Beauty Pageants: Are They Objectifying Women?

This week’s blog post is going to be a little different. Although I love doing interview-style blogs, it is sometimes difficult to find people that have experienced the topics I am delving into each week. Fret not, though, my friends, I am still going to be going into each topic wholeheartedly. I also think this will add some variety to my blogs, so that you all aren’t reading the same type each week!

Enjoy 🙂


Pageants in the Media

Everyone has seen the TLC series Toddlers & Tiaras at least once in their life or at least has heard about it. If not, this show is about children who compete in beauty pageants. The girls (and sometimes, boys) are from newborn to age 10. The show has created much controversy over the years. In 2012, a child that had been featured in the series was in a custody hearing in which a court-appointed psychologist was needed. “Children adorned with pageantry identities are not ‘playing’ or ‘pretending.’ Instead, they are trained to closely resemble their adult counterparts,” she says. Most of the negativity that stems from the show is whether or not the mothers who put their children in the pageants are expressing themselves through their children. As well as, the idea that the pageants are objectifying and sexualizing young girls. The TLC series has outraged many people over the world because they are “robbing children of their innocence for ratings”.

Furthermore, Netflix recently released an original movie called Dumplin’. The show depicts the story of Willowdean Dickson, a plus-sized teenager from a small town in Texas. Her mother is a former beauty queen and the director of the town’s annual pageant. As a ploy against her mother, Willowdean signs up for the pageant. However, her plan backfires, and she ends up starting a revolution with other unlikely girls joining the pageant with her. The movie shows how the pageant industry and her mother’s heavy involvement in it affected Willowdean as a teenage girl. In the end, however, she becomes more understanding of pageants and has an appreciation for them, in a sense.

Similarly, the 2000 movie, Miss Congeniality, goes into the investigation of the Miss United States pageant. In order to get intel, the agents must go undercover. Gracie Hart, being the only female on the team that “looks the part” has to be the one to go undercover and participate in the pageant. Ironically, she is a tom-boy and has no interest in being a beauty pageant, as they go against her feminist beliefs. During the pageant, Gracie teaches a self-defense method and tries to stay true to her beliefs, but later, when asked if she thought pageants were “outdated and anti-feminist”, Gracie responded with, “Well, I would have to say: I used to be one who thought that. And then, I came here, and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world. And for me, this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life.” Although the movie is fictional, I think it speaks to how society has these negative ideals that beauty queens are all beauty and no brains, or that they do, in fact, objectify women.

Body Standards in Pageants

Pageants are a big part of the beauty industry in that, to enter a pageant, or to even have a chance at winning, you have to have a certain body type. Now, there are plus-size pageants, but they aren’t as commonly known, and there is also no integration of body diversity in a single pageant.

In 2017, full-figured model, Ashley Graham, hosted the Miss Universe pageant, but that didn’t keep her from criticizing the event for not having any curvy contestants compete in the international competition in the 60 years of its existence. She says, “I think it’s important that we continue to show diversity of all sizes, ethnicities, backgrounds, and religions, so, for me, I’m here to show diversity of size. Because not yet have we had a curvy girl in Miss Universe or even in the Miss USA pageant.”

In addition to the body standards placed upon women to compete in pageants, there is also usually a swimsuit portion of the competition, in which women are judged for their body and how physically fit they are or aren’t. As well as, judging them for their makeup and overall outer facial appearance. This is added pressure for women to be “perfect” which is objectifying women.

However, that is not all that pageants focus on. Some pageants require many essays and/or interviews, so participants do have to have the “brains”, as well. Unfortunately, most of the time, they are coached to say certain things in order to win, despite their actual beliefs. For example, the age-old “world peace” cliche. Many women don’t believe that is actually achievable or the biggest issue to change. But there are some pageants that are also scholarship programs, which in some cases, may be the only way a girl can pay for college. However, pageants are so expensive to win that it basically defeats the purpose of making it a scholarship program.

Pageants That Hit Closer to Home

I did extensive research on the beauty pageant industry, but I figured that insight into the local pageant world would further the relativity. I sat down with fellow MSA literary, Kerri Bland, a former pageant participant, to discuss what they are like on a more local level.

What has your experience with pageants been like?

