Prepare Thyself

The following post was actually created about a year ago, but I figured that I would share it anyway. There were some swear words, but I took them out for the sake of posting. I remember Savannah asking about my views with feminism, and for me, it’s mixed. I think this essay(?) might clear it up, but it might not either. Anything in “royal blue” is an addition I just made.

“Women are meant to stay in the kitchen. They are not suited for the workforce.”
“A woman’s place is behind her husband.”
“Women can’t handle any other stress besides child labor.”
“Women are fragile, dainty creatures.”

Screw* all that. I’m no feminist, but to be put down in such a way really ticks* me off. A chick can hold her own just like any other person with a part of the male anatomy* between their legs can. It really is infuriating to be restricted to certain roles simply because of extra fat on your chest and a pair of lips between your legs. No, a woman’s place is not behind her husband. Instead, it’s next to him, and sometimes, it’s in front of him. Sometimes men are weaker than women. Sure, the usual argument is that women are too emotional. They have no place in politics, whatever. Women do push whole human beings out of them, but what do men do? Shove that same human being inside you. Leave you after finding out about the baby. Do men have to go through pain for anything? No, not really, and because of that, they’re weaker than women in some way. Women are not superior, but nor are men. Both have been repressed in some way, but in the end, they’re meant to be equals. (I don’t really care about equality between a man and a woman in some ways, but if something like a wage gap exists, I would like for it to not exist. However, it can be justified in some ways, but I won’t get into that.) Women aren’t dainty or fragile. If they support a growing fetus for up to nine months inside them, I think they can handle some paperwork. Women are meant to stay in the kitchen? Then let them get a job as a chef or something. Get rid of gender roles, the wage gap, whatever the hell separates man from woman, beast from beauty. And that’s another thing. Disney had been showing women as weak beings that need a man to help them out of every situation. And that didn’t really change until somewhere between Beauty and the Beast and Mulan. Thankfully, they changed for future generations to see how life can be. Yet, all the female empowerment stuff being broadcast to children will cause setbacks. (I have found that when things are over-endorsed to me, I don’t really care about them anymore. It feels like it’s being crammed down my throat, and people expect me to swallow it down. Instead, I choose throw it up because it doesn’t mean anything at this point. I avoid Disney unless I’m babysitting because it’s nothing that I want to make my brain rot. The things I read or write already do that for me, so there’s no need to add to the decay.) While it shows little girls that they can be whatever they want, what about the little boys? The little boys will start to think that they can’t do anything because the girls are taking over. Disney is a prime example of that as well. Most of their shows are now focused around girls (especially teenaged) going through some life crisis. Boys can go through the same issue, but instead watch it happen to girls. (I guess it is meant to show the boy or girl that what they’re going through is a universal struggle, and that they aren’t alone.) My little brother loves to watch Disney Channel, but I don’t know if it’s affected him any. To be fair, Disney did create Disney XD, which seems to have more… action in it. The superhero shows are shown there, rather than normal Disney. And there seems to be a spectrum of audiences, really. Disney Jr. is formulated for babies and toddlers, Disney is meant for children and preteens, and Disney XD is more for boys of any age. (As for Nickelodeon, I can’t really say much because I only ever watch Spongebob Squarepants or The Fairly OddParents because their live shows don’t draw my attention. I personally think Nickelodeon should stay with their animated shows, especially those from the 90s-00s because they are golden. I feel like Nickelodeon doesn’t pander to genders; it panders to children. They understand that kids don’t really care about empowerment. They just want to play and be a child, so that’s what Nickelodeon gives them.) Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon are kind of more blended – they have been featuring shows with an almost equal mix of genders for a while longer than Disney. Cartoon Network (if put on a political spectrum) would be the more liberal between the three networks because it has run several shows that feature LGBTQ+ characters, inviting more inclusion than just adding in race and gender. (To end this terrible rant, I would like to pose a question: at which does the beauty become the beast? When does the beast become a beauty?)

 

something ive been working on

hey! so, I’m just kind of making this so I can have everything together when I compete in this. So, this big convention I’m going to has a closet cosplay contest, which is where you pretty much cant make anything. It all has to be alterations and things you thrifted together- or already had. I wanted to challenge myself to do a big project using only closet cosplay rules. So, I chose Lady Palutena from Kid Icarus Uprising, and Super Smash Bros! Heres how I’ve done the stuff so far, and what i plan on doing for the unfinished parts!

