emo regression and recent obsessions

hello, blog. i forget u exist sometimes. i have a literary analysis of a song i like that’s been in the works since november but my focus isn’t good enough to finish that right now…. so i’m basically just going to infodump everything about my life within the past month on you. hope u enjoy that. 

sudden emo regression: i’m 13 again

i would be lying if i said i wasn’t exactly sure how it happened. since you guys never knew me in middle school, let me describe my past self to you. EMO. i was SO EMO. that probably gives you context to why i am the way i am now– im literally an evolved 2015 emo. i used to be obsessed with the “emo trinity” (my chemical romance, fall out boy, panic! at the disco). my chem was always my favorite, but i was also a pretty big panic! fan (i even saw them live in 2019 before all hell broke loose and brendon spiraled into the worst person possible). i never was too big of a fall out boy fan. i had a couple shirts and a poster (and actually so much more than that. idk why, i always liked them the least of the three) but i never really listened to them as much as my chem or panic!. well, it’s been forever since i listened to the emo music i loved as a kid. that was until i saw that the previous my digital escape member johnnie guilbert was trending on tiktok. when i was in middle school, my digital escape & our world away was two of my favorite channels to watch, along with dan & phil and crankthatfrank (so basically all emo youtubers). i thought “oh, okay. that’s cool. i haven’t seen johnnie in a while, i wonder what he’s up to now” with no knowledge that going back and watching his videos would send be straight back to my emo phase. he wasn’t the only factor in this, as i also started slowing inching towards my ryan ross phase around this time too. those two things combined and what i believe to be me attempting to relive my middle school memories before i graduate sent me straight towards an obsession with all the bands i used to love… except, some things have changed. i’ve been listening to WAY more fall out boy than i used to, and all the panic! i listen to is now pre-split or anything written by ryan ross. my chem is the only band out of the three that i haven’t gotten obsessed with again, which is insane considering it was always my fave out of the three. i’ve also gotten OBSESSED with kellin quinn & sleeping with sirens… same thing with pierce the veil. i listened to a couple of their songs when i was younger, but i’ve gone all in now. i’m absolutely in love with all of their songs combined. also, not really emo, but i’m sort of having a Tool phase too. i’ve been absolutely drowning in music and old favorite frontmen for the past month. 

final college decisions & letting go of my ego

i’ve made my final decisions & it took tons of self-reflection and deciding what was best for me. i felt like i’ve been seen as the really smart kid my entire life, and if i didn’t go to some impressive college then everyone would be disappointed in me. well, i don’t care anymore. i’m not going into debt for the first two years of my college life when i can easily go completely for free & live back at home (i’m tired of sharing things with people). i’ve decided i’m going to go to holmes community college in ridgeland and commute from my home every day. i’m also going to get a job and work at the same time so i can have some money saved up for when i transfer, because that is most likely when i’ll be moving out of home. i’m working on getting my license right now and looking at possible jobs. coming to this college conclusion has completely taken away my anxieties about college and has made me excited to go. i’m so easy to please that the idea of just getting to listen to music on the way to class in my own car makes me happy. 

so many concerts- so little money

guys, going into the new year i remembering telling myself i would go to more concerts this year…. i didn’t expect every artist i love to go on tour all at once. i mean, green day & smashing pumpkins, pixies & modest mouse, BOB DYLAN, and Tool??? i do NOT have the money in my bank account for this. it all started off when i saw green day & smashing pumpkins going on tour together & asked my best friend if he wanted to go with me to see them. we made plans and decided on it and i worked on getting the money for tickets and finding an airbnb… then the pixies and modest mouse announced THEIR tour… and then BOB DYLAN…… and now as we are both going through a Tool phase, we find out Tool is playing in biloxi THIS WEEKEND. how am i supposed to live like this guys. i want to see every concert ever.

ready to graduate & get out of here

i’m sure you all can agree with me here. i am so ready to graduate and GET OUTTA HERE. i miss all my friends from last year SO MUCH and i cannot wait to be able to get to hang out with them over the summer (if my job lets me). i am excited for college and feeling like an adult and just…. everything man. i’m so excited for my own income and getting to spend my own money on what i want (every pierce the veil shirt that has ever existed). i’m excited for concerts and making memories with friends and hopefully meeting new people that will stay in my life!!! i cannot wait for the friendships and relationships that i’ll find myself in within these next couple years. i’m not ready for life after college just yet, but as of right now, i’m starting to warm up to the idea of change.

so yeah! just a yapping blog today. i’ve been wanting to talk a lot recently so i guess this was my chance to get it all out. love u all, read u next time.

