Talking About Cringe Culture

Cringe culture is something a lot of people are familiar with. Cringe culture, simply put, is an online culture of making fun of and/or harassing groups of people for their interests. Teenagers, adults, and even kids aren’t excluded. Years ago, me and my best friends were talking about hyper fixations. I told them I had one, and of course, they asked me what it was on. A wave of dread washed over me in that moment. I was hyper fixated on a character labeled as cringe, and I was afraid they would think I was cringe because of it. Thankfully, they were fine with it. They’ve never supported cringe culture. 

Even now, that fear of being cringe still lurks. (Heck, even writing this I’m worried about it sounding cheesy.)  I don’t see many people outright call something cringe anymore, but the judgement and toxicity is still rampant. I won’t lie, fans can be horrendous, but that’s being horrendous. There’s fans who will send death threats to people who like a character they’re crushing on, but people who support cringe culture will be out there tormenting someone who harmlessly ships themselves with a character. It’s so stupid- if nobody is getting hurt, physically or mentally, there shouldn’t be a problem. If it makes you happy, do what you want! Make fan characters, write that lovey-dovey fanfiction, design those brightly colored anthropomorphic characters, ramble about Undertale! These things make people so happy, and that’s okay. I cannot express my absolute joy when someone is fine with me watching kids cartoons, or when they listen to me go on a tangent about a comfort ship. It feels as bright as the sun.  

Cringe culture looks at all of what I just described (and more) and seethes. It tears people down, it makes people feel like garbage, it makes people hide their hyper fixations, hobbies, art, music, and writing. Cringe culture destroys creativity and joy, and acknowledging how stupid it is incredibly freeing. My stories and characters have never been as vibrant since I’ve kicked away the cringe monster, even though it still lurks at times. Here’s some things that helped me build my confidence! I hope they help you, too. 

  • Legit just throw the word cringe into the trash when thinking about yourself and other people.  
  • Hold the word ‘weird’ in a positive light! Weird things are great. 
  • Try and look at yourself without bias. When reflecting, use neutral wording. 
  • Congratulate yourself for the small steps. A step is still a step; look at you go! 
  • Fake it till you make it. Of course, don’t ignore your emotions, but telling yourself “I’m going to do great!” When you feel anxious can do wonders.  

(Do keep in mind this is not professional advice or anything. This is just stuff that’s helped me.) 

And with that, this blog comes to a close! Cringe culture isn’t dead, unfortunately, but together people can stomp it into its grave! Do what you love and have a nice day! 

Ranking Hannah Montanna Albums

I have decided to give Buffy a breather this week and instead I’ll be venturing back to one of my favorite shows when I was little, Hannah Montanna and ranking the albums. From least favorite to most favorite. 

1. Hannah Montana: The Movie

I was originally not going to include this one, as the movie wasn’t exactly may favorite when I was little, but it had some decent songs but overall isn’t touching any songs from the show for me.

Favorite Songs

  1. The Climb
  2. Hoedown Throwdown
  3. Back to Tennesse (Billy did his big one with this)

2. Hannah Montana 3

This was actually such a hard one to put here because it does contain one of my favorite songs from the show as a whole, but overall, it’s just not up there for me.

Favorite Songs:

  1. Let’s Make This Last 4Ever (This song should’ve made Mitchel Musso one of Disney’s it-boys)
  2. He Could Be the One
  3. If We Were a Movie (This is the one featuring Corbin Bleau which is good although I prefer the one where it’s just Hannah). 

3. Hannah Montana Forever

 

I absolutely love this album, I viewed it as a turning point for Miley almost like her music maturing, there was a whole episode dedicated to this idea in which one of my favorite songs from the album are featured. 

Favorite Songs: 

  1. Gonna Get This (Hannah Montana and Iyaz snapped on this one, literally one of my all-time favorite Disney original songs)
  2. Ordinary Girl 
  3. Been Here All Along

4. Hannah Montana 

Since this is the first album, I thought I should give it it’s flowers by putting it pretty high on the list, but it definitely earns its place towards the top of my list. 

Favorite Songs: 

  1. Best of Both Worlds (Come on it’s the theme song) 
  2. If We Were a Movie (This one is just Hannah, which I personally like better)
  3. Who Said 

5. Hannah Montana 2 

This is number one favorite Hannah Montanna album, I personally just feel like it has some of her best songs on it. It’s just top tier. 