“The pageants I did were in junior high, around 7th or 8th grade. I had to go to training. Essentially, there’s a certain you have to carry yourself. For me, personally, I had to go to a training session with a person who competed in their younger years. I would have to put on heels and walk in circles and lines, just basic things. I even learned how to wave my hand the right way. She also once told me that some girls would put Vaseline on their teeth to keep them smiling. It’s so physically straining to wear both a form-fitting dress, heels, all of it. The physical effects are so negative.”

How was the actual pageant and competition?

“The actual pageant itself wasn’t bad even backstage. I’ll admit, it was a very social experience. I do not have any bad experiences behind the stage. On stage, you could tell the audience was filled up with a fanbase for certain people. Anytime a certain girl walked across stage, her boyfriend and his friends would scream, or the families. You could the families that were a little bit more supportive or overbearing, in a “if they don’t win, I’m about to throw a trophy across the room” kinda thing. And in the end, the winner was the same people who had won the previous year, and the year before that, and the year before that. But all of the pageant girls were very accepting toward me. I got to meet a lot of people that I, otherwise, would not have talked to, and they were very assuring.”

What do you think the judging system is based on?

“Whether it’s based on beauty, I don’t know. I know some people believe there’s a bribery system involved or favoritism. In a school pageant, I can’t really tell you. There’s many things involved in that. Larger scale pageants, though, I am not as familiar with those.”

Was it a diverse group of girls?

The majority of them were white and skinny. Not all of them were white, but then again, I went to a predominantly white school.”

I know that you now do cosplay and compete, how does that mimic or differ from beauty pageants?

“It’s really the same with few exceptions. With cosplay pageants, instead of buying a dress, you’re making an outfit. You’re putting in the actual production and design technique. Even then, you still have to learn how to carry yourself across the stage. They’re really basing you off of your talent, but instead of going up and tap dancing, you are showing them progress pictures of the things you’ve designed and made.”

Do these pageants build a community?

When you put yourself out there, people are getting to know you and you’re getting to know them. They’re getting up close and personal and seeing all of what you’ve put in. Yes, it is a community. They’re not judging you either. It’s not judging a book by its cover, it’s judging a book by its contents.”

Do you think beauty pageants build a community in the same sense, or is it just girls competing with each other?

“No matter what you’re in, there’s always going to be a competitive aspect to it. There’s always going to be someone that feels like they have to win or they’re not good enough or that pageants are their life or that if they don’t win, they’re a failure. For the majority of people, specifically in pageants, I think they are doing for the love of that. Not because they want a crown, but because they love getting up on stage. Or at least, just for me, because I don’t do it for the crown. I do it to meet people, to meet judges, and for the overall experience.”

Are Beauty Pageants Objectifying Women?

The very question that started this conversation. Whatever your opinion is on the matter, the fact is: beauty pageants are mainly focused on the superficial qualities of women. However, pageants aren’t some mandatory requirement of being a woman. It is a choice. To compete in a pageant is a lot of hard work, time, and money. It’s a big deal, and women should think long and hard before entering one. But again, at the end of the day, pageants are a choice. If pageants make just one woman happy and gives her the confidence to be herself, then there’s no problem. I do, however, think there’s a problem within the system of pageants. From swimsuit evaluations to facial appearance ratings, the system is flawed— just like the seemingly “perfect” women that pageant judges fish for.

An Obituary for [Redacted]

On September 20, 2019, [redacted] departed from my world.

Although [redacted] only held a place in my life for about two months, I will miss [redacted] a considerable amount, for we shared numerous memories while also learning from each other.

With a heavy heart, I will reminisce about our adventures for years to come.

I will never forget the four times we took out the trash. We wheeled it down the hallway, and I tripped a lot. Who knew that chores could elicit such joy? On our way to the dumpster, I recalled ballet steps while you struck envy in the hearts of all. And how could I ever forget the wheels popping off as we struggled to dump everyone’s overflowing garbage?

I will never forget your awesome sweeping. Also, the microwave will miss you as well.

I will never forget our horrific struggles either, actually. How could I? How could I forget the green knob that randomly decided to pop off? How could I forget how my drawer hit the ground, quitting life one day? How could I forget the terrible, terrible drain that choked on everyone’s accumulated sadness?

I will never forget the smell of constant coffee in the morning and the smell of hot pockets in the evening. My heart has a special place for popped popcorn and devoured Reese’s chocolates, also.

