Looking at the Journey

Junior Year. Who wants it? Who needs it? 

It has been…a journey to say the least. 

Gurl, I’m not gonna lie to you. When I heard a lot of people saying Junior Year was the hardest year academically…they weren’t lying.  I don’t mean to say this in anyway to scare any incoming juniors. I made it through it just like the millions across the world who do the same it’s just that-    dang, it’s challenging.

Even just knowing that millions across the world do it though, I wondered, how does that help me? Just because I know that many people are also accomplishing this feat at my age but I have no idea how to get through they year. It seems so hard, impossible even. But then…*clicks the 14 second video below*

This right here though, this right here! When our lord and savior, Nicki Minaj told me that she hates lazy people, when she told us Barbz, her fans, to stay in school. Mmhmm! After that, I had no more missing assignments. Nicki, along with an array of my role models and IDOLS helped me persevere and find the drive to continue on my educational journey. BTS is no doubt on that same list. You know for my last blog imma shout them out! I love you BTS! BTS Fan Chant" Poster by TheEnderGirl13 | Redbubble

I just, I think that’s what this whole school thing is all about. Whether it be your junior year or even Kindergarten year, the point is when you can’t find the energy within yourself to keep going, find it in others. For me, that may have been Gaga or Taylor Swift, but finding who your ‘person’ is is just as vital for your survival. 

I’ve been referencing this as just a school thing, but it can go beyond that, think beyond the academics. 

I remember when I was driving home recently, there was a song that came on right before my final turn to the road that led to my house, but all of the sudden when it came on, we didn’t turn. I told the driver,” Don’t turn just yet! Let’s see where this takes us.”

Granted, I was also the driver and the passenger in this situation because I was the only one in the car, but I still just let it take me.

The song was just heart-wrenching for me because it was from one of my favorite K-Dramas and is like a staple through the show and the lover’s relationship, but that’s besides the point. Before I continue with the story/lesson, here is the song, “Same,” in case you’re wondering though…

Basically the song killed my emotional well-being. Okay. I was a wreck! I was playing it while driving past my old high school. I even drove the same path that my brother and best friend, who have both already graduated, would take me down everyday to drop me off. And after that? I drove myself where my mom would drop me off at the elementary building when we were late and missed the bus.

I left the school the same way my brother would drive us home, that is me and my best Judy, Caitlyn. We would talk about how much we wanted to leave this town, escape from this flesh prison that was called a school and be so much bigger. Bigger than we already were from the other bland, basic kids at our school who were already following the boring footprints of their parents and their parents’ parents. We were on fire.

At first I was so, like obviously sad, thinking back to when all my friends had grown out of the songs we grew up on talking about our teenage spirit. I was the only one “left behind,” so to speak, and it felt like maybe I hadn’t grown up enough. 

Then, I remembered how it was when I first walked into MSA (Mississippi School of the Arts). I felt like the most nervous, least talented kid there. I not only felt isolated from my past friends, but also felt I wasn’t deserving of making new friends with the awesomely diverse people at MSA.

Where should I go then?

Well, my IDOLS came in to save me. They showed me how much I have already grown from that closeted, gay kid from small-town Wesson. My IDOLS reminded me of how much I had survived and been through. My strength was finally realized in a way that I don’t think I had ever viewed it. Even writing this now, I still feel the freshness of this feeling. 

I just want anyone reading this, I guess, to remember to not get caught up in the fluff of what you’re going through at the moment, but to not forget what you have already conquered. 

I forgot the pain and trials I went through all my life before my junior year to the point that, I couldn’t remember how I had ever gotten through the tough moments before. My advice? Never forget.

Always think back to your origin story and where you came from because it will remind you of how far you’ve come. That, and just have fun with life.

I write this for anyone like me who needs the message. 

This is just one of the only songs I could put on here from Nicki Minaj because it’s at an award show so the language is censored 🙁

Here is art that got me through the year… I present to you “Roman Holiday” by Nicki Minaj. 

This is also just a teaser of what has gotten me through the times recently being one of the most anticipated singles of all time!  You can’t make this up. This is the teaser to BTS’ new single, “Butter.” It will be releasing May 20-21 , depends on your time zone. 

Please, again, just remember to have fun every single time you get the chance, and be wild and free  ♥

After all, “Life is a cabaret!”    😉

Why BTS will cure you…

Oh, these men. The question of the day: how many times? There are certain people who just do it for me. Ya know? Almost any occasion, there they are. 


Kim Namjoon! Kin Seukjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!

That’s the fan chant for anyone who didn’t know… Anyways, now that that’s out the way I can continue. I am what is considered a new ARMY, or new fan, of the group. When I joined you ask? I’m not quite sure myself.

I’ve realized they were always there. Looking back in my memory deposits I can trace remnants of them like butterflies in an expansive field. Whether it be just one song my brother would play in the car, or my friend had a poster. They. Were. There.

