hello, blog. i forget u exist sometimes. i have a literary analysis of a song i like that’s been in the works since november but my focus isn’t good enough to finish that right now…. so i’m basically just going to infodump everything about my life within the past month on you. hope u enjoy that.
sudden emo regression: i’m 13 again
i would be lying if i said i wasn’t exactly sure how it happened. since you guys never knew me in middle school, let me describe my past self to you. EMO. i was SO EMO. that probably gives you context to why i am the way i am now– im literally an evolved 2015 emo. i used to be obsessed with the “emo trinity” (my chemical romance, fall out boy, panic! at the disco). my chem was always my favorite, but i was also a pretty big panic! fan (i even saw them live in 2019 before all hell broke loose and brendon spiraled into the worst person possible). i never was too big of a fall out boy fan. i had a couple shirts and a poster (and actually so much more than that. idk why, i always liked them the least of the three) but i never really listened to them as much as my chem or panic!. well, it’s been forever since i listened to the emo music i loved as a kid. that was until i saw that the previous my digital escape member johnnie guilbert was trending on tiktok. when i was in middle school, my digital escape & our world away was two of my favorite channels to watch, along with dan & phil and crankthatfrank (so basically all emo youtubers). i thought “oh, okay. that’s cool. i haven’t seen johnnie in a while, i wonder what he’s up to now” with no knowledge that going back and watching his videos would send be straight back to my emo phase. he wasn’t the only factor in this, as i also started slowing inching towards my ryan ross phase around this time too. those two things combined and what i believe to be me attempting to relive my middle school memories before i graduate sent me straight towards an obsession with all the bands i used to love… except, some things have changed. i’ve been listening to WAY more fall out boy than i used to, and all the panic! i listen to is now pre-split or anything written by ryan ross. my chem is the only band out of the three that i haven’t gotten obsessed with again, which is insane considering it was always my fave out of the three. i’ve also gotten OBSESSED with kellin quinn & sleeping with sirens… same thing with pierce the veil. i listened to a couple of their songs when i was younger, but i’ve gone all in now. i’m absolutely in love with all of their songs combined. also, not really emo, but i’m sort of having a Tool phase too. i’ve been absolutely drowning in music and old favorite frontmen for the past month.
final college decisions & letting go of my ego
i’ve made my final decisions & it took tons of self-reflection and deciding what was best for me. i felt like i’ve been seen as the really smart kid my entire life, and if i didn’t go to some impressive college then everyone would be disappointed in me. well, i don’t care anymore. i’m not going into debt for the first two years of my college life when i can easily go completely for free & live back at home (i’m tired of sharing things with people). i’ve decided i’m going to go to holmes community college in ridgeland and commute from my home every day. i’m also going to get a job and work at the same time so i can have some money saved up for when i transfer, because that is most likely when i’ll be moving out of home. i’m working on getting my license right now and looking at possible jobs. coming to this college conclusion has completely taken away my anxieties about college and has made me excited to go. i’m so easy to please that the idea of just getting to listen to music on the way to class in my own car makes me happy.
so many concerts- so little money
guys, going into the new year i remembering telling myself i would go to more concerts this year…. i didn’t expect every artist i love to go on tour all at once. i mean, green day & smashing pumpkins, pixies & modest mouse, BOB DYLAN, and Tool??? i do NOT have the money in my bank account for this. it all started off when i saw green day & smashing pumpkins going on tour together & asked my best friend if he wanted to go with me to see them. we made plans and decided on it and i worked on getting the money for tickets and finding an airbnb… then the pixies and modest mouse announced THEIR tour… and then BOB DYLAN…… and now as we are both going through a Tool phase, we find out Tool is playing in biloxi THIS WEEKEND. how am i supposed to live like this guys. i want to see every concert ever.
ready to graduate & get out of here
i’m sure you all can agree with me here. i am so ready to graduate and GET OUTTA HERE. i miss all my friends from last year SO MUCH and i cannot wait to be able to get to hang out with them over the summer (if my job lets me). i am excited for college and feeling like an adult and just…. everything man. i’m so excited for my own income and getting to spend my own money on what i want (every pierce the veil shirt that has ever existed). i’m excited for concerts and making memories with friends and hopefully meeting new people that will stay in my life!!! i cannot wait for the friendships and relationships that i’ll find myself in within these next couple years. i’m not ready for life after college just yet, but as of right now, i’m starting to warm up to the idea of change.
so yeah! just a yapping blog today. i’ve been wanting to talk a lot recently so i guess this was my chance to get it all out. love u all, read u next time.
This was fun to read honestly and i love that you are reexploring yourself
We all know that universal feeling of having so much we wanna do but not enough money in our pockets to do so *tears*. I’m glad to hear that you know where you wanna go for college, and I hope that goes well for you:)
I had a slight emo phase but I could never fully commit to it because I love the color pink too much. I think I was very afraid of not pleasing my parents as well which is why I applied to so many exclusive colleges, but I will be able to make my decision soon and free myself of this burden YAY! I’m also so ready to graduate bro I physically come to vomiting when I even think of this forbidden school. I love all the friends I have met, and everything I have learned, but I hate being in a certain place in my life for too long and I begin to feel stagnant, so I NEED to get out of here ASAP!