Ever since this stinking pandemic, I haven’t been to a theatre since….?
The anticipation of waiting in line to get your ticket.
Will the movie be good? Who knows? Do we care?
Are you even there to watch the movie? Is it just a thing to hang out with someone?
There’s nothing like walking in
and smelling the butter.
Seeing it drizzle out on the bowl after hearing the popping
of others orders before you get yours.
The tease before roaming the carpets and finding your room.
Seeing the trailers to what I’ll be back for
with buttery fingertips,
I miss the movies.
I don’t want to think about the light that muddies the screen
when someone has to leave half way,
There won’t be mention of the talkers
who get shushed because
that would ruin the dream and escape
of the movies.
The movies I miss.
I’m not sure what this blog post is. If you couldn’t tell I just really miss the movies and I don’t even know if that’s like a poem? I just started writing how I felt and then indenting because it felt like separate ideas, and then I got that…so yeah. I forgot to mention about how I put candy in the popcorn bowl just cause sometimes it’s needed. Makes the heart smile. 🙂
Run. That’s a word the makes me think of two very different things.
There’s Run BTS, a reality series type thing where BTS do these different games or activities usually competing against each other for different goals and prizes. Then, there is the action of walking at a high speed, run.
That’s what I am referring to. I figured I just had to clear it up because so many people and #ARMY might be confused.
I recently have started running every night with my friend who is about to go into the National Guard. He, Woody, is doing it to try and train and get into some top group or something and I just like running. I always got a weird joy from it, but it wasn’t until recently that I really realized, wow ! I like this a lot actually. 🙂
That might sound lame or like gross athlete energy. I am so not into sports like that though, however I really think everyone should try running.
For me, I go to a track. Even though I am just running in circles along a set monotone view I am drawn to return daily. I feel as though there is a certain liberation that springs up while the run is going down. Sometimes, problems seem farther away, and are no longer gnawing into my main frame of thought. You can almost escape your worries even if just for an hour, or even 15 minutes. It’s cool.
Sometimes even, being a writer, I’ll hit ideas as I’m going and I will greet them and let them run along with me. They take off with me, and sometimes they can’t keep up and I lose them. Either way, my mind encounters and goes places I’m not quite sure it would with my daily routines during school.
This is why I encourage you to try and do the same. I didn’t even mention you’ll probably lose some weight.
I also need to mention that this is just my case. Some people feel the need to run alone instead of with friends, and some need to run through a neighborhood to get new exciting scenery to keep the run interesting. My thoughts just do that part for me, and in my condition I just find it more convenient to go to the track at night. All I will say to make sure of, is if you’re listening to music through headphones or not, stay safe and aware of your surroundings. That is also a circumstance why running along with a pal may be a better option than a solo go. ♥
I say put the U in rUn and try it ! Who’s to say you won’t love it? Worst case scenario you just wasted 30 minutes of your day you may have wanted to reserve for being on your phone. 😉
I think it is only fitting to end this blog with a music video all about running.
Wow, I never realized how much the pandemic had been affecting some of the things in my daily life. For example, I’m on this whole self-love journey, yet I have been by myself, at my house. I have been virtual and away from school for months. The biggest missions I’ve been tackling were the issues that I face with myself to myself, but I never thought about what would happen when people would be added to the mix.
A melting pot of personalities and differing people are constantly around me now that I go to school in person again. In a way, I can see the growth in how I handle situations from before, but I am running into a situation that leaves me uneasy. It is what’s keeping me from my usual concerts on the solo drives to now causing my mind to wander from reality, no concert.
Okay, so. One of the biggest aspects of my journey I feel is learning to love myself, and do things for me and not always for others. Always. That’s the kicker.
We are supposed to think about ourselves and our own mental capacities, but what happens when it goes too far? Can it? What is the point when your actions become viewed as narcissistic? Is it based on your mental health in relation to those affected in the decisions?
This is the basis of thought for which my mind has recently been astray. I don’t want to become ignorant to situations because I feel like it’s all about my journey.
I had to take a moment away from this blog post to have more time to think on the situation. After a couple days, I think I have come to some sort of consensus.
