Weirdest Creatures (North America Edition)

Look, the rest of the world has some weird looking animals, but I think the US needs a look. Where’s our self reflection. Where are our weird little creatures right at home? That’s why I’m doing in an investigation–at least four creatures, count ’em–into the strangest of guys right here because they’re not examined close enough.

Coatimundi

So, this guy isn’t from the southeast. He’s from the southwest and most prominently Arizona (if you don’t count the areas outside of the United States.) He yawns big like a dog and has a long snout along with two big black eyes. Why’s he shaped like that? Why’s he snouted like that? They gotta stop making wild animals cuddly with and teeth sharp enough to rip skin and paws that’ll rip you like a bear. That’s not fair.

Star-Nosed Mole

Okay, have you ever thought about how weird moles are? Like genuinely, it’s something I ponder. They’re weird dirt diggers who can’t see and just burrow in the ground, and the only reason they’re normalized is because they’re from north america (specifically the northeast and parts of Canada). But we let this guy get off too easy! His claws? Paws? Deserve a mention on their own I mean look at those things. He’s semi-aquatic? What for! What do you need to be! There’s so many things going on with him, and the further you look, the more is going on with him.

Alligator Gar

(man in photo not identified)

I didn’t think this animal was that strange until I realized he’s a fish. A FISH!!! HE SHOULD NOT BE THAT LONG. HE IS LONG AS A MAN. IT IS 100 MILLION YEARS OLD. Imagine catching one of them and you don’t know what it is. Imagine seeing one of them under your boat. You’ll think you’ve been visited by a cryptid, an honest to God. It should replace the Lochness Monster in all honesty. And the cherry on top? This guy is found in Dallas, Texas. Do not let that thing near me.