My thoughts on the new Five Nights at Fredy’s movie

Heyyy everyone. I could not let this topic go untouched. I’m kind of late doing this but I figured why not do it anyway. I wanted to give my honest insight on the new FNaF movie. It became very controversial among the fanbase because half of them hate it and half love it. So, I’m adding my own two cents. 


This is the one thing I feel they did great on. I absolutely loved Matthew Lillard being casted as Afton, and Josh Hutcherson as Mike. Elizabeth Lail was also a nice pick for Vanessa. I also enjoyed how they included fan favorite YouTubers in the film as backing characters. People loved seeing MatPat and CoreyxKenshin in the movie. 


There was only one character in the film that was somewhat accurate to the lore and played well, Afton. I enjoyed Afton and his part in the film and I thought it was decently accurate (50%) compared to the others who aren’t accurate at all. I did not enjoy Mike or Abby very much. Mike was 100% not accurate and Abby did not even exist. Vanessa is one of my favorite characters in the books and games but in this movie they changed her so much it did not even feel like Vanessa anymore. I thought the animatronics were alright. The movie decided to take a different perspective on the animatronics that I would still consider decently accurate. They head first dived into the fact that the animatronics were haunted by children, which is true, and the movie decided to really embrace that aspect of the lore. Mike, Abby, and Vanessa end up drawing and building forts with the animatronics as well as making friends with them in general. Embracing the robots “inner child.” It shows how much the children were manipulated and I cannot say I enjoyed this but I won’t bash them for taking that route as it was a PG-13 movie.


The plot line for this movie was my least favorite portion. It was very inaccurate to the lore but that is my last concern. I understand that I am watching this movie from a different perspective. I know the lore and I have been in this fandom for a few years. Naturally, I did not enjoy the movies plot. I would have loved to see an R rated film, accurate plot, gore, and the whole nine yards. Instead we got a kid friendly spin off. If you were someone seeing this movie unaware of any of the lore, I could understand why you enjoyed the movie. Typically, those people were the ones enjoying this film while the lovers of lore were on the outside side eyeing it. I just would have loved to see something a lot more similar to the games. The movie shares almost nothing in common with the games besides the animatronics, they looked wonderful. I also understand that the lore is NOT set in stone. Almost all lore is what the fan base put together after studying the games and books. Some has been confirmed but not all, so who knows if the lore is what Scott Cawthon actually wanted it to be. To me, the best part of this movie was the end credits. Thank you.

mckamey manor and reckless ben’s exposé

as the days go by and we get closer and closer to halloween, more and more haunted houses are popping up all over the country. people line up for miles just to get scared and experience the thrill of total simulated terror- to appreciate the art of the scare… or, if you’re russ mckamey: the art of torture.

mckamey manor: “you really don’t want to do this”

mckamey manor is a haunted house created and founded in 2001 by house owner russ mckamey. it is marketed as the “scariest haunted house in the world” and is regarded as an experience only the toughest and fittest can go through with. the house claims to have a waitlist over 24,000 people, with citizens from all over the country flooding to tennessee just to go through the haunted house. the house is year long, and you have to sign a waiver stating that you give russ mckamey and his scare actors permission to subject you to physical and psychological torture for hours on end. for such a renowned and extreme haunted house, you would think there would be a heavy price to pay at the gate, right? well, you’d be wrong. all russ asks for in return in two bags of dog food… and a big chunk of your mental and physical health, of course. in return for making through the house, you receive $20,000. as suspected, no one has ever actually made it through the house… supposedly. 

