guess what cured my writers block…

guys, can you guess?
Story pin image
you’re right. it was the compelling relationship between to male characters with depressing backstories from a koren television show that recently came out with it’s second season. anyways, here’s a draft of the first chapter of a fanfic i recently started. it follows the plot of squid game (specifically folowing thanos and namgyu’s characters…), expect the main difference is there is no drug use. i think both thanos and namgyu would be really compelling/more compelling characters if they were sober during squid game, so im using this fic to explore that idea. this first chapter is just an introduction to that idea, but if you guys enjoy this, there will be more. or you can hunt down my ao3 account lol.
also this has not been beta read and im dyslexic so if there are any spelling errors, just ignore them thank you.

trigger warning for implied suicide attempt, reference drug use/addiction, and general mature themes.

EPISODE 00 – Playing with Fate

On the North end of the Hangang bridge, Choi Su-bong stood with a cross-shaped locket in his hand. He had taken it off of his neck and let it sit limp in the palm of his hand as he held it out over the railing. The lingering high that still clouded his mind told him to close his fist and shove the locket back in his pocket. The longer he stood there, the more Su-bong could feel himself sobering up. His sober mind made his hand tremble, daring him to throw the necklace in the river and then jump in after it.

Su-bong glanced past the necklace, down to the dark blue of the Han river. Even as the sunset blackened out the sky, the river was a starkly different shade of black. It dominated the darkness, hiding beneath secrets that no man had ever lived to tell. Su-bong found himself pulled toward that secretive pit. With the state his life was in, he figured diving into the endless void below him was the only productive way to drown his sorrows. There was no point in driving himself into more debt to pay for drugs when death is the strongest drug of them all.

“Sir.”

Su-bong felt a strong hand grab onto his shoulder, pulling him back into the present moment. He jumped at the sudden movement and the necklace in his palm slipped from his grip. He clasped down onto what he hoped was the chain, but as he wiped his head back to his hand, the locket was nowhere to be seen.

“Shit.”

“I’m sorry, did I startle you?” The stranger removed his hand from Su-bong’s shoulder, sliding it into the pocket of his slacks.

Su-bong took a moment to acknowledge the strange man. He was dressed nicer than anyone had any business being at this time of night. In his other hand, the man held a small briefcase. Su-bong figured it couldn’t hold much more than a laptop and some books, if that. He gave the man another once-over, brows furrowed.

“I didn’t mean to alarm you.” The man continued. “I simply came to make you an offer.”

“Tch,” Su-bong rolled his eyes and turned away from the man. “I’m not interested, dude.”

“Is there a reason you haven’t jumped yet?”

Su-bong wiped his head around again. “The fuck did you just say?”

The man held his hands up with a coy smile. “Perhaps you’re waiting for someone to come change your mind, hmm? Is that it?”

“You don’t know shit about me, man.” Su-bong pressed two fingers against the man’s chest and pushed his back.

“I know you’re different from most of the people I talk with.” The man raised his briefcase, withdrew his hand from his pocket, and opened the case.

Faintly illuminated by the flickering lamp posts, Su-bong found himself staring down at stacks of won and two sets of ddakji tiles. Su-bong stared blankly at the cash. He knew the won in the suitcase couldn’t even pay off ten percent of his debt. Unless he could pay off all his debt at once, Su-bong knew he’d end up spending the money on drugs. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, the drugs were simply postponing his inevitable fate at the bottom of the Han river.

“I know that this means little to nothing to you.” The man shut the suitcase and lowered it. “You wouldn’t be standing here if you cared about a couple thousand won.”

“What’s your point?” Su-bong rubbed a hand over his face.

“What if I told you that there was a way you could make billions of won simply by playing childhood games, such as ddakji.”

Su-bong scoffed. “I’d say you’re crazier than me, bro.”

The man smiled and reached into the breast pocket of his suit jacket. He pulled out a rectangular business card and held it out. Su-bong stared down at the brown card and the three simple shapes that were printed on the top.

