Tag: junior literary

Save Me

Looking back on just a few hours ago, I’m completely sick with my decision to work on LSU weekend. I mean, I’ve been at school all week; God knows I’ll be tired by Friday and am not going to want to do anything until we come back to campus Sunday. Not to mention, I’m going to be on the square in Oxford, working at a place that has a bar for people to watch the game. Anytime over the summer any of my coworkers brought up football season, you could see them all physically shudder. On a normal day at work, the restaurant would have four servers, a bartender, a busser, and a food runner. On football weekends? Two bartenders, five servers, two bussers, and two food runners. Complete hell. 

Sure, the money’s good and all, but my feet are screaming at me an hour in. Now, personally, I’ve never worked for a football weekend—I only started working at the diner over the summer for some extra money. But on days when I couldn’t even wipe a table down before another was sitting? Oh, I hated it. The good news was that we only had about two days like that during the summer since all the college students were gone. Now everyone is back, and I heard that there have never been more people at and watching Ole Miss since it opened. I’m scared. 

Literally, someone pray for me. I know there’s going to be a line out the door all day, and a line halfway around the square before we even open. I feel like that one TikTok meme of the girl crashing out in her car and crying. If I make around two hundred bucks that’d be great, but will it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not. At least I know better than to even think I’ll get anything close to a break Saturday. And after work? I’m crying in the car and sleeping in my bed until it’s time to come back to MSA.

In my bio, I clearly said I’d be ranting on here, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Ranting about a weekend that will indeed not go down in the history books. There’s only like two upsides to this entire situation: I get to see my coworkers again after so long, and I get money. I miss my coworkers so much, but that’s a rant for another day. I’m just happy my mom will be there with me. Did I forget to mention we work together? Oh well. It’s not like we’ll have any time to see each other unless we’re shouting, “Behind you,” every five seconds in that cramped diner on our way to juggle five more tasks. 



Revisiting old activities ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა

I’ve been getting back into old hobbies of mine that I’ve had since I was thirteen. I say this because I got back into playing Identity V (╥﹏╥) It feels that every year, around this time period, I get back to playing that stupid game. I mean it’s been helping me mentally I guess, but it just seems like I cannot escape this game no matter what I do. Though, I was able to meet someone within a few days of me getting back into IDV. Online friend, of course, and we just played ranked together with some other mutuals. Ranked is just as it sounds, a more competitive version of regular matches where the survivors can ban hunters (which causes the hunter player unable to play the banned characters) and vice versa. Though, the hunters are able to ban one more character compared to the survivors. Like the hunter bans three characters while the survivors can only ban two. Ranking with them has been alright. I’ve gotten on the top one-hundred leaderboard for my main (Cheerleader).

My cutie baby Lily, Cheerleader, that I so graciously main and play as too much.

 

I’ll can probs show some clips I have been able to get during my two weeks of staring up playing again.

I’ve also gotten back into drawing, as I’ve said before. It’s a slow process, but I’m getting there. I might try to do anatomy studies and others so I can draw whatever pieces I want besides the usual bust up or headshot I do. I need to study hands especially even though I hate the thought of it.

The big three chudlings were drawn by me (˃𐃷˂) first one is Akaza from Demon Slayer, second is my OC (Original Character), and last one is Joseph Desaulniers from Identity V. I like how Akaza and Joseph have the same expression; I only just realized that when I uploaded the images.

It’s nice to go back to activities I’ve once did. Now, they can serve as a little stopping point whenever work gets too stressful. Maybe I can try to do other hobbies I put away in the past. What do you think about it? Do you have any hobbies that you’ve dabbled into once again? I’d love to know ٩(ˊᗜˋ)و ♡

 

 

The odd nature of love.

The strangest thing about love is that almost everyone knows what it feels like, yet almost no one can explain what it is. Including me. 

We use the word casually. We love our parents, our friends, our pets, our favorite books, even places we like to go. The same word carries all of these feelings, even though they are not identical. To love a person is different from loving a place, and loving a friend is different from loving someone romantically. Yet something connects them. Love seems to begin when something outside of ourselves becomes important enough to change us.

That may be exactly why love is so difficult to define. A definition gives something boundaries, while love seems to exist by crossing them. It makes another person’s happiness feel connected to our own. It makes their absence noticeable. It can even change the meaning of ordinary things simply because someone we love is attached to them.