And I will never forget how you deeply influenced my life. When I ran out of sugar, you lent me yours. When I overslept for five minutes, you woke me up. When I thought the bathroom door was locked, you told me that I had locked it. When I needed a rag to clean the shower, you provided one.

I will also never forget how you dealt with me. Thank you for tolerating that cursed lamp and for bearing with each Reese’s opened past ten. Thank you for cleaning the bathroom sometimes. Thank you for dividing our storage space in half when we gained neighbors. Thank you for listening to me rant about Michael Crichton and The Book Thief (each for a literal hour). Thank you for sharing some of my bizarre music tastes and helping me invent conspiracy theories circulating a person’s eyebrows. And thank you for helping me dump the trash, for helping me figure out that short story, for helping me realize that I needed coffee to—wait for it—suffice.

I am so appreciative of you, [redacted]. And I will never forget the fun of wearing those heels and the humor of, “where were you?” Although you never were able to see me as a giant Home Depot, you came to two coffee houses (the dedication, wow; I am not being sarcastic). I will also like to add that you did, however, see me homeless, excluding the “sophisticated” glasses, of course.

All in all, [redacted], I will miss your presence greatly. You deeply impacted my life, and I will never forget you. I will miss your awesome hair and outfits as well as your personality, and I will miss your awesome fridge and arrangement of food. Although you have departed from my life, the memory of you will forever linger.

I will never forget you, [redacted]. (:

(Thank you for leaving the mirror, the Pet Sematary poster, a gum wrapper, and a plastic cup filled with water, by the way.)


Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Anyone can be an artist. Actually, if you think about it, there is something so artistic about existence itself.


Have a nice day, person.

the most underrated and overrated food

Although everyone enjoys eating food, I still think it’s underrated. Well, most of it anyways. Some of it is also overrated for sure, it’s not just food either, but food joints and restaurants.

I know what you’re thinking, this is such an inappropriate topic to confront considering the risks of losing friends and loved ones. Well, I apologize, but I feel the sudden need to express my opinion whether they agree with me or not (I know I know, I’m so independent now). Being a student at a school where you eat strictly cafeteria food, you gain an appreciation and almost an obsession with homemade or restaurant food- It’s pretty much all I’ve been able to think about this past week. Anyways, If you’re reading this- I hope we can continue to get along despite our disagreements.

#1 most overrated food: spaghetti.

Picture this: You’re in a fancy restaurant. The dim strung lights and sparkling chandeliers reflect in the large tinted windows. The silk white table cloths complement the neatly folded black cloth napkins. You sit in your comfortable cushioned chair carved from only the finest wood from the finest tree from the finest part of the world. Oh, the elegance! You tremble as you pick up the smooth leather menu- knowing, hoping, praying, that it consists of only the best of foods known to man. And what’s the first thing you read? Freaking spaghetti! THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE A 5 STAR RESTAURANT PEOPLE! My question is, how could spaghetti even be on the same menu with Smoked Ricotta Tortellini? Like what midlife crisis was this poor soul going through to actually think that would be exceptionable? Spaghetti is not a 5 star dish, in fact, I’d give it solid 2 stars.

Most overrated restaurant: taco bell.

Okay, so this is where the tension intensifies, but it’s time the truth comes out. Taco Bell isn’t even a 3 on the spectrum of 1-10, (10 being amazing) and everyone basically worships it. I find it disturbing when I ask the question, “what’s your favorite restaurant?”, and I get the disappointing answer, “Taco Bell.” I’m always left wondering the same baffled question: why? Like out of every restaurant there is, why on earth would you choose Taco Bell to be ranked #1 in your life? Have you not been to literally any other restaurant?

#1 most underrated food: sushi.

Sushi gets absolutely no credit for being the best food. I seriously believe that if you don’t enjoy at least one kind of roll, there is something clinically wrong with you (not literally of course). The taste, texture, and everything is just wow.  If you live in Hattiesburg, I recommend Yamato (great restaurant) to get sushi and start by getting the “Shaggy Dog” roll. Shrimp tempura topped with spicy crab (it’s not that spicy though) piled on top of every piece and drizzled with amazing sauce. It’s crunchy, yet soft and i’m going to stop describing it because i’m making myself hungry. But seriously, just go try it. 5/5 stars. If you live in Brookhaven, I recommend Little Tokyo, and while I’ve only gone there once, the roll I had was superb- as most sushi is. It was called the “Bam Bam roll” and I’d give it a solid 4/5 stars. I’ve had many sushi rolls in my life though, so it’s hard for them to make it up to 5 stars. Anyways, with all that being said, sushi is the most underrated food.