One’s own mental journey is important, but it is when you start only focusing on yourself that things may become problematic. When you become hyper-concerned on just your life and forget to hold the empathy and thought that you yourself may expect others to display for you is when there is a shift.
You are no longer helping yourself, but almost closing yourself off to experiencing and seeing real interactions all around you. One may not even notice the vulnerability and relatability in others. It can isolate you to only talking about yourself or doing things selfishly.
The best thing is, which comes with difficulty, to remember everyone struggles. Also, sometimes you just gotta exit your body and look at the whole situation as a whole from all perspectives. Empathy is golden.
If you haven’t been doing this, don’t worry. The fact you may be at least seriously trying is a sign you’re becoming a decent human beings, and the world can always use those. 😉
If you struggle with this, don’t stress yourself out too much. If it was easy everyone would be doing it religiously. I think in a show I saw an AA modo is like: One day at a time. Or something? That’s so cheesy, but I meann it is kinda true.
Anyways, I wanna go ahead and give a little video for you all. It is something that may not go with the theme of this blog too well, but at least you can jam to it during your journeys. It is called “Poor Fake” by Kelsey Lu. For once this is an English recommendation, which doesn’t happen much, but yeah ! Also, don’t be offset by the slow start because it picks up…so here is ρŌΘℜ f∀κë… in that link ℘
Some form of trauma exists in us all. I have seen the results of having a divorce in a terrorizing cult some may call a religion. I feel as though some people think the couple is better together for the children. I can tell you nowit’s bad apart,worse staying together. The “religion” being one of the underlying dementors of it all.
The cult obstructs your way of reasoning religion. One jumps to the conclusion of immediate ostracizing with mention of a god or deity. Cast away! I don’t know if that should be the case though, and that is not the joy I have to write of. There are nights where things are spoken of or illuminated into the conscious view that will have an everlasting evolution on one’s perception. Loose-lipped whispers and rumors are hard to be believe until you’ve heard so many that those seem like the only tokens of truth from historians of the time, a time and places you were too young to remember or your mind simply helped you forget.It’s a game of trying to unlock an unknown past of messed up decisions made onto innocent minds.
I used to be carefree on the matter. I would let my mind deceive me into thinking I had no qualms in the matter. I should simply ignore the hard times. It does not perceive me some might say. That was only doing an injustice to myself however. Now, I wonder if it is not the same self-induced oppression the closet restricted me once to.
What have I learned through these hard times? I’m not entirely sure. I can see that even those much older than me are still affected by the experiences of a suffocating “religion.” The struggles of, what religion will I bring my kids into? What should I tell them to say when other kids at school ask? Things of that nature have shown me that at least through it all, the only times anyone has benefited from this shared trauma has been when you have someone who understands why you feel the pressure of having to ask those questions. When it’s been related to on a personal level with one another is when the right kind of evolving occurs. Sometimes I try and consolidate when I’m feeling the sadness it has ringed out onto me from its dirty rag to the one person who’s affecting me, but it wasn’t until even just writing this that I realize there were other people, even just in my family, who could help.
I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is that there’s just a certain paradise many of us are trying to get to. Sometimes you just have to ask for help before you drown on the way, and then you can even help the other ship get there. Communities aren’t built overnight. People are not one in a swift motion or snap. The shifting moments however, are golden.
Here’s just a little video to end out the post. I hope you enjoy, it is a new single from BTS. They always just take me there gurl and this video is no exception.
“Coal plants emit twice as much carbon as natural gas, and infinitely more carbon than wind, solar, nuclear and other zero-emissions sources of power” (Grunwald 2014).
This fact begs a question: isefficiency or safety more important? This nonrenewable resource is used to generate electricity and fuel the world’s technologies. The process of obtaining those results is when the question of whether the advantages of using coal as an energy source outweigh the disadvantages.
Coal is a valuable energy source. It has been around for a long time. Bright Hub Engineering even went as far to mention it “has been used as a major source of fuel even in ancient human civilizations.” One great advantage of coal is how long it has been used for energy. The technology is known and is constantly being advanced, whereas other energy sources may be still in the early days of efficiency due to lack of knowledge of the full mechanics. As well as familiarity, there is an abundance of coal which makes it cheap to process into fuel and get out of mines. Mining of coal in itself bringschallenges, however.