 Romantic love is perhaps the clearest example I can think of. A stranger can become part of the way someone imagines their future. Decisions that once belonged entirely to one person begin to include another. Where should I live? What should I sacrifice? What kind of life do I want? The questions remain personal, but the answers no longer belong entirely to you, because now you’re considering them aswell.
 This is why romantic love can seem irrational. It can make people hopeful without certainty and vulnerable without guarantees. We do not simply see the person we love. We begin to see the world with their existence included in it.

 But romantic love is not the only kind capable of changing us.
Friendship. It doesn’t always involve the same promises as romance, but it can still make another person’s happiness feel drastically important.
 Perhaps, then, romantic love is not necessarily deeper than friendship? They may simply be different ways of allowing another person to matter…
 Human beings like to categorize things because categories make uncertainty easier to handle. That’s a fact. We call one relationship friendship and another romance, as though feelings will always respect those boundaries. But they do not always. Friendship can become romance. Romance can become friendship. Some connections refuse either name.
 Maybe that is the uncomfortable truth about love: we want to understand it because understanding makes things feel more controllable
 But love is rarely controllable.
 To love is to admit that something has gained the power to hurt us by becoming important. Yet avoiding that vulnerability would also mean avoiding one of the things that makes relationships meaningful?
So the question is not, “What kind of love is this?”
 Perhaps it is, “What has this love taught me to care about?”
 Love may be romantic, friendly, familial, or something that refuses a name. There may never be one definition capable of containing all of it. That is fitting, I think. Some things become less true when we reduce them to an explanation.
 Love may be one of them. We recognize it not because we can perfectly describe it, but because somehow, someway, another person, place, creature, or memory has ceased to be merely part of the world and has become part of our orbit. 

Okay, love you (how ironic) bye bye!!!!!!!

Executing ideas… ꉂ(°□°’˶)

Having so many ideas regarding pieces sounds pleasant and fun but coming around to execute said ideas is a different story. Firstly, my idea sounds great to me, and I share them to my friends, and they agree it sounds great. Then I get to trying to flesh it out. The direction of how the characters interact feels wrong, how the plot moves feel wrong, basically every component of the story falls flat to me. It’s a cycle even with the stories I was most excited to write about. Even the pieces I made that others have enjoyed well enough doesn’t sit right with me. It might just be my personal judge (my mind) speaking to me. Now, I would like to share some sentences that I made in the first thoughts practice that I liked but didn’t use it in the follow-up assignment due to it not fitting right with the piece.

“A tree caked in blood whispers in my ear of secrets it stole from you.”

 “My blood seeps into your bones as my heart whispers your name.”

“Drag me to our coffin so we can rot together.”

“Hang my limbs as decor while my rotting scent snuggles into the cloth of your furniture.”

“Wrap your fingers around the blade that’ll tear my skin for you to crawl in and be whole with me.”

Now a lot of these share a similar theme. The speakers wants someone to be with them, but it’s conveyed in a morbid way. I did like these ideas for a main character that could develop into this unhealthy mindset, but it would have to come another time as I’m working a whole lot on other projects. My idea for this speaker isn’t that they’re in ‘love’, it’s obsession instead, and not the glorified version where the obsessed one is a ‘hopeless romantic’. I’d like to think of this main character growing attached to whoever they’re talking to that develops into this unhealthy obsession. Within these lines, it does feel like a little power imbalance as the speaker wants the person to initiate all of these morbid actions. Maybe I could write more lines to steer it into a direction I’m satisfied with.

If I said there wasn’t a direct inspiration behind these lines, I’d be lying (sort of). I talked about Foxtails and IHS a good bit in previous blogs. I would say, at least the idea, the lines were based off of lyrics from both of these bands I have stored in the back of my mind.

Maybe you could pitch in some ideas also, maybe a sentence to go along with the ones I’ve listed or maybe a whole nother one for me to bounce off of. Either way, I’d love to hear it (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

Editing is Such a Hobby

Guys, editing is so not for the easily irritated. Don’t get me wrong, I love editing—it’s been my hobby since I was like ten. It has times when it’s rewarding, and then it has times when you spend hours upon hours on the same project, just for it to get completely ignored by the media. Depending on what kind of editing you do, it can prove very time consuming. Luckily for me, the style I do is very basic and honestly doesn’t take that much time if you know what you’re doing. 

