Things are Only Beginning, But Something’s Definitely Ending

When I say, Things Are Only Beginning, I don’t mean it in some melodramatic wind blowing through your hair kind of way. Like in the way I can’t say I don’t have some degree of youth to my disposition. Like, your life doesn’t end at eighteen or twenty, that’s crazy but like—When I turned eighteen, I had this thought: The Memoir Ended.

I had the Really Rough Period and then I went to MSA and things chilled out, and I definitely felt it that I had to put it on a scrap of paper at my mom’s house that I’d randomly scrounged out of my notebooks.

To quote:

“So you reached the big 18! Or the simple 18. Now you can do things like get married and [redacted] but you’re still young. You’re not even twenty. But all the scary things that have happened to you… Being a teenager and surviving all of that—For the most part you’re finished. You’re at the point where the memoir ends: you’re 18”

And I think after I wrote that, like maybe a few months after or so… I was very solidly proven wrong. I can’t even look at that paragraph and feel the same I was proven so wrong.

Thusly, what conclusion can be made?

You go through the easy part to go through the hard part again, and probably after a few months or years you’ll go through the easy part again. That’s how it works.

That’s a grimdark edgy version to say I don’t think I’m gonna stop being the parts of me I put behind a pane of foggy glass, because no that’s not a window, that’s a mirror you’re constantly looking at until you’re 52. And then you’ll be fifty-two acting like you’re twenty-six. You get me?

Something’s ending. I surmised that a long time ago. There are faces I’ll never see, voices I’ll never put to a sound, etc. But hasn’t that happened already? I’ve gone through that before. I’ve enjoyed a song for the last time, and it didn’t mean anything. I moved on to tomorrow. So what’s the point of this blog?

The Death of my time at MSA is still important to me. I won’t clog your pores with it, but it lingers on my mind. The space this place will fill when I’m gone, made for me to search through old photos, happy and sad ones. The bitter tastes and the ones that remind me to call that person or send me a message. I’m taking blinks of time and trying to press them down like leaves into books, but everything disappears and wilts, no matter how much force you put into it. And May 16th will come, and I will be gone. Circle of life, circle of life.

I think coming to this point of my senior year taught myself I am a repeat of a repeat of a repeat, constantly rewinding and stagnating on the same spots. But is that not the toll of being eighteen? Is that not the toll of seeing the world with wonder, full of promise and punctuation, and then leaving with nothing more than a bunch of memories behind you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLaDksDOcE4

BUCKET LIST (SENIOR YEAR)

Things I’d want to do:

Finish that novel, then that novel, then the other one, then maybe a short story or two. Neither of them will be finished or ever touched, but its the thought that counts. You want to hear about Heffield, the socially anxious DEH parody? Or Joey, the rockstar turned orphan?

Learn coding. I want to create a video game someday (not one of those shooters, but I have the ambition in my mind,) but the process looks exhausting and would possibly kill me.

Practice Storyboarding. If I’m not gonna be a coder, I need to learn how to storyboard so I can pitch TV shows and stuff. And then I have to practice writing scripts and… Ugh. It’s a lot man.

Fill out a journal. If I write four lines every other day, and two years is twenty pages, and the journal has 160 pages, I’ll have to write for eight years straight?

Create a graphic novel. I don’t know, might be fun. But I’d be doing all the writing and someone else would do all the drawing, and it feels cruel for them to do all the hard stuff of sculpting the scenes the way I wrote them.

Take my friends out to a restaurant in my town. Of course, that means they would have to come to my town, and they’re several hours away. Difficult.

Go to another concert. Gotta gotta gotta dude, that was the craziest night of my life I am constantly checking the nearest venues for any bands I like playing its so frustrating

Go on a roadtrip with my friends. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Anywhere in the world, just us and the car and the arguing, the arguing doesn’t make much sense, but it’s so funny getting to be loud with my friends. 

Get a job, make money. Preferably a job I like and have an enjoyment toward. Also preferably lots of money (that part is less likely.)

