Category: Junior Literary

I think things are looking up for me. Or well at least they are for a little while.

When I first got here, not gonna lie, I was not hopeful about anything. I think being thrown into new surroundings, conflicts within my own life, and overall mental struggles all worked together into coaxing me into a pit.

Now however, I’m over that hump over the first month of school, and I’m excited for what’s to come.

Due to more free time than I had at more old school, I’ve decided to take up more hobbies. Cross-stitching, learning a new language, etc. are all things that are on the table for me to do. Now I just need to start one.

Cross-stitching seems like a fun hobby, but I have a problem. I get frustrated, way too easy. If I’m not good at something the second I start it, then I’m not gonna do it. I know that’s an awful habit to have, and that’s probably something I should work on breaking this year.

Learning a new language, or at least starting is something that I think I could attain. The question though is, which language? I took German my freshman and sophomore year, and I’m not sure if I wanna continue for college, or even just as a hobby. There’s that familiar feel about it, and I already know basic grammar rules and vocab, but I’m not the biggest fan of it. Maybe I need something new.

Another thing I know I need to start is studying for the ACT. I want to take it around April, so that I have enough time to study my huge 5 lb book the school gave us.

Usually, I wouldn’t have done this, or even thought about doing this, but being more hopeful, means looking into my future more. ACT scores are vital in this, because it’s so so important when thinking about colleges.

So that’s something I need to take up. Pray for me, I’m gonna need it.

College is so exciting to me. Just the thought of having a place to call yours. Being able to be proud of your college is something I can’t to have. I want to be able to tell my family where I’m going for school, and it be something that we’re all proud of.

I have a couple of colleges on my list already, and surprisingly, most of them are in South, but that’s also because I’m dead set on going to college in Texas. My love and infatuation with wanting to live in Texas is another story though. Bottom line, I love Texas with my whole heart, and I would have an amazing time going to school there.

Anyways, the point is, is that I’m looking into the future. Things are looking up folks.

This is an update on the first week of my diet.

I am not losing pounds, but I feel like I’ve dropped a couple centimeters considering that my pants are beginning to button again. I know that it’s not much, but it’s the first week. I feel like it’s a real accomplishment.

It has been really hard though. I never realized how much I actually eat throughout my normal routine, and my body is very confused. I usually eat late at night, so now I’m getting these hunger pains. They aren’t that bad, but sometimes they wake me up. Drinking water is helping a lot with the hunger. If my stomach starts getting angry, I just chug some water, and it shuts up. I cannot call out to many cons at the moment. The first week actually went pretty well.

I will tell you a pro that I am really enjoying though. I have so much energy. I have gone from being so tired I cannot stay awake anywhere to being fully aware and awake. I’m so energetic that it kind of keeps me up at night, but it’s okay because I’m still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after I wash the sleep off.

I wake up, fix my coffee, eat my yogurt, get ready, and go down stairs to eat breakfast. I am very grateful that the breakfasts here are a decent size. I honestly don’t think I could handle eating so little for lunch if I didn’t have a good breakfast, and dinner is a godsend. I am appreciating the concept of dinner more and more. It’s not because I’m starving, but it’s more because I’m actually hungry. Usually, I’m never actually hungry. I just eat when I see food. Now, my body actually wants it, and that makes the meal so much better.

I am getting a little bit of judgement, as I expected I would. People just really don’t understand why I feel the need to lose weight. I understand that I am not fat, but I’m also uncomfortable living in this body at the weight I am currently at. This weight loss I’m on a quest for is for my confidence and the way I look at myself.  I don’t want people to think that I am doing this because I’m fat, or even because I want to look like or better than someone else. That is not the case here. I’m doing this for myself and myself only.

For those of you who have been supporting me, or even just letting me do what I wish, thank you. I have high hopes here! I truly appreciate the acceptance.

Halloween is probably the most stressful time for me. Not only because i’m scared of like, everything, but because i’m a cosplayer.

