a bit of advice, even.  If you did not care about my issues and all, why did you ask me about them, repeatedly?

I’m nothing to you now, aren’t I? You just wanted to play games with someone’s feelings – someone you already knew was vulnerable before you had even sunk your claws into them.  Didn’t you?  Someone who, when you met them, you were completely aware of their situation, so you knew you would get what you wanted out of them.  Are you proud of yourself?  Did you accomplish what you had been reaching for?  I sure hope not because you do not deserve the satisfaction.

Goodbye,

the “narcissist.”

Author: Taylor Downs

Downs is the name, being mistaken for a visual artist's the game. Honestly, I don't see the point in this whole bio-thing. But it's a requirement so here we are, I guess. I'm not interesting; I read, write, listen to music and watch Netflix a lot. I absolutely cannot stand the words "y'all" and "ain't." And that's about it, really. View all posts by Taylor Downs