Hello everyone! This week I wanted to introduce a new series I’ll be doing on my blog. Every time a new horror movie comes out (that’s pretty popular) I will watch it and do a review on it about the things that I liked and didn’t like. I’ll give it a rating at the bottom of the review. Keep in mind that every time I do one of these blogs there will be spoilers and my opinion (duh.) Anyways, this week we’ll be reviewing the new addition to the Halloween series: Halloween Kills.

                                                     HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD

Okay, I’m gonna be honest and say that I was sooooo excited for this movie. As all huge horror movie fans know, Michael Myers is one of the most popular guys out in the horror genre and when the news came out of ANOTHER movie, some of us were happy and some of us just wanted to let the series die. I was one of those people who were super excited. I mean how can you not be? This is one of my mother and I’s favorite series. I’m always open to new additions to the story as long as they’re well-made. I’m looking at you Halloween II. Enough on that though. Let’s get into the review.

I just watched it last night so everything is fresh in my mind. I’ll start with the iconic opening theme, gosh it’s so addictive. My mother and I listen to it in the car multiple times, and I am currently listening to it as I write this. Anyways, in the beginning of the movie with the opening screen with that oh-so-familiar font, they played the theme song and it was just slightly different (in a good way.) Moving onto the movie, I thought it was super cool how they connected timelines of all of the characters including the cop from the first movie, Laurie of course, Tommy who was the boy Laurie was babysitting in the first movie, Lonnie who survived an encounter with Michael when he was a kid and he also turned out to be Cameron’s father. I thought that was a nice twist until they both died. They also had Marion Chambers, another lady who was a nurse that survived an encounter with Michael, Sheriff Bracket whose daughter was murdered by Michael. That daughter was also the babysitter of Lindsey Wallace, another survivor of Michael (until this movie.) All of these connections helped me piece the storylines together and it was just a great addition to the movie, it was so fun to realize that these people were all connected in one way or another.

Now for Michael. I mentioned in one of my previous blogs how this dude JUST WON’T DIE. He comes back like two times this movie. I liked this because it keeps in line with the set circumstances, though they changed some things about Michael that I just didn’t like. For example, in one of the flashbacks, they made him RUN. Michael doesn’t run. He has a steady walk. Though my mom tried to tell me it was just a “lunge.” Even if it was, it just seemed off to me. They also changed his motive which was also really weird to me. I always thought that his motive was to kill his family members which is why he always targeted his sister Laurie. He also went after his niece Karen(who he actually killed this movie but I’ll get to it later,) his OTHER niece Jamie who died in a car accident off-screen, Jamie’s foster sister was also killed, he attempted to kill Allyson his grand-niece but also fails, and of course, killed his sister Judith at the beginning of the very first movie. Even though that sets up his motive so well, this movie tried to say that he wasn’t after his family at all, but his home??? Which was like- what? Makes no sense to me.

There was hardly anything that I didn’t like about the movie, but there were just some scenes in the movie that bothered me. I’m not sure if the director wanted to pull that emotion from the watchers but whether he meant to or not it sure was there. There was a scene in the hospital where the mob thought that one of the other escaped mental patients was Michael. They swarmed him and eventually, he got too scared and jumped out of the hospital to his death because of the mob trying to kill him. Although it was a realistic reaction from the mob, I don’t see that this situation had anything to do with the storyline. It didn’t have any reason to be there other than to fill the time on the movie. Yeah, they said something along the lines of “Now Michael’s turned us all into monsters” but that didn’t carry on to anything else so in turn it was not needed and the time spent on that could be better used on different scenes.

One of my favorite scenes from the movie was when the mob had finally got Michael cornered. They beat him and beat him, but we ALL know that that isn’t gonna keep this guy down (as per my other blog on how to beat him.) Funnily enough, I like to see Michael just go all out. It showcases what kind of villain he really is and for me, it’s just really enjoyable to watch. So, in this scene, the mob thinks that they’ve got him down and dead, that is until he gets back up again and starts kicking butt. I love to watch Michael fight because he is just merciless and so strong. On the other hand, he ended up killing Karen (his niece) which was SO unexpected for me. It also leaves the night open for another movie, which I will always welcome. I can’t wait to see what Laurie does once she finds out that Michael killed her daughter. My prediction for the next movie is that Laurie finally ends up putting an end to Michael (preferably by decapitation.)