reckless ben: a new-generation investigative journalist

reckless ben is a youtuber i found randomly one day that has completely changed my perspective on how we track investigations in the journalism community. his content is crazy entertaining and is so daring and real that some days i even fear for the guy’s safety. reckless ben is no newbie to risk, as some of his most popular series on youtube include him infiltrating the yellow deli cult and even scientology. he also holds the world record for the closest someone has gotten to the bohemian grove cult after the security increase following alex jones’ infiltration. pretty cool guy, right? well, three months, he decided to start a series on mckamey manor. he and his close friend signed up for the tour and quickly discovered that both were not able to get to the actual haunted house. not because they gave up, but, get this, because there is no haunted house. neither ben nor his friend ever said the safe word (which, by the way, wasn’t even allowed until a couple years ago) but russ both deemed them “too hurt to continue.” what really happened was ben was forced to do petty-exercises outside and then when he asked to go to the haunted house, russ brushed it off and eventually refused to allow him into the house. ben was promised to be covered in rats and snakes, go through an underwater maze, and so much more, but was never even able to enter the house. doesn’t that raise some questions?

what ben has proposed so far regarding the manor

while i can’t retell every little thing ben has uncovered in his investigation, i can tell you about some of the main points. as you may have guessed, the haunted house actually doesn’t exist. the terrifying, thrilling, snake-ridden underwater maze haunted house actually doesn’t exist. not surprising. this point was proved when ben got in contact with an infamous mckamey manor hate group online. russ begged ben to help shut down the group, and so he did, but the group had one thing they wanted to see before they quieted down for good. all they wanted was to have russ show them at least one live animal that he keeps in the haunted house. this could include rats, snakes, or any large collection of bugs. after desperately wanting this group to be taken down, russ heard this one final term and chose not to show any animals DESPITE wanting the group to be taken down, effectively telling us that there were no animals in the house because the haunted house never existed at all. so what actually happens in the house if there is no haunted house? well, russ pretty much just makes you do rigorous exercises or he’ll beat you up as much as he can, making you “unable” to go through the house. also, you probably already guessed that the cash prize at the end is 100% fake, too. when you enter the house, you have absolutely no chance of getting the grand prize and making it through… not because the house is too hard to get through, but because it doesn’t even exist and russ would never let you win. if anything, you might go home in an ambulance instead.

reckless ben’s mckamey manor series and why you should watch it

what else good do you have to do with your time? this series is so interesting and is an excellent showcase of the new generation of investigative journalists. reckless ben has infiltrated so many different organizations so many times and the bravery he has is absolutely incredible. mckamey manor has been under the spotlight for many many years, and while so many people have suspected it of wrongdoing, ben has been one of the only ones who has had the courage to attack it head on and attempt to get it shut down. whether not you believe mckamey manor is an extreme haunted house or a man’s excuse to torture people legally, the infiltrating mckamey manor series is one of the most fulfilling you can find on the youtube platform (of course, many of the videos are being taken down as ben himself is getting sued by mckamey manor, lol). oh yeah, did i mention that ben managed to actually file paperwork that says he is the true owner of mckamey manor? despite what you may think, everything he did was legal- just absolutely crazy. if you’re interested in a skinny guy with the guts and audacity of a soldier do absolutely insane things (legally) to take down unfair corporations, cults, or scams… then reckless ben on youtube is for you!

here is a link to the playlist of the series (the video linked down below is the latest of the series, but it allows you to see the previous ones in the playlist). please let me know if you end up watching it, i’m a huge fan of him and all his videos ! well, that’s all from me. see you next month, scare fans.

American Cryptids: The Lizard Man and The Dover Demon

The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp is one of the lesser-known cryptids in American folklore, yet it has captured the imagination of cryptozoology enthusiasts and curious locals in South Carolina. This creature is said to inhabit the swamps and woods around Lee County, primarily in and around Scape Ore Swamp. This area is located near Bishopville. The legend of the lizard man dates back to the late 1980’s. The Lizard Man is often described as a reptilian humanoid. He is said to be around seven feet tall. He has scaly, green skin, three toes on his feet, and three fingers. People claim it has glowing red or orange eyes and sharp teeth as well. Some people mention it having a tail. The legend of the Lizard Man has become an integral part of local folklore in Bishopville and the surrounding area. It has inspired books, documentaries, and even a local festival called “Lizard Man Festival.” This event attracts enthusiasts and curious visitors looking to learn more about this cryptid.