“Just call the number on the back.” The man maintained eye contact, still smiling in a way that made Su-bong’s stomach turn.

Su-bong took the card. He flipped it over and, sure enough, there was a number on the back. He glanced up at the man once more, still unsure.

“You’re serious?”

“Very.” The man straightened out the front of his suit jacket, squared his shoulders, then stepped back. “That is all. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Su-bong didn’t put much emphasis behind the farewell, more focused on the vague card in his hand.

He flipped the card between his fingers. The simple design left much to the imagination, but regardless of whether or not the strange man was telling the truth, this was definitely a second option that Su-bong now had to consider. He could either drop the card and proceed with the fate he assumed was set in stone, or he could call the number on the back of the brown rectangle and play a game with fate.

The longer Su-bong stared down at the nondescript card, the more curious he grew. A fresh start was what he needed. If he could pay off his debt, he’d change his whole life around. He’d never indulge in any of his vices ever again. He’d use any leftover cash he had to buy his mother a nice house in the countryside. He wouldn’t expect her to take him back in, but he’d do anything in his power to give her a comfortable life in her old age. Maybe he’d go back to school, study business and settle into a corporate job like his mom always wanted. All of that sounded better than spending the rest of eternity at the base of the Han river, while his poor mother wondered what she did to raise such a worthless brat.

Su-bong rubbed a hand over his face again. He could feel his brain pulsing against the sides of his skull, as if trying to break open and spill down his face. He squeezed his eyes shut and swore under his breath. He needed a drink, a pill, anything. All he had was a stupid business card and the vague promise of billions. Su-bong groaned, shoved the card in his pocket, then turned back toward the Dongjak district.

Elden Ring Lore (what I understand)

Ok since I keep running out of ideas i decided to make a new series one where I at least know most of the stuff by heart. I have about 500 hours on Elden ring by playing it multiple times and if anyone plays the game after reading through this blog its completely worth it.

The Origin of Elden Ring

Ok so this story starts off with this being called the greater will. Now they never actually specify how the greater will came about but I imagine it came about like the big bang but I’m getting off topic so there is this thing called the greater will that sent down the Elden ring with isn’t like the hobbits wring but instead a tree to bless the realms in between where the character you make resides. Now the greater will chose Queen Marika (you will be hearing her a lot in the game) as a vessel of the Elden ring now the Edlen ring with the power to give people the blessing of the grace (will talk about that later) has the power to change reality. with that power Marika removes death. Yep, she removes Death so now no one can die granting eternal life to everything this action led to the rise of the golden order (Basically the government but less annoying) which is a religion dedicated to her.

this is Queen Marika (The Eternal)

Now let’s move on to her family her first husband was a guy called Godfrey who was then named the first Elden lord and was deemed the most powerful for some time. Marika bore 3 children Godwyn (think of Baldur from Asgardian Mythology) Morgot and Mogh

Godfrey

Godwyn-middle, Mogh -left Moorgot right-

Godwyn started the golden Lineage which further drove the Golden order. Now his brothers as you can see, they are very different. they are omens and the Golden Order hated the omen there were even a set of people that had a career of killing omen, so Marika tossed them into her kingdom’s sewers. Godfrey and Godwyn opposed this decsion so Godfrey was casted out of the kingdom and lost the title of Elden lord. Godwyn was not punished since he was still a child during this. The game doesn’t exactly say but we can assume the Godwyn, and his army died to the monsters outside the realms between.