Rating: 9/10 >:) 

Anyways, thank you for reading and I hope you get to enjoy this movie as much as I did! Regardless of the things I mentioned earlier, this movie was really well-made and enjoyable for everyone! 

i will never forget the first time i heard the mystical voice of miss dusty springfield. i was about thirteen and utterly obsessed with the newman ballad, “i think it’s going to rain today”. the lyrics spoke to me in a way i had never experienced before, and i was searching for a version in which the vocals matched up. this was when i discovered dusty. her cover of this song is one of the most intimate, emotional takes on another artist’s words that i have ever heard, and only dusty can achieve this level of mastery.

dusty had one of the most unique, striking voices i have ever heard. she was smoky and soulful, but tenderness and truth rolled from her lips like honey. each perfect note is absolutely mesmerizing, and when her sound cuts through the air, one can’t help but stop and listen. dusty drew inspiration from the beauties of her time, donning a bleached beehive and heavy makeup that accentuated her naturally gorgeous features. her elegance and flair made for a truly revolutionary woman and artist.

dusty had an incredibly fascinating personal life. to me, she is easily one of the most interesting, complex musicians of all time. naturally, she was far from perfect. dusty suffered from extreme mental illness and addiction, but ultimately, she will forever be known for the music she graced us with. her story is quite tragic in many ways, dealing with more heartbreak than most. however, her legacy continues to inspire many artists. though she isn’t particularly well-known in the u.s. today, she is known as one of the most influential female artists in british history, highly acclaimed by many. her history of advocacy and activism for animal and human rights is a fascinating contrast to her mysterious nature.

i highly recommend giving her music a listen, particularly if you are a fan of soulful music from the 60s. a few of my favorites are “i think it’s going to rain today” (obviously), “you don’t have to say you love me”, and “son of a preacher man”. below, i included the link to some articles that taught me more about this complex, troubled, talented woman, and i highly encourage you to check them out! learning about the life, love, and legacy of dusty springfield has been fascinating, and i will forever be inspired by her artistry.

to close, i’d like to include a beautiful quote about dusty’s magic as a performer. simon napier-bell told the observer, “There, standing on the staircase at Philips studio, singing into the stairwell, Dusty gave her greatest ever performance – perfection from first breath to last, as great as anything by Aretha Franklin or Sinatra or Pavarotti. Great singers can take mundane lyrics and fill them with their own meaning. This can help a listener’s own ill-defined feelings come clearly into focus. Vicki [Wickham] and I had thought our lyric was about avoiding emotional commitment. Dusty stood it on its head and made it a passionate lament of loneliness and love.”

Dusty Springfield – Wikipedia

How Dusty Springfield made a remarkable comeback – BBC Culture

 

Dark Academia 8/10

Honestly, if you don’t like this aesthetic I don’t trust you. The color scheme in this is so pleasing to look at. My favorite thing about this one is the incorporation of different shades of brown. Just looking at it makes me feel smarter. I like that it has a sense of historical feel to it while still looking very modern. I recommend using very classy type of jewelry with this style like small pearls and diamonds. Basically something that not too sparkly or out there. Also try to add subtle color blocking, because it helps with dimensions.

Indie Pop 6.5/10

This is one of the most vibrant aesthetics I’ve come across. I personally am an all black and dark colors kind of girl, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate this beautiful style choice. The colors in this aesthetic helps to bring more attention to the fits, if that makes sense. I’d like to think that a lot these styles were inspired by Japanese artist Takashi Murakami. A lot of his artwork incorporate bright and vibrant colors that you wouldn’t think fit together. It is really beautiful to admire much like this aesthetic here. With this style I suggest being minimalistic because the colors do enough. Pick bright contrasting, complementing colors and wear colorful jewelry. Add a painted or denim tote bag and your fit is complete.

Grunge 12/10

If you see me in any color other than black, then I probably didn’t have anything to wear. I relate to this aesthetic so much because it like a literal reflection of my personality. If you look in my closet right now you’ll probably be met with 15 different shades of black and maybe like a splash of color in the back. Even though the color scheme is very limited, my favorite thing to do is play with color. For instance, I’ll pick out a graphic tee that has a splash of red in it and pair it with denim or black pants. Next, I’ll add a pair of red shoes with silver jewelry. Sometimes I don’t like wearing jewelry because it can get in the way, so what I’ll do is add a chain to my pants instead. I am a strong believer that you should not only accessorize yourself, but your clothes also. All this to say, play with color.