Every Halloween I hear the same thing

“oh, you can sew? can you make my kids Halloween costume”

“do you still do skirt commissions?”

“are you selling any of your cosplays?”

“are you in need of a cosplay supporting bf?”

to which i always reply, no, yes, no, Please stop messaging me.

Halloween is usually when I make the most money off of cosplay. Now, I can’t complain about that, but orders start stacking. especially with me being here at MSA. The only time I have to actually work on my commissions are every other weekend. When i’m spending the whole weekend working, it doesn’t feel like a weekend.

Other than making stuff, Halloween is the best time to buy stuff. Spirit Halloween stores are literal cosplay heaven. where else can I conveniently get 10 pounds of latex, and a variety of elf ears?

Though, if you plan on getting a costume and/or wig from there, I wouldn’t recommend it. If you want something that’ll hold up fairly well, but don’t wanna make it, i’d say MicCostumes and Arda Wigs. Of course, you may not want to spend a lot on a Halloween costume if you’ll only wear it once. However, if for some reason you want to wear this costume to multiple things throughout the year, go ahead and get it from a cosplay site.

As a person who lives and dies by cosplay, I am often asked how I choose which of my cosplays to wear for Halloween. The thing is, I never choose one I actually have. I just cant. I look in my closet with tons of costumes, and I feel like its yearbook day all over agian. like,

“Omg, I have nothing to wear.”

I

Have

Nothing

To

Wear

 

This phrase is how I end up being more broke at Halloween than at Christmas.

Halloween is pretty much the only time I can go into a restaurant in full costume and not be questioned. Its always very awkward when Subway is filled with an army of clowns, Harajuku girls, and Pokemon trainers. Especially if its in the middle of June. But this is different, for Halloween is

 

S o c i a l l y  a c c e p t a b l e  c o s p l a y  t i m e 

Sometimes I think about all the things in my life that led me to this point in my life. All the people that I’ve grown up with, helped me become the person that I am today. When I do that, I always feel like I’m giving in to some sort of invisible force that wants to hold me back from moving forward. “You’re forgetting everyone, you just want to go on with your life.” And in a way, that voice is right. 

Sometimes, however, when I do that, I end up thinking about all the people I know that aren’t here anymore. They’ve left this world. And that just makes me feel more saddened. Yes, I loved them, but I feel like sometimes, I should just… never forget who they are, no matter where I am. And that has led to a lot of problems with me making progress in the most mediocre of things. 

I just want to move on. I just want to go on with my life and live happilly and healthily. But I just can’t seem to do that. 

My own mind is like a sandpit; the more progress I make out of it, the higher the chance is that I will inevitably fall again, back to square one. So many times, I have tried my best to go on with my life, to live in my own way, to just tell my brain to leave me alone for just a minute so I can live my best life. But I just can’t seem to do that.

I just want to be able to live to my fullest potential, but as long as these hands have hold on my mind and my spirit, I will never be able to go forward. 

I want to be free. 

It’s officially fall now, and while it doesn’t feel like it in the glorious state of Mississippi (there was sarcasm there), I’m ready to be in the spooky mood. I could do the typical horror movie marathon (something I’m very partial to) or look up creepypasta stuff online. but, as a literary, I think I’ll attempt to write a horror story! I usually write gore, but the closest thing I’ve gotten to a horror story would be my bus story. And that was not scary at all – it was better suited for children to read and giggle at. But whatever! I’ll take on a bit of a challenge, and speaking of challenges or contests… There are several horror contests! I don’t think some of them run during October (a superior month) though. Which is silly, but who cares about my opinion? 