The first notable sighting of the Lizard Man occurred in the summer of 1988. A local teenager named Christopher Davis claimed to have been attacked by a creature matching the description of the lizard man while changing a flat tire near Scape Ore Swamp. Davis reported that the creature damaged his car and left scratch marks on the vehicle. His account, accompanied by photographs of the damaged car, gained widespread attention. Following Christopher Davis’s report, numerous other witnesses came forward with their own stories of encounters with this creature. Some claimed to have seen the lizard man in or near the swamp, while others reported damage to their vehicles or property, similar to Christopher’s experience. Skeptics have given various explanations to everyone’s encounters saying witnesses may have seen misidentified animals or were influenced by the media attention generated by Christopher Davis’s encounter. However, believers in the Lizard Man’s existence point to the consistency of eyewitness accounts and the relatively remote location of the swamp, making it less likely for hoaxes to persist.


The Dover Demon

               The Dover Demon in an American cryptid that came around in the 1970’s. It is associated with a series of sightings in the town Dover, Massachusetts in the course of 2 nights in April of 1977. The Dover Demon is described as small and humanoid. It stands around 3-4 feet tall, thin limbs, and hairless. It has peach-colored, pinkish-grey skin. It is described as having large, glowing, orange eyes, a melon-shaped head, and long fingers. The Dover demon remains a legacy in American folklore and cryptozoology. Although the sightings in Dover are isolated to a few nights in 1977 we can talk about that.

               The first reported sighting of the Dover Demon was on the night of April 21, 197. Three teenagers, Bill Barlett, Mike Mazzocca, and Andy Brodie, claimed to have an encounter with this creature while driving in separate vehicles. They gave a description matching the one above saying it was walking along a stone wall. The nights after these many other sightings were reported by different witnesses. There were no documented photos, but the sightings became a local interest. Some believe it as a teenage lie for attention, others say it was a moose or fawn. 

My Experience Applying for Colleges

Hey guys, it is October, and I am super excited for Halloween nevertheless, but today’s blog is not about that. Today’s blog is about my experience applying for colleges so far. Okay so I have applied upward towards about 40 colleges. I have them in a binder in my room, but off the top of my head I have applied to  

Mississippi State University (MSU)      

Delta State University (DSU)           

Belhaven University                             

Arizona State University (ASU)         

University of New Orleans (UNO)     

University of Memphis (UofM)       

University of Notre Dame (UND)     

School of the Art Institute of Chicago (SAIC)

Xavier university       

University of Mississippi (Ole Miss)   

Clemson University             

Baylor University       

Kansas State University (KSU)     

Texas A & M Vet Med School            

Florida State University (FSU)   

Spelman College and many more.   

I love MSA (Mississippi School of the Arts), and I have enjoyed my time here even though I have about 7 months left, but I am ready for something new. I like knowing what to expect, but I hate stagnancy. I love the routine I have created for myself and the life I have here. I have met the best people and some of the not so best but nevertheless it has been amazing. Back to the college experience, going into the process I really did not know what to expect. I did not know what the process was like, where I wanted to go, or what I wanted from a college. I did not even know what I wanted to major in. I had some colleges in mind that I really liked, for example SAIC (School of the Art Institute of Chicago), Notre Dame, and UofM and I still like them, and I thought I would major in screenwriting, but my mind has changed since last year. I may minor in creative writing, but it will not be my main occupation. I will be majoring in Pre-Veterinary Medicine (specifically biology/ animal sciences). I could also major in chemistry but uhmm that’s an obvious no, because me and math do not mix. Also, going into the process I was not necessarily worried, because things always work themselves out, but when I first started it STRESSED ME OUT. I think the first college I applied to was either Delta State University or Belhaven University, and it was not hard, but it was most definitely not pretty. Belhaven had a lot of links and different ways to get to the application in the email they sent me, so that threw me off as well as trying to find the link to the Angie Thomas Scholarship and what they wanted in my writing portfolio, but on the other hand Delta State University, was so smooth and easy. After applying to Delta State, I began carrying my laptop everywhere I went and was applying to schools in all of my free time and even my busy time, but what I absolutely DREADED was FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) oh my goodness. I know it has not even opened yet, but you still have to make an account as a senior before it opens on December first and I have never in my life, been interrogated so specifically. It takes a long amount of time to create an account, but I have been told by admissions groups at different schools that they have decreased the number of questions by half or more so when it opens on December first, I will not have to answer questions for hours. I don’t want to make it seem like I hated the process I absolutely enjoyed applying for colleges, and the virtual tours were really helpful, especially when it came to the dorms, bathrooms, and other living space amenities. I think my favorite online application had to be scholarships. I loved applying for scholarships and even when applying generally to a college most would take that and put it in as a scholarship application so less work for me. Mississippi State offered me about $6,000 but that is the scholarship they give all first-year students if you have the right ACT score, but I have not applied for anymore there, because I am not going there duh! However, Kansas State University offered me $67,496 over four academic years, but I also have not applied for any of their other school specific ones. I have also applied for the Gates Scholarship which pays full tuition and more, btu I have not heard much back yet. The biggest scholarship I have right now is the Coca-Cola Scholarship which started off with more than 100,000 applicants but now is down to 1,515 applicants and I am one of those semifinalists. If I make it through this phase, then it will be 250 applicants and I must go through an interview process to be one of the 150 applicants who are awarded. This scholarship awards 80,000 dollars to be used over 4 years, it also covers books, certain personal expenses, and will pay for my travel to and from college since I will be going out of state. This scholarship also grants me a week trip to Atlanta, Georgia for a ceremony, and other activities fully paid for. I have been accepted into every college I have applied to and heard back from and scholarships so far as well, and I could not be more grateful. All I could hope for is more scholarships, financial aid, and grant money to come my way soon, Thank you guys for reading. Until next time! 

