My Commentary on Crybaby.

In this blog I want to talk about Melanie Martinez’s album “Crybaby” one of my favorite albums. The album follows a child/teen named Crybaby and each song follows her story/gives input about her life. 

Also note I am going to be talking about the music videos as well because they include details you can’t really get from listening to the songs. And I’m not going to be covering the three songs that are added on the deluxe edition: Play Date, Teddy Bear, and Cake. 

*I also put my favorite lyrics of each song at the end of the blog post :3*

First song: Crybaby 

The music video starts with the birth of Crybaby, in which her mother is heavily upset with her crying (she was literally just born but ok I guess) and exclaims “Oh God she’s a Crybaby” in annoyance, she also soon lights a cigarette in the hospital room. We also see her holding a wine bottle while attempting to feed Crybaby. In this song we get details about Crybaby specifically her sensitivity, one line entailing “You seem to replace your brain with your heart you take things to hard and then you fall apart.” We also get that she has trouble making friends. 

 

Second Song: Dollhouse TW: Drug use, infidelity and alcoholism. 

In this song we get a glimpse into her family life. This song to me specifically discusses the picture of a perfect family they attempt to fake while being incredibly dysfunctional. In this song we learn that Crybaby’s mother is an alcoholic, her father is unfaithful, and her brother is a frequent cannabis smoker. Also, a repeated lyric in this song is “Don’t let them see what goes on in the kitchen” a lyric we learn more about in the next song. 

Third song: Sippy Cup. TW: Literal murder.

In this song we focus on Crybaby’s mother and father. We see her mother sitting in the kitchen drinking late at night, we follow her mother through this downward spiral, we also see glimpses of crybaby with angel wings which is important for a theory many people have. But sooner or later we find out that the mother’s spiral is caused by the father not being home and when he does a arrive home, he has a woman with her (presumably his mistress) and when her mother sees them, she stabs them to death (in the kitchen) and after covering their bodies with a tarp. Crybaby soon comes in and sees their bodies her mother then appears behind her putting a rag over her mouth appearing to have chloroform or something on it to knock her out. Crybaby then awakes to being tied to her bed and her mother comes into frame with a sippy cup (presumably filled with alcohol) forcing Crybaby to drink it and the video ends. A lot of people believe that by feeding Crybaby the alcohol her mother is “killing her innocence.” and that Crybaby with wings represents her dead innocence. 

 

Fourth song: Carousel 

This song is Crybaby’s first venture into love, I believe this is more of a overall crush than a relationship. I don’t consider this to hold much important story. In the song she describes feeling so far away and just longing to get closer to this boy and mentions her heart being stolen. The carousel is mentioned multiple times, her being stuck on it and even referenced in the line “This horse is too slow we’re always this close.” Furthering the point that she wants to get close to this boy. In the music video also shows her repeatedly trying to catch her crush. 

 

Fifth Song: Alphabet Boy

In this song Crybaby is clearly angry and dissing someone a boy. It’s not clear who the boy is in question, but a lot of people consider it safe to assume that Alphabet boy is the same boy from Carousel. In this song Crybaby is calling “Alphabet boy” out on being self-righteous and full of himself and intern viewing her as beneath him. This is clear in “You think you’re smarter than me with all your bad poetry.”

Little Sidenote: This songs use of literation is amazing and so clever. 

Examples:

Always Aiming paper Airplanes At me. 

Building me up like Building Blocks just so you can Bring me down. 

You Can Crush my Candy Canes but you’ll never Catch me Cry. 

And with each new verse that same alliteration starts over in Alphabetical order. 

Sixth Song: Soap 

In this song Crybaby talks about a new boy she has a crush on and being afraid to say the wrong thing around him. And multiple times referencing washing her mouth out with soap in order to not reveal her feelings for him. At the end we see them kiss and we can assume she has revealed her feelings for him. 

 

Seventh Song: Training Wheels. 