Learn to drive. Here’s a secret: I’ve only been behind the wheel once. I made it 15 feet before I swapped myself out with my dad.

Restructure my life. I don’t have many months to do this, only till the year is over, but it would be nice to have like. stability.

Get back into reading. Something about school made reading harder to do than it has ever been, and I don’t like that. Books are awesome and I’m a writer so I kind of need books to like do my bare minimum, but every day it’s like ohhh I could be only my phone.

Figure out how to manage my anxiety. I have it pretty good at MSA. But here’s another secret: I have terrible anxiety. Can’t breathe most days when it comes to my lungs. We’re working on it.

Figure out how to have a social life without downloading the endless anger apps that want you dead. I don’t like instagram. There are people who I like that are on instagram. I would like to have my normal life functions back without downloading instagram and deleting instagram and downloading instagram I’m sure you see a pattern.

Figure out how to keep contact with the people I like before I graduate or accept this as my last time ever seeing them. I live on the bottom most part of Mississippi. Some of my friends do not. It’s honestly been nice, getting to see these people every day, even after school. I’d hate to say goodbye but if I have to (which I do)

Make my goodbye good. If I never see them in person again or only through newspaper clippings, something like that, I hope they have a good life.

Games I Like That You Might Like Too (spoiler-free)

Well, I succeeded that one time where I summarized a game and talked about its strengths and weaknesses. What if I just did that for a bunch of games you’ve maybe never heard of, but might interest you? Also, I have 24 hours to make this. Let’s go!

Killer Frequency (2023)

You’re Forrest Nash a 1980s radio host moved from a big city to a small town, debuting to maybe 35 listeners a night. But uh oh! A killer from the 30 years ago is making rounds again and the only 911 station in town is being rerouted to YOUR hotline service! Can you make sure nobody dies before the killer gets caught?

This game is so… Stupid. It’s a lovely sort of stupid. It’s almost entirely a lighthearted take on the slasher genre, barely taking any time whatsoever to like immerse you in the horror of the situation. Oh no! A man was just murdered because you didn’t correctly solve the puzzle. (sad trombone) Hey, there’s a killer on the loose, but don’t go away—You might be next. And then you play a song from your record booth or whatever and dude, that’s so funny.

There’s a limited selection of characters (majorly you and this one girl behind the booth) but they’re pretty funny. So yeah, mystery element, lack of seriousness about murder, and a little bit of charm! Would recommend!

Night in the Woods (2017)

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEYOUKNEWTHISWASCOMINGJUSTPLAYIT

Night in the Woods follows college dropout Mae Borowski coming home to her rust belt town of Possum Springs. Not everyone is ready to accept her return; many are mad or flat out disappointed, even the few people excited to see her have largely moved on with their lives. As a Mississippi kid, this story hits. Her town has massively changed in her absence, with major stores leaving and being replaced or just simply closing down. Her friends struggle with convenience store jobs and unsuccessful family businesses, and her family… Woof.

The small town vibes of this game just hit. You stop and talk to random people on the side of the road and they know you. Some are your friends, some are just strangers, but you know them. You and your friends make up for not having anything to do in town by smashing lightbulbs for fun or following each other to work. And don’t even get me started on the emotional beats. Have you ever felt like a failure? Are you emotionally dependent on others?

Great! This game hates you and will target those feelings specifically and leave you with a moving experience like no other.

And I was talking about how much this game changes you I overlooked that its largely a comedy. The humor is very 2010s which might break your immersion idk, but if you can look past that and see this game as a time-capsule with some ‘lol random’ comedy, you will have a fun time.

pleaseeeeee….. please play it…

The Beginner’s Guide (2015)

You follow the creator of the Stanley Parable, Davey Wreden as he shows off the games of an old friend from 2009-2011 who stopped talking to him. He shows you the details, the heart, and really gives you a look into the psyche of this person and what they might think.

This game is so artful. I love it. It’s basically a walking simulator as Davey Wreden the Narrator guides you through each server and world so you get as much perspective as possible and then it just… it starts speaking to you. It’s a game all about story, authorial intent, and what an audience takes from a work. I genuinely believe this game is timeless. This could be due to the fact there’s no perceptible comedy, it’s just a man and you, looking through old files of someone he’s lost contact with.