Writing Inspo and Ideas

I have no other idea of what to write about, so I’d like to use this month’s blog to kinda spill out what has been my inspiration lately as well as some workshop ideas for future pieces. Since we are now in our poetry unit, I have been using platforms like Pinterest to spark ideas and I normally look for photography that is very creative/unique and kind of tells its own story. I love using pictures as visual prompts for future poems and I thought I’d share some of them and maybe they spark something for you as well 🙂

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Some of these I’ve already used for a piece, but these are some that I find really cool and would love to use them for prompts in the near future. I’ve used the lighthouse photo for an idea for a story that I’m not quite sure if I want to do for the national writing month. I was thinking something like a haunted lighthouse that a young woman has to look after since her family member passed away or something like that. I think it may be interesting especially if the lighthouse is isolated from the mainland like in the picture. I don’t know, it’s still a work-in-process kind of an idea. I’ve used the picture of the girl with the bottle for one of my poems in my collection(which y’all will see soon enough). When I first saw if, of course, the first thing I though of was bottling emotions so I ran with that idea. I feel like some of the other pictures could be used to write something spooky or eerie. Maybe y’all see something different in these photos. I especially love the photo of the girl and the headlights and the one where it looks like someone is trying to escape a mirror or painting.

Pinterest | Aesthetic photography, Art reference photos, Aesthetic artPhotography Retrato Art | Creative portrait photography, Portrait art,  Conceptual photographyPinterest

Here are some others that I really love and I think each interpretation of these could go a bunch a different ways, so that’s why I added these.

Some other ideas that I had for the national writing month are more along the lines of fantasy and mystery. I started something a little while ago about a girl named Briar and her two best friends, Kat and Serena, sleeping over at Briar’s house and someone breaks in. What I have written down so far is simply the character detail and background of Briar and what her current situation is leading up to the first main event. I’m not sure where I want to take it and how I want to evolve(for lack of a better word) the situation. I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. The thing is that I don’t know which idea I like more: Briar’s story or the story with the lighthouse. What do y’all think(no, seriously, I’m looking for honest opinions and you can even tell me that they’re silly if they are)?

I know this is a particularly short blog, but I figured I wouldn’t bore y’all too much with so many details. Spooky day is almost here so I hope that each of you have a happy Halloween and I’d love to know what or who y’all are dressing up as. I hope y’all enjoyed this and I will see you guys next time. Much love<3

Memories of You

In the quiet corner of a cozy coffee shop, Emma sipped her latte and gazed out the window. It was a place she had frequented for years, but today, it held a special significance. She was here to relive memories of love, memories that had shaped her life. 


As she watched the raindrops race down the window pane, her mind drifted back to that fateful day when she first met Daniel. It was a sunny afternoon, much like this one was gloomy. Their eyes met over the counter, and a smile was all it took for their hearts to connect. Love bloomed like a spring flower, and for a while, life was a beautiful melody. 


They spent countless hours at this coffee shop, sharing dreams, fears, and secret desires. Every cup of coffee held the promise of adventure, and every glance was filled with affection. As the months passed, their love deepened, and the coffee shop became their sanctuary. 