 

The software I use to edit looks so complex to learn and it kinda is. It took me almost two years of using it to get where I am today, but I still try new styles here and there. Let me say, Adobe After Effects is not for the faint of heart. My first time using it I nearly cried just trying to figure out how to import and cut clips. If anyone could go into the software knowing what they were doing, I would bet on the medias since they are already familiar with Adobe. 

 

Now, depending on what style you want to learn—whether it’s 3d or a simple tiktok style—it might take longer to get mastered. I could, and probably will, never touch 3d because I know it takes so much more time, effort, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Especially with all the school work and assignments, I just wouldn’t have the time to spend six hours on a twenty second edit.

 

For me, it’s a really fun hobby that I actually enjoy. If you see me with my laptop, I’m always doing one of three things—school work, watching youtube, or editing something. When I listen to music, I find myself unconsciously listening to the beats and thinking in my head, “This would be a great audio for an edit.” It’s almost annoying. But, it’s thrilling to see your visions come alive on a screen through transitions and hand-picked scenes. 

 

As I’m writing this, I just finished an edit earlier that I actually like. Being in the middle of school, it’s hard to find time to just sit down and work on an edit, especially one that I don’t know if I like. But hey, I somehow manage to find time between things. The edit I just made, from the coloring to the effects, is honestly my favorite one that I’ve made in a long time, and that’s saying something. Posting it is gonna be so fun. 

Music Galore (˃ꇴ˂)

In my last post, I had gone on a little rambling of my favorite artists and songs from them. I decided to expand on that section furthermore by dedicating this post to songs and artists I recommend. I will preface this before moving on, my music taste it diverse. A little bit of everything mixed into a pot. So, I don’t believe that all of my recommendations will land well with everyone. Most of my recommendations within this post are within the rowdy realm like metal, screamo, etc ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀)

Without a further ado, here we go ٩(˶´༥`˶)و

About a year ago, I had dabbled into punk music. Most specifically, d-beat, it’s a music genre that has inspired Crust Punk. For a little bit of background, Crust Punk is a fusion genre between extreme metal and anarcho-punk. Songs within this specific genre contains lyrics of real-life problems and the vocalist’s stance on it.  All discussion within songs is primarily anti-capitalism, environmentalism, anarchism, etc. There have also been other discussions like feminism, veganism, and animal rights sung within this genre. D-beat takes its name from a band named Discharge (D-beat means Discharge-beat) I’ll link some songs that fit under this genre.

  • Drunk with power – Discharge
  • Police Bastard (covered by Pesti!) – Doom
  • My Meds Aren’t Working – Dystopia

 

I also recommend ‘Number One Hypocrite’ by Dystopia (✧∇✧)

Indie holds a piece of my heart (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈) The artist I’ll say I listen to the most within this genre is Alex G or Big Thief, but I also listen to Black Box Recorder a whole lot too. Indie music, also known as independent music, is characterized by creative freedom and a DIY mentality to it. This makes a varying about of musical approaches, lyrics, how they’re sung, the instruments, etc. Here’s my recommendations (✧0✧) Each artist has their own section with songs I’ve selected. I’ll underline the ones I’d recommend the most. 

  • Black Box Recorder – Kidnapping an Heiress, The Art of Driving, Child Psychology
  • Mitski – Cop Car, Drunk Walk Home (Live version), Last words of a shooting star
  • Alex G – Hope, I’m not like the other girls (unreleased), Forever
  • Big Thief – Paul, Not (live), Vampire Empire (Demo)

 

In my previous blog, I discussed a lot of metal. So, I’ve decided to talk about it furthermore. 

My love for metal has been a thing since I was young. Skillet was my first exposure to it when I was 7 years old. It died down, but then in 2023 a friend introduced me to Deftones. Deftones had made me love metal more than I can ever state. I have a collection of merch like shirts and CDs ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ I own almost all albums, but I still have another eight albums to get. I also own some Korn and System of a Down albums along with a Skillet and an Evanescence album. I haven’t been to any concert yet, but I hope to go to one soon.