Favorite Songs: 

  1. Rock-Star 
  2. True Friend
  3. Nobody’s Perfect (the choreography of the live performance is still hard till this day) 

Honorable Mention: Ready Set Don’t Go, it was a song Billy Ray sung to Miley when she was going to take a flight by herself for the first time, it’s not on any of Hannah’s(Miley’s) Albums but the song was played in an episode partnered with a montage of baby pictures and videos(which was even more impactful given how the actors are actually father and daughter in real life). That songs makes me sob almost every time I hear it. I recommend the one where it’s just Billy Ray it feels more impactful.

A Family’s Crossroads: New Beginnings

Zera was worried about her dad he just left the house, and he was angry than she’s ever seen him, and she just couldn’t help the teras the flowed down her face. She wrapped her arms around her body. She looked to her brother hoping someone would comfort her, but the twins just looked at the ground and Sebastian looked at her with a hard stare. She doesn’t know what to do, she’s so scared.  

“Where is he?” Sebastian asked, his voice was cold. 

“S-Sebastian please calm down.” Zera’s voice was shaky.  

“Calm down.”  

“CALM DOWN!” Sebastian yelled.  

“How can I calm down when my little sister just told us she basically just threw away her life!” 

“Sebastian please w-we didn’t want this I promise.” Zera tried to tell him. 

“Where… Is… He?”  

“Please you can’t hurt him please!”  

“ME hurt HIM!” Sebastian’s voice was getting louder, and the house was almost shaking with how loud he was being. 

“He should be grateful I don’t go to his house right now and sho-” Sebastian is cut off by one of the twins grabbing him by the arm and pulling him out the room. As they walk away Sebastian was shouting ever curse, he knows in Greek. Zera looks to the only person still in the room with her. 

“Lucas Please say something for the love of the Gods.” Zera’s voice was so broken. Lucas just looked at her he didn’t really know what to say. 

“Does he know?” Lucas asked. If the bastard knows and is choosing to just ignore what is happening he wouldn’t stop his brother and father from killing him. 

“Yes, we found out four weeks ago.” Zera looked away from him. She knew that her brothers would probably kill her boyfriend, but she just couldn’t let that happen. She loved him too much to let anything happen to him. 

“Zera, you have to understand your on 17.” Lucas says. He pulls her into a hug 

“You have a year left of school how are you going to do this?” He looked at her, his grey eyes filled with sadness.  

“I promise we have a plan.” Zera said  

“I’ll get dad and Sebastian to calm down to hear you out, but I think it would be best if you get James down here, ok?” Lucas got off the couch and walked out of the room. 

Zera nodded as he was walking out the room. She called James and told him to come over so they could talk to her father and brothers. 

Go Visit Your Local Library

Local libraries are an incredibly important aspect to our communities and access to public information while also becoming an increasingly endangered species. And it makes sense! Why would we use libraries when compared to computers and smartphones, they do comparatively less?

Why, when I have my information right at home?

Problem solved, libraries already have computers, but that doesn’t really answer our question, the question why should we use libraries? Free things.

Honest to God, best answer. Public access to books, computers, and records is so important, something the library not just supports but is. It’s built on giving those without access, access to resources. The poor, uneducated, ostracized, anyone who needs it. The library is what the foundation of the internet is. But rocking the boat is gonna be the easiest wrench for people to get in and start restricting that kind of knowledge.

But that’s a case for why we need libraries to exist and how important they are. But why would we use them?

And honestly, I’m not gonna hide it, I’m an avid library enjoyer. Have been since childhood. And man, the library has been like such a positive experience in my life? It just fosters such a friendly environment, with librarians who make polite conversation with you, finding quiet space, and depending on what your experience looks like, making friends.

I can’t tell you how many days I’ve bonded with people at the library even if I never saw them again. Strangers of all kinds, the library is a hub for those types of people, whether they just be passersbys or regulars you’ve come to recognize.

And hey, closing statement: my opinion is not yours. Do whatever you want. Libraries are just a quiet space for people to hang out, and I’m entirely biased. But I’d recommend visiting once or twice. Keep the library system alive and all that. It can do wonders.

Memories of You

In the quiet corner of a cozy coffee shop, Emma sipped her latte and gazed out the window. It was a place she had frequented for years, but today, it held a special significance. She was here to relive memories of love, memories that had shaped her life. 