One particularly cold winter evening, Daniel surprised Emma with a heartfelt note hidden under her coffee cup. It read, “To the love of my life, Emma. Let’s create a lifetime of memories together, starting with this moment.” Beneath the note, he had placed a sparkling engagement ring. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she said yes. 


Their wedding was a magical affair, surrounded by family and friends who could see the love that radiated from their hearts. Emma remembered how Daniel had whispered in her ear during their first dance, “I promise to fill your life with love and memories, my forever.” 


Time moved forward, as it always does. The coffee shop remained a constant in their lives, even as they faced the challenges and joys of marriage. It witnessed their laughter and their tears, their hopes and their fears. 


Years passed, and they became parents to two beautiful children, Sarah and Liam. The coffee shop became a refuge again, a place where they stole quiet moments together amidst the chaos of parenthood. As they sipped their coffee, they’d often exchange knowing glances, reminders of their enduring love. 


However, life had a way of testing love. Daniel’s health began to deteriorate, and their visits to the coffee shop became less frequent. Emma watched helplessly as the love of her life fought a battle against an unrelenting illness. Even in those trying times, their love remained steadfast, a beacon of hope in the darkest of nights. 


One rainy afternoon, Daniel took Emma’s hand and said, “My love, our memories are etched in this place, in our hearts. You’ve given me a lifetime of love, and I’ll carry it with me always.” Emma nodded, her eyes filled with tears. 


In the quiet corner of the coffee shop, Emma sat alone now, staring at the empty chair across from her. Daniel had passed away, leaving behind a lifetime of cherished memories. The coffee shop had witnessed their love story from its beginning to its bittersweet end. 


As she finished her latte, Emma knew that this coffee shop would forever hold a special place in her heart, a place where the memories of love would linger long after the rain had stopped. She smiled through her tears, grateful for the love she had experienced, and whispered to the empty chair, “I love you, Daniel. You’ll always be with me, in this coffee shop and in my heart.” 

the importance of understanding impulsive vs. intrusive and why the “letting my intrusive thoughts win” trend is harmful

i’m sure at some point you’ve seen a video of someone acting out in a unpredictable way- most likely acting on an impulse that most ignore. you go to the comments and every single one says something along the lines of “letting my intrusive thoughts win.” you get a laugh; it’s just a harmless joke, right? what you see as a harmless joke is what people with ocd- like me- see as a kick to the face. if our intrusive thoughts were something harmless like that, i’m sure we’d be laughing too. when we try to explain to people the difference between impulsive vs. intrusive, they get hostile: offended even. then you have those who claim to be an english professor who blindly explain what intrusive “actually” means while idiotically ignoring the idea of a clinical term. people don’t take the differentiation seriously enough, and as someone who has had such crippling struggles with ocd and intrusive thoughts, i’m sick of it.

let’s talk about what “intrusive thoughts” actually are

intrusive thoughts can be defined as unwanted, distressing and repetitive thoughts that often go against your morals. these can include acting out towards people you love in violent or morally unacceptable ways. intrusive thoughts are not exclusive to people with ocd- but they are a common (and arguably the most debilitating) sign of the illness. they can make you question your own morals and convince yourself you actually want to act out on your thoughts. this is not the case. intrusive thoughts are the manifestation of your worst fears and the things that disturb you the most/go against your morals. someone who has intrusive thoughts about hurting themselves or hurting someone they love does not want to act out on those thoughts. actually, it means that they are incredibly disturbed by those thoughts and would most likely do anything to ensure they don’t happen- like acting out compulsions, another common sign of ocd. people who experience intrusive thoughts are not their thoughts, and their thoughts do not represent their urges or morals at all.

now that we know what intrusive thoughts are, what are impulsive thoughts?

impulsive thoughts are exactly what they sound like. they are thoughts of acting out on an impulse. an impulse is defined as a strong urge or desire to act on something. that is one of the main differences between impulsive vs. intrusive- an impulsive thought is something you have an urge/desire to act out on, an intrusive thought is a thought that is uncomfortable and more often than not disgusts you: it is something you would never want to act out on. impulsive thoughts could be something like wanting to cut your own hair at 2am even though you know you’d botch it, or the urge to grab and eat food you see in the fridge that isn’t yours. the difference is drastic, so why do people insist on using intrusive when they really mean impulsive? maybe it’s unwillingness to change, or maybe it’s pure disregard for mental health. 