  • Scream of The Butterfly – Acid Bath
  • Duct Taped to a Flagpole – Party Cannon
  • Tavern – Netherwalker
  • Misanthropy – Decalius
  • Absurdism – Glistening
  • I’m Sorry – I will always remember
  • Siege Tower – Curta’n Wall
  • Rabid – Mortician
  • Mascara – Deftones 

 

I feel like a cornball for liking Screamo, but this genre is so good please trust me ( °ㅁ°) There have been some Screamo songs that have gotten popular, but only for a certain part. It does mess with me a little because there are songs that are genuinely the best songs ever (੭ ;´ ⌂ `;)੭

  • Metamorphosis – Your Arms Are My Cocoon
  • let’s get married – Your Arms Are My Cocoon
  • To Remember – septemberistheonlytimeidontthinkofyou
  • Everybody tells me nothing – beforeyouleave
  • San Francisco – IHS
  • i experienced ego death on an nde thread – foxtails
  • embers – Dead Butterflies
  • When We Turn To Dust – noragami
  • 好きです – that same street 

 

I love sharing my favorite genres and specific songs within these genres ₍₍⚞(˶>ᗜ<˶)⚟⁾⁾ I hope maybe I’ve added a few songs to your playlist or made you a fan of some of these artists. What do you think of some of these tracks? Do you recommend any songs for me to take a listen to ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀) I’d love to hear what you have to say!

 

 

Story Time: Missing or Dead (pt 1?)

Hey y’all, I’m planning on doing something a little different for these next couple blogs. If you saw my last one, you know that I gave some context on the cult figures. Following that theme, this week’s blog is going to be a part of a story series written by me. (please give any help feedback) I’m going to give you some more of Elijah’s story in a moment. Before I do, I want to say that you will be lost if you didn’t read my prose piece or my last blog. Sorry not sorry cause I’m not forcing you to be here. So, without further ado. Please enjoy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…As Elijah sets the letter down, a vibration escapes from his phone running on top of his skin. Retrieving it from his pocket, his screen lights up with a picture of his uncle dragging an unconscious Autumn on the ground. Before having time to process the scene in front of him, another message rings out. They’re coordinates; followed by a message from the same number that sent the photo, saying: 

Here. Save her.

Autumn! Elijah’s eyes widening as he stares into the blinding light of his phone. Without wasting another minute, he pulls the nearest hoodie over his head, grabbing the car keys from their glass home beside the door. He drives north into the empty night for half an hour or so. The GPS signals the car to take a slight right leading off the smooth pavement and onto a chaotic path cluttered with the forest’s overgrowth. 

As Elijah was driving, his phone sang with another unknown message. The text contained detailed instructions. They explained to Elijah that once he pulled off the road to drive for about five minutes. After those few minutes passed, he will see a small opening; there he will find a manchineel tree marked with a red ‘S.’ Elijah was then instructed to park his car under the tree and walk for about two kilometers. Which he did. 

Elijah did everything the text told him to with a pounding heart and a tear stained face. He was surrounded by trees, stuck in an unfamiliar place and vulnerable to the world encapsulating him, yet his heart hammered along for another. Dread came and blocked all reason and logic in Elijah’s mind. The last person he held concern for was himself as he ran blindly, the trees morphing into fuzzy blobs of deep greens and browns. His sweat, cold and bitter as it fell from down the nape of his neck; he continued onwards leaving all his hesitation locked within his car, only stopping when his narrow path finally broke into a clearing once more. This glade is bigger than the previous one. It houses a barn that’s caught between the teeth of youth and the jaws of time. Sitting neatly in the center as its dim eave lights create a moat, distinguishing the mysteries of dark from those living in the light. 

Relief shoots through Elijah’s heart, slowing the rhyme ever so slightly. This must be it. After catching his breath, Elijah crawls closer and closer to the barn, attempting to invade the innocent light without detection. In this moment, Elijah’s delusions finally dissolve allowing reality and reason to flood over him. His pace comes almost to a stop as he weighs every option. 

crack. His blood runs cold. 

“Damn it.” A familiar voice says close to Elijah’s ear. Without giving him time to react, the stranger shoves Elijah forwards forcing him into the light. He tries to fight back, but the stranger won’t allow him the opening to strike. Instead he is pinned to the wall with a thud, knocking the remaining air from his lungs. 

As they face one another, both pairs of eyes searching the others for answers, the stranger’s confident grapes suddenly falters. 