It is no secret the dangers of mining coal for the workers or anythingthat may live in the area. The coal deposits them self can become volatile. Coal fires can produce easily and can be awful for the environment. They release a multitude of greenhouse gasses that increase global warming. The extraction of coal and the digging in the Earth can leave the land surrounding the mines unpredictable. The story of Aberfan in Wales proves this all too true. There was a coal mine, Merthyr Vale. It had been creating a soil tip of the minerals extracted near a junior school. Years later, the tip went over, and 111 feet of coal waste went racing toward the city of Pantglas and that school. It was a horrific tragedywith 144 deaths and 116 of them beingchildren because of coal. Factors such as these above are what raise the question of coal’s need.
Elaborating, the disadvantages rely on the moral guide of humans. It all depends on whether the results of coal are worth the lives it costs, the dangers it poses to workers and those in the area, and the environmental effects it causes by protruding deadly amounts of greenhouse gasses. Once considering other resources for energy, for instance solar energy, once can find much safer sources which many less catastrophic effects. Coal simply is not worth it.
Sources:
Burton, Alice. “The True Story of the Aberfan Disaster in the Crown Season 3.” Vulture, Vulture, 20 Nov. 2019, www.vulture.com/2019/11/aberfan-disaster-the-crown-season-3.html. Accessed 19 Feb. 2021.
“Coal Explained – U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA).” Eia.gov, 2017,www.eia.gov/energyexplained/coal/#:~:text=Bituminous%20coal%20is%20the%20most,the%20iron%20and%20steel%20industry.. Accessed 18 Feb. 2021.
Oh, these men. The question of the day: how many times? There are certain people who just do it for me. Ya know? Almost any occasion, there they are.
The question though is HOW MANY TIMES WILL THESE MEN CURE MY SOUL?!?
Kim Namjoon! Kin Seukjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!
That’s the fan chant for anyone who didn’t know… Anyways, now that that’s out the way I can continue. I am what is considered a new ARMY, or new fan, of the group. When I joined you ask? I’m not quite sure myself.
I’ve realized they were always there. Looking back in my memory deposits I can trace remnants of them like butterflies in an expansive field. Whether it be just one song my brother would play in the car, or my friend had a poster. They. Were. There.
Last summer with the hit of COVID and a pandemic messing everything up, I think they showed up again. I swear it’s the oddest thing because I don’t remember the exact video or time I started becoming obsessed. It hit fast, it hit hard, and there was no stopping the transition. I realized they had actually left cocoons that had now developed and metamorphized into butterflies now. I went from oblivion to binging their reality show, catching up on every interview, watching all the YouTube edits and compilations, reciting the fan chant every waking moment, and watching performances and music videos since there debut in 2013. There was a lot of material to cover, and with the pandemic having everyone quarantined I had ALL the time.
What’s this? I wasn’t ready. A new era was on my doorstep whether I liked it or not. My new duties and responsibilities being part of the ARMY had to be executed to the best of my abilities. What are these duties you asked? I’ll let you read the news report yourself.
“BTS has broken the record for the top 24–hour music debut on YouTube, amassing a staggering 101.1 million views, a YouTube spokesperson confirmed to Billboard.”
This is just the top of the board not to mention the rest of the videos we have on the board. *flips hair* Many of us, me too, will stream their new video releases on repeat all day the first 24 hours with no interruptions. I keep the video queued and was able to stream my first a total of 300 something times on my laptop, and the tv, and my brother’s Nintendo Switch, even while I slept I made sure it kept going.
The thing is, BTS has gotten so many of us Armies through so much, so we do all and everything we can to support them and give them world recognition. BTS is always acknowledging their fanbase and other people just don’t realize how passionate we are in making these 7 angels receive every bit of success they rightfully deserve.
They literally performed in Grand Central Station in New York.
At their first performance at an American Awards show for the Billboard Music Awards of 2017 the fanbase had the loudest reaction over any other fanbase for the American artists.