#1 most underrated restaurant: Wendy’s.

I’ve heard many people complain about the taste of the food at this wonderful restaurant and I really can’t comprehend why.  I don’t think I’ve ever had anything there that was below 3 stars, yet people don’t understand how truly great it is. you can get 4 exquisite items for the low price of $4! That’s a darn good taste for a darn good price. I don’t see how people disregard so blindly its great attributes. Really and truly, I’d give this restaurant 4/5 stars overall. Some occasions 5 🙂

Okay guys, that’s all I have for now. Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed these probably scientific facts.

my dreams for the future

Howdy folks, we all have some type of dream for our future. Some may want to be famous, while others may want to farm. It is quite diverse. Today, I would love to share what I would like to be doing in the near future. Perhaps, this will allow you to think about your future.


When I was in preschool, my dream was to be a cheerleader. Later on, it was to be a veterinarian, then a writer, a makeup artist, then back to being a writer. It’s funny how dreams change/ how people think of their dreams for the future. I might ask someone what their dreams are for the future, and they might mention a place they want to live. Others, might mention a college in mind. I suppose I think of all of those things when someone asks me.

Lately, I have been seriously thinking about what colleges I want to apply to. After all, I am in my junior year. After this year, I have one more year in high school-that’s literally it. I know I want to go to college out of state, but it is way too expensive. Hopefully I’ll be able to pull my ACT score up. I’m either thinking about majoring in English or Creative Writing (most likely creative writing). Then after four years of college, I will try to have a book done. After that, I don’t think I will move back to Mississippi. I think I could find some great opportunities in the world. 

Speaking of the world, I think it would be amazing to study abroad. I was thinking like Europe, or Japan- I don’t know. I just want to be able to live a full life filled with adventure. Who knows? I might even get into journalism while traveling. I am just so excited, yet nervous to see where the world takes me. I can’t imagine just staying in one place for my whole life. Although, I know some people are happy with staying right where they are, and I think that’s great. You should do what makes you happy. Life is full of choices, and that’s the beauty of it.

So yeah, I am looking for the most out of life.Ii know it won’t be easy to get there, but I am going to work my hardest to be not only successful, but happy. 

The question is, what are your dreams for the future? I would love to know, and discuss the matter. I am always thinking about the future, and how I can achieve my goals- maybe that’s just the Capricorn in me 🙂

 

You need to cut off negative people and this is why

I’m sure we all have had our fair share with toxic relationships whether it’s  platonic or romantic. And we of course all had the desperate feeling of wanting to remove our self from the situation, but for some odd reason that I can’t make of- we stay.

We continue to re-enter ourselves in toxic relationships and the only thing that you are doing is deteriorating your own energy. I know it might feel that the person or even people love us and want the best for us. So we stay in the relationship despite all the signs that your body is telling you to get away.

  I’m going to say this and I want you to really take this to heart: Stop ignoring you body, stop ignoring you soul, stop ignoring your mental health, and cut them off.

  If they’re  not doing anything in your life to help your grow into the person you want to be. Cut them off. If every time you talk to them and their energy does not match the energy they are giving them. Cut them off.  If they make you feel bad about how you look or yourself. Cut them off.  If they continue to say harsh things to you after you told them you don’t approve. Sweetie, please cut them off.

I know it might seem harsh and you probably don’t want people to see you as a mean person, but in all honestly stop caring about what people think about you. Start putting yourself first. Learn your self worth and begin putting your self up on pedestal so high that you can’t even see the top of your head. I know that might seem dramatic or extra but I promise you it is. However, it is needed. You deserve friends that appreciate what you have to say. You deserve a significant other that listens to you when you talk and wants to hear more. You deserve people in your life to know your self worth and to respect you.

If you are now thinking about the people in your life and trying to decide if they are right for you. Here are some signs of toxic people.