 

As she watched the raindrops race down the window pane, her mind drifted back to that fateful day when she first met Daniel. It was a sunny afternoon, much like this one was gloomy. Their eyes met over the counter, and a smile was all it took for their hearts to connect. Love bloomed like a spring flower, and for a while, life was a beautiful melody. 

 

They spent countless hours at this coffee shop, sharing dreams, fears, and secret desires. Every cup of coffee held the promise of adventure, and every glance was filled with affection. As the months passed, their love deepened, and the coffee shop became their sanctuary. 

 

One particularly cold winter evening, Daniel surprised Emma with a heartfelt note hidden under her coffee cup. It read, “To the love of my life, Emma. Let’s create a lifetime of memories together, starting with this moment.” Beneath the note, he had placed a sparkling engagement ring. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she said yes. 

 

Their wedding was a magical affair, surrounded by family and friends who could see the love that radiated from their hearts. Emma remembered how Daniel had whispered in her ear during their first dance, “I promise to fill your life with love and memories, my forever.” 

 

Time moved forward, as it always does. The coffee shop remained a constant in their lives, even as they faced the challenges and joys of marriage. It witnessed their laughter and their tears, their hopes and their fears. 

 

Years passed, and they became parents to two beautiful children, Sarah and Liam. The coffee shop became a refuge again, a place where they stole quiet moments together amidst the chaos of parenthood. As they sipped their coffee, they’d often exchange knowing glances, reminders of their enduring love. 

 

However, life had a way of testing love. Daniel’s health began to deteriorate, and their visits to the coffee shop became less frequent. Emma watched helplessly as the love of her life fought a battle against an unrelenting illness. Even in those trying times, their love remained steadfast, a beacon of hope in the darkest of nights. 

 

One rainy afternoon, Daniel took Emma’s hand and said, “My love, our memories are etched in this place, in our hearts. You’ve given me a lifetime of love, and I’ll carry it with me always.” Emma nodded, her eyes filled with tears. 

 

In the quiet corner of the coffee shop, Emma sat alone now, staring at the empty chair across from her. Daniel had passed away, leaving behind a lifetime of cherished memories. The coffee shop had witnessed their love story from its beginning to its bittersweet end. 

 

As she finished her latte, Emma knew that this coffee shop would forever hold a special place in her heart, a place where the memories of love would linger long after the rain had stopped. She smiled through her tears, grateful for the love she had experienced, and whispered to the empty chair, “I love you, Daniel. You’ll always be with me, in this coffee shop and in my heart.” 

BEWARE!! You’re in for a Scare


Hello, hello, welcome back to another one of my posts.  

Let me start off by saying: if you get my title reference, I love you and comment if you did. 

As we all know Spooky Season is approaching and this is the time of the year when almost everyone summons their inner child and gets accompanied with the tricks and treats. There are other ways for us to celebrate the Fall weather that has the scent of pumpkin spice and background noise of Scary Halloween audio playlists; whether it’s going to haunted houses, or reading horror books (my personal favorite), or just cuddling up with your favorite snacks during this time; we do it our own ways.   Well, one of my ways to spend this time is by rewatching scary childhood movies. 

Yes!  The movies my ten-year-old self would cry while watching it in the morning daylight and with all my family in the house with me (I couldn’t help it; it was too scary.)  It’s better now though because I can watch these in a thunderstorm with all the power out, alone like a breeze (I don’t know why I’m lying to myself) and I enjoy it.                                                                        With that being said, for this post I’m going to rate my top three scary movies from my childhood that I think you should watch.  



# 3   Tim Burton’s, The Corpse Bride 

 

 I was about a 6 -7-year-old child when I cried watching the ending of this movie at my grandma’s house.  It was so sad which was kind of a relief to me then because it was really scary. The movie itself though was deep and now that I’m older I realize, the man had to make some sacrifices.  Now, for those who hasn’t watched the movie here’s the rundown: 

The movie is a stop-animated film that’s romance and fantasy (also horror to people like me) starring Johnny Depp playing the main male lead; Victor Van Dort and Helena Bonham Carter playing the female lead; Emily a.k.a. The Corpse Bride, in the Victorian Gothic era. Victor Van Dort is a man whose parents have betrothed him to Victoria Everglot because the Everglots need the money from the Van Dorts and the Van Dorts want their entry into high society. 

