Looking at the Journey

Junior Year. Who wants it? Who needs it? 

It has been…a journey to say the least. 

Gurl, I’m not gonna lie to you. When I heard a lot of people saying Junior Year was the hardest year academically…they weren’t lying.  I don’t mean to say this in anyway to scare any incoming juniors. I made it through it just like the millions across the world who do the same it’s just that-    dang, it’s challenging.

Even just knowing that millions across the world do it though, I wondered, how does that help me? Just because I know that many people are also accomplishing this feat at my age but I have no idea how to get through they year. It seems so hard, impossible even. But then…*clicks the 14 second video below*

This right here though, this right here! When our lord and savior, Nicki Minaj told me that she hates lazy people, when she told us Barbz, her fans, to stay in school. Mmhmm! After that, I had no more missing assignments. Nicki, along with an array of my role models and IDOLS helped me persevere and find the drive to continue on my educational journey. BTS is no doubt on that same list. You know for my last blog imma shout them out! I love you BTS! BTS Fan Chant" Poster by TheEnderGirl13 | Redbubble

I just, I think that’s what this whole school thing is all about. Whether it be your junior year or even Kindergarten year, the point is when you can’t find the energy within yourself to keep going, find it in others. For me, that may have been Gaga or Taylor Swift, but finding who your ‘person’ is is just as vital for your survival. 

I’ve been referencing this as just a school thing, but it can go beyond that, think beyond the academics. 

I remember when I was driving home recently, there was a song that came on right before my final turn to the road that led to my house, but all of the sudden when it came on, we didn’t turn. I told the driver,” Don’t turn just yet! Let’s see where this takes us.”

Granted, I was also the driver and the passenger in this situation because I was the only one in the car, but I still just let it take me.

The song was just heart-wrenching for me because it was from one of my favorite K-Dramas and is like a staple through the show and the lover’s relationship, but that’s besides the point. Before I continue with the story/lesson, here is the song, “Same,” in case you’re wondering though…

Basically the song killed my emotional well-being. Okay. I was a wreck! I was playing it while driving past my old high school. I even drove the same path that my brother and best friend, who have both already graduated, would take me down everyday to drop me off. And after that? I drove myself where my mom would drop me off at the elementary building when we were late and missed the bus.

I left the school the same way my brother would drive us home, that is me and my best Judy, Caitlyn. We would talk about how much we wanted to leave this town, escape from this flesh prison that was called a school and be so much bigger. Bigger than we already were from the other bland, basic kids at our school who were already following the boring footprints of their parents and their parents’ parents. We were on fire.

At first I was so, like obviously sad, thinking back to when all my friends had grown out of the songs we grew up on talking about our teenage spirit. I was the only one “left behind,” so to speak, and it felt like maybe I hadn’t grown up enough. 

Then, I remembered how it was when I first walked into MSA (Mississippi School of the Arts). I felt like the most nervous, least talented kid there. I not only felt isolated from my past friends, but also felt I wasn’t deserving of making new friends with the awesomely diverse people at MSA.

Where should I go then?

Well, my IDOLS came in to save me. They showed me how much I have already grown from that closeted, gay kid from small-town Wesson. My IDOLS reminded me of how much I had survived and been through. My strength was finally realized in a way that I don’t think I had ever viewed it. Even writing this now, I still feel the freshness of this feeling. 

I just want anyone reading this, I guess, to remember to not get caught up in the fluff of what you’re going through at the moment, but to not forget what you have already conquered. 

I forgot the pain and trials I went through all my life before my junior year to the point that, I couldn’t remember how I had ever gotten through the tough moments before. My advice? Never forget.

Always think back to your origin story and where you came from because it will remind you of how far you’ve come. That, and just have fun with life.

I write this for anyone like me who needs the message. 

This is just one of the only songs I could put on here from Nicki Minaj because it’s at an award show so the language is censored 🙁

Here is art that got me through the year… I present to you “Roman Holiday” by Nicki Minaj. 

This is also just a teaser of what has gotten me through the times recently being one of the most anticipated singles of all time!  You can’t make this up. This is the teaser to BTS’ new single, “Butter.” It will be releasing May 20-21 , depends on your time zone. 

Please, again, just remember to have fun every single time you get the chance, and be wild and free  ♥

After all, “Life is a cabaret!”    😉