This music video follows Johnny (the boy from soap) and Crybaby. We first see Crybaby pulling away from Johnny and then she slowly gets closer to him. Eventually teaching him to ride a bike successfully (without training wheels) once riding own his own we see him ride towards Crybaby who is awaiting a kiss but once he is right in front of her he disappears. The song itself seems to explore the idea of vulnerability within love and by taking off her training wheels Crybaby is fully diving into the risk of getting hurt to love unconditionally. 

Eight Song: Pity Party

In this song and music video Crybaby throws some sort of party in which no one shows up. Throughout the video we see Crybaby attempting to keep her composure until towards the end she ultimately breaks at the end destroying the party and the house. Like many songs towards the end, I didn’t really consider this song to have an overarching meaning it was just great storytelling and pushed the plot forward. I do think the incorporation of the scream into the song itself and not just having it in the video is great.  

Ninth Song: Tag, You’re it. TW: kidnapping 

In the beginning of this music video, we see Crybaby tossing away what seems like party decorations (a sort of callback to pity party). As the video progresses, we see Crybaby being followed by an ice-cream truck that had a wolf (a reference to the big bad wolf). He follows her to a grocery store where a woman with black eyes (possibly foreshadowing to the powers in K-12) hands Crybaby a vile of liquid. When Crybaby goes outside the ice-cream truck is offering free samples once she tries one it knocks her unconscious and the wolf throws her into the back of his truck. I consider this song and the next to not have any overarching meaning, I also want to say that doesn’t mean I think these songs are bad or less than the ones with strong meaning I just think these songs serve more of a storytelling purpose than to spread any specific message. 

note about the song: the way it plays with pitch and tone on certain lyrics as a sort of clue that it’s the wolf speaking is a great choice. As it not only still paints a story for people not watching the video but also clues us in on the wolf’s intentions. Example of one of these lyrics include: “I’ll cut you up and make you dinner-You’ve reached the end you are the winner.”

Tenth Song: Milk and Cookies TW: Murder again, but he’s the bad guy so it was cool.

This song follows Crybaby after she had been kidnapped. We see that she is kept in this room with a camera that allows the wolf to watch her from a separate room where there’s a phone next to the chair, he has in front of the television. Crybaby decides to make cookies the wolf watches her until the phone rings while he is distracted, she empties the vile of liquid the woman gave her into the batter. Once he is done on the phone he goes into the room with Crybaby where she offers him a cookie which he takes ultimately killing him and allowing her to escape. 

Eleventh Song: Pacify Her

In this song we dive back into Crybaby’s love life. The song follows her as she feigns for this boy’s attention even though he has a girlfriend (I believe they have some type of relationship because of the line “Now I can take her man”). In the song Crybaby is essentially trying to get “blue boy”(it’s what he’s called and he’s literally blue so…yeah) to pick her and stop paying attention to the other girl. The music video follows the same sentiment of her trying to impress which works and they almost kiss until the other girl stands up and flashes (yes flashes, also given the baby theme and the fact they’re in a literal crib this was kind of shocking, and a little icky). But after blue boy gets flashed, he picks the other girl disregarding the connection him and Crybaby had.

The blonde girl is the girl competing with Crybaby not Crybaby herself. Melanie Just played both roles.

Twelfth Song: Mrs. Potato Head TW: talk of body image issues. Music video also shows gruesome footage replicating plastic surgery (it’s not real but still).