Personally, I really loved Victoria. She was so sweet, Victor also loved her, he just didn’t love the situation.  Since Victor didn’t like the idea of being married for influence, he got cold feet during wedding rehearsals and decided to leave to practice for his wedding vows (thinking about what he truly wants).  He didn’t know where he was running to, he just kept running until he had gotten to the forest.  Which was all blue and gray and looked whimsical but scary in a good way.                                                                                                                                                  While he’s practicing his wedding vows there’s a strange presence there, like someone is listening to him, Victor still practicing what he’s going to say to Victoria he puts her wedding ring on a “branch.”   He plans to continue his own personal wedding rehearsal when the tree wakes up and the scene with Victor getting scared happens.  Once all of that has passed it is revealed that the tree was actually a dead woman’s corpse, and she claims that she’s now married to Victor.  Sadly, Victor has to decide if he wants to stay married to her for eternity.                                                                                                                                         There are more details, like the fact that Emily is cursed because she was wrongly killed, and she won’t rest until she either gets married or finds peace.  Another thing is that a rich snotty dude is trying to marry Victoria while Victor starts falling for Emily and can’t decide which bride he truly wants.    Does he want Emily, the dead bride who vowed to be set free by her true love, or does he want Victoria, the one he’s supposed to marry?    Love and sacrifice are the theme of this movie, especially if it’s worth someone whose heart doesn’t even beat.  I loved this movie so much as a child, I don’t really watch it anymore because of personal reasons.                                                                                                    For the people who do love gothic animation films and are huge fans of Tim Burton I think you should go and watch it.   The graphics in the movie were cry worthy.  It brought the aesthetic it needed to the table.   Also, it has potential to be a classic.  I rate it a 7/10. 


                                                                 

                        

# 2 Monster House 



                                                             



I have a question for those who haven’t watched this?   What did you do in your childhood?   Like genuinely, okay, okay kidding. I’m only kidding, I’m just wondering who hasn’t gotten the time to watch this.  This is the literal movie that I played day in and day out during the Fall season.  Even after Halloween and Netflix made a mistake by adding it on there because I would ride the bus to school in the morning watching this.  Go to sleep with this playing in the background, I had two DVDs of this during quarantine and this is what I would watch back-to-back.   I know it sounds obsessive but it’s a part of the tradition once you watch it at your very first sleepover.                                                              Also, it’s okay if you don’t get my reasoning for the love of this movie if you never watched this, I’m going to tell you what’s it all about. 

There are three main characters:  a young boy, who is about 12-13 named DJ, his best friend an adorable boy named Chowder, and DJ’s crush and everyone’s favorite character, a girl named Jenny.                                                                               The movie introduces us to DJ’s life.   DJ is a boy who really loves all things science fiction and supernatural which at his age is understandable, but DJ just doesn’t want to be seen as a little kid who enjoys sci-fi, he wants to be a grown teenager.    He aims for being seen as an adult, but his parents get him a babysitter as they travel away on Halloween’s eve.                                                     Later in the movie we get introduced to Chowder, he’s DJ’s best friend.  Chowder wants to go play basketball and discuss plans for Halloween.  They go to play basketball in DJ’s yard when the ball falls in Nebbercracker’s yard. NebberCracker is an old house where this sad old man lives.  He hates when children or anyone steps onto his yard.  The reason why; well, his house is alive, and the boys find that out when the house eats their ball.                                         The boys are scared to go after that, but they really need their ball back.  The retreat of the ball is the piece that pushes all of the dominoes.                 Nebbercrakcer sees them and has a heart attack while screaming at DJ to get off the yard.  DJ starts to feel guilty thinking he killed a man.  The boys stay in the house scared with the evil babysitter Vee.    They meet Jenny when she’s trying to sell at the Nebbercracker house, and the boys decide they need to save her before the house eats her too.   They run to get her right as the house is going to take her in.  After the experience of what they all saw the boys and the girl become a trio.   Then we see the plot and the endgame of the movie; to disclose the secret of the Haunted House and put an end to the Nebbercracker curse. 

I am so obsessed with the ending of this movie.  It is literally a 9/10 (one point away because of the sad storyline of Mrs. Nebbercracker ).    All of the characters are funny and love how the house has the parts of a human.   Just really enjoyed how each secret played out and how the characters fought at the end.  I know most of us watched it so please go rewatch it to start off your spooky season. 