I think the genius in this game is its almost domestic nature, you feel close with the person who created the game. It’s really special, and I still come back to playthroughs of it. If you have ANY feelings about media analysis or being an author or a creative, yes yes you should. you should look into this game.

Also, it has a really beautiful song at the end that like. you ever get punched in the stomach. that’s the song in like five words.

idea i had: so what if two timetravellers

Yeah, okay it's like. Unoriginal or whatever BUT I'm working on something a little cool that I wanted to show off which is basically, Mr. Peabody and Sherman meets Bill and Ted EXCEPT Mr. Peabody and Sherman is one person (Shawn) and so are Bill and Ted (Sid). I wrote  a couple hundred word skits as well as like. 400 hundred words of a pilot episode and that seemed better than my original blog idea so here!

SID: Oh man, you ever seen Da Vinci paint? That guy has the worst brush holding technique I have ever SEEN, dude.

SHAWN: What are you talking about—You’re supposed to LEARN from Da Vinci.

SID: Yeah, dumbass, how to paint.

SHAWN: No, NO, the mountains of history he carries? It’s literally fucking Leonardo Da Vinci. What— I—What are you doing with that machine?

SID: Well. Last week, I rewatched the original Dracula—As far back as I could go. I didn’t even pay a quarter for that movie. I paid a nickel, dude! A nickel.

SHAWN: Stop talking, stop talking! Oh my God!

SID: Jesus was real.

SHAWN: What the fu—SHUT UP! JUST BE QUIET!

SID: God’s not.

SHAWN: OH MY—(face behind hands) MMHMPH.. 

-------

SID: A timetraveller from the 70s who’s definitely lost. Very chill and tries to use timetravelling to enjoy life as much as possible. Went back in time six years to visit Woodstock. He balances out Shawn’s paranoia but frustrates him endlessly.

SHAWN: A wannabe timetraveller who’s built a portal and plans to use timetravel as a resource for the good of the universe and to gain knowledge lost to man. Then Sid shows up.

SHAWN is sitting at a long desk that stretches from wall to wall, covered in red string and papers. He’s muttering to himself, growing more and more wide-eyed. A loud crash sounds behind him, where his non-working time machine stands. SID exits a time machine, coughing and waving away clouds of smoke. SHAWN, stares in horror and quickly starts muttering prayers.

SHAWN: (complete horror) What the fuck is that what the fuck is exiting my portalllll I THOUGHT IT WASN’T WORKING my god I’m gonna die where’s that fucking gun holy shit this is it—

SID: Let me tell you, Joan Baez can have my…my… This is not my. Hey. Stevie? Stevie, where are— (He finally notices SHAWN, in the room) Hey.

SHAWN turns around, shaking. SID stepped out of the time machine awkwardly.

SID: Hello. You’re not… There’s been a—Oh, please don’t grab that gun…Okay.

SHAWN points the gun directly in SID’s face, who raises his arms.

SHAWN: Who are you?

SID: I’ll answer that politely—

SHAWN: (more desperately) NAME.

SID lets the answer sit on his tongue, weighs its believability, and answers confidently.

SID: Sid.

SHAWN: (lowers gun) The sloth?

SID: Sure, the sloth, put the gun down. I’ll tell you whatever information you need just put the gun down.

SHAWN isn’t sure, backing away and tightening his grip on the gun.

[part here I haven’t quite figured out let’s move on]

SHAWN: You don’t know? 

SID: Me and my friend, Stevie were travelling the timestream, and we stopped at a movie in the 80s, because like future movies and all that—

SHAWN: Future? Wait, what year do you think it is?

A look of dawning realization strikes SHAWN as his mouth drops. He turns to SID, almost fully dropping his gun, and his face goes pale. He surveys SID from head to toe.

SHAWN: No… No way. Holy shit. You’re actually a—No. No—No—(muttering) Does my portal actually work?