Jooncore 1000000/10

This style has to be my absolute favorite and not just because Joon is my bias. I’ve always loved earth tone colors and he has a way of incorporating them so well. His fashion taste is a reflection of his personality and I love to see that in style pieces. Like I said before this style has a lot of earth tones such as white, beige, sage, moss, and crocodile greens with small hints of black. I think these colors go together very well with gold jewelry. Gold still plays into that earth theme, but it also contrasts against the colors making it stand out even more. Honestly, color-blocking clothes is the best way to style this. Also collared shirts and layering adds more dimension to this style.

Street Fashion 3000000/10

I mostly dress like this which why I love this style so much. This style has a lot of big graphic tees, baggy pants, biker shorts, and basketball shorts, which is something I can appreciate. Another thing I love about this type of aesthetic is the use of big chunky shoes. When I first got into fashion, the first thing I bought were a pair of white, chunky Fila. No matter what kind of outfit I had on, those shoes would go with it so well. So if you plan on getting into this type of style, make sure you have a good pair of chunky shoes. Another tip I would recommend is to have a variety of long solid color socks. This is really good for adding an extra accessory to more summer styles.  What also makes this style so perfect is that fact that it doesn’t have a color scheme. However, it can also make the process of creating an outfit more difficult. You have to see what colors work best with what and what makes it stand out. You can use any kind of solid color jewelry with this style, but I personally love big silver chains. Use all of your resources and add a hat to your fit and maybe a big or slender pair of shades. If you would like to layer, make sure whatever you put on top of your graphic tee is open. For me the shirt makes the fit and if you cover it up then it’s not really street fashion anymore. However, if your jacket is your centerpiece wear a solid color shirt underneath so it won’t take away from it, but PLEASE leave it open.

Hello and welcome back. This is the final part of this series and I’m so excited to share these with you. I want to put a disclaimer because these two movies are very gruesome, which in turn means that the means of escape are probably also gruesome. I won’t be super graphic, but this is your final warning. Reader discretion is advised. Anyways, lets go ahead and start. The chances of survival for these two are EXTREMELY low.

 

2. Leatherface and the towns people (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) 

Okay um… guys, I don’t know how to tell you this but you’re probably not getting out of this alive if you’re there alone. The chances are low… but never zero. Let’s start out with our regular analysis of our enemies. Yes, we have more than one enemy here. The entire community in this Texan town is in on this whole murder cult thing they got going on. That means you can’t trust anyone you meet there. Leatherface will be your primary predator though. As most villains do, he has some weaknesses that we can exploit. The mask of skin he wears probably doesn’t let him have the best vision, so our chances of being seen by him are low if we find a good hiding spot. He carries around this big ole chainsaw which cannot be easy to carry or run with, especially in crowded places. He is more likely to injure himself than you in those situations because you will not be carrying a chainsaw, but something small like a knife or a lead pipe. Speaking of weapons, I think that the best weapon in this scenario would be a tire iron. These are usually made of steel and are formed in an ‘X’ formation. They look like this:

This one in particular has a sharp side on one of the ends. Let’s hope that we get this type so we have more than one way to survive an attack from him. Let me explain to you why this is the most suitable weapon to counter a chainsaw. The chainsaw used by Leatherface is just a regular one and it has no metal reinforcements meaning that it cannot cut through the steel. The formation of the tire iron is also very advantageous. We can hold it up if we are pinned down and keep our hands safe from the chainsaw as it would be stuck between the other two edges. From there we can manage to keep the chainsaw in that one spot and carefully work the tire iron to the tip of the chainsaw. The point of least control for Leatherface. We can push the iron upwards from that one spot and get the chainsaw blade to go back at Leatherface. If it doesn’t reach him it at least gives you some time to get up and start running away again. Whatever you do, DO NOT contact any of the townspeople for help. If you get away just keep running until you find the nearest town that seems normal. Find the police and then inform them of the issue. Then that leads to the FBI getting in on it which would indefinitely shut down that town of freaks. If you fail to find a weapon or if you get caught, I’m sorry to say this but you have no hope here.