         

# 1   ParaNorman 


       

I’m being so real when I say this movie is ELITE (to me it is, you are welcome to disagree).                                                                                                                                         This movie is the movie I’m still sometimes scared to watch alone.   I mean there are a lot of scenes that make my skin crawl (the old cottage scene for sure with the dude that has the book) and make me cover my eyes because I would panic if I was in that situation.   This is the movie that my older sister picked out for herself and fell asleep on, leaving me wide awake to watch the horrors.  The animation on this movie is so life-like that the water they drank made me thirsty and it was fake.   Just know, this movie is nostalgic for me. 

The 2012   stop-motion animated comedy horror film centers its story in the town Blithe Hollow where 11-year-old Norman Babock lives.   Norman Babock is perceived to be a normal boy who just does his daily routine of talking to his grandmother, you know even though she’s dead.                                                          Yes, Norman can speak to the dead, no one believes him though.  No one except for his best-friend Neil.                                                                                                           Norman doesn’t seem to mind that no one believes him (he actually kind of understands) the only thing he doesn’t understand is why he has the ability.  He’s not special or anything, or so he thinks. 

Norman wants this to be a regular day when he just rehearses for his school play that’s based on the Salem trials, but no,  he has to have his dead ghost uncle show up and tell him he has a special ritual to do or the whole town will feel the fury of a curse cast by a witch who was wronged by Blithe Hollow way back in time.  Norman thinks this is crazy, but he also realizes this could be his purpose in this world, so he agrees to do it.                                                              Norman and unlikely companions go through obstacles fighting the undead and going through what seems like the end of the world to break the curse.  In the midst of it all Norman discovers the horrid truth behind the curse which also helps him find a piece of himself.                                                                                         Now the only thing standing between the town, and which is the decision of what Norman believes is the right thing to do.   

I love this movie so much; I rate it a 11/10.  The animation was beautiful and the lesson the story tells is so unique and something everyone should learn.  Also, it’s a fun movie for the kids and the parents, there’s a good number of jokes in there for everyone.  

                                                   

Thank you for reading my rant on more horror topics and have a good day 🙂  





Origami Angel

A picture of Ryland Heagy on the left, And Pat Doherty on the right.

I’m going to jump straight to the point. 
A band I’ve been listening to for the past two or three years, called Origami Angel doesn’t get enough credit. 
Origami Angel is a two-person band.
Ryland Heagy As the Singer/Guitarist, 
And Pat Doherty as the drummer. Origami angel is a Washington DC band, and they have a total of 3 albums out right now. 
Which are… Somewhere City, Brightest Days, and Gami Gang. 
My personal favorite is Somewhere city, and my favorite song from that album is The Air Up Here. But that’s not to say that I like their other albums any less. 
This band has a somewhat consistent genre which is indie rock.
Which is one of my favorite genres of music. 

Somewhere City, Released Nov 15th, 2019

Somewhere city is what might call a world building album. It was released on November 15th, 2019. This song has a total of 10 songs that span over the course of 30 minutes. What I mentioned earlier about a “world building album.”
What I mean is, this song builds an entire world from only 10 songs. Some talk about amusement parks, some talk about nostalgia, and childhood homes. 
and others talk about the special people in the lives of the artists. By far this has to be one of my favorite albums. 


The Brightest Days, Released June 16th, 2023

The Brightest Days album is also one of my favorite albums. It was released June 16th, 2023, and has a total of 8 songs. This album isn’t like the previous, I wouldn’t call it a world building album, but nonetheless It still packs a punch. This song mainly has to do with summer, and Childhood memories. Cloudy days, and sunny days. 
In order of popularity, I think this one reigns second.  Right under Somewhere city. I forgot to mention but my favorite song from this album has to be My PG County Summer.

 

#GamiGang, Released April 30th, 2021

And last but not least, The Gami Gang Album. This Album was released April 30th, 2021. Also, one of their biggest albums, with a total of 20 songs, the take course over the span of 50 minutes. This song is nothing like the previous two. This album hits hard. The genre is heavily rock i would say. But still one of their best. I would have to say that my favorite song from this album has to be, Noah Fence. 
And with this final album this concludes my thoughts on this band. 
I heavily recommend checking them out if you’re a fan of indie rock. 
Thanks for reading.