We do this all this because this group really just wants to spread positivity throughout the world through their music and influence. That is why Armies try so hard to spread the word of BTS because becoming a fan of BTS was one of the best things I have ever done, even for my mental health. They want people to find happiness in themselves as they are and went as far to start a campaign called Love Yourself. This was during the era, Love Yourself. When the Black Lives Matter movement was affecting America BTS donated money 1 million dollars to the foundation and then Armies matched that in a total of 2 million dollars for the movement. This is just once instance of them doing what they preach. The main leader encourages the fans a lot to study and try an do good in school, and the pressure of him somehow realizing a bad grade I get motivates me to try hard for him. They may have just been 7 kids with a dream, but their impact is still reaching people of all ages globally.
Here are some videos to correlate with the emotions they can relate/ help get one through. It’s best to use English subtitles to really be able to connect to the song if Korean is a foreign language for you.
PRIDE
When I am feeling my BTS nationalism I can listen to what I believe to be the anthem of the fanbase. ( Oh lord we cry every time. ) They made this song that reflects on the journey they’ve been on and how they only started as seven and now they have the world with us.
“We are not seven with you.”-BTS
It is such a powerful song if you truly love the group and have seen moments of their beginning and end this is it right here. It really is :}
SELF-LOVE
Sometimes I feel like doo doo about myself, and have no confidence. These videos give me the confidence I need to keep going. They make me realize I am golden, and a bhaddie.
This one has Nicki Minaj and I live for that as well. Shout out to the Barbs!
SADNESS
BTS are here for you and me even through the tough moments. You better believe it. When life sucks and everything seems to be exploding around you, and it gets hard to keep going, they’re here. They feel you and want to help…
That cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You” really hit different.
JOY
Sometimes BTS just wanna be there with you to be bright and happy. They want to shine alongside you and keep your mood elevated with them. Fun dance breaks or when you just have the universe on your side.
This song was their first in all English and stayed at the number one spot for weeks. It released this summer when we all needed a reason to dance and be happy the most.
This only scratches the surface with their capabilities and talent level and the range of emotions they cover. BTS is truly, as I said before, one of the best groups I have ever supported and loved. They just wanna make the world a better place in the ways they know best. They are constantly breaking records and have gotten all kinds of awards. Right now, they are the first fully Korean group to be nominated for a Grammy. We have only a couple more weeks to see if they can be the first to win one too. Fingers and toes crossed. I hope you can find any of their music enjoyable, the rappers come out in some songs and really turn it out if the more upbeat pop isn’t your style. Just saying….*wink*
Maybe “UGH!” or “Mic Drop (Steve Aoki Remix)” I mean even my straight brother vibes hard to that one… just sayinnn *wink*
Oops! How’d that get there?!? Anywaysss, I wish you found something on this post that could tickle your fancy. This all may seem like I have a wild addiction and this behavior isn’t normal, but I am only one of an entire ARMY of millions. Thanks and please have fun, be wild, and be happy
P.S. At this point I’ve dropped so many video links one more wouldn’t even be that much. I just wanted to showcase their talent with one of their recent performances that blew me away. Every time. America ain’t got NOTHING on this group when it comes to the quality, visuals, and pure entertainment and here is just one more example why. Please enjoy
Are addictions healthy? Is it possible to just have addictive behavior?
This man made me wonder all these questions.
Orville Peck 😛
Shocker I know, but he’s a country music artist. I never thought I would find myself in this genre at all. No offense to any country lovers out there, but the communities it draws in aren’t always the best…but then my brother tells me I just HAVE to hear this new person he found. I barely agree until the song starts.
I could sit here and try and type out how smooth and enchanting his voice is, but that just wouldn’t do any justice to him.