 

dress

This dress was thrifted from City Thrift at $15. I did not ahve to take it in, it fit me perfectly. for the sash, I added a pre-owned sheer curtain, which i gathered and hand-sewed on to the front, and did a single dart on the back. I took the remaining thread and added a belt loop for the accessories.

 

belt

  • a plastic scarf holder
  • shower rings
  • Christmas ornaments
  • an old leaf headband.
  • a necklace trinket
  • belts provided by my dad, who told me to get whatever I wanted out of his closet.

necklace

  • the chain came from what used to be a much larger necklace. I took off its former accessories.
  • a wooden circle
  • broken Popsicle sticks hot glued onto the wooden circle

shield

  • a party plate
  • already-owned foam hot glued onto the plate for the blue part
  • red ribbon (pre-owned) hot glued to the back of the plate
  • two shower rings attached to the ribbon
  • duct tape straps to hold it onto my arm

wig

  • The wig comes from my Halloween costume. the only alterations i made to it was taking the two braids out.

staff

  • The staff is not complete, but i plan on making it out of a curtain rod and a plastic vase, with wire running through the top, and a Christmas ornament filled with leftover tulle and fairy lights

shoes

  • some sandals i already have

to-do

  • crown
  • gauntlet things? arm armor?

my budget for this project: $50

I haven’t quite reached the end of my budget. I’m really excited for this cosplay to make its debut! I have to have it finished right before the end of the school year, since the con is like- literally a few days after we get out of school. yeah! I’ll be sure to post photos, there’s always a ton of cool cosplayers there.

Better Days

For some odd reason, the past couple of weeks have been very hectic. I have found myself, on numerous occasions, listening to Better Days by LeAndria Johnson. I just want to share a few of the lines in the song that speak to me on a spiritual level:

1.

It can be rough in this world
I know it ain’t easy but hang on in there
I know better days are coming

2.

Friends will leave you all by yourself
But don’t cry
Cause better days are coming

3.

I know people, people
They don’t see the hurt you feel inside
But keep on smiling ’cause everything will be alright

I hope this helps you half as much as it does me. As long as I keep this in mind, I’ll keep pushing.

At this point in my life, I’m all about motivation.

crush

perhaps this may be news to some of you (it’s not), but i am an absolutely HOPELESS romantic. i write the love poems and i read the love stories and i watch the love movies.

so it only seems fitting that i would eventually find writing that resonates so deeply with me as a hopeless romantic that i’d obsess over it.

in the foreward of richard siken’s poetry collection crush, it’s described as a book about panic, and it really is. i’ve read interview upon interview and analysis upon analysis, everything i can find that had anything to do with this book, and it’s all about panic. fear and desire and love so big that it terrifies you.

i’ve also read that much of the collection was largely inspired by the death of the author’s boyfriend in the 90s, so ouch.

not only is this poetry about love, not only is it about fear or desire or the crushing, consuming weight of infatuation — it’s about being gay and fearing everything you love and watching it all fall apart before you.

this collection is panic. it’s crush, it’s chaos, it’s whirlwind uncertainty felt at a thousand miles a minutes. the words pour out and you don’t know how to control them because maybe some things just can’t be controlled.

i think i connect so much with this collection because i’ve also felt so heavily, so overwhelmingly. i’ve always given so much of myself to people, held so much love in my heart that my entire body is weighed down with it.

the first poem i ever read of this author is “litany in which certain things are crossed out,” and it’s probably my favorite poem ever. i think it’s about forgiving oneself when love falls apart, but maybe i’m wrong, but maybe i don’t need to be right. in the collection, this poem is the last of the first part, and it feels like the collection’s truest beginning. to me, at least, it’s where the story begins. and the last poem of the collection, “snow and dirty rain,” is the end. the two poems reflect each other so well that it’s easy to assume they belong together.

i haven’t exactly been around the block much, but i’ve never read anything that quite captures this level of overwhelming devotion to someone, the ache that longing leaves in your stomach when you love people who can never be yours, when you love people who were yours but never will be again.

this was a very long-winded way of saying i love love, and i love every single word of this little book of love. i love raw and passionate and tight-mouthed. i love carnal, unabashed desire. i love the flutter and the ache and everything else that falls somewhere in the middle of it all.

this is a book about panic – love and loss and death and desire and longing and fleeting – and i am still washed in the aftermath of the attack.