Chance of survival: 5%

1. Jigsaw (Saw)

Oh wow, um, it seems we have come to an end here. This is most definitely the HARDEST villain to escape, which is kind of funny because we aren’t even getting chased. If you haven’t heard of Jigsaw or the Saw movies before I’ll sum it up just a little bit. So, you wake up after being kidnapped and drugged. You’re in some type of contraption or escape room that if you fail to complete it, you die in a very… unlikable way. These rooms/machines play on many different things like your fears, basic human reactions, and religion. Though, it’s easy to not be selected by the mastermind behind the traps. He usually chooses people whom he deems to be ungrateful for their lives. He likes to believe that by putting them in these traps that if they survive that they will make more out of their lives and be more appreciative of it and if they die, that means that they never really had the strongest will to live anyways. So, for you to avoid being chosen. Don’t drink your life away, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t hurt others, etc., etc. Anything that could make you seem like you’re ungrateful for the life you have been given, just don’t do it. Now, let’s say that you’re in a trap (I’m not gonna specify bc you know… it’s gross) and this trap has a time limit. If it didn’t have a time limit just DO NOT do anything until you absolutely have to. Someone might find you before you die of thirst or something like that. Now, if it does have a time limit you first need to calm down and listen carefully to the instructions given to you. If you want to survive, you have to complete the task no matter how gruesome it might be. That is your only hope. If you’re in a trap that has other people in it, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT trust them. They might be in a separate game altogether and they might be instructed to kill you. Stay focused on completing your tasks and protecting yourself. Due to the severity and how gut-wrenching these traps are, I’d say:

Chance of survival: 2%

Childhood tokens. I feel like almost everyone has one, if not more, objects that represent childhood memories. Like a travelling memory token  that stays with you through the years, it is common to hold onto something that reminds us of past years. One of my main goals that I had hoped to achieve with these blogs was to make others who have childhood tokens feel less embarrassed, and to be proud of them.

On the topic of acquired tokens along the way, this week’s blog is about my dear friend Hannah Lockett, and her stuffed toy named, “Weeble-Wobble.” Weeble-Wobble is a small stuffed rabbit that Hannah has carried with her since she got it after a surgery. Hannah has recounted to me many times the stories of Weeble-Wobble and how devastated she was the time she lost him.  She told me the stories of times she’d bring him with her to different states, and she told me of the comfort he brings whenever she isn’t feeling well.

I wasn’t able to get a picture of Weeble-Wobble, but I am sure my audience can imagine a white stuffed rabbit pretty clearly.  The little stuffed rabbit is probably something you won’t have to try hard to imagine, seeing as most of us have had our very own stuffed attachments before, whether it be a bear, rabbit, dog, or cat plushie. 

Anyways, that is it for this week of “Adele rambling about lifeless objects.” See ya next week folks!

Hello again, my lovely little readers. I bring to you this week another installment in the series of posts dedicated to appreciating the people in my life I’m lucky enough to call friends. 

In all honesty, this week I struggled to pick someone. Not to say there was a short supply, but rather that I couldn’t meet my rubric of “who has continuous presence” to the degree I would like to. The reason for that is that I am, as a person, someone who tends to drift from friend group to friend group. I always have been, abiding by the same rule of thumb since my emergence into socialization in general. That rule being: maintain an extensive friendship with one or two constants, in this case Locklyn and Nyk, and then alternate with other friend groups. I tend to just pop in and out of different preconceived social circles on campus, rather than implant myself firmly into one in particular. 

Someone else that I tend to drift into quite often, however, is none other than the campus renowned Lauren Stamps. 

Now Lauren is someone who has had a very present presence, if that makes sense, in my life since she entered it. My earliest memory of Lauren, not that that necessarily means it’s the first, knowing my memory, is of meeting her on New Student Day. 

Granted, it may have had something to do with the story of hers that was read for the literary mock workshop. Truly, that story is one of the most amazing literary works I’ve ever read, and I’ve carried it with me from the moment I heard it spoken aloud, as I’m sure many people have, despite Lauren’s humble attempts at modesty; another thing that’s so very Lauren. 

All things considered, particularly my prominent, maybe even visceral excitement surrounding any and all things regarding my campus of Eden, the fact that Lauren was able to make an impression above the general masses is something quite note worthy. It’s also something that is so very Lauren.