The Integration of Advanced and Remedial skills Portrayed in Film

So, for this week’s blog I wanted to talk about another show that has been sticking to the confines of my brain like glue. A show that I think I can really relate to in ways that other people my age might not be able to. The show I am talking about Fx’s The Bear. The Bear surrounds our protagonist, Carmen Berzado, Carmen is a world-renowned chef, known for working around the world in some of the most prestigious restaurants. But after the sudden suicide of his brother Micheal, he finds himself back in Chicago, attempting to run his now late brother’s restaurant. 

I personally really enjoyed this series for a number of reasons, one of the most prominent being that I was able to appeal to some of the situations that were provided. This is because I have always had a very close and intimate relationship with the restaurant industry. Whether it was as a member of the wait staff, or member of the kitchen crew, I have seen both worlds of the restaurant industry and I would say that it really deepened my connection with the characters and the plotline. 

 

A very interesting plot point that is explored in this show that I don’t think any other show has taken the liberty of ever trying to tackle is the collision of ethics throughout the advanced and the less experienced aspect of the restaurant community.  Carmen, once being known as one of the most prominent chefs in the world, now finds himself trying to implement values and systems that are almost exclusively used in high class kitchens. This does not go over well with the staff and a large portion of the conflict of the first season is Carmen trying to find a balance of holding authority over his staff while also trying to understand the many perspectives that he is provided with.

 

Some staff members become more accustomed to these strict ideologies faster than others, such as Marcus. Marcus is easily convinced that it would be in his best interest to listen to what Carmen has to say after being given advice from him that proves to be correct almost instantly.

However, there are examples of characters that did not react well to these new changes, however it was not from a place of laziness, or from a place of distance from these new tendencies. But from an emotional standpoint, Richie is one of the main victims to this ideology. Richie, being very close with Micheal, now sees the integration of Carmen’s new system as just another aspect of him losing his friend. “This is your brother’s house” is a line that is said as early as the first episode and I think that it is the perfect reflection of Richie’s inability to change through the entire first season as well as a small section of the second. Another really important aspect to look into when it comes to trying to interpret the differentiations between both styles of cooking is when you compare and contrast the first and second season. The first season is essentially Carmen trying to find his way around the chaos and finding a way to fix it. While the second season surrounds the different characters slowly growing their passion for cooking and watching the restaurant slowly morph the establishment that it is now. 

Image result for the bear on hullu season two

In conclusion I think that I am going to try to talk about this show more, I think that just giving a brief description of the main problem without going into the true problems that each character faces is an injustice to what the entire show stands for. I love so many of the characters created, and I think expanding on what makes them so interesting and well written would be in my best interest. 

Finding Beauty in Darkness

I have put a lot of thought into my blog for this week. I have written it, and re-written it, and re-written it again. However, for some reason, nothing seemed to make sense to me. I like to explore big perspectives in mundane things, but recently, my brain has felt cloudy and dark, and it has been difficult for me to observe things outside of what lies in the depths of my own head. This is why, this week, I decided to take a different approach. The idea began in the form of a poem:

 

twisted ivory casts crisp white shadows onto the palms of your eyes.

i hold them in your twisted vision, reading irises like bones, like lines, like future,

glimpsing into the present pool of your pupils, grasping, ghastly,

onto the reflection of any beautiful hue.

it doesn’t make sense, does it?

 

thighs like skyscrapers turn into mummies as i look;

i wrap them gently and take your femurs to my flesh,

and i cut out my liver and feed it to your dead teeth

so that you might not be hungry in the afterlife.

it doesn’t make sense, does it?

 

your neck cracks in symphonies, knuckles cracking heavy down,

cracking my brittle bones, cracking heart, cracking up

because this is all so ridiculous, isn’t it? cracking eggs to make

breakfast in the morning before I crack your skull –

it doesn’t make sense, does it?

 

if i let you take my neck to your tongue, to your teeth,

and you pulled the blood from my arteries, it would

make up for the time i spent cremating your

flammable soul—dust particles from dead skin.

it doesn’t make sense, does it?

 

if you let me take your organs out and bleach them white

and dye them the colors of the funeral flowers,

i would grow a garden and bake you cookies in return, and we could be

all sweet and colorful again because that’s how life works, isn’t it?

it doesn’t make sense, does it?