Deathly Hallows pt 1

 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 

Honestly, J.K Rowling is a genius. She kept an entire audience, young and old, entertained through a series of of seven books are people are still asking for more. We were able to follow Harry from a boy into the trials of the Wizarding world, to becoming a man outcast by society. The series itself gives people heart break, as well as hope. The story line is anything but flat as Harry and the lives of his friends all intertwine and become codependent in one way or another. Harry builds true friendships and defeats enemies, as well as recovers his past along the way. The story has a whole will have you on the edge of your seat due to how exciting and thought provoking it is. Any question there could have possibly been was answered through a book or movie or Rowling herself. We see Harry grow and learn, lose and gain, as well as lose himself in the worst ways. He is only a boy at the beginning of the series, and by the end, he is anything but. He overcomes many trials, gains fans, supporters, and those who would rather see him dead, but through it all, he never gives up. We can thank Ron and Hermione for their help in aiding and being there for Harry at his best and worst, along with many other friends he meets along the way.

In part one the Order of the Phoenix trying to get Harry transported to the Weasleys’ house safely. Unfortunately, Voldemort’s crew has been tipped off that the transfer is happening, and so they’re waiting for Harry and his friends when they fly away from the Dursley home. There are some complications along the way, deaths to be exact, which is a really sad way to start the beginning of the end. Then there’s a wedding in which everyone is attacked by Lord Voldemort and Hermione, Ron, and Harry all have to flee. They end up in some wood, in which Ron destroys his wand, and then they have to go off and Horcruxes with no real plan of survival other than whatever Hermione can conjur up. The movie as a whole make it seem as if the whole world is against Harry, and the other two by association. They all struggle to hold on to their sanity, and they were all forced to protect their families. Hermione gets the worst end of the stick here as she is forced to wipe her parents memory of her and their own personal lives.

The gang goes through many more deaths, realizations, fights, and near death experiences. I can only assume that like myself, the rest of the audience if fully enticed the entire time.

As all that drama has been unfolding, Hermione has been reading a book that Dumbledore left her in his will, and it has a symbol that keeps popping up. They first saw it at Bill and Fleur’s wedding on a necklace that Luna’s father, Xenophilius, was wearing, and then it showed up again on a grave in the cemetery at Godric’s Hollow. They’re pretty sure it must be significant, so the gang decides to go visit the Lovegoods to find out more about the symbol and its meaning.

They then make a trip to the Malfoy house to retrieve information, but there is Bellatrix Lastrange, but not only does she torture Hermione for information, but she ends up killing Dobby, the ex house elf who came to the aid of the trio in their time of need. That is the ending of the beginning of the end, and it is in fact a sad one.

Book Review: March

After writing my last book review on the final book in the Eragon series, I want to write this month’s on the first book, Eragon itself. Eragon was one of the first over-one-hundred-page books I really got into, and because of that the whole series holds a special place in my heart, but especially Eragon itself. It starts off very normal and not at all like a fantasy novel normally does. Other than it being set in a make-believe world, there is nothing special going on with the main characters and their lives. Eragon and his cousin live with their uncle on a small piece of land a few miles away from a small village. They are very poor and don’t have a whole lot going on in their lives. Shortly into the book Eragon finds a weird, big blue rock that for some unknown reason he decides to keep in his room for a little while but then he wants to sell it because his family is very poor and on the verge of starving. Anyway, he can’t sell the egg because a dragon pops out and his whole world turned upside down. For a little while he is able to hide his new dragon, Saphira, but she becomes too big, and a group of bad guys come to his house, burn it down and kill his uncle. His cousin decides to join the army because he’s sad and doesn’t really have a home anymore, Eragon meets up with this old hermit who (SPOILER) turns out to be his long lost father in a later book (but he dies too) and begins his journey of learning and becoming the newest and only surviving Dragon Rider. 

So, despite this whole book of around eight hundred pages being just one big set up for the rest of the series, it’s extremely good. As I’ll repeat from my last review, Paolini is one of my favorite writers, even though these books are pretty much the only things he’s ever written, or at least published. I often stray away from writing fantasy, even though it is, embarrassingly, one of my favorite genres because world building is such a daunting task. Paolini manages to bring this whole world into your mind and not make anything too confusing. Of course, there are points to where you’re not really sure what’s going on or who is who, but he was very in depth with his world-making and nothing stays in the shadows for too long, unless he wants it to. Overall, because I’m biased, I give this book a 10/10, would read many times again.

Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe: Part 1

Hey, there! It’s me again. So for this episode of Tyler Review Literary Works, I actually bought an ebook. I mean I had a coupon and it was on sale so how could I resist.  Anyways, this month, I have an ebook (more like online comic??) titled Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe. 

First things first, I didn’t realize it was a horror comic not rated for children until after I bought it and started to read so, for those younger readers this is not for you. Not at all. Lots of blood and stuff so don’t read.

Okay so now that that is out of the way, let’s begin.

Part 1 of this comic opens with The Watcher breaking the fourth wall to speak with the reader about how he has watched the end of many civilizations and such. After this introduction, we see that the end begins with the Fantastic Four. We watch Reed and Johnny die before finally Susan, each at the hands of Deadpool.

The Watcher then returns to send us to the real beginning in which the X-Men sent Wade to an asylum. Here, we learn that the head doctor (haha) is actually a robot controlled by Psycho Man. We learn of his evil plans to turn bad guys into his army so that he can take over the world. But something goes wrong (as it always does), and now Wade is like mental and kills Psycho Man. From there, Wade kills the attending nurses and physicians before burning the entire building to the ground with the patients still inside.

Afterwards, The Watcher comes back to give us more exposition but mid-speech he is tased (by Wade). He then has a “lengthy conversation” (it’s a comic there are no real lengthy conversations) about who he was speaking to (we’re still breaking the fourth wall here people because who is Deadpool if he doesn’t break fourth wall?). After this, Deadpool kills him meaning that we have all the exposition we’re going to get.

And the book then ends there, with Wade, a psycho killer who can’t really die, and all of our Marvel Favorites in danger but not knowing they are in danger.

All in all, I’m excited for this 4 part comic. And I hope you kind of are too because I bought this to review (but I mean it was only 49 cents so no foul, but I did use my coupon to get to down to 49 cents so maybe some foul).

So tune in next month where I will review part 2. And hey, this one wasn’t as rushed or late as last month so maybe next month’s won’t be either. Anyways, bye.

The Handmaid’s Tale

The Handmaid’s Tale is a revolutionary book written by Margret Atwood.  It is an absolutely intriguing, painful, and beautifully written experience.  The book is centered around the main character, Offred.  In the book, the author describes the Offred’s mental journey in a dystopia that was based off of the 80’s.

It begins with Offred’s experience in the red center.  Atwood writes this part in the eyes and descriptions of Offred and her observations.

Throughout the book, the reader is able to piece together exactly how Offred’s life was before this and how this dystopia came to be and how that affected her life.  It shows why she acts how she does now within her roles and current society.

Throughout the story, Atwood continues to use the metaphor of flowers and the color red.  Red signifies rebirth, death, and fertility.   The flowers are a constant juxtaposition against the harsh nature of the book.  They also represent fertility and womanhood.

Other aspects of this book also really jumped out at me.  Atwood lays the story out non-linearly.  It creates a dizzy affect while explaining everything thoroughly.  The reader is clear on everything that is happening in the end.  All the threads come together and fray in a way that leaves the reader hopeless in the most magical way.

The format was also great for character development.  This story has a definite steady pace that felt right for the scattered plot at hand.  It allows for a before and after of the characters and shows some of that development throughout.  The plot’s turns and twists allow you to ponder on each aspect of the story, while simultaneously leaving you satisfied with each chapter.  Atwood definitely floods the reader with emotion with each chapter written.  The deeper you get into the book, the more complex the emotions become.   Common themes that are portrayed in this book are womanhood, community, power, extreme political views, and survival.  Offred’s flashbacks within the book definitely foreshadows the other character’s futures.  However Offred’s thoughts also lead the reader to conclude an opposing ending.  The book’s main theme is feminism, however.  The characters of each role show a different part, kind, and view on womanhood.  It is really intriguing how this separation leads to many different perspectives on womanhood.

This book forces me to seriously evaluate our current state of government, politics, and balance of power within the United States of America.  Considering the way that Atwood’s world transitioned into what it is, and how realistic it all is, we should all re-evaluate ourselves as a country.