“Elijah?” The stranger cries in disbelief. “No. You’re supposed to be at home. How did they find you?” He adds, thick panic layering each sentence. 

“Uncle Riche… where is she?” Elijah pants out angrily. “Where is Autumn?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok thanks y’all. This is all for this week, but tune in next week to see what happens next to Elijah, Uncle Riche and Autumn.

(also I hope nothing messed up when I copy and pasted this)

The art of teen drama shows

This is something I am disgustingly over-educated in. I’ve seen it all. XO kitty, my life with the Walter boys, The summer I turned pretty, even Ginny and Georgia. I’m a sucker for something that I can watch without using any of the important parts of my brain. The lower the budget of the show, the better. I personally tend to stick with the Netflix originals. 

If you’re a teenage girl you’ve probably seen at least one of the “To all the boys but I’ve loved before” movies. Kitty was Laura-Jean’s annoying little sister who sent the letters. XO Kitty is a spin-off revolving around Kitty as she moves to Seoul, Korea to go to a school called KISS. (Korea Independent School of Seoul).

Kitty had an online boyfriend who also went there named Dae. Kitty made the dumb decision to NOT tell Dae that she not only got into KISS but also was planning to surprise him AT KISS. Ugh. When she arrived at KISS, she learned that Dae, in fact, had a girlfriend there. This was the first major conflict in the show, and after that it never ends. It’s dramatic plot point after dramatic plot point. It has me hooked. 

Another show I’ve been into as of late is called “My Life with the Walter Boys.” It is so stupid, but so addicting. The show follows a girl named Jackie, who has this tragic backstory that causes her to move to a small town in Colorado called Silver Falls. The people she moves in with is this big family called the Walters. The parents have so many children. I believe it’s 8 children plus two nephews, and now Jackie. 11 kids plus parents all under one roof. When Jackie arrives, she’s immediately interested in two of the brothers. Alex and Cole. This is like my very own team Edward or team Jacob. I’m on Team NEITHER. They both make very toxic boyfriends in their own way. Now, I know I have to pick one. So, I guess it’d depend on the season. Season one I’m going with Alex all day, but season two is going to have to be Cole. See, season one Cole was the bad boy player while Alex was the sweet one, but in season 2 it all kind of switches. Alex goes away all summer to some horse camp and when he comes back, he’s kind of a jerk. Meanwhile, Cole actually starts caring about school. It’s just drama after drama. I love it. Season three just came out, and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds. Okay love ya bye!

I Feel Like Gale Weathers in Scream 4

My favorite movie franchise of all time is Scream. The original helped revolutionize horror movies and is my personal favorite movie. The second was trash. The third had a nice twist ending. The fourth was lack luster and forgettable. The fifth had terrible characters. The sixth had the same problem as the fifth. And the seventh was an amazing breath of fresh air that kept me hooked the entire time. 

I’ve learned that when it comes to scream movies, I tend to have a more unpopular opinion. And I could rant about each scream movie for about a thousand words each, but today I want to focus on the fourth movie. 

In this movie, the main heroine/villain is Sidney Prescott’s younger cousin, Jill Roberts. (Which is forgettable to the point where I had to search her name just now.) There’s an uninteresting supporting cast of new characters that are nothing but filler for the kill count (dead meat reference.) But these fodder are not what I plan to talk about. I want to focus on the returning cast.

Of course all of the main characters have been slowly killed off up to this point, but we do still get deputy Dewey Riley, Gale Weathers(-Riley), and Sidney Prescott. Neve Campbell is my love, and Dewey is the ray of light that makes this series so beautiful (until he was unceremoniously killed in 5), but I want to focus on Gale Weathers. She and Dewey are married in this movie and she has stepped away from reporting and straight into being a full-time author. 

We see her in the opening minutes sitting at her computer, struggling to write. She types nonsense, expressing her frustration. This is a scene I think about a lot. It’s one that plays in my mind every time I sit down at a computer or open book while I just stare blankly, hoping something will come to mind. It’s one that resonates with me on such a deep level, partially because I relate to it, and partially because it’s from my favorite franchise. 