 

my brain is bargaining, recoiling from the void that

time sucks from my stomach, stretch marks turning scars back to open gashes –

i make a body from my trauma, a separate person out of the shards of my mirror –

i know i am seeing things, making everything up as i go, but

that doesn’t make sense to you, either,

does it?

 

This poem was a surreal and dramatic expression of things I have been struggling with lately: concept of time, issues with body image, resurfacing memories, and utter disconnection from reality… the list goes on. I usually process this by looking for metaphors in the things around me, but I’ve been stuck in this terrible haze that diminishes my capacity for philosophical thought. It confused me, and this uncertainty was terrifying. Therefore, instead of searching for meaning in analogies of objects/creatures around me to help me deal with a problem, I deduced that in this situation, the clarity lied in the problem itself.

My negative emotions have been obstructing my creativity and damaging my confidence and faith in myself. However, in the end, I wrote that poem, didn’t I? I’ve written this blog, haven’t I? I have gotten out of bed every morning, brushed my teeth, eaten, gone to class… so really, I have not failed at anything. In fact, I’ve turned this cloud of darkness into something that I think is beautiful: growth.

Every single person in the entire world will inevitably experience a darkness. You will, too, if you haven’t already. If you can’t seem to look at anything else – whether it be cricket, cat, beetle, or bench – then I advise you to stare straight into your darkness. Face it with all the audacity you can muster, and realize that you are not only separate from it, but you also have power over it. You can turn it into whatever you want to turn it into. It is not inescapable, and it will not destroy you – not if you don’t let it. So use your darkness as an opportunity to grow, and know that you have the capability to still be and create beauty.

Dog Days

I remember it just like it was yesterday. October 19, 2019, the day I got my puppy. I was in seventh grade at an all girls Roman Catholic Christian Private School called Our Lady Academy, located in Bay St. Louis. My mom had to pick me up late so I walked down the street to the Mockingbird Cafe for some coffee and to work on my homework. I often ended up walking to the Mockingbird cafe because my mom is a realtor and had to show houses after work a lot and I didn’t want to come with her. These houses tended to be vacant meaning the power and water would be turned off so there was no air conditioning in the houses making it really hot and you couldn’t go to the bathroom. She would also show houses for a couple of hours straight so it was very boring. While you may be thinking, “Georgia, why didn’t you use your phone?” My dad paid my phone bill and only gave me two gigs of data a month. Earlier that school year I had unlimited but he made some excuse which I’m not going to share unless we’re close so I definitely won’t be sharing it online. All you need to know is that I was swapped from unlimited data to like one or two gigs a month. Anyway, while waiting at the Mockingbird, I was beginning to grow impatient because school ended at 3:30 and it was now around 5:15. I had texted my mom and she said she was on her way to come get me. Around 15 minutes later she walked through the doors and came to where I was sitting in another room. After she came in, my older brother, Thomas, walked in with a little brown puppy who had a white chin. My immediate reaction was “What’s that?” My mom replied by saying, “It’s Clarence! He shrunk!” (We had another dog, different breed, different gender, different shade of brown, named Clarence.) and I said to her again, “What’s that?” and she said, “Our neighbor, Ms. GeorgiaAnn found a puppy on the streets and took her in for  three days and couldn’t keep her anymore and asked if we wanted her because you’ve wanted a puppy since you were little.” I immediately started smiling and grabbed her and said, “She’s mine now” and my brother was like “What? No! I want her! You already have a dog. I had to get rid of my last dog!” and I replied to him by saying, “Thomas you had to get rid of your last dog because you didn’t take care of him properly and didn’t train him. Besides, you’ve already had two dogs, I’ve only had one dog. She’s mine!” It’s safe to say I won that argument and I got to keep her.

 

As I’m writing this I’m texting my mom trying to convince her that Canada is a fake place made up by the government and she isn’t actually from Canada, she’s from New Zealand and her family survived off of canned peanuts. No wonder she was so enthusiastic to send me to boarding school. Also, For those of you who are reading this, if you’ve made it passed canned peanuts (hopefully) you should know to always be patient and wait for your mothers to be done with their work even if you don’t want to and to not make a stink about it because who knows, you might be rewarded with a puppy. But when it comes to waiting for your dad, do whatever, idk man.