This song is very obviously about body image and insecurity as well as touching on plastic surgery, this is clearer in the music video if you don’t pick up on the lyrics. The music starts with Crybaby sitting in front of the television eating cookies and playing with her dolls when a random commercial about blonde wigs (the girl who blue boy chose was blonde) and diet pills. Crybaby stops eating and walks to the bathroom where she puts on a blonde wig and lipstick as well as takes a whole container of diet pills and stuffs her bra full of tissue. She then goes back to the television where a different program begins to play. The program follows a man and a woman in a relationship, the woman is opening up gifts from the man one is a necklace and the next is a coupon/ad for plastic surgery. After some urging, she agrees to under the knife (which we see in gory detail, and I mean detail). After wards she takes off the bandages and it appears she has been botched, the man is visibly (it’s your fault bro but go off I guess).  In an attempt to feel beautiful again she cakes her face with makeup, and he gives her a blonde wig (BRO MOVE) after she’s all dolled up, she looks out of the window and sees him giving another young woman flowers clearly flirting with her then program ends. We see Crybaby clearly in shock taking off the wig and taking the tissues out of her bra. This song’s meaning isn’t very hard to interpret it is about how society values looks and how the societal standard for beauty impacts young girls. I love the music videos way of portraying this instead of just shunning plastic surgery overall she shames the idea of changing your appearance for anyone other than yourself.  

Thirteenth Song: Mad Hatter TW: I lot of mental health mention: specifically, the use of the word crazy and mentions of a psychiatrist. There’s also a scene where she rips her skin off and it’s a lyric in the song. 

There’s also a part where she takes a bite out of a live donut, and it was just kind of gross. 

This song has an Alice and Wonderland type vibe. It’s basically just Crybaby embracing her madness. I will talk very briefly about the music video. In the beginning Crybaby is laying on a bad smoking she then proceeds to take a pink liquid and drinks it. This obviously makes her disorientated before she fully passes out, we see two women with black eyes standing over her. After she fully falls into sleep, we follow her dream(?) this is where the Alice and Wonderland feel comes into play. There’s moving food, oversized stuffed animals the whole nine. When Crybaby wakes up, we see that she now also has black eyes then the music video ends. The black eyes again foreshadowing the powers in K-12. 

 

P.S: Sippy Cup’s has also been said to include allegories to eating disorders, but I didn’t go into those, so be weary before you listen. 

Favorite lyrics from each song: 

Crybaby: “Your hearts too big for your body that’s why it won’t fit inside”

Dollhouse: “Everyone thinks that we’re perfect please don’t let them look through the curtains”

Sippy Cup: “All the makeup in the world won’t make you less insecure”

Carousel: “Right, right when I’m near it’s like you disappear. Where’d you go Mr. Houdini, you’re a freakshow.” 

Alphabet Boy: “But you’re not my daddy and I’m not your dolly, and your dictionary’s destroyed”

Soap: “Should’ve never said the word “love”. Threw a toaster in the bathtub.” 

Training Wheels: “You’ve been riding two-wheelers all your life. It’s not like I’m asking to be your wife.”

Pity Party: “Maybe if I knew all of them well. I wouldn’t have been trapped inside this hell that holds me.” 

Tag you’re it: “Eenie, meeine, miny, mo. Catch a lady by her toes. If she screams don’t let her go”

Milk and Cookies: “Sing you a lullaby where you die at the end.”

Pacify Her: “You don’t love her. Stop lying with those words.”

Mrs. Potato Head: “It’s such a waste. When little girls grow into their mother’s face. But little girls are learning how to cut and paste. And pucker out their lips until they suffocate ha-ha.”

Mad Hatter: “Where is my prescription? Doctor, doctor, please, listen. My brain is scattered. You can be Alice; I’ll be the Mad Hatter.”

 

 

Weekly Agenda

Haven’t seen you guys in a while! School has been so busy, and now even my weekends are overtaken by work and assignments. I have a lot of stuff to submit this week, especially before Friday, so I thought I would list them out and explain what they are. 

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Refutation Paragraph & Conclusion – I’m writing an essay on King Arthur and his historical references. I am arguing that King Arthur either was not real, or could have been multiple leaders mixed together into one story, with fantasy added for effect by romance writers of the time. I also have to finish up the essay completely by the end of this week, so a conclusion paragraph needs to be done too. My refutation paragraph is due Wednesday. (Or I guess today, if you’re reading this when it’s published.) Also, this is like 40% of my DC Eng. Comp. class grade, so I’m very stressed about it. Hoping it turns out well! To quote a friend of mine, ‘King Arthur is mid.’ 

