What wrong with expectations?

In relationships there are just some things that you don’t do. Such as having too many expectations, getting too attached, or even moving too quickly. Being in any type of relationship is hard. They all take lots of hard work, and some of that can be eliminated by not doing certain things. Diving into a fresh relationship with too many expectations or any expectations at all can be extremely detrimental. An expectation is a “strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future”, as said on google.  

In my opinion, I see expectations as hopes, dreams, desires, or even a want. I see expectations as a goal in life. Expectations always appear to me as little obsessions in a person that I hope get bigger and bigger over time so that other people see it as well. Expectations can also be the downfall of something very special. It puts stress and pressure on many aspects of any sort of relationship. Instead of letting it flow and allow things to happen naturally you may set a time limit or expect it to happen by a certain date or in a certain way purposely or unknowingly.  

Either way, when it does finally happen and it doesn’t go exactly the way you planned, it may disappoint you or even make you not want to be part of the relationship anymore. Which isn’t good because then you will start to pick up bad habits such as when things don’t go your way, you give up. Too many expectations can hurt your self-esteem, reinforce unproductive gender roles, and can cause you to think your partner is a failure or even become ashamed of them.  

A way to combat too many expectations is to value appreciating what you have in the relationship instead of expecting more from it. Other ways are to never threaten the relationship as well as making sure not to compare your relationship to others. That helps combat questioning your relationship and expecting things from it and your partner.  

I know I’ve talked a lot about the negatives of having expectations but that is only if you have way too many. If you have reasonable expectations and a reasonable amount of them then expectations are good to have. Expectations give you a base or a guideline. It doesn’t allow you to accept less than what you’re asking for, because you know what you deserve. A small number of expectations also don’t allow you to accept any form of emotional or physical abuse. Having expectations for how someone should treat you in a relationship is simply a humane thing to have. It separates what you will or will not tolerate. Expectations also show your commitment to one another.  

If you have no expectations then you care nothing about your partner, it’s that simple. No expectations can also be a sign of unconditional love. It shows that your partner loves you for what, and who you are no matter what you do and how you act, that’s why they expect nothing, because they will love you regardless. I know I’m going back and forth here but there are many positives and negatives to having expectations, and I wanted to express them in way that shows all aspects of them. 

Author: Aleria Holmes

Aleria Holmes I'm a Senior Literary Student at MSA with a passion for writing much stronger than a hobby. After high school I plan to attend Columbia University to major in Creative Writing (screenwriting specifically) and minor in Psychology. I love what I do and I hope to make a career out of it someday. View all posts by Aleria Holmes