SID: I don’t think it does, man. 




Anxieties

WARNING: Anxieties

I don’t know why I write anymore. I don’t know why, if I can’t save the world by doing it; I don’t want to save the world. I don’t want to be Greta Thunberg, bless the work she does, but I was taking a career quiz, and it recommended humanitarian. And all I could think was: this is just because I care about people. They never tell you, but caring about people is the worst thing you can enter a line of work for. You don’t want to die emotionally because someone died physically, you can’t do that to your health. You should never enter a line of work because you care. You’ll just end up wishing you were dead.

But that made me think, am I just too picky? Am I supposed to save the world, or am I supposed to just do my part by recycling? That’s another thing they don’t tell you: recycling is a myth. Big Plastic emphasized the wrong part of the cycle on purpose because it disturbed the market the least. They won’t tell you to reduce, to reuse, but recycle… They can market that.

They don’t tell you how necessary it is to market. Recycling is just another mass marketing, and I wonder if I didn’t grow up in 2006-Now would I care about half of this? Would I be happier? Am I looking at a generation who’s given up because everyone told them “You’re supposed to save the world” and when they tried nobody…cared? Give me my money back, I didn’t vote for him, I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask for that

YOU’RE UNGRATEFUL.

That’s it. I’m ungrateful. I wanted to be a screenwriter. A screenwriter.

Not everyone wants to be one of those guys, but I did. I’d love to be a screenwriter, if I’m honest. But I can’t say with certainty it’s even a career in the future. It’s no more valuable than a McDonald’s or an Arby’s and those jobs are fine, but you can’t live off of them, and I would like to live. It’s depressing to look at an industry I would love, a ten-year plan that I could easily visualize…if it was feasible. But I don’t want to be a doordasher, and I guess I don’t want to be a screenwriter.

And eventually you just start thinking, does it matter? The world’s burning, and here I am. Wishing I could be a screenwriter? I’m supposed to be Greta Thunberg, you’re supposed to be Greta Thunberg, we’re all supposed to be Greta Thunberg, and aren’t you tired of looking out that window? Waiting for something to change? But every change that happens is something you didn’t ask for?

What are we doing here? Waiting for something to change?

Are you sitting there waiting for someone to call you special? Are you waiting to be entertained?

Funny thing is, right after I got through three hundred words of this, Hank Green released a video talking about how stupid guilt over the environment is. And he’s got a point. Maybe I’m just some lucky art kid from Mississippi. Maybe all my anxieties would just wash away if I took some prozac. (Can I say that?)

Look, he’s right. We can’t just sit here bellyaching about how doomed we are and how the world is gonna explode, and how we’re all gonna die. But man. Twenty thousand years of this, seven more to go. (Or maybe technically four or three, because Bo sang that in 2021 and now it’s almost 2025. Have you thought about that? It’s almost 2025.) And I hope, like Hank Green says, I don’t have to worry about the next hundred years. Maybe I can worry about the next ten.

I don’t know.

Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart is a Really Good Show

I’m gonna throw myself off the Empire State Building.

You ever find a show that like fully encompasses your person, like who you are as a character and a belief system? Well, I haven’t yet, but I got pretty close with the Cartoon Network show, Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart.

Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart is a pseudo-action/anime/cartoon about the adventures of Mao Mao Mao, an aspiring “Hero” who has to protect the town of Pure Heart Valley. Because he crashed in to the Ruby Pure Heart, basically a magical force field for the kingdom that is now broken, monsters and villains threaten the kingdom on the daily as he fights alongside his “co-heroes” Adorabat and Badgerclops.

This show isn’t very complex at all—no more complex than season 1 Gravity falls! You don’t need a bible to understand it’s lore. But even if it’s not, it’s still surprising. I could talk on and on about what I want to follow in this show and all the things that impress me but man.