17 Page Play – This assignment is killing my vibes, I’m not gonna lie, but I will be trying my best to produce a great play. Writers block is hitting me hard, and I can’t find ways to continue the play past 10 pages. But, I’m going to work on outlining what specifically I want to happen and maybe add in some extra dialogue to enrich the world I’m envisioning. This play is based on something scientific, so I chose Archaeology and focused on Pompeii. This is due Thursday. (So, tomorrow.) 

LALALALALALA – If you’re wondering why it’s called this, it’s because I can’t think of a name right now. It’s a story that is supposed to be 2,000-3,000 words long, and has to contain the main character looking back on an event in their life. I’m basing the story on characters I already have, using bits and pieces of pre-written parts of the story (while editing them heavily because the pre-writing was old and not like my current writing style.) I’m a little over halfway done, but again, writer’s block continues to kick my butt. I am hoping I can be fully done with everything before the four-day weekend so I can relax and try to gain my creativity back. 

 

Being a literary isn’t easy, that’s for sure, but I know it’s worth it. I will drag myself kicking and screaming into an A or a B to end this school year, if I have to.

But sometimes, sometimes in those moments of clarity, it’s clear that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I hope to see you all again soon. ♥

Leo Star™

If you have been at this school in person for any amount of time, you have probably seen a paper origami star laying around somewhere. Not a big one, either. It’s about the size of a quarter, maybe less. They range in colors and patterns from anything you can think of. But most of the time they’re a solid color. 

Okay, weird. How did that get there, under a couch or stuck to a wall with tape? Is this some sort of act of vandalism? What horrible masked villain or creature could do such an inhumane thing? Is it some sort of scavenger hunt?

First off, chill with the questions. It’s a paper star. Don’t start getting weird on me, we’re not done with this blog. Imagine I’m snapping my fingers in front of your face to get you to calm down. 

 

Secondly, I AM THAT HORRIBLE MASKED VILLAIN! Cower in fear before me as I raise an army of loyal subjects who will do whatever I say as long as I give them a teeny tiny little paper star! 

 

Oof. Got carried away there, my bad. 

I use these stars as a way to ease my anxiety and stress, as well as a way to get my energy out without bouncing off the walls. All you need is a sheet of non-thick paper and scissors. Maybe a pencil if you want to write notes in them. (Also don’t worry I will be providing example pictures so if you don’t understand you can look at them.)

First off, fold your paper in half. Wow! Good job. Cut that line. Now you have two sheets of paper.. Keep doing that until the strip of paper is the width of your finger. The height of the paper remains the same as the original. We are only cutting the paper into smaller strips. 

 

Now you’re gonna need to take the end of that little strip, and sort of bend it towards the right. It will make a shape like a ribbon. Then you pull the end of that little strip through the loop, and it makes a hexagon. (Again, if you’re lost there WILL be pictures shown.) After that, all you have to do is fold over the hexagon multiple times until the paper runs out. When that happens you’re going to want to tuck the end of the strip of paper behind one of the folds of the star, so it looks like it’s just a whole star with no pieces sticking out! 


Great job, you made a Leo Star™ and you can even write little messages in the star for your loved ones. Now go forth, my minions.

Critiquing Horror Movies that Locklyn has Forced me to Watch. Pt. 2

-The Nun-

Well, hello again everyone! Today I will be reviewing the movie The Nun. Yes, that nun. The one with the horrifying white face and dead eyes. Also, the first movie cronologically in The Conjuring timeline. Get ready for a whole lot of me crying while watching these. Imagine me with tears running down my face watching this movie- and it will be accurate. Also imagine me clinging onto Locklyn’s arm like a koala. 

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First off, never going to Romania. Romania? More like Nomania. (I’m so sorry.) Also, never ever going to set foot in an abbey. Those places are most definitely haunted, no question. The holiest places usually house the most unholy things imaginable.