how is using “intrusive” when you mean “impulsive” harmful to others?

i first started getting intrusive thoughts when i was 14, and i was too scared to tell anyone about it. i thought everyone would think i was a horrible person and call me crazy- the one word no one with ocd wants to be called. if you use “intrusive” when you mean “impulsive,” it gives people the wrong idea about what intrusive thoughts actually are- so when people with genuine intrusive thoughts explain what they experience, others react in a negative and disgusted manner because they have this false idea that intrusive thoughts are harmless impulses that wouldn’t harm anyone in any serious way to act out on. this makes people with ocd feel crazy and misunderstood, and being understood is the most important thing when it comes to dealing with ocd. another thing is how people say they “let their intrusive thoughts win.” if someone with genuine intrusive thoughts “let them win,” they would be imprisoned or dead. telling someone with intrusive thoughts to “let them win” is disgusting and disrespectful, and it only showcases how uneducated you are. 

now that we understand the difference and how using intrusive when we mean impulsive is harmful, where do we go from here? 

as someone with ocd, when i see the misuse of the term “intrusive thoughts,” i educated immediately. you should too. if you see someone using the term intrusive incorrectly, you need to correct them and explain the severity of their mistake. if you ignore it and allow them to use the incorrect term, you are harming MILLIONS of people with ocd and worsening the mindset around genuine intrusive thoughts. it is not hard to switch “intrusive” to “impulsive.” if you are not willing to make that change, then you are the exact problem i have described in this blog. don’t be complacent. speak up when you see misinformation regarding ocd. don’t just let it happen- for all of our sakes. 

a final note to everyone who has ocd and/or experiences intrusive thoughts

you are not your thoughts. that’s right, you. are. not. your. thoughts. there is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. if you are someone i know reading this, just know that the only reason i wrote about this is because i experience it too. you are not alone. please come to me if you need help dealing with this crippling disease. i’ve struggled so that i can  help others, and i will not hesitate to share this wisdom with you. it’s going to be okay. you’re going to be okay. everything is going to be okay<3.

a final note to everyone else

the best thing you can do to help is educating yourself on ocd and the difference between intrusive and impulsive. you can even start right here on the msa literary blog! my beautiful friend and former roommate emma stapp has many articles about ocd and i 100% recommend reading each one she has posted: they are beautifully written and so important.

here are additional resources about ocd and intrusive thoughts to learn from: 






i sincerely hope this blog helped you & inspired you to educate yourself on ocd. let’s come together and end the misconceptions about ocd and intrusive thoughts!<3 

also please check out emma stapp’s article “ocd is not an adjective…”

I’m Back!

Hello friends, long time no see. How was your guys’ summer? Hopefully well. My summer was extremely fun! I loved hanging out with my friends, working, swimming and going on vacations, but that is not the point of this blog. Without further ado let’s get into the blog. 

In the first blog of SENIOR YEAR (woohoo can you tell I’m excited?) I will be reading and analyzing A poem by the lovely, yet terrifying Edgar Allen Poe entitled “A Dream Within a Dream, using the Liz Lerman workshop method. 

I’ll insert the poem here: 

A Dream Within a Dream 

By Edgar Allen Poe 

Take this kiss upon the brow! 

And, in parting from you now, 

Thus, much let me avow– 

You are not wrong, you deem 

That my days have been a dream; 

Yet if hope has flown away 

In a night, or in a day, 

In a vision, or in none, 

Is it therefore the less gone? 

All that we see or seem 

Is but a dream within a dream. 


I stand amid the roar 

Of a surf-tormented shore, 

And I hold within my hand 

Grains of the golden sand– 

How few? Yet how they creep 

Through my fingers to the deep, 

While I weep—while I weep! 

O God! Can I not grasp 

Them with a tighter clasp? 

O God! can I not save 

One from the pitiless wave? 

Is all that we see or seem 

But a dream within a dream? 