Comments from other reviews include, but are not limited to:

“Splendid.”-Newsweek

“The Handmaid’s Tale deserves the highest praise.” -San Francisco Chronicle

“Atwood takes many trends which exist today and stretches them to their logical and chilling conclusions….An excellent novel about the directions our lives are taking…Read it while it’s still allowed.” -Houston Chronicle

“A novel that brilliantly illuminates some of the darker interconnections between politics and sex….Just as the world of Orwell’s 1984 gripped our imaginations, so will the world of Atwood’s handmaid!” -The Washington Post Book World

And on the Seventh Day, God Reviewed Movie Dialogue

http://www.bodybuildingreviews.net/brokeback/

The link above is the transcript to Brokeback Mountain, a 2005 movie that’s been adapted from book form.

Related image

I like this movie a lot, and not just because Heath Ledger is cast in the main role as a cowboy, Ennis. This piece has some really strong, really heavy dialogue in the majority of the scenes, and I connected with the turmoil and pain that the characters carried throughout the movie.

(Ennis and Jack are lovers that meet on Brokeback Mountain in the summer of 63, after working together, tending to sheep.)

I don’t necessarily want to dive into a summary or review of the book/movie itself; rather, I’d like to just share some of the lines that were especially hard-hitting to me, and describe why they were so important.

Here’s some of my favorite consecutive scenes:

Scene in camp:

(JACK opens a can of beans as as ENNIS scrubs down with his shirt off.)

ENNIS Shot a coyote up there. It’s a big son of a b****, balls on him size a apples. He looked like he could eat himself a camel. You want some of this hot water?

JACK It’s all yours.

Scene in camp:

(JACK takes a piss at edge of camp as Ennis finishes his can of beans.)

ENNIS Mmm.

(JACK walks up and taps on his rodeo belt buckle.)

ENNIS I don’t rodeo much myself. I mean, what’s the point of ridin’ some piece of stock for eight seconds?

JACK Money’s a good point.

ENNIS True enough, if you don’t get stomped winnin’ it, huh?

(JACK pours some whiskey in ENNIS’s cup.)

ENNIS Thank you.

JACK Well, my ol’ man was a bull rider, pretty well known in his day, though he kept his secrets to himself. Never taught me a thing, never once come to see me ride. Your brother and sister do right by you?

ENNIS They did the best they could after my folks was gone, considerin’ they didn’t leave us nothin’ but 24 dollars in a coffee can. I got me a year of high school before the transmission went on the pickup. My sis left. She married a roughneck, moved to Casper. Me and my brother, we got ourselves some work on a ranch up near Worland until I was 19, and then he got married. No more room for me. That’s how come me end up here. (Notices JACK smiling.) Whut?

JACK Friend, that’s more words than you’ve spoke in the past two weeks.

ENNIS Hell, that’s the most I’ve spoke in a year. My dad, he was a fine roper. Didn’t rodeo much, though. He thought rodeo cowboys was all [screw]*-ups.

JACK The hell they are! (Gets into ENNIS’s face and whoops.) Yee-haw!

ENNIS There you go.

(JACK continues to whoop and carry on.) I’m spurrin’ his guts out, wavin’ to the girls in the stands! He’s kickin’ to high heaven, but he don’t dashboard me, no way! (Stumbles and collapses in laughter.)

ENNIS (also laughing) I think my dad was right.

Scene in new camp:

ENNIS Tent don’t look right. (Works on it.)

JACK Well, it ain’t goin’ nowhere. Let it be. (Plays harmonica.)

ENNIS That harmonica don’t sound quite right either.

JACK That’s ’cause it got kinda flattened when that mare threw me.

ENNIS Oh yeah? I thought you said that mare couldn’t throw you.

JACK Ah, she got lucky.

ENNIS Yeah, well, if I got lucky, that harmonica would’ve broke in two.

Scene in camp:

JACK (singing) “I know I shall meet you on that final day, Water Walkin’ Jesus, take me away . . .”

ENNIS (taps rhythm of song out) Very good.

JACK Oh yeah. My mama, she believes in the Pentecost.

ENNIS Oh yeah? Exactly what is the Pentecost? I mean, my folks, they was Methodist.

JACK The Pentecost. I don’t know. I don’t know what the Pentecost is. Mom never explained it to me. I guess it’s when the world ends and fellas like you and me march off to hell.

ENNIS Speak for yourself. You may be a sinner, but I ain’t yet had the opportunity. (takes the whiskey) Thank you.

 

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This movie was important to me because Ennis’ character learned, experienced, and grew throughout every scene. The best part, though, is that he grew with the help of Jack, played by Jake Gyllenhaal.