Because that is the type of person Lauren is. She’s the type of person who just radiates happiness to those around her, a natural mood improvement. To be near her is to love her, as some book or another has definitely said before. Her support means the world, her praise makes your day, and should she choose to showcase one of her many interesting laughs, oh wow you should just prepare because it’s impossible to not join in. 

Being near Lauren is a perpetual serotonin booster, and I relish every moment of it. Lauren is someone who just sort of shares her happiness, which is a very rare quality in today’s world of negativity. 

I sincerely hope all of you can have at least one interaction with this somewhat erratic pink haired halo of happiness, because I promise you it is a lifechanging experience. Until next time!

Sincerely, someone basking in the glow of happiness. 

P.s. Close your tabs you absolute psycho! (said with love.)

Although I still am working on my series “Inanimate Attachments,” I recently watched a movie that could be described as nothing less but really good-bad. So, instead of publishing another installation in the inanimate attachment series, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a break and revisit some movies that I have a constant love-hate relationship with. 🙂

5. Ma

This horror movie starring Octavia Spencer is almost satirical in it’s attempt to make a scary “Cool Mom” stereotype. Throughout the movie Sue Anne, aka ‘Ma’ is a character that, due to her past high school trauma, seeks out revenge on the children of her classmate’s . While this movie is on this list for being ‘bad,’ it is actually quite fun to watch with friends. The mediocre teen acting and almost comedic plot twists lead to some very interesting jokes made amongst friends.

4. A Cinderella Story

A classic amongst many of our childhoods, this movie is the epitome of revisiting old favorites just to realize the acting… wasn’t that great. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a big Hillary Duff stan, but I can’t lie and say that the acting was phenomenal. Through the wonderful stylings of Jennifer Coolidge as Hillary Duff’s stepmother, and the outstanding “Waiting for you,” monologue towards the end, the nostalgia of the movie has stayed constant through the years. It truly is one of my favorite examples of when “too much is just enough.”

3. Daddy Day Care

While this can be said about many Eddie Murphy movies, this movies is just so incredibly good-bad. Throughout the story, Murphy’s character, Charlie, starts a day care center with the help of a friend Phil (Jeff Garlin). I always enjoy movies with Jeff Garlin in them, but especially in this movie. The reason may have been because I was so young when I first watched it, but this movie has always made me laugh my socks off. 

2. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

As a big fan of the books, I have to say the first movie did live up to all the cheesy expectations I had set for it in my mind. While many people feel as if the movies contain too much… gouda, per say, I think that the first movie has just enough parmesan grated on top of the perfectly plated spaghetti. (Yes, I am hungry right now mind ya business.)  Lara Jean and Peter’s relationship in that movie is almost exactly as I envisioned the books when I read them, so I for one thing it was just perfect.

1. The Twilight Saga (Yes, all of them.)

As I have stated in a previous blog dedicated solely to this topic, The Twilight Sage is collection of movies that I am unconditionally, and irrevocably in love with. (If you know you know.) Anyways, this sage was so bad for so many reasons, but also some of the best movies I have ever seen. I can’t even begin to try to explain it, but what I can say is that it just… makes sense. 

And that is the purpose of a good-bad movie. 

Anime has always been something that I love to watch. I’ve been surrounded by it for as long as I can remember because my dad is such a big fan as well. Over the years I have seen numerous anime’s and so far here are my favorites and why you should watch them.

1o. Akame Ga Kill

    Now if you’ve already heard about Akame Ga Kill its probably been from people telling you not to watch it and that it’s a waste of time. I’m hear to tell you that it is an amazing anime. For all the reasons why people dislike it, they are my reasons as to why I love it so much. The unpredictability of this anime is one of the main reasons that I enjoy it. When a main character goes into battle you are left with the anxiety of not knowing if they will survive or not. I especially love this because this is an uncommon thing in most animes. If a character dies it will more than likely be a side character but in Akame Ga Kill nobody is truly safe.