  • If they are manipulative.
  • Judgmental about everything you do.
  • They give backhanded compliments.
  • They have no respect for boundaries.
  • If they make you feel guilty.
  • If you feel overlooked in their presence.

I know this may all sound like too much, and you maybe feel like you will be alone if you do cut off all your toxic relationships. However, believe me when I say this it is better to be alone than feel alone in a group of people that are supposed to be your friends.

Image result for know your worth

Black and White- Ekphrastic

She stares blankly at me as I assess her.
There is a white glow behind her. She resembles an angel. 
Parted down the middle, the shiny, black smudge of hair atop her head
Glistens with the thoughts she hides behind her monolid,
 ash colored eyes. She resembles Hades.
Her eyelashes are short, visible, and powerful.
Without blinking, she bats away all competitors. 
She challenges me. She stares at me with clean contempt. 
Her eyebrows arch oddly, the proportions off
But still beautifully assymetrical. 
Her nose runs down her face in a short, bulbous fashion.
She resembles her mother. 
Her high cheekbones, swaddled in skin of blacks, whites, and greys, fade away from her nostrils is a smooth
Almost flawless motion. 
Her lips are small, but not pursed. 
They are as blank as her stare.
She resembles her father. 
Her face goes downwards into a soft roll,
The sides of her face gently curving into the formation of a chin.
Her hair reaches down her back. It’s cascades down in long, acrylic strands. 
Her neck is partially covered by her hair. 
The part that does show is fair,
Pale even,
And it resembles the complexion of her people. 
The farther you go, the fairer she gets until you hit the 
Collar.
It’s a folded collar, like the one I wore in
Elementary School. 
The shirt itself is a mirage of greys, each one slightly different. 
She stared blankly at me as I assess her. 
She is hoisted onto paper and cardboard,
Frozen in time, sentenced to never
Speak a word again. 
Yet, she seems to speak to me,
As clear as black and white. 

 

This piece was required for a Intro to Poetry, but I really like it. I don’t know. It’s pretty messy right now but I have to clean it up anyways sooooooo, might as well kill 2 birds with one stone.

The Trials and Tribulations of Having Natural 4B Hair

If you see me now it may be hard for you to believe that I was ever self conscious about my hair, oh but believe me I was indeed.  I did my big chop¹ in the summer of June 2017 after ten months of transitioning². I felt like this was a fitting time because this was the summer before high school, it was time for a fresh start. So, I told my mother that I was ready. She got the scissors and she got-to-cutting. I looked in the mirror when she was finished and my first reaction was ‘What the heck?’ I mean I could not believe what I had done, it was so much shorter than I though it would be. My mother left some of my straight ends in the front of my hair because she said it needed balance. That didn’t make sense to me, but hey, she is the professional hairstylist so I just went with it.

Here are some pictures of my hair when I was transitioning to my big chop.

Start of eight grade year
This was around six months of my transitional stage.

 

I did protective styles like Marley braids frequently to give my hair a break and grow.

This was the ends of my eight grade year and after ten months I felt that my hair was done transitioning and it was time for the big chop!
Day of big chop

 

    That whole summer I was really dedicated to my natural hair and focus on how I it could grow and prosper. I went through numerous natural hair products, and when I say numerous I mean TOO  MANY and lord when I tell you it broke my bank ( really my mothers bank). See this is what they don’t tell you about being natural in all the you tube videos that you binge watch as you contemplate about cutting your hair. They don’t tell you how expensive all the good products are. I mean sure it’s some five dollars and below products that you can buy, however if you want that good-good, so good that you will see growth in under the month. All them products are expensive as heck. But of course I gave in, I wanted the luxurious all natural hair.  It took me a while to find my hair texture which mainly 4B with some 4C mixed within. Which the hardest to maintain and on top of most natural products don’t cater to thick and coiled hair. I was very overwhelmed with the different types and styles. It was so much information that I could learn about my hair. I guess you can say that’s the beauty of black hair.

    After I cut my hair, I saw growth in almost on two months! My hair was doing great! With the help of protective styles³ and Jamaican black castor oil my hair was out of the TWA stage quick.

Here are some pictures within the first year of cutting my hair. You can see the protective styles I experimented with.