Anyways, I’m going to include some contests I’ve found here:

Horror Writers Association – This association is a non-profit organization of writers and publishers that started in the late 1980s. They host several contests and awards like The Bram Stoker Awards,  The Dark Poetry Scholarship, the Mary Shelley Scholarship (for females only, sorry boys!), and some others. I’ll include the links at the end of this post for those who are curious, but don’t want to do too much searching. I found the Dark Poetry Scholarship and the Mary Shelley Scholarship through Fastweb, a site that shows you scholarships that you qualify for. I’ll leave a link for it too because it’s a great resource for those needing scholarships, and I know a good amount of us want scholarships; I know I do. 

Bram Stoker Awards

Dark Poetry Scholarship

Mary Shelley Scholarship

The Scholarship from Hell

Fastweb

Sponsored by Every Writer, the 5o Word Horror Story Halloween Contest deadline is October 28, 2018, so if you’re up for a challenge, try that out! The prizes are $500 and endorsement on their website and social media.

50 Word Horror Story Halloween Contest

To anyone applying to those contests, good luck!

Yay!! It’s October!! I love October, guys it is one of my most favorite months. It’s great because I always have a lot of shows in October. This time being Ole Brook, Atwood, and the Halloween show we have every year. Also, Halloween is amazing. I love dressing up and scaring little kids, and I love haunted houses and scary movies. Halloween is also the beginning of the holiday season, which means Christmas is getting closer.

Although I love the holiday season, I hate allergy season, and sadly these seasons come hand in hand. Right now, I am suffering through a cold and my throat is literally wrecked from all the singing I’ve been doing. Two performances are this weekend and I am praying that this goes away so I don’t sound like a dying animal on stage.

I’ve been looking up some remedies for a sore throat and I am going to try a lot of them tonight. One of the biggest tips I have found is to not talk. Which, is extremely hard for me. Not really because I talk all the time, but because every time tell myself I can’t do something it immediately makes me want to do it even more.

Anyways, if anyone has any tips for a sore throat, let me know because I need some help.

Near the end of the school year last year, my best friend, Cady, pointed out to me that during the school  year especially, everyone has an “unconscious routine.” This is exactly what it sounds like, a routine that we all follow without really knowing. My routines are so different this school year, from last year.

My routine at the year of the year last year was, I’d wake up at around 6:30, get ready, and leave the house for school by 7:00. I’d be the first one at school at 7:20, so I’d go bother a friend in debate who had an earlier morning class. Then Cady would soon follow in suit, and get to school. She’d come get me, and we’d go to the area we call the “commons.” More friends would arrive, and we honestly would just wander around the school until the first bell rang at 8:10.

I’d go about my day until 2:50, which is when I got out of school since I had an online class. Again, I’d go bother friends in the band hall or sit in on Cady’s English class, until everyone got out at 3:45. Me and Cady would usually go to either Chick-fil-A or McDonalds, where we would get frosted coffees and waffle fries, or chocolate chip frappes and fries respectively.

And that was our day.

I think that it’ll be forever be ingrained in my mind.

Now it’s a little bit different.

I wake up at 7:10, and get ready as quickly as possible so I can go check in downstairs at 7:30.

We get to Brookhaven High at around 7:50, where I just sit in my English class until the bell rings at 8:00.

Then after school I eat dinner outside with people, wait an hour to let my food settle, work out, and then do whatever until it’s time for room check. After room check, I hop in the shower, and then it’s time for bed.

It’s crazy how much my routine has changed. I really need to ask Cady how her routine is now. It’s usually different for the both of us depending on if it’s the first semester or the second semester.

My first semester routine of sophomore year wasn’t at dynamic, but I’m glad I got second semester to have with more friends.

I wonder if that’s gonna be true for my second semester of junior year. Will I grow more as a person, like a did second semester of sophomore year? I swear, that semester is one for the records for me.

School was settling down, I was meeting new people and making new memories. I honestly miss it a lot. Miss that dynamic I had.

I need to embrace my new routine, and look forward to second semester.

I hope it’s a good one.