So, this film takes us on a journey through the perspective of a soon-to-be nun and a priest. They have both been called down to the abbey to investigate the death of one of the nuns there. She had died by her own hands. Nuns don’t usually do this, so it was worth the investment of an investigation.
On the way there, they meet one of my favorite characters, Frenchie. He’s a French Canadian who had found the dead nun’s body and reported it. He tries to flirt with the soon-to-be nun, Sister Irene. He is the comedic relief character.


Anyway, I’m not going to spoil the whole movie; that’s just the beginning. This is also the beginning of Valek’s story, the demon who follows our characters through the Conjuring movies. Let me just say he is MAD. I have no clue why; I assume it’s because he is an ugly demon, but he is pretty terrifying when he wants to be. This movie has a lot of religious symbolism, which continues into the later movies, primarily including crosses. If a demon like Valek decided to torment me, let me just say I would be a believer immediately. Because apparently, if you don’t believe, your trust and faith in God won’t work to dispel him? It’s fascinating, to be honest. I can’t wait to dive into the lore of this series.

Songs that Radiate Arthur Morgan Energy

                            Red Dead Redemption II was and still is an amazingly groundbreaking game, in my opinion. Our story begins in 1899, taking you across a fictionalized representation of the Western American Frontier. You play as Arthur Morgan, an outlaw in the Dutch Van der Linde gang. The gang is doing their best to escape civilization and return to the old ways of the wild west. Chased at every turn- by government officials, another gang, even nature- our gang is desperate to escape. If you have heard of this game, you probably already know most of this. Some of the songs in this article need explanation, and the last thing I want to do is spoil such a fantastic game for anyone. So please be advised, there will be spoilers ahead! And not small ones either; most of these songs relate to Arthur during the game’s later stages. 

                            Alright, hopefully, that got rid of most of the people who could complain about spoilers. Now it’s time to get into the meat of this article. 

5. Keep The Wolves Away – Uncle Lucius

                            Arthur cares for his family, the gang, more than anything. At a young age, he incorporated into their fray, Dutch practically picking him up off the streets and raising him. He was more than loyal; he dedicated himself entirely to what he was doing and never questioned. Then, things started to turn for the worst. He had put his faith in someone who did not care for his feelings or thoughts. After that point, the gang began to fall apart either by betrayal or false accusations and deaths tied to their crimes. In the end, he did his best to let the others escape the gang unscathed. The wolves he was protecting his family from turned out to have already infiltrated their ranks.

4. Everybody Walkin’ This Land – Paul Cauthen 

                            The unfair world fuels Arthur’s want for change. You, the player, can choose to help anyone and everyone you come across. When you finally visit the city of Saint-Denis in Lemoyne, you meet a man of the cloth. Brother Dorkins. Whether you donate money to his cause of helping the poor or not, Dorkins will ask for Arthur’s assistance in a matter of utmost importance. A nearby fence is holding children as slaves for work. Arthur frees the children, and Dorkin is very grateful and even offers him the donation money as thanks. Doing this mission shows that Arthur indeed does have sympathy for humanity, and this is not the first or last time he will help someone. Arthur can build an entire railroad, help a suffrage movement, and he will make up for his past mistakes as best he can manage if you play your cards correctly. Charles, another member of his gang, needed help aiding the Wapiti Native Americans. Arthur was very close to death when he was asked to help, his sickness taking hold, yet he put everything on the line to help them. Arthur second-guesses himself and puts himself down constantly, but that does not mean the man can’t stand up to help those in need. He knows just how unfair the world can be. 

