Some girls love girls and boys, and some boys like girls and boys And some people like other people who are different. That may seem crazy, insane, foreign and new, but surprise! surprise! It happens. Sometimes the infinity to love both seems like too much. That it conflicts with your ideas, or you as a person, or the very things you’re supposed to reject comes from being gay. Or any other word some people choose to put out there. For some time now I’ve been battling. And it’s been hard and I have lost at times and won at times and pushed myself to a breaking point others times too. And at my lowest, I have crawled back up tooth and nail and cried and almost puked and torn my mind to shreds about things like this. Then I came to a realization so destructive that it border-lined insanity. I was going to tell the world i was gay. Which involved my parents. But how could I do that? What would happen? Who should be present? Should I make arrangements just in case I get kicked out? What could I do for money or for food or college or a job? The thoughts played cat and mouse over and over again and I couldn’t even begin to explain the sudden need to not exist on planet earth for a maybe a month or three so I wouldn’t have to make this decision. Then out of nowhere came an idea from the heavens and crafted by demons because both had to have a part to even think this up. I’ll write a blog. WOW! That was extremely anticlimactic Tim-era, do better next time. Wait! hold on not just any blog post. No. A post for experiences I have had to deal with and things that I feel like I need them to know. And I’ll send this blog post to them senior year. Not now of course because that would be disastrous, to say the least, but, coming up to graduation and when I did I would hope and pray they would show up after and if not……. I would know what they felt. Because I can’t seem to stay hidden anymore.The Gay jokes are starting to get pesky. The hiding is becoming deter mentally. The wishing to be anything but this is beginning to be pointless and as I grow older, and as I get a better idea of what is happening I can no longer do this and I hope they’ll understand, and yeah there’s a chance they won’t, but I can try and maybe fail with confidence. I owe myself that at least.
(read this like you need it) there’s no need to rush things and you shouldn’t come out until you are 147% ready to do so and i love and support you and it will be okay and you will find people who let you be everything you’ve ever wanted to be without question or criticism
I love this and how I can hear this in your voice. (not just super fast and frantic) I also agree that waiting until next year is a good decision (at least until your 18).