Later on Marika takes in a new “Partner” this longed hair red man who appeared out of nowhere. Now he was even more powerful than Godwin and was at equal strength to that of Marika who mind you was blessed by the Elden ring. they soon had 2 children Maleina and Miquella

Miquella -left Maleina-right

But you see Leyndell (Marika’s kingdom) had a problem you see there was this other kingdom called Raya Lucaria that had study the stars and magic that could become a threat to Radagon (Marika’s husband) was sent to demolish everything, but you see the Full Moon Princess said “I’ll stop attacking your kingdom but only if you marry me. Which he promptly did and they had 3 children Ranni, Rykard, Radhan

Radhan, Ranni, Rykard

Radagon then went back to his kingdom leaving the queen alone and heart broken. Now years like years later Ranni devised a plan see she didn’t want to be anyone’s puppet, so she plotted to kill Godwyn and take control of the Elden Ring so she hired the only people that could actually kill someone, and they ambushed and killed Godwyn

but she didn’t expect that when he died the Elden ring would shatter and go everywhere. Now each one of the demigods took a piece of it and tried to wait each other out so that they could finally become Elden lord.

I’ll be talking about bosses next.

See you later gators!

Rick And Morty :)

Rick and Morty is a show about a kid and his grandfather going on adventures doing all sorts of wacky thing. for this blog I’m going to be rating the character which aren’t a lot.

1.Morty

The main character of this franchise is a prepubescent boy who has half his mind on work and the other half on his crush Jessica. the reason he is my favorite character is because he brings realism to the show but can show bravery for his family. By the way does anyone else feel bad for the little guy. it always seems like no one wants him except for rick who also treats him like a servant.

2. Space Beth

Space Beth rather or not if she is the clone or not the clone (Debatable) is a freedom fighter for Alien injustice. She asked rick to clone her because she was tired of her mundane life and needed to explore the galaxy. She’s basically a cooler version of Rick who like father like daughter has many imperfections such as empathy and very questionable tastes.

Ver questionable tastes. Taking Self-love to a whole new level.

3. Rick Sanchez

The other half of Morty and a pain in the bum for the rest of the galaxy I present to you Rick Sanchez the man that has fornicated with planets and entire colonies at once. Rick Sanchez became Rick his wife and daughter were killed by an alternate version of himself Rick prime. Burden by guilt for the death of his family he explores the galaxy for the man that killed him. Which took him decades but recently he was able to kill him and get revenge, but he still has a hole in his chest that will never be filled. Hopefully his grandson can.

4. Beth Smith

Daughter of Rick Sanches, Wife of Jerry smith, Mother of Morty and Summer smith AND sole provider of the smith family (jerry a bum). Beth is a horse surgeon and a killer with psychopathic umm urges

she’s also an acholic not the best combination but neither is this family. she hates her father but can help loving him just so that he won’t leave her again (daddy issues) her father loves her as well, but he knows he can’t be that father to her since she is just another versions of his dead daughter.

5. Summer Smith

Summer Smith’s sister of Morty Smith, Daughter of Jerry and Beth Smith, Granddaughter of Rick Sanchez and Mother of Naruto Smith. there isn’t much to say about her to be honest. she the typical teenager stereotype that most old people think. she’s a homicidal manic to so plus?

Call Me By Your Name Review

*Warning: Spoilers Ahead*

Disclaimer: This is my review of the Call Me By Your Name through its film and script, not the book. Credit to authors and director mentioned below.

The movie Call Me By Your Name takes place in the Summer of 1983, “somewhere in Northern Italy.” Oliver is a foreign exchange student who comes to live and study under Professor Perlman for the summer. The professor’s son, Elio, is a young, bright boy who loves to dance kinda funny.

The film follows the complicated relationship of Elio and Oliver who begin to bond incredulously. What begins as simple infatuation evolves into insatiable desire.

One of the biggest things this movie shows is how stellar character interaction can be for ultimate audience satisfaction.

It must be talked about! See? Elio agrees. 🙂

For starters, Call Me By Your Name does an incredible job at utilizing indirect dialogue. There are too many moments to keep track of, but perhaps one of the best to mention is when Elio is expressing to Oliver how he feels about him.

Elio never just comes out and says, “I like you.” He talks to Oliver in a certain way where he beats around the bush with his language, and Oliver follows along talking in a similar fashion.