Their interactions with each other were always very hurried, very brisk and harsh in tone, even the intimate ones. Their love was rough, and that scared and confused me. I have never seen two people in an intimate relationship interact they way that these two characters were written and acted out.

The movie was also important because it was set in the sixties, and it was placed in Wyoming. Both men had families, lives, reputations. Jack’s life was taken because of his relationship with Ennis in the end.

This quiet connection between the two, the way Jack could make Ennis speak up about his life like no one else could, and the angry relationship, the scared and violet love the two shared, made this an excellent movie. I am planning to read the book version very soon, and I recommend both to you.

 

Song Review: Intro III by NF part 2

This is Part two for Intro III by NF: For the second part it breaks it down more, in a since NF begins to become “free” and begins to get rid of a unnecessary weight. I would consider this part my favorite because of the shift in mood, intensity, and flow.  

(NF and NF’s “Fear”)

Aye, where is my shovel at?

*(Already. It begins to show a power struggle leaning on the side of the “underdog – NF)

Prolly out back—where it always is

You can’t get rid of all of me!

I’m the reason why—

Nah, shut up, I don’t wanna hear another sentence

*(NF is seems to be giving”fear” a way to give up or maybe save itself?)* 

Hey, I’m NF

“Is it me or the fear talkin’?” Ha! What a dumb question!

Yeah, it’s real music ’til the day we die, right?

Yeah, ain’t that the slogan, Nathan?

Thought I told you to keep your mouth shut

I mean, so what? You know I never listen

Let me guess, we gon’ dig a hole, kill the track, and prolly put a beat in it

Rap about it for like three minutes

Ayy, that’s pretty deep, isn’t it?

Wait a minute, you don’t really think for a second that you’re puttin’ me in this?

No, of course not, just a little deeper then we’ll go inside and we can stop diggin’ (woo)

You had me scared for a second, I thought we were diggin’ my grave [thunk]

We did, what, you don’t like bein’ afraid?

*(You kinda have to listen to the song to understand this part a little bit. But for background knowledge in the audio it sounds like a body hitting the ground. This is when things completely shift into NF’s territory. This is the moment of pure clarity between the two. It’s a who towers over who dynamic.)

Here’s a dose of your own medicine

What, you don’t like how it tastes?

My therapist told me don’t bury my issues, but I’ma be honest, man, I’m feelin’ great! (great)

I think it’s only right we go back to where you were created

I wrote a song for Johnny without you, but he ain’t gon’ like it, let’s see how he takes it (takes it)

He probably don’t even remember us, does he?

*(A man becoming a monster. He takes “Fear”  and forces him t0 take in what he has to deal with. But if it’s an embodiment of the thing itself doesn’t it have to go through it everyday? In the since of fear feeling pure fear everyday but assuming things that the one thing that can truly terrify “Fear” to the bone is the moment it was completely forgotten, or left behind. By the person who created it.)*

I wish I was buryin’ anger

But both of us know I’ma need him for that song, he still lives in the basement

Almost done, shoulda done this a year ago, I don’t know why I waited

You know how I get, I put everything off in my personal life, you hear what I’m sayin’?

That was a joke, yeah, it’s hilarious, ain’t it?

You’ll spend the rest of your life in my backyard or back of my mind, depends how you see it

Put the shovel away, time to go back in the house now, you’ll be out in a week

Tellin’ me you want your room back, that’s funny; what, you ain’t got nowhere to sleep?

I’ma just look out the window and laugh at you, this is crazy to me

‘Cause I thought you had me in prison this whole time, but I’m the one holdin’ the keys

*(Pure assurance within the self that you got rid of the thing that has always clung to you as a child, a teen, and even an adult. Something so big and bad that even the thought of it could reduce him to his knees, conquered and buried and left behind. But things like this only fester. And through the climax of the song i believe he knows this and awaits the moment when “Fear” comes back full force. Nothing can stay away forever and it will one day crawl from the hole and once again enter his “Mansion.” This whole thing to me both sections was what i feel everyone wants to do, but NF in particular tries his best to reach out to his followers and show them the, not so glamorous, life of living with mental issues that tear you down from the inside out and reconstructs your whole lives, Fear will return and the final line and some lines before that one shows that this cannot be a permanent placement. He put nothing over the whole. He doesn’t even try. Because he knows, deep down, that he’s going to need fear again one day. It filed some part of him and he can’t keep that part closed forever.)*