3. Sweet Creature – Harry Styles 

                            Throughout this overlapping and sometimes uplifting story arc, you will be able to visit a woman named Mary Linton. She was Arthur’s former love interest, but their relationship fell through because of Arthur’s attachment to the gang. As it progressed, these missions were one of the most tragic parts of the story (to me). On the outside, he’s a bitter, heartless man. But Arthur has been through enough heartbreak for anyone to realize he is a fully fleshed out, fully realized man. Mary and Arthur spend sweet moments together, and she makes him happy like no other, but when she gave him a chance to run away with her, he didn’t take it. He was so immensely loyal to a ship he couldn’t see was sinking. His vulnerable heart takes the final chapter of the game by storm when he realizes he is dying from tuberculosis and there is no way to stop it. Arthur desperately wants to fix his mistakes.

2. Devil’s Advocate – The Neighborhood 

                            Dutch Van der Linde. A man Arthur considered to be his father after his blood betrayed him. The gang leader, the mastermind behind their plots, and a man overcome by his narcissism. Throughout the game, we watch as Arthur’s loyalty is ripped from him, as he is hurt again and again with no sign of stopping. Death ensues as the gang desperately tries to escape from the world, and the entire time Dutch listens to the devil on his shoulder. He never learns from his past mistakes, always saying, ‘one more, one more time,’ until there is no time left. Even towards the end of the game, Arthur can’t bring himself to lose faith in Dutch. Until everything begins to fall to ruin around him, and he realizes who his true family is. 

 1. I Gave You All – Mumford and Sons

                            This song once again reinforces the fact that Arthur was betrayed, wholeheartedly, by a man he loved. But that is not all. Arthur makes the final big sacrifice for his true family, the ones who were always there for him even throughout their problems and vice versa. The last objective of the game, the last mission, is to protect John Marston’s family. A man who he knew he did not treat well. But he knew, even throughout everything, they still had a chance. The others who died along the way did not have a chance, and Arthur viewed himself as dead already. But John, his wife, and his son? They all had a chance. Arthur put the last of his faith into them and made the ultimate sacrifice in the end. Gasping for breath, we watch Arthur’s final sunrise. 

Message for the Singles

Hey! I am single and could not be happier about it.

That came very abruptly, but I just love being single. I don’t have any man I have to be worried about keeping entertained. I don’t have to plan to spend time with someone, and this allows me to just go about my day by the beat of my own drum. 

In the past, I did have some flings. They were just too much work. Who even has the time and energy? I got better things to be doing. Besides, when in a relationship, I feel like one has to find a new balance that not many people do at all, or well. But, one has to make sure they are not cutting ties with everyone to make time only for their new item. I find this to be an exhausting task.

I want to make it clear though that I am not writing this blog because someone I know has done this to me recently. I am merely stating what I have come to learn. Don’t worry, either! I have not just come out of a relationship and am projecting my emotions on you readers. That would just be a cruel thing that none of us need.

Being single is just so fun. There are no restrictions as to who you can go have fun with or how. Because you are not worried about another person, you can put full focus on your own well-being. After all, being attentive to your own health is not selfish. It is something we should all do.

There is an adage to remember that RuPaul, famous drag queen, always says,” If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else.” 

I love this saying because it really does drive my point home. If you can not even find a way to love yourself, it will undoubtedly be challenging to show love for another. I propose to start doing tasks and setting goals for yourself to instigate self-confidence. Do not get caught up with the ideas or fantasies you associate with being in a relationship. 

If you are single and feel lonely or sad about it, try not thinking that way. The state of being part of the single community can be a vessel to improving and figuring out yourself. Find the freedom in the department of singleness.

Let us all singles make this coming week about self love. I hope you all love yourselves already and, if not, are finding the ways in which to do so. Just know, you are not alone in your battles. 🙂  

Pick a Spot, Picnic!!!

Picnics in the park have never been anything less than a vibe.  Cirrus clouds float over your head as trees rustle gently in the background. The soft material of the blanket contrasts with the occasional prickly touch of grass. The warmth of the hidden sun kissing your exposed skin gives you a feeling of peace and comfort. A specialized playlist of your favorite songs play quietly in the background as your thoughts run rapid. Your chest rises and falls to the rhythm of the passing footsteps. Finally, your soul feels at peace.