I remember the first time I ever wore my natural fro out to school. I was still in the TWA ( teeny weeny fro) stage. The time prior all I ever did was stretch my hair into a high puff which I didn’t have enough hair to do. I was feeling so anxious about what people would say. I felt secured with my high puff, wearing my hair down exposed my insecurities. On the contrary on that school day the responses I got were unexpected. Everyone seem to love my hair, so why couldn’t I? It was then when I realize that I focus too much on what people cared about. My natural hair is something that I should be proud of. Instead of using it to hide my features I should use to embrace my beauty.

It has been two years since I big chopped and my hair has been doing tremendously well. It surpass all my expectations for it to be only a couple of years. Although I continue to get compliments about my hair that is not the reason I love it so much.  My hair is representation on how I developed over these years. For all my natural girls,  who either just cut their hair or have had natural all their lives… I know it can be too much work and sometimes you feel like you want to cut it all off. (Trust me, I’ve been there.) I just want you know that your beauty extends outside of your hair and even though it might be tough now, keep going and see how it turns out. And if you still want to cut all your hair… “Britney Spears- style”… go for it!

Below are some recent pictures of my hair from this year.

 

 

 

Glossary

Big Chop¹- The act of taking your natural hair journey from transitioning to officially  natural in a matter of minutes. Usually by cutting off large sections.

Transitioning²- The process of growing out your natural hair before cutting of damage or chemical ends.

Protective Styles³-  A style that protects your ends and your hair overall by protecting it from sun exposure, heat and constant manipulation. Most common protective style are braids.

my life at Oak Grove…

In case you are not aware, I spent all my school years going to Oak Grove. If you don’t know what school that is, it’s the most popular school in Hattiesburg and is the biggest school in Lamar County district with the student count of roughly around 2,000. Because my siblings and I grew up going there, It will always hold a place somewhere in my heart- even though my 8th grade and high school years there were the hardest years of my life. When you go through something traumatic though, you associate it with the school you go to because that’s the place you have to spend most of your time while experiencing it. I always said how much I hated it there while I went, but looking back, I’ve come to realize that it’s not the school, but the things I went through while I was there.

Sure, there were definitely things there that didn’t help, but everything has its downsides. The people could’ve been kinder and less fake… or just not have been there period. But disregarding this, they’ve taught me how to have patience and find love for my self somehow. After moving from one friend group to another,  I found that I have to love myself if I want others to have respect for me- because you can’t expect others to respect you if you don’t respect yourself. I often think about all the friends I’ve lost while going there, whether it was because of a fight we had or we just went our separate ways. It makes me sad to think about how quickly we quit talking and moved on… but do we really ever move on from the people we once loved? I don’t hate them for not being there for me anymore though, In fact- I hope they are doing the best they ever have. I don’t need them to be happy, I have friends now that have helped me more than they ever have. And some of them I’ve only known for a little over a month. That’s a good thing about this school. Because it is so small, it’s easy to get close to everyone. The people here and the people there are so different in that aspect. Everyone is so friendly, out going, accepting of who you are, and they just have so much love to give. I find it hard to comprehend that there are so many people like that in one setting. There are a couple people like that at my old school, but the count is very small.

I never disliked my teachers there either. I could always find something I was fond of them for, as I can do here too. But I distinctly remember loving all my teachers in my high school years. As I come to think about it, the main people I considered my friends were, in fact, teachers. As sad as that may sound, I’m not ashamed of it because they helped me through so much- in ways no student could. I basically had my own room at Oak Grove on F hall with all my favorite teachers in, beside, or across it. That class room was the room I spent most of my time in, and I always made sure I went in it at least once a day.  I will never forget all the memories created in that room and with those teachers. The best times at Oak Grove High School for sure. I remember for power hour (a daily hour break) every day last year I went to that room and played Uno with all my friends for the whole hour and we developed many different ways to break the rules and play more fun, but It would often end in results of getting upset.

Sometimes I think I miss it there, but then I realize how much more I like it here lol. Although, I do miss the people…(well, some of them :). Okay. That’s all I have to say for now. Thanks for reading, I love you guys.

 

Cello, is anybody there?