9.Black Clover

   From the plot, to the characters, to the AMAZINGGGGGGGGG soundtrack, it would be a crime to leave Black Clover off of my list. Some complaints that I’ve heard about the show is that the “AnIMatIOn Is NoT GOod.”  which is not a valid reason. NOW I will admit, Black Clover does have its low quality moments, but that inevitable with all animes.  The animation being too “bad” should not be enough to completely drive you away from an anime. The plot is amazing to watch and follow, as well as the character development that the characters go through. Though my one warning is that Asta (the main character) yells too much, but nonetheless it is an amazing anime that is well worth your time.  

8.Magi the Kingdom of Magic

Magi the Kingdom of Magic will always have a special place in my heart. I don’t know of too many people who have seen this anime or even heard of it though, so it’s safe to say that is is extremely underrated. The characters are easy to get attached too and the plot is very captivating. If you’re a fan of the video game series “The Legend of Zelda” like I am then I think you would love this anime.

7. My Hero Academia

   My Hero Academia is one of the best new generation animes. It gets so much hate because of the western fandom, and this causes people to automatically avoid it. But despite all of the hate that it gets, its one of the most popular manga’s that is currently out and still going. The characters in this show are some of of the best characters that I’ve ever seen. The different arc’s of this show and its pacing is also an amazing quality. I highly recommend it, and I am a proud fan of this amazing series.

6. Angels of Death

   Angels of Death is an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. This mysterious anime is extremely captivating, but it also keeps a lot of things unknown. The plot twists are amazing, but my favorite thing about this entire anime would have to be how it ended. Its a very analytical anime, and one that can be interpreted in a few different ways depending on the watcher. While it has its bright moments between the two main characters Zach and Rachel, this anime is fairly dark and heartbreaking. I HIGHHLLYY recommend this one.

5. Michiko and Hatchin (Finding Paradiso)

    This is easily one of the best animes that I have ever watched. I started this series and finished on the same day. The storyline is extremely immersive. We go through the journey of Michiko and Hatchin, and we see everything that they went through to find Hatchin’s father. The main character Michiko is one of my favorite main characters from any anime. It has its sad moments but inevitably everything comes together in the end. If you like animes that are centered around action and adventure then you will love Michiko and Hatchin.

4.Parasyte

  AMAZING ANIME. I just had to start off by saying that. Not only is it hilarious but the plot is so good. It is one of the few animes that I’ve watched that have left me completely satisfied with the ending. Its definitely on the gruesome side but it is one of the best action animes that I have ever watched. Its very unique and HAS AN AMAZING SOUNDTRACK. Also has its sad moments, but it’s all worth it in the end!

3. Assassination Classroom

    One of the most deceiving animes that I have ever watched. Do NOT BE FOOLED BY ITS CHEERFUL APPEARANCE. It had me in tears LOL. But that is also why I love this anime so much. I was laughing along with the characters in the show but in a matter of minuets the switch was so easily flipped. This one touched my heart and broke it at the same time. The characters are amazing, and so is the plot. It was well worth my time and every tear :’).

2. Attack on Titan

It would be absolutely sinful to leave out this masterpiece of an anime. It is so popular for a reason. The plot is so well thought out, yet it is one of the most confusing animes that I have watched (In a good way of course). I got my dad into the show and one of my favorite things to do is analyzing the show with him!  I would consider Attack on Titan to be one of the greatest animes to ever be created.

1.NARUTO!

No surprise that Naruto is at the top of my life. I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THIS GOD TOUCHED CREATION HAS CHANGED MY LIFE. IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED IT GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW. THE PLOT, THE CHARACTERS, AND SOUNDTRACK ITS ALL UNBEATABLE. 500+ EPISODES OF PURE ENJOYMENT.

THANK YOU FOR READING MY LIST I HOPE YOU ALL TAKE MY RECOMENDATIONS INTO CONSIDERATION!!!!!!!!!!<333

HONERABLE MENTIONS

1.TOKYO GHOUL

2.DEATH NOTE

3.THE PROMISED NEVERLAND

4.OURAN HOST CLUB

5.ANGEL BEATS

Hello and thank you for coming back for part two! This is where things start to get harder and your chances of survival are much lower. As always, there will be spoilers and my biased opinion will be included. Let’s get into some villain slashing shall we?

CONTENT WARNING: Mature content, reader discretion is advised. 