This poem is one of my favorite pieces by him. The piece was first published in 1849 which isn’t modern at all so the writing form and some of the language is drastically different than what is commonly used in the 2000’s. That’s a big part of why I love historical poets or authors in general. First, we will start off with statements of meaning. I love the tone of this story. He sounds so desperate, so eager yet still so vulnerable. There’s something he wants but his depth of emotions leaves him so unhinged that he’s unable to grasp it, so it leaves him wondering if it’s real life or a dream. I also enjoyed that he uses only one period (.) throughout the piece. It gives me the feeling that these are fast, intense and draining thoughts that must get out, therefore they all begin running together instead of calm, concise thoughts that conclude themselves.  

He also references nature repeatedly in this poem when he talks about the shore in line 13 and the golden grained sand in line 15. He also mentions a pitiless wave in line 22 that seems overbearing in my opinion. He has a few words that are italicized in the piece which are “gone”, “All”, “One” “all”. Two of the words begin with a capital letter and two of them are all lowercase. I don’t really know why he did this, but my brain puts the words together as “all gone, all one.” I feel like he’s trying to express that everything he talks about in the poem is one “thing” or “being” but then he realizes it’s a dream and then it’s all gone when the dream perishes. At the end he cries out to God which means he has some form of religious belief and that he thinks that whatever higher power that he believes in can save him from this everlasting dream.  

Well, in the name of Looney Tunes, that’s all 4 today folks. Thanks for reading my blog, see you next month. Byeeee. 

Benefits to reading diverse genres

                Hi. Back to blogging. Over the summer I did a lot more reading than writing. Everyone has their favorite genres including myself. I like horror, romance, and mystery books. Some people ONLY like their favorite genres. I wanted to talk about why reading more than just 1-3 genres can benefit us as writers. I see an extreme growth in my own writing because of the amount of reading I did over the summer. I dove into genres I thought I would absolutely hate like Sci-Fi, humor, action fiction, and even a couple biographies. It can offer a very large range of benefits for us as writers.

                Reading different genres exposes you to different story telling formats, structures, and perspectives. Especially if you pick up a fantasy novel or Sci-Fi. Being exposed to these forces a creative stimulation for us to think outside of the box. It can broaden our creative thinking I would say. Writing isn’t always about emotion, though, it is some people’s favorite thing to add to writing. Reading books that explore more than you think inside a box is eye opening.

                Reading a diverse genre can also broaden your perspective on writing. Think of it like this, each genre and novel offer you a unique lens for us to view the world through. Different genres can expose you to different cultures, time periods, and topics to write about. They can show you different ways to write about certain subjects. You can even get a new perspective on your favorite thing to write about. Maybe you write a horror story, but you read someone else’s horror story after. They may show you a whole different perspective on how to show fear in a story.

                Now, you will also get to improve your own personal writing through exploring literature. You will get to read different tones, styles, voices, and narratives. All of which can improve your own writing skills. You will see how different genres employ different pacing, language, dialogue, and imagery. These are all very versatile as well. Once you apply them to your own writing, they don’t have to be exactly how the other novel used them. You make them your own as well. You can also make them engaging.

                New genres can expand your vocabulary by miles. Diverse genres have new words, phrases, and terms specific to their genre. You would be able to enrich your vocabulary, which will enable you to communicate more effectively in your writing. I noticed that my recent flash fiction and poem I wrote had a very wide vocabulary I never saw in my previous writing.

                You will improve your adaptability as a writer. If you are skilled in multiple genres, you will be able to adapt to new projects. This is extremely handy for us because we are literary students. We get new projects very often that aren’t in our comfort zones, or we may dislike the prompt. If you’re experienced in more than one genre your adaptability to these projects will be improved. The dynamic of your work can improve as well because of your ability to draw from different genres.

                Different genres evoke different emotions in the characters in the story. When you read a horror novel you read the characters in fear, romance novels show them in love, and a scientist in a Sci-Fi novel may show them focused. You would experience a wide spectrum of emotion and many new ways to describe it. Every author describes these emotions differently as well as every genre. Reading new authors more often and more genres will show you so many new ways to have your readers feel the same and connect more with your characters.

                Empathy also plays a large role. If you read different genres you will read about different characters from so many backgrounds and situations. This helps you develop empathy which will give you a broader understanding of human nature. How will this help your own writing though? This will enrich the authenticity of your characters.

                I hope my blog may help some of you who are in writers block or just like to read in general. From my own personal experiences, I recommend reading many novels on every inch of the spectrum.