Ugh! The title is so good right? My mind! To the people who understand this joke, you are forever in my heart. The reason I picked this title is because of its relation to the video I’m going to share with you all today. I stumbled across this video a while back when I was trying to find a cello version of “Do I wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys (If you don’t know this band, I highly suggest giving them a listen.) After my long quest of trying to find the music for it, and eventually about to give up, I came across this video. I’d never heard of Rachel Lander prior to this video but I’m so glad I found her when did. I’ve played the cello since my 4th grade year in school. I played the viola for one year but ended up despising the instrument (no hate to the viola players here.) Since coming to MSA, I haven’t touched my instrument. Lately, I’ve been feeling a sense of longing to play my cello but I’m not confident in my skills anymore. I played the instrument for roughly 7 or 8 years, even going to an arts school for it, but even then I didn’t feel confident in my playing. I played some hard pieces, even being 2nd principle in the cello section of the school orchestra but I never felt my potential. Don’t get me wrong, I knew how to switch positions, switch clefs, even played some of the hardest pieces, but I never felt I filled the “advanced” position I was told I was in. My fear of sounding terrible while playing my cello now is the only thing keeping me from picking it up. I used to love playing the cello in my beginner years. It was so satisfying telling people that I played the cello. I even considered it my party trick. I used to be ask to perform in different ensembles and play in different places but I was so scared of sounding bad, I would always decline. Looking back on it, it’s one of my biggest regrets in life. I never wanted to take cello playing into my adult life. I wanted it to be apart of my childhood only. I never really saw myself playing professionally so I never took it seriously. Even now, I can’t see myself playing professionally nor teaching it. I just like to do it, you know? I’ve never actually told anybody this but I felt a need to get it off my chest. Typing this now, I feel a weight has been lifted off me. So after my little spill, here is the video that I mentioned in the beginning of this post. Enjoy! (Don’t mind the color of the text. I’m trying to learn my way around the website and see what I can do and what I can’t. If it is distracting, please let me know!) Now you can really enjoy! *Listen with headphones*

SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK- Joji

The lyrics will be in yellow and my thoughts will be in white.

I don’t want a friend (just me)

I want my life in two (my life in two)

Just one more night

Waiting to get there

Waiting for you (all night)

I’m done fighting all night (waiting for you)

-To me, this whole stanza is about how he just wants to be left alone– which I completely relate to. When a relationship has gone wrong, for a while you just want everyone to leave you alone. And this is basically what Joji is saying here.

When I’m around slow dancing in the dark

Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms

You have made up your mind

I don’t need no more signs

Can you?

Can you?

-First of all. The pure beauty in the line “slow dancing in the dark” is just phenomenal. This whole stanza is saying that he doesn’t want her to try to heal him because they’ll just end up back together, which is probably something that shouldn’t happen. It is very heartbreaking when you have to tell the one person you want to help you, that they can’t help you  because it’ll only hurt you more.

Give me reasons we should be complete

You should be with him, I can’t compete

You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well

Can’t you see? (Can’t you see?)

I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t want to slow dance)

In the dark

Dark

-Wow. “You should be with him, I can’t compete” and “You looked at me like I was someone else” are possibly the most sad lyrics I have ever heard. From personal experience, I can tell you how bad it hurts to be looked at like you were someone else. You know that someone’s heart isn’t with you but you stick around anyway. It’s also a very sad feeling when you feel like someone else would be better for them.

When you gotta run

Just hear my voice in you (my voice in you)

Shutting me out of you (shutting me out of you)

Doing so great (so great, so great)

You

 

Used to be the one (used to be the one)

To hold you when you fall

Yeah, yeah, yeah (when you fall, when you fall)

I don’t **** with your tone (I don’t **** with your tone)

I don’t wanna go home (I don’t wanna go home) 

Can it be one night?

Can you?

Can you? 

-“Used to be the one to hold you when you fall” is such a powerful lyric! And it is so accurate. It’s crazy how you will literally hold someone when they were at their lowest point, then when they get out of that rut, they act like they’re better than you. “Can it be one night?” is honestly a pretty sad lyric. He knows he can’t have her permanently so he just wants one more night to love her.

Give me reasons we should be complete
You should be with him, I can’t compete
You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well
Can’t you see?
I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t want to slow dance)
In the dark
Dark
In the dark
Dark

 

-Overall, this song really resonates with me. I’ve written a blog that included it before and I think it was pretty obvious how much I loved this song. 1934592347859/10 recommend. (Especially if you’re depressed, lol)

 

Okay, so I really need some inspiration for my next blog. Pls send help 🙂