5. Michael Myers (Halloween)

This man has so much plot armor it’s almost impossible to escape him. On the surface, you might think that Michael is the easiest to avoid because of his speed, but that is simply not true. This series has been going on for over 40 years and NOT ONCE has anyone found a way to defeat this masked serial killer. We have a couple options to work with here. You can escape or you can try to fight back. If you’re not related to Michael, you have it easy. Just stay out of his way and he won’t come for you. If you are, he is already coming for you and won’t stop until one of you is dead. Let’s look at our opponent first though. Michael has some downsides as do most villains. He is slow-paced, he only uses weapons as if they were a knife. (He once picked up a gun and then used it as if it were a knife, funny right? No. Not if you’re the one getting stabbed with a gun) and he grows old just like everyone else. On the other hand, he is downright unstoppable. He has gotten shot over and over and he hasn’t died yet. He has survived stab wounds, being burned alive, long falls, and has even been beaten with a lead pipe. This man is still alive and no one knows why. The second thing he has going for him is super strength. If you have seen any of the movies or scenes you can just TELL that this dude’s second home is the gym (of the mental institution.) Now, how do we defeat something that has super strength and has some sort of amazing healing ability? Let’s look at the escape option first. Earlier I mentioned that he does indeed grow old like every other human being. In the first movie, he is seen as a six-year-old when he commits his first murder, then later on we see him get older and continue these crimes. The solution to escape is to simply live your life on the run until his time runs out or someone else ends up killing him. This isn’t the best life to live, but it’s better than being dead am I right? Yes, I am. The second option, fighting back. This option is not the one that we would try to go for, but if we have no other choice, fighting back is a viable option. You can’t shoot him, you can’t stab him, and you can’t burn him. What do you do? As Thanos once said, “you should have gone for the head.” Cut this dude’s head clean off. Even if he does heal, what is he gonna do without a head? Nothing. No head equals no eyes and no eyes equals no sight. He cannot even hear you. Now you’re probably thinking about how hard it would be to cut someone’s head off. You’re right to assume that, so let’s go through two options to cutting his head off. Canonically, Michael can be forced into unconsciousness. If we can get him to pass out, that is our chance to cut off his head. Ideally, we want to get it off of his body as clean and quick as possible. For this, we would have to use something super sharp and use a lot of force. A knife or an axe would be the best option for melee, but if you happen to have a chainsaw on hand, pull a Leatherface and push it into his neck. Let’s say that you can’t get him unconscious, DO NOT try to manually decapitate him and go for the escape option instead. If neither of these work, you’re done for.

Chance of survival: 20%

 

4. Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

This is another guy that just won’t die. The plot armor is strong with this one as well. I think these are the hardest types of villains to defeat. I’ll begin by speaking out the obvious solution. Don’t go to Camp Crystal Lake. Don’t be dumb and go somewhere without doing research on its past. If you don’t go to the camp, you will most likely not run into Jason. As we should always do, and as I will always advise, assess your opponent and understand the risks you might have to take.  Little spoiler alert here; in the first movie, the killer is none other than Jason’s mother, who is now dead, so we will be ruling out the possibility of her being our opponent. Anyways, let’s get back to Jason. He doesn’t talk and just like Michael Meyers, he has trouble dying. On the other hand, he has one HUGE downside that we can and will take advantage of. Jason is deathly afraid of the water. He will not go in it despite knowing how to swim. Our first and best option is to escape. You might be thinking impulsively and just try to swim, but that is a terrible idea seeing that Jason also knows how to shoot a bow. You are leaving yourself vulnerable in the water.

Now if we look at this map, we can see that Crystal Lake is connected to a river that we can use to escape. Here is the hard part though, you have to arm yourself with a weapon, get a boat that is strong enough to protect yourself with, and you have to get it into the water all while trying to avoid Jason who is also known for setting traps around the camp. Be careful. If you do get away with this, I would have SO much respect for you. Okay, now lets say that Jason was ready for us and destroyed all the boats. What do we do now? Well, Jason is also known for how much he loves his mother. This was used against him in one of the movies when one of the survivors put on his deceased mother’s sweater and started to sweet-talk him into kneeling down in front of you. Jason is dumb enough to fall for this again, so it’s worth a try. The one mistake the other survivor made was not finishing him off when they had the chance. Like I’ve said in other blogs, you have to have a weapon on hand otherwise everything you do is for nothing. Since he is kneeling in front of you, you have the PERFECT chance to stab him right in the eye socket. Don’t be weak and just barely put it in there, like really shove that knife down in there until it hits the brain, killing him. You have to have a strong stomach for this too, you can’t just start throwing up when he could still be alive. After the initial stab, don’t stop there. I am a very dedicated believer in double-tapping or even quadruple-tapping. They teach you in CPR and first aid classes that if you’re impaled with something you should keep it in your body to stop from bleeding out, this is why we take the knife out and keep wacking at him until you have had enough and you are SURE that he is gone. If we don’t kill him with the stab wounds, he will surely bleed out and die that way. Keep your weapon on you and carefully make your way out of the camp to find help. Keep in mind that his traps are still activated and if you get stuck, all your hard work will be for nothing.