Doesn’t that just sound swell? (the answer is yes, yes it does!!) Can’t you imagine the scenery around you as you lie without a single worry? This may sound boring to some people.(i don’t know how.) If being completely at a tranquil state doesn’t seem so appealing to you, a picnic can still be fun.

You can watch a movie during your picnic, create art, learn an instrument, improve your terrible British accent (not to brag, but my accent is pretty darn good). A picnic doesn’t always have to be quiet. I personally love picnics, they’re one of my favorite past times.

I plan on taking full advantage of MSA’s  beautiful campus. Beautiful trees are spread all throughout, providing shade and a nice breeze. I even brought a blanket I plan to use solely for the purpose of having a picnic. If you ever see me having a solo picnic, please feel free to join!!!

Usually on my picnics I pick a random playlist and let it play. While it plays, I try to journal or doodle in whatever book I may have brought along. 

Pick a spot and picnic, friends. You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

 

Italian’s Do It Better

Heyy. *in Wendy Williams voice* How you doin?

So, here I am. There you are. We are going to talk about cooking.

I used to want to be a chef when I was a child. (A baker if we are getting all technical about it. ) Through a series of events though, I changed my mind. I have never really thought about the fact until recently. Out of the blue I felt a rekindling for the fun of cooking. There is an emotion you get when you cook something good for someone, and they enjoy it. It’s one of those warm feelings that help you remember why you get up in the morning. So satisfying. 

I recalled this because I recently got the nice urge to be nice while staying with my two brothers in their apartment. I told them I would try and cook like gourmet meals every night. Well, due to another series of unfortunate events, that turned into only one night of the week. What I did cook though, was fabulous. I served the children a nice Creamy Tuscan Chicken Roll on a bed of spinach with cheesy fettuccine on the side and a couple meat calzones. It was an Italian’s wet dream, and they loved it.

This meal was no joke though. It was actually very hard to make for me, only a novice to intermediate chef. 

The Creamy Tuscan Chicken Roll. This one took the most time and was the one I was also most worried of preparing because the process involved never performed procedures. At least, by me. I had to split the raw chicken breasts in half and then smash it like there was no tomorrow. My brothers didn’t have a rolling pin or meat tenderizer though. Instead, I had to use what we had in the toolbox, a hammer. Then, I would put sun dried tomatoes and spinach and other things on that and roll it up tightly. The fridge cooled them down which helped solidify the rolls.

The sauce that went on top of them was not hard to make, at all, I just never had made a sauce that dealt with like flour and heavy cream and stuff like that. It paired nicely, and once that was done, I started frying the chicken rolls.

This part was what I was scared for because we don’t really fry in my house, so I’m not used to it. I knew then, this was gonna be a trip. And it was. I first off made a genuine mess trying to get a hammered chicken roll in the egg wash, flour, and breadcrumbs. Chile…anyways. Once I set them in the oil, I realized that the oil might’ve been too hot. The outside was cooking way quicker than the inside. I didn’t wanna serve raw chicken and give the whole house food poisoning cause that’s not my place to be doin’ that.

What gives me the right? Ya know? 

Since I messed up, I had to stick them in the oven until they reached the correct temperature. 

The fettuccine was actually really easy. It came from a box. I just slapped some butter and milk in a pot and kept going with life. 

The calzones were not hard, but they took time. I had to make the dough, which would not stop sticking to my hands. Then, I had to put it in a bowl with some olive oil, and let it rest and grow. It was so sticky though, so I gave it a good bit of the oil. Maybe too much.  Yeah, with stuffing and wrapping those up my meal was complete.

It took me four hours to complete all the food. Obviously, if I knew what I was doing better it wouldn’t have taken so long. I definitely could’ve managed my time better with when to prepare what, so everything was done at close to the same time. I would say the food was not Gordon Ramsey level, but it was still pretty decent. Honestly though, it was still super fun. If you ever get the chance to cook for some folks. Go and serve it up! 