Have you ever felt like your entire world was tumbling down? I feel like that a lot now. It is hard being this far away from home, with no one to call my own. I am used to having something or someone to depend on. Now, I am really depending on myself. A lot of people are quick to say, “Let me know if you need anything” or “I am always here, if you need me.” But, they do not really mean it. If they did, I would not be in the position I am in now. I am LOST, among many dangers. I am afraid of what will happen next. It is easy to say, lean on God. But, I do not need to lean. I need resting. I need time away from this place of disappointments. Do not get me wrong though, some of what is happening is my fault. I let some things get to me. I let myself, let go. Now that I am trying to fix all that I have broken about myself, I am lost and confused as to why I would let it go this far. I do not even know who I am anymore. I am taking my life back though. Slowly, yes. But please be assured that I am doing it. Mentally, I need rest. Emotionally, I need healing. Physically, I need building. With the help of absolutely no one, I will make it. I just do not know where to start. There is so much that I still have to do throughout this time. There is no time for me to sit around and cry. But, that is stressing me out. Think about it! Try figuring your ENTIRE life back out, while still having to go through a daily routine that does nothing but tear you down some more. Now, I am fixing what I had already done and then some. The craziest part about all of this, is that I am perfect at giving other people advice on how to fix things, but my life is in complete shambles. I am not crying out for help because I know that after this is all over, I will be stronger than ever before. But, what scares me, is the thought that there will be times in life harder than this. I need some reassurance, some hope, some love, some understanding, some SUPPORT. Support from someone who does not have to give it to me. Sometimes, the feeling that somebody cares, is enough. Unfortunately, I do not even have that.

I used to know a little girl. She spent the entirety of her days swinging back and forth on the worn down swing set her mother worked so hard to get for her birthday one year. She collected caterpillars wondering why they always ended up dead by morning. She was oblivious to the world around her, and yet she was happy.

She had bigger dreams than her little hands could hold. She wanted to be a singer “like Taylor Swift.” She even wanted to be an astronaut at one point. Her mother described her as free, a little wild even. And that she was.

This girl knows the best parts of me. She praises them when no one else notices them. This girl knows the worst parts of me as well, yet she smiles at them even. She excepts them both, and comforts me when no one else will. She sends little messages to me that help me to keep my head up.

I’ve grown up from this girl, but I miss being young like her. How everyday was a new adventure. I miss the simplicity of it all. She was the voice in my head that told me I was beautiful when the rest of the desperate voices begged to differ. She got me through the walls I never thought I could break through. She helped me to grow into the person I am today.

I had forgotten about this girl for a while, but she never forgot about me. When I believed I was alone, crying on my own, she was the only one that saw. She was there. I now realize that she has always been there for me, telling me that I’m okay. I’ll always be okay.

I guess this is a little appreciation blog for the girl that shaped me into me. Her drive and imagination has taken me to places I never knew I could go. She not only took me places, but she taught me how to love the one person that’s the hardest to love: myself.

You’re such a forgetful youth,

Going and dropping off your childish ways in a nearby landfill,

trying to grow up too fast.

But I guess maybe it may be time to cut ties.

Break your bond with that past self you enjoyed so much,

When words didn’t mean too much and there was always happiness after tears. 

Smiling was never questionable, then.

Only vibrant, rosy cheeks, and laughter.

You seem to be forgetting already?

Why?

Why are you so ready to give that up?

It’s not as bad as you think.

Do you not remember when you allowed words to spill out of your mouth without a care in the world?

Can’t you recall the weightless feeling that flowed through your body as you ran through open fields,

Rolling peacefully in the grass and flowers that’d eventually make your allergies bad,

But still not caring at all.

Are you really that forgetful?

All the times mother was there to kiss your bruises and brush away your tears –

You won’t even allow her to see the streams now.

You’ve been wrapping your own wounds,

Attempting to help yourself.

You’re trying, though –

Choosing your words carefully, 

Building barriers taller than buildings around yourself.

You’re right.

You’re pretty dang stuck, so grow up and be a forgetful youth.