For one, the main characters are absolutely standout. You can tell they’re such strong reflections of real life, mixed with the absolute absurdity of just this world, like. There’s the Sweetie Pies which are basically glorified Muppets and then you have Badgerclops and Mao Mao, just sort of two normal guys?? And Adorabat’s an absolute freak of nature, it’s amazing. There’s compilations of her character where all she does is scream, she is genuinely unhinged in the most inhuman ways possible, and at the same time, she’s just a regular nine-year-old (but the show states that’s she’s five. So.)

We’ll get to Mao Mao and what I like about him, but I’ve edited this multiple times, I’m on my third, and I haven’t talked about Badgerclops once. It’s a little surprising if I’m honest. He’s a pretty swell character and perfect for a “straight man” archetype, but in the same way, he’s also undeniably batshit. Like if you don’t know what it is, I’d recommend looking into what a straight man in comedy is, but he’s so funny. Like if Mao Mao’s unfriendly, he’s an absolute asshole. It’s fantastic.

This show also blends comedy and sincerity in such a captivating way. Like bear with me here, but it’s reminiscent of LEGO Batman. Have you seen how that movie uses comedy? It fully engrosses you in the scene with just how bizarre and weird it is and then gutpunches you with lore. They play their cards right because it’s not in your face, it’s really sparingly used. But when this show does lore, it can get really beautiful. And with the animation to accompany it? Holy hell man. I can point to several scenes that absolutely make me lose my mind, but my chest would hurt to describe them. Shout out to Small.

And back onto the characters, I mentioned the Sweetie Pies, but there are some real of side characters here, some of the funniest I’ve seen on television. The Sky Pirates? Changed the game. I see them on screen, and I think, Oh Man, This is Gonna Be Good. Even if the episode isn’t that funny, they still shine 9/10 (even more than that, probably.) In fact, most of the unfunny episodes they Elevate. Pinky is a similar monster of just being a disgusting mess of a creature, who shouldn’t even get to call himself an animal, a really good use of absurd comedy.

This show has some kickass themes by the way, absolutely stellar storytelling.

There’s a big theme of identity in the show—who you are to other people, to who you want to be, and yourself as a whole. God, it’s so good! Mao Mao struggles a lot with the person he is and the person he wants to be. Who are you without these things, who do people think you are? Who do you want to be? Do you love themes of self-relationship which a character who needs to constantly relearn it? Well, they got it!

Another massive theme of the show is family: specifically between Mao Mao, his old family, and his new family. Mentoring and “fathering” overlap in stories like these, but Adorabat is fundamental to his character and his growth across the story. Mao Mao adopts a fatherly dynamic with Adorabat by like the second episode they know each other. Hilarious. (Shout out episode: “Adoradad” for unrelated reasons.)

And you can tell through his dynamic with her, he’s trying to be a good influence on her. The thing is, he’s not perfect at it. They want the same thing: to become a HERO. But being a “hero” as much as it is a storytelling device as it is a metaphor. Because what Mao Mao believed he needed to be a hero, isn’t the same as what applies to Adorabat. And that changes things. And Mao Mao is wrong about a lot of things.

How Mao Mao was raised affects him greatly—it’s pretty much hammered into you throughout the show. He’s crazy paranoid; chases glory, fame, and attention; and cannot admit failure or defeat no matter the obstacle in his path. He goes to therapy! Really! And he still turns out wrong 90% which I think is pretty good. A lot of the things he believes are wrong as much as they are right. But teaching Adorabat, he realizes he needs to challenge these things about himself and maybe what it means to be a hero altogether.

I can’t look you in the eyes and tell you this is some of the best on television because that’s subjective. But it’s funny, heartwarming, action-packed, and has a great story to tell. So if you’re looking for something to sit down with and have some fun with, I can’t recommend it enough.

 

Unfortunately, this show only got one season. And I’m forever going to be as bitter as probably a [joke redacted] but I’m glad it got a chance where it did.

And with even more unfortunate news, is not on any streaming services! Or network channels! The story is messy and convoluted as it always is, but you cannot find it on MAX or Netflix, and Amazon Prime does have it, but I don’t know if you want to pay $120 for 40 episodes of television but hey. So, I can’t recommend you to sail the seven seas, but I will emphasize to you that the only place you can watch this show makes you pay $2.99 per individual episode. 🦜🏴‍☠️

 

 

Oh my God, the entire show is a pun on the phrase, “My dad is my hero.” I’m gonna go get a drink.