Writing can come easy with the right inspiration, but like Gale, it’s not always easy to find that inspiration. She sits at her computer, letting out her frustration with vulgar words, jealous of Sidney Prescott’s fame as an author. And that’s another thing I can sadly relate to with Gale. It’s so easy to see people you’ve known for so long succeed and become jealous of them. It’s something I wish wasn’t so common and easy, but you really can’t help but feel a little bitter. 

Gale has always been a bitter character who’s deadset on getting her story, but as far as I remember, she doesn’t take out her frustrations on Sidney (at least not in the 4th movie.) I love watching her grow as a character every time I rewatch the movies. I love seeing her go from snarky with a sore face, to a person Sidney can really trust.

I do admire her dedication to her craft and love seeing her return each movie. But that one scene is so relatable it hurts. I have felt that frustration. I have felt the need to jot down nonsense to release my emotions. Trust me when I say, if I had the ability to not relate to Gale Weathers, I’d be abusing it. Even if I enjoy seeing her grow, she’s still selfish and overly ambitious, and she’s the last person from the original cast that I’d want to see myself in. But the writers conveyed her frustration as an author perfectly, and that’s not something I can ignore.

Overall, I see myself in Gale, no matter how much I wish I didn’t.

I’m done with this topic (for now), but it would be wise to prepare yourselves for more Scream rants in the future. 

BYE-

Scream: Every Recurring Character From The Franchise, Ranked

(absolute peak Gale bc I love Courtney Cox so dearly and the first movie will always be the best one)

I am Her and She is Me

I read one of the greatest books of all time my freshman year by accident. I say “by accident” because I wasn’t voluntarily trying to look for it. I was just trying to find myself in literature before I had to grow up. Anyways, the book was titled “Turtles All the Way Down” by John Green. I had never felt so understood before as I did while reading that book. Especially by a complete stranger. Aza Holmes is the star of this book — A teenage girl dealing with grief, anxiety, and most importantly — obsessive compulsive disorder.

Turtles All the Way Down by John Green - Penguin Books AustraliaImage result for turtles all the way down

People often joke about OCD, so it gets watered down dramatically. Society doesn’t realize that it’s so much more than a feeling of slight discomfort from something being out of order. This condition can range from the obsession with arrangement, harmful ideation, germs, timing, or even texture. The best way to explain OCD to those that don’t suffer from it is — a phobia that someone tries to get rid of completely. For me and Aza, it is germs. This would mean wasting an entire can of Lysol, washing our hands fifteen times in less than half an hour, spiraling thoughts, or even complete meltdowns. This mental illness took complete control over Aza’s life and so many other people’s lives. Real people.

Ocd Compulsions Examples 10 Myths And Facts About Obsessive Compulsive

I’m not using obsessive compulsive disorder as a way to bash those that are ignorant enough to joke about it or the folks that have to suffer from it. Whether they’re diagnosed or not. I reflect on “Turtles All the Way Down” at least once a week and live with OCD daily, so I thought, ‘why not just yap about it for a few paragraphs?”

Any who, earlier in my blog I mentioned “arrangement, harmful ideation, timing and texture”. I know at least one person reading this has no clue what I meant. Arrangement is the most common form of OCD. Biggest to smallest or vice versa, colors, or numbers being in a specific order, etc. You get the gist of it. Harmful ideation probably threw off a lot of people and maybe even concerned some. What I mean by this is someone being afraid of hurting someone else or themselves. They usually hide sharp objects behind locks, pills or anything else that can be used to do damage. Also, I just wanted to state my opinion that this may be one of the worst forms of this disorder. I am so thankful I don’t struggle with it and for those that do, I hope they can get efficient help.

The timing part of OCD is probably a little confusing to some, so an example would be, “If I don’t do this in time, something really bad will happen”. Spoiler: NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! Shocker, I know.

The last kind of OCD (that I listed; there’s many more variations) would be touching something that feels “wrong”. Technically it isn’t wrong, but you can’t reason with the mental. This may result in touching whatever it was exactly like before to “undo” the feeling, rubbing something else aggressively or getting agitated. If none of this makes sense to you, then congratulations, you probably don’t have obsessive compulsive disorder! But if it did make sense, I totally understand. I don’t have any words of encouragement or advice for you but keep going. You’ve made it this far and have had a lot of ups in your life, so keep moving forward. And thank you to anybody who’s read this — my first ever blog. I hope you enjoyed it more than you might’ve cringed at it.