On the initial listen, his voice is deep and instantly transports me to this rodeo fantasy moment, and I’m just riding with the bulls. All the while, Orville is serenading me before he comes to rescue me because I didn’t realize I couldn’t wear red while riding the bulls and I’ve been trampled. He doesn’t stop singing while running towards me and shooing the bulls away like they’re just flies on a piece of juicy watermelon on a park bench in summer. Then, through swollen eyes and a broken wrist I try and reach out to him. He hands me a rose, and I don’t even care the thorns pierce into my hand. He picks me up (still singing) and then next thing the hospital machine is beeping. There’s a note that says O.P. and a phone number. I turn to look out the hospital window and see a masked man riding a horse away. What he doesn’t realize is that I went into shock and on the verge of death I lost any memory of him. That way I get to experience him for the first time all over again.
That’s how it felt when I heard Orville the first time. I was totally blown away. Head over heeled boots. Once learning more about him everything just made sense, and made me even more interested.
Ever since his debut in 2019 he still hasn’t publicly shown his face. He always wears a mask that covers his eyes and fringe that dangles over his lower face. It’s so freaking mysterious. I get flutters when the dangles move and you can see a jaw or a lip. You just never see it coming…LIKE THIS!
He’s gay. Yes, folks! We have another secured! Orville is openly gay and we’re all here for it! It was actually him that made me and my brother realize there is an entire gay rodeo association which…who wouldn’t to go to a gay rodeo??
Orville is from Canada. This was just shocking because like, excuse me if I’m just not getting something here, but he has like the Southern American accent. He’s from Canada though. Do they have a South that talks like American south too? Or do we talk like their South?…
Orville loves drag queens. I think that’s so cool because…same! He even did a whole music video and it follows a queen going through a pageant rodeo. It’s just everything and has one of my favorite songs of his in it, “Roses are Falling.”
I have just become completely consumed with his essence. I love the artistic expression through the mask. He is just too cute for his own good! I found immense pleasure in finding out about him, and I hope maybe you can too. I’ll even throw in another video or two for ya. 😉 Be wild, be free, and have fun ♥
I had a birthday recently. Yay, go Aquarius! People always ask if you feel older, but when I turned 18…yeah, I kinda do.
The answer had always been no. How can the difference of one day make you feel any older, right? However, something was changing like a couple days before I turned. I felt like everywhere around me was talk about age. No matter where I went, someone had brought up the discussion of age through speaking or just my daily reads. A true trap.
Immediately I just ultimately considered it was a sign from the universe. That theory didn’t last long though when I had no idea what the universe was trying to tell me. Then, on the eve of February 12th, I went to bed fairly easily and awoke to a new self.
What was it? Well, I did feel a little taller. I believe possibly a new sense of freedom maybe? Possibly a new sense of responsibility thrown in as well? It was like when I turned 18 I felt like I would be held accountable for more things. Even though I still view myself as a child (because I so am) some of society would expect me at a different level.
Now, I have the social responsibility to vote. That is like an uber-important thing that I’m ready and scared a little scared for. There are also things I can do on my own now. For example, even though my mom came with me anyway, I got matching tattoos with my brothers without legally needing her permission. She was on board with it from the start, so I never really had to convince her or anything. It’s just the things like that where theoretically I wouldn’t have to ask anyone before doing that I don’t feel I should have been given the power to do. I do not feel like our society should have given me this power already. It’s this new possible double-edged sword of freedom. All my actions have the potential of much bigger consequences. Also, I don’t always get to go play at recess anymore.
I feel like my mindset has slightly shifted, and I just hope I never lose my inner child in all the ruckus and fussy fuss of responsibility. Going back to something I mentioned earlier I could have possibly (not really) grown taller, but I think it was more of a feeling like I had grown into myself more. I was unlocking a new section of life kind of like it was a game. This goes for you, too, when I say: I’ve gotten this far and gotten through every new step from learning to walk to walking into my first day of school, I guess what’s stopping me or any of us from keeping on? Let’s go 🙂
I’ve said it before on here I believe, but I am on this whole self-love journey. Only now am I realizing it’s not called a journey because its easy, but quite the opposite. It was a silly thing to assume, I admit. For anyone out there though, who may be struggling as well, I wanted to share some things I have realized so far that may help.
There have been moments of relapsing and I can’t help but wonder every time if I am taking steps back instead of forward. It sometimes will send me down this Alice in Wonderland rabbit-hole mindset of me trying to piece together what’s going on. Am I okay? Why do I feel bad? What started this? How quickly can I make it stop?