An Essay About Holden Caulfield

I think I need to be put down. Like maybe do the thing they do in Canada where they choose to euthanize you instead of giving you healthcare ← Something Holden Caulfield would say, probably.

The Catcher in the Rye is a… Confusing book? Yeah. See, when I first heard about it, no one would tell me what it was about. I just heard the name over and over again. And then I got older, and it made even less sense. How was it a banned book and just another teen indie film and also, “Oh my God Don’t Mention Catcher in the Rye To Me”? Then I read it. And what people said about the book versus what the book actually is is so far out of left field it’s picking trees in another plot of land.

I mean what was going on half the time? It’s one of the most banned books in the country, it’s a bunch of gibberish, it’s one of the most important texts of our generation, it’s enough to kill John Lennon?? It’s an indescribable book about a spoiled teenager who thinks the world is phony while coming to grips with growing older (maybe that one’s true.)

And well, it’s actually pretty good. I would in fact call it overhyped. Like I would say it deserves an adequate amount of hype. It’s pretty good! I just think people oversell it. It’s not the communist manifesto, and I mean, Holden’s pretty messed up, but I think it’s pretty rude to say he’d kill John Lennon (I mean I just don’t think he would do that.)

So then. What is The Catcher in the Rye?

…Slightly complex with a straightforward narrative. but I really like it so I’m gonna talk about it!

Holden is deeply traumatized. I don’t think that’s very hard to say. His narrating style dissuades you from thinking he is when he talks very by-the-breeze. He is incredibly sardonic, judgemental, and rude, making comments on people’s looks and habits just because he can. But when you peel back the layers, you notice how… Scary, the aspects of his story are.

He handwaves all of these aspects and frequently lies to you about how they affect him, but the passing mentions are deeply disturbing. He recounts witnessing another student kill himself from the fifth story, describes how his body looked on the pavement and how gruesome it was. He brings up death constantly, writing about it for the most part, on accident. This could very easily be attributed to his dead brother, and yeah, having a dead younger brother who died when you were children is. Disquieting. Not easy. In fact, when the end of the book comes, there Holden is, begging Allie not to let him die.

I don’t think I have to spell it out that someone’s who’s mentally well. wouldn’t do that. Holden basically has a severe mental breakdown at the end of the book (and you can really see it coming if you read the book close enough.) JD Salinger himself pointed to the traumas of war when writing this story, and you know what? A story about an adolescent approaching adulthood slowly coming to terms with the horrors of grief, death of companions, and an apparent feeling of being cut off with the world? Searching for understanding while condemning the world? Yeah.

Holden is in constant search of companionship. Every chance he gets, he thinks about calling someone, his friend Jane Gallagher, an author he’s never met who “seems friendly”, and even people he doesn’t like, just for someone to talk to. After he leaves Pencey, he hires a prostitute just to talk to her, even asking that she doesn’t take her dress off.

The first taste of Holden’s loneliness really starts at Pencey. Not even the two people he talks to there really connect with him. When it comes to Stradlater and Ackley, it comes off they only really talk to Holden because he’s there. But it’s also almost the only companionship Holden really finds at Pencey, making them the closest thing he has to friends at the moment. And he’s not even very good at keeping them.

One of the best written relationships in the novel is his relationship with his little sister, Phoebe. It’s very loving and adoring, and I think humanizes Holden the most. She’s the most real thing to him. He spends pages talking about her: “You would love her.” As soon as he gets home, she immediately starts talking about school—And he listens. Fully pays attention to the conversation, rather than just having it for small talk.

And then loses it when she finds out why he’s home early.

Holden does a very-many stupid things across the novel. In fact, when he wakes up Phoebe, he plans to take more money from his parents after burning through the money he had at the beginning. Finding out he’s home practically drives Phoebe crazy. She’s furious.

