If you would have asked me two months ago what I wanted to pursue as a career, I would tell you that I wanted to be an environmental lawyer. I would go on and on about how I wanted to save the planet from itself, and give random facts about how much time we have left until it’s impossible for human existence on earth. I did everything in my power to help the earth become more green. This is not a bad thing; I’m not saying it is, but I don’t believe I did it completely because I was passionate about it. I think I did it because I wanted my family and other people to be proud of me. I wanted to be enough for them.
I tried my absolute hardest to prove to people that I was smart and capable of making a difference. What I didn’t realize is that it caused me to detach from myself. It caused me to neglect my true talents and passions.
Earlier this year, in the second semester of junior year, I was completely unhappy with everything. I closed myself off from so many things. I completely isolated myself. Around mid-April, I realized that I needed to better myself. I knew that I wasn’t the best version of myself and I wanted to make a change. Throughout the entire summer I completely changed my outlook of everything, and I will be honest, I did feel so completely happy, but something else was missing. I couldn’t figure out what it was.
About a month ago, I stayed with a close friends house and we had a very deep conversation. We talked about how I wasn’t happy and how I was tricking myself into thinking I was happy. She told me, “you have to let go,” and that’s when my eyes were opened up to everything. I realized that I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I only wanted to be a lawyer so that my family and friends would be proud of me. I do care about the environment and I do think that we should do everything in our power to make some type of difference, but I also have my own passions that I want to be able to pursue as well. All along I had lived my life for others. That is why I wasn’t happy. I was neglecting what actually made me happy because of what others told me.
Upon this discovery, I realized that I want to be a Fashion Journalist. I always have. I want to work on projects that make me happy, not projects that other people tell me will make me happy. Ever since that day I have been pursuing the things I love instead of the things other people think I would excel at. And that in itself has caused me to be joyful and excited for my future.
For the first time in a very long time, I am excited for the things to come.