Last summer with the hit of COVID and a pandemic messing everything up, I think they showed up again. I swear it’s the oddest thing because I don’t remember the exact video or time I started becoming obsessed. It hit fast, it hit hard, and there was no stopping the transition. I realized they had actually left cocoons that had now developed and metamorphized into butterflies now. I went from oblivion to binging their reality show, catching up on every interview, watching all the YouTube edits and compilations, reciting the fan chant every waking moment, and watching performances and music videos since there debut in 2013. There was a lot of material to cover, and with the pandemic having everyone quarantined I had ALL the time. 

What’s this? I wasn’t ready. A new era was on my doorstep whether I liked it or not. My new duties and responsibilities being part of the ARMY had to be executed to the best of my abilities. What are these duties you asked? I’ll let you read the news report yourself.

“BTS has broken the record for the top 24hour music debut on YouTube, amassing a staggering 101.1 million views, a YouTube spokesperson confirmed to Billboard.”

This is just the top of the board not to mention the rest of the videos we have on the board. *flips hair* Many of us, me too, will stream their new video releases on repeat all day the first 24 hours with no interruptions. I keep the video queued and was able to stream my first a total of 300 something times on my laptop, and the tv, and my brother’s Nintendo Switch, even while I slept I made sure it kept going.

The thing is, BTS has gotten so many of us Armies through so much, so we do all and everything we can to support them and give them world recognition. BTS is always acknowledging their fanbase and other people just don’t realize how passionate we are in making these 7 angels receive every bit of success they rightfully deserve. 

They literally performed in Grand Central Station in New York.

At their first performance at an American Awards show for the Billboard Music Awards of 2017 the fanbase had the loudest reaction over any other fanbase for the American artists. 

We do this all this because this group really just wants to spread positivity throughout the world through their music and influence. That is why Armies try so hard to spread the word of BTS because becoming a fan of BTS was one of the best things I have ever done, even for my mental health. They want people to find happiness in themselves as they are and went as far to start a campaign called Love Yourself. This was during the era, Love Yourself. When the Black Lives Matter movement was affecting America BTS donated money 1 million dollars to the foundation and then Armies matched that in a total of 2 million dollars for the movement. This is just once instance of them doing what they preach. The main leader encourages the fans a lot to study and try an do good in school, and the pressure of him somehow realizing a bad grade I get motivates me to try hard for him. They may have just been 7 kids with a dream, but their impact is still reaching people of all ages globally. 

Here are some videos to correlate with the emotions they can relate/ help get one through. It’s best to use English subtitles to really be able to connect to the song if Korean is a foreign language for you.


When I  am feeling my BTS nationalism I can listen to what I believe to be the anthem of the fanbase. ( Oh lord we cry every time. ) They made this song that reflects on the journey they’ve been on and how they only started as seven and now they have the world with us.

We are not seven with you.”-BTS

It is such a powerful song if you truly love the group and have seen moments of their beginning and end this is it right here. It really is  :}


Sometimes I feel like doo doo about myself, and have no confidence. These videos give me the confidence I need to keep going. They make me realize I am golden, and a bhaddie.

This one has Nicki Minaj and I live for that as well. Shout out to the Barbs!


BTS are here for you and me even through the tough moments. You better believe it. When life sucks and everything seems to be exploding around you, and it gets hard to keep going, they’re here. They feel you and want to help…

That cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You” really hit different.


Sometimes BTS just wanna be there with you to be bright and happy. They want to shine alongside you and keep your mood elevated with them. Fun dance breaks or when you just have the universe on your side.

This song was their first in all English and stayed at the number one spot for weeks. It released this summer when we all needed a reason to dance and be happy the most.

This only scratches the surface with their capabilities and talent level and the range of emotions they cover. BTS is truly, as I said before, one of the best groups I have ever supported and loved. They just wanna make the world a better place in the ways they know best. They are constantly breaking records and have gotten all kinds of awards. Right now, they are the first fully Korean group to be nominated for a Grammy. We have only a couple more weeks to see if they can be the first to win one too. Fingers and toes crossed.  I hope you can find any of their music enjoyable, the rappers come out in some songs and really turn it out if the more upbeat pop isn’t your style. Just saying….*wink*

Maybe “UGH!” or “Mic Drop (Steve Aoki Remix)” I mean even my straight brother vibes hard to that one… just sayinnn *wink*

Oops! How’d that get there?!? Anywaysss, I wish you found something on this post that could tickle your fancy. This all may seem like I have a wild addiction and this behavior isn’t normal, but I am only one of an entire ARMY of millions. Thanks and please have fun, be wild, and be happy

P.S. At this point I’ve dropped so many video links one more wouldn’t even be that much. I just wanted to showcase their talent with one of their recent performances that blew me away. Every time. America ain’t got NOTHING on this group when it comes to the quality, visuals, and pure entertainment and here is just one more example why. Please enjoy