 

Let’s Get Vulnerable.

Vulnerability has never really been a strong suit of mine. It’s something about being so open and loud about the emotions I harbor that make my stomach turn. 

I feel the most vulnerable when I am writing. Writing allows me to release the words and expressions I dare not say out loud. Universe forbid that I ever say “I miss you” to someone. That’s more pride than it is vulnerability, but the two stand hand in hand for me.

Getting me to open up to you is basically getting me to say “I love and I trust you, take my heart now.” It’s like getting to the core of an artichoke or opening up one door just to find a locked safe. You may think you know so much about me, but you’ve really just scratched the surface.

I don’t like to think of myself as “complicated” or “hard to understand”. I just don’t allow everyone to pick at the complexities of my heart, mind and soul. That’s what being vulnerable feels like. It feels like you’re the main event at an open arena show. All eyes on you’re. You’re the star of the evening. NO THANK YOU!! I am just fine sitting backseat until I choose to drive. 

Being vulnerable is a choice. Vulnerability allows stable, healthy relationships. It helps to build character. I know that if I want to maintain certain relationships and friendships that I must allow vulnerability to pierce my heart and strain it in front of the ones I want to truly see me.

Let’s get vulnerable. Times not slowing down. We’re getting older and wiser. Don’t let a little vulnerability keep you hidden away from the truth that resides in you.

Until next time Friends,

A southern girl who wants to open up.

Life got you down Mary?

         Hey girl hey! This is my first blog ever so please bare with me.

Optimists. Pessimists. The world is full of them, and if you’re human then you are probably one of either. Full disclosure though: I am an optimist. Yes, I am the type of person who will try and turn every situation around for the positive. Some, who are negative minded, may get annoyed by this behavior. I respect their viewpoint on how they choose to perceive life, but why?

I have always heard that it is not about what happens to you in life, but how you react to what happens. I heard that and said mama preach!

I would like to share this poem which goes of a similar idea in perspective on the world around us. First, read the poem from top to bottom. Then, I read it from bottom to top and see what happens.

    “Worst Day Ever?” By Chanie Gorkin

Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day

Crazy right? It was so astonishing to me the fact that such a feat was accomplished of the two sided viewpoint. Reading the poem from top to bottom we see a grim outlook on the day, but reverse it and you an optimistic stance on the day. It could even be used as a metaphor. For example, if life has just got you in the blues or a situation gets rough and tough, find ways to flip the script. Focus more on the positives that are going on within your experience. 

It is not easy to always find good though. I mean emotions never should be suppressed or neglected because of fear. We have all been there, with some Lana Del Rey blaring and runny mascara, and you have not lived if you do not know what I mean.

*raises hand* Guilty.

I am not ashamed to admit it. If someone constantly neglects the negative emotions they are deeply feeling it can lead your body and mind to attempt to cope with some pretty messed up habits. Again, guilty.  

Going back to the topic however, it is how you overcome and bounce back from these bad experiences that make you a stronger human being. A pessimist usually may not bounce back, and can get stuck on the struggle bus.

Full transparency, this was totally me my first week at the Mississippi School of the Arts. This place is so so so different from my old school on so many levels. From the people, to the technology, to even the stairs, I was not prepared for what was to come. (Nor was my stamina for the stairs, but that is another story for another day) Anyway, I had to shift my mindset and drop many of the high school stereotypes that had been instilled in me. If I wouldn’t have done this I might still be on the mess express. I remember Oprah once talked about a great way to change the way you think. She said to write down five simple things you were appreciative of from that day. It could be so simple from just someone opening up a door for you. 

If you struggle with pessimistic ways clogging your mental space try this exercise. I want to end this post with a little assignment from Oprah. Feel free to call-in or comment below and keep me up with how it’s going. 

♥ Till next time kitty girls!