He brushes it off, in a way that he genuinely believes It’s None of Her Concern. This is interesting to me about Holden Caulfield. It’s a very familiar response: his actions don’t involve others because they’re his actions. When other people are worried for him or mad at him, it’s not their problem because he faces the consequences for it. He doesn’t really understand what consequences are or what they might be, which is where most of the accusations of him being spoiled come from.  And you know what? Yeah. It makes for a really good use of the first-person narrative.

It’s not enough that Holden doesn’t understand consequences, he’s also. Just a bit of a mess otherwise. He’s a very emotional type. He loses his mind whenever he finds out Stradlater might’ve had sex with Jane Gallagher, a girl from his town he likes, and gets into a fight with Stradlater about it within seconds. Then goes into his neighbor’s room, still bloody, to get some company. He does a lot of crying too, bursts into tears at multiple points. He doesn’t mention it much after or describe it in the way a third-person structure would, but it’s also hard not to notice. As soon as he starts to lose the fight with Stradlater, he’s in tears. He’s in tears when the prostitute’s pimp threatens him, and pretty much through most of the story. I think noticing the crying is where it changes the perspective of the novel for me.

Edit after the fact, Allie is dead. Allie is Holden’s dead younger brother. It’s important to note how close in age Allie and Holden are, while Holden is six years older than his little sister, Allie was eleven when he died making him eleven when he died. Like.. The amount of stuff to cover with that is mental. To be two years older than your brother and spend eleven years with him to end up with leukemia—and then miss the funeral. There’s no analysis there, that’s just. Sombering. He calls out to him at the end of the novel. Jesus Christ.

Holden tells you absolutely nothing about his mental health, but it’s. Depressing? Fascinating? To realize what’s going on? He never really thinks too hard about it, so it’s more of you putting those pieces together. Or more of me putting those pieces together because I wrote this goddamn neverending thing.

The word count is at almost 1400. and I’m not done discussing it. The modern interpretation of The Catcher in the Rye is gonna put ME in a sanatorium. How did it kill three people? How did it nearly kill Ronald Reagan? You wanna hear the baseball glove? The carousel? I’m still not done!! How am I still not done?!

No wonder there’s so many interpretations of this book. No wonder. Maybe the only solution to this problem is to read the book yourself. Or don’t. Or finish the book if you only got through half of it. I don’t know. 1400 words..

 

Weirdest Creatures (North America Edition)

Look, the rest of the world has some weird looking animals, but I think the US needs a look. Where’s our self reflection. Where are our weird little creatures right at home? That’s why I’m doing in an investigation–at least four creatures, count ’em–into the strangest of guys right here because they’re not examined close enough.

Coatimundi

So, this guy isn’t from the southeast. He’s from the southwest and most prominently Arizona (if you don’t count the areas outside of the United States.) He yawns big like a dog and has a long snout along with two big black eyes. Why’s he shaped like that? Why’s he snouted like that? They gotta stop making wild animals cuddly with and teeth sharp enough to rip skin and paws that’ll rip you like a bear. That’s not fair.

Star-Nosed Mole

Okay, have you ever thought about how weird moles are? Like genuinely, it’s something I ponder. They’re weird dirt diggers who can’t see and just burrow in the ground, and the only reason they’re normalized is because they’re from north america (specifically the northeast and parts of Canada). But we let this guy get off too easy! His claws? Paws? Deserve a mention on their own I mean look at those things. He’s semi-aquatic? What for! What do you need to be! There’s so many things going on with him, and the further you look, the more is going on with him.

Alligator Gar

(man in photo not identified)

I didn’t think this animal was that strange until I realized he’s a fish. A FISH!!! HE SHOULD NOT BE THAT LONG. HE IS LONG AS A MAN. IT IS 100 MILLION YEARS OLD. Imagine catching one of them and you don’t know what it is. Imagine seeing one of them under your boat. You’ll think you’ve been visited by a cryptid, an honest to God. It should replace the Lochness Monster in all honesty. And the cherry on top? This guy is found in Dallas, Texas. Do not let that thing near me.

