When looking through what I wanted to speak about this week I found my mind wandering to things that didn’t seem that significant.
“I need to do my laundry”
“I need to follow up on that ACT prep course ”
“Should I take a nap?”
They’re all questions that I have thought about before, however I always thought it in a different sense, the thought that one day it would be the norm for me, one day I would find myself with these thoughts and not enveloped with the idea that it would one day be my life.
These thoughts that I think of often have become more enveloping in my day-to-day lifestyle. It’s an odd feeling. A calm one, I’ve always found myself trying to focus on the things coming up in my life. Whether it be something that is important that I am nervous for, or something I am really excited for, something that might change the monotony of life, but in the past few weeks it has begun to shift, my perspective that is. I’ve begun to see things more clearly, or at least my need for that feeling has begun to dissipate, the feeling of constantly searching for a new high. Now I find myself beginning to appreciate the more mundane aspects of my day, whether it be getting to read pieces of literature that I enjoy, or the smell of a good meal that is being emitted.
Taking time to write this is another example of finding the extent of finding emotion in the small things that you do. As I sit and write this there are so many things that are towering over me, anxiety that I once thought would never return yet I find myself focused on the story, focused on the book I am reading, focused on what I am going to get for dinner tonight.
Now that I find myself stopping a search that I once thought would never end I finally have time to take a breath. A breath that blows away every thought in my mind, wishing, hoping, and knowing that even the most towering of emotions could not destroy me.
Now as I sit alone writing this I find that I have found company with myself, company with the little things. The mug on my desk, the sound of the AC blaring in my ears as the cool air envelops me. I’ve grown.