It’s not helpful. I can tell you right now that the worrying doesn’t help. It’s hard to stop it completely and I can’t say for certain I ever have. There is one thing I came to see though.
Act like you’re walking through the woods. You come to a part where there is no visible path in sight. You are stuck. Well, sometimes you have to take two steps back to see a bigger picture of the landscape, so you find your new path that allows you to take ten more steps forward. Our anxiety or problems can blind our intuition of what they know to be true and mask our hindsight. It’s not a sad truth to just deal with because that’s how we are built, but it’s something to make us keep questioning. That part of us wants us to get stuck again and again so we keep learning new and seeking out new paths to evolve with.
Your mindset on your outlook can be the biggest decider of how something will turn out for you. You could just stay stuck in the woods if you think that’s life, or you can find that new path. As I stated before, it’s not easy. Somedays I’m just building a campsite and giving up looking for that path, whereas others I have two machetes in hand tearing down anything in my way and carving my own way. The point is to try not and stay at the campsite too long. We’ll miss you too much, and trust me. My search teams will find you so you might as well come along 🙂
This is all one giant comparison of a time in the woods to something as grand as life. I hope maybe you can find something of value in this. I tried not to sound too cheesy with any “I’m here for yous” -even though I am-.- Just remember to keep your mindset where you want your day or events to go. I think I said this in a previous blog- but in case I didn’t- Oprah said to write down five things at the end of the day that you were grateful for. It can be the smallest things. For example, I’m grateful I had the power to brush my teeth today. Literally anything. She said that slowly your mind will start shifting to a whole new mentality that will start to focus more on what lifts you up in life, what you’re grateful for. That’s not a bad goal. Everyone should want to strive for that brain pattern because it will make your life stellar.
Here’s a little video for you. The words are what I also am trying to get across. The song is “WANNABE” by the group ITZY. If you don’t know the language then turning on subtitles may be beneficial. ;P
If K-Pop isn’t your gig, here is another video of another great example by the greats. ♥ This is “Rain On Me” by Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande. Have fun! Maybe it’s raining in the woods too. Maybe you’d rather be dry, but at least you’re alive ♥
Family. I never realized the importance of being close with your family. Personally, I’ve never really had the chance to get close to my family besides the immediate ones I lived with.
Last weekend I finally got the chance.
There’s been a great divide within my family because of religion. You’ll probably read me going into that trauma in a different blog post though. I mean I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness, if that says enough.
Anywayzz, because some of us are no longer part of the religion we’ve become “outsiders” to the rest of the family. It’s not really cool, but we don’t harp on it.
I’m not sure how the ball started rolling on the plans, but next thing I know I’m in a car driving an hour and thirty minutes to sleepover at some rich cousin’s house to meet all the other cousins and aunts.
When we did arrive, it was so weird. Everyone was in their cliques and we were almost the outsiders again because all my cousins were already cool with each other. I made the bold move to break the ice with someone I knew would be a catalyst into being okay with everyone. My brother followed suit. At first, it was a bit of a stalemate. I feared the worst. A dreadful sleepover of awkward silences and little kids screaming. Two very possible realities that could’ve been true. That wasn’t what fate had in store for us that night though. No, fate gave us laughs and new friends.
It was a fabulous evening. Before I knew it, the little cousins were trying to show me their cartwheels and I was teaching them how to runway walk. We were happy and I realized that for the first time, household excluded, I actually had family that I liked. It took a death in the family to wake us up, but that’s when I realized the magic of family. It’s great to have friends. They can be their for you like no one else can, but the bond that forms with your own blood is sacred. You can just feel so connected and joyous especially when you get along.
I never realized the feeling until just recently and I wish I would’ve known sooner. This may be silly, but I just wanted to share this in case you didn’t know either. Maybe try and reconnect to some family if you’ve just been “too busy” to talk. It’s not always possible to have a relationship with family, but if possible just spread some love to someone. Remind them they’re valued and loved because as humans we surely do forget to do this too much. Overall, let’s make the promise to share love together. ♥