Greater Siren

No. No because what is that thing? WHAT IS THAT. nonononono. no no no. that’s it i’m done

tv is weird now (rant)

Look, TV has always been weird but at the HEIGHT of when things should be good, writers are finalizing stories and getting more spotlight, small actors are getting jobs, and hell, just having fun everything is falling apart. Spongebob is on its fourteenth season, Loud House is on its 10th, and Disney+ just keeps making content that’s… Look that’s a blog all on its own. The only thing standing seems to be indie animation, and that can fall through at any time because its indie animation.

Speaking of which, streaming. TV show writing was basically rooted around cable. Your twenty something episodes? Cable. Your twenty-two minute run time? Cable. Now less and less people pay for cable, (and there’s already a video somewhere about how weird cable is now,) and everything’s thrown. Rates writers and actors and basically the entire crew would’ve made from cable views are all transferred to streaming, and the money that was supposed to come from that was barely seen. And THEN there’s the issue of the eight episode season—which again, is a cable issue. Where ads in between thirty minute episodes usually supported productions costs and airing schedules meant 22 episodes to drop over the course of a summer and a spring, now production is entirely supported by the streaming service and you can just drop a chunk of episodes in a day on Disney+ or an entire season on Max.

And there’s password sharing and I don’t wanna even get into that, just know its dumb and Netflix lost 791 million dollars.

Where are you supposed to go for good TV? Where it’s not going to get canned within the first season? Where its not going to get eight episodes? Look, network TV has always been a bit of a scam, and I know nothing about managing markets or whatever—but it had a model. And whatever this new model is, is certainly a dumpster fire and I’m not looking forward to what may come of it—be it another season of NCIS or a ten episode cancellable series.

And if you’ve ever gotten attached to a TV series, I’m pretty sure you feel the same.

sources: https://www.reddit.com/r/television/comments/zv27gc/why_do_shows_nowadays_only_have_8_to_10_episodes/

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.statista.com/statistics/1247176/streaming-services-loss-us-password-sharing/&ved=2ahUKEwi_pL7n8oCGAxXdDkQIHUz-A3wQFnoECA8QAw&usg=AOvVaw2sRmXMDI0Z2DN8RdQhwQZ3

video essayists I (really) like

(bear with me, I’m very bad at promotion. These are good youtubers I swear)

Sarah Z

Super chill youtuber who does niche 2012-2015 internet history as well as musicals. She only has 60+ videos, but most of them are close to an hour long so I don’t think you’re scrapped for content. Her videos have an undeniable charm as her most baffling videos leave you just as surprised as she is. And even with the most inane videos, she comes at with an incredible amount of empathy and maturity as she never forgets there are people pulling the strings behind these internet disputes and weird rabbit holes. So, if you want to sit down with a cup of tea and listen to someone talk about the bad writing of the Mean Girls musical or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I highly recommend.

Sideways

Another musicals guy who specifically dedicates and analyzes music in films, tv, and musicals. His videos are like actual analysis as he takes apart motifs, music structure, and sound in things like the Disney Live-Actions or Cats (2019). He is highly educated in his craft and it leads to some really interesting videos like Why the Music in the Live Action Disney Remakes is Worse than you Thought ← full title while also being very passionate about the work that goes into writing music. I really don’t know how to recommend him, but his thorough analysis, like—exactly hits the right spot of my nerd brain, so if you have any interest in this or you wanna learn something new, I highly recommend. Learn about leitmotifs and Howard Ashman and Disney.

hbomberguy

Highly doubt you have not seen, watched, or been recommended this guy. I feel like I don’t even have to say anything but I will! This guy is one of the best investigative journalists I have ever seen, and this was just randomly brought to light one day when he made a video about the Roblox Oof sound (go watch it, really.) His videos weren’t even investigative journalism before this! If you haven’t seen his newest video about plagiarism and its effects on YouTube, I  suggest you go watch it. He also has a large string of fanworks before this, so if you have an interest in Fallout, Bloodborne, or RWBY—or you could give his measured response series a check. Detailed videos on social justice might pique your interest!