Chance of survival: 35% (if you’re okay wearing a dead lady’s sweater) 

3. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Imagine you just got home after a long day of exams, and as soon as you go to sleep you find yourself in a steamy boiler room with an ugly burnt weirdo in a striped sweater and fedora hat chasing you. Let’s not forget the iconic glove with knives for fingers. Our enemy is none other than the dream demon, Freddy Krueger. His only downfall is that when you bring him into the physical world using lucid dreaming he is mortal and cannot use certain powers of his. When he is in the mortal world, you can kill him just like any other human being. Though, it will be a small problem since he prefers to be in the dream world, solidifying his chance of killing you and his chances of staying ‘alive’. Anatomically, we are set up for failure here. Escape is OUT of the question since our bodies have to sleep otherwise we will die of organ failure. If you sleep, you die. If you don’t sleep, you die. So what DO you do? Well, you’re gonna have to get really smart. Since escape is not something we can do, what is our other option? That’s right, say it with me now. We fight back. First of all, you need to get over your fear of this guy. When I watched the movie I was like “man this guy is ugly,” and that kind of helped me get over it because frankly, this guy is actually really ugly. His mannerisms and the way that he runs like a titan from Attack On Titan, make him seem less serious and more like a goofy freak. This will help us when we decide to face him. We need to be prepared for anything here. Remember earlier when I mentioned bringing him into the real world? Yeah, that’s right, let’s bring him onto our turf instead. This is our homecourt. This is where we have the advantage. Since we barely have to sleep, there is less chance that we will die in our dreams and it gives us more time in the real world to prepare for the final showdown with Freddy. You have to be super careful when you’re asleep though. In the movies it shows us that if we cause enough harm to ourselves that it will wake us up. That is our only way out (if we’re alone) when Freddy gets a bit too close for our liking while we’re asleep. DO NOT do damage that will severely burden you because those wounds will carry over into the real world when you wake up. Now, when we bring him into the physical world, Freddy can be harmed just like any other human being. This is what we will use to beat him. While we’re awake we can arm ourselves with many many weapons. If your family owns any type of gun, that’s the best option for you. If not, that’s alright, there is always something else we can use. Creativity is crucial for survival. If you can’t find a gun, go grab a knife and hold onto it. We can also pull a Kevin McAllister from Home Alone and set up traps for Freddy (this also happens in the movie.) We have many options if we choose to go with the traps. Some ideas are electricity, fire, sharp objects, and explosions. I would prefer the gun, but if you can’t get your hands on that, set up some traps with the time that you have before you sleep, and arm yourself with a knife so you can make sure that he is dead. Now here is the hard part. To bring Freddy into the real world, you’ll have to grab onto him and wake yourself up. This is much harder than you might assume. He literally has knives on his hand, so getting that close to him and waking up has to be done in a matter of milliseconds. This is where you enlist a friend or someone else you can trust. Instruct them to wake you up as soon as you start freaking out in your sleep, or you can depend on yourself and do the method I said earlier. When you wake you up you need to be immediately ready to fight, because Freddy will be. Now is the time to use our previously mentioned methods and kill him. After you do that, burn all of the evidence that he was ever in existence. If no one knows about Freddy, he cannot manifest into people’s dreams, thus reviving himself. 

Chance of survival: 14% 

Mwuahahaha! (evil laugh) Thank you for reading, and if you want to figure out the top two hardest villains to defeat and how I would attempt to survive them, you’ll have to come back next week! I am doing this because I realized that this blog would be way too long, and I like to cause suspense. See you next week! 😛