It just makes sense. It’s the 80s and society was in a different place, especially with the topic of sexuality in public, as they are in during this conversation. It also keeps the audience figuring out the plot themselves rather than simply having it laid out for them. Here is the scene from the film.

This is only one of many scenes that showcase this indirect style of dialogue that courses through the film’s structure.

A picture from the above mentioned scene.

There are also many subtle notions that are easy to be overlooked but help the storyline. One of these instances when Oliver is eating a poached egg for the first time. He struggles at first and ruins his first egg, but after he learns he devours the egg.

Elio’s mother, Annella, suggests he have another.

Oliver responds with the line, “I know myself. If I have three, I’ll have a fourth, and then more.”

The script elaborates after this line by writing, “ELIO has never heard someone Oliver’s age say, I know myself. It’s somewhat intimidating. He lowers his eyes.”

This highlights how early on the power dynamic Oliver and Elio struggled with in the beginning of the film began. I imagined it perhaps started later on when the two were more vocally catty.

Perhaps I am reading too much into it. For me though, upon reading the script I have noticed more spots that could have easily been overlooked watching the film, whereas a viewer might only focus on the more obvious scenes shown.

Another powerful scene that deserves its own moment is probably toward the very end of the film. Elio’s father has a talk with Elio about their relationship, and it is very emotional. It adds all the closure you didn’t realize you and Elio needed by that point of the film. Here is the video and script for the scene.

This is actually very unique for a LGBTQIA+ film. For the gay male character to have such a supporting father is not a common thread of almost any gay films/shows. Besides the closure and diversity it delivers, this moment deepens the layers of the father’s character. It shows how insightful and observative he is, while also providing care for his son he knows is hurting. This scene hits the audience at an already rough point of the film, but it is vital.

Overall, I can only hope I did this movie the justice I feel it deserves. Call Me By Your Name has been such a great addition to cinema, and has phenomenal acting. Like writing aside, the actors/actresses serve.

What’s not to love about this movie? I invite you to go take a trip to Italy through the film and see for yourself (possibly again) what I’ve been geeking over for an entire blog post. You might just have a good time 🙂

Thank you to André Aciman for writing the book. Thank you to James Ivory for writing the screenplay. Thank you to Luca Guadagnino for directing the movie. You guys thankfully made this story come to life. Again, thank you so much. <3

Let’s All Go to New York City

A new show has taken over my life, Sex and the City. My brother got an HBO Max subscription recently and I thought I’d see what was on there. Low and behold I come across Sex and the City, and I think. I have always heard about this show throughout the gay community. I do need to stay cultured in my gay knowledge. Why not?

First night in. I binged almost the entire first season. What is it about this show? Four single, thirty-something aged women -with a love for cosmopolitans-tackle love in New York City. Sadly, I am not in New York City or a woman in my early thirties. One night’s dose of the show, and I’m already trying to write my blog like the main character’s, Carrie Bradshaw, writes her column for the New York Star.

I mean, the characters are great! First is Carrie…who always looks unimaginably pretty. It pains me when her character talks about being jealous of models. Really doesn’t do justice to the ego. So laid back too and just cool. She looks glamorous all the time, so what’s not to love?

Then there’s Samantha Jones. She is an iconic seductress of ‘The Big Apple.’ She is liberated and her ideology of life is just fabulous. I agree with most any advice she offers the friend group on their usual brunch out or at parties. The gays obviously would just love her. And I/we do!

Charlotte Goldenblatt. Her character is honestly so vanilla sometimes it’s annoying. She isn’t really as adventurous as the rest of the group, and her views are always just so like…ugh. I don’t like some things about her, but she can be a greattt friend and really supportive. She is someone who’ll come over when you call.

Finally there’s Miranda Hobbes. I like her confidence and willingness to not hold back. She is a lawyer, and sometimes she ca be a little uptight but we love her. I thought she was lesbian when I first saw her character, and then I was told she was in real life, but not on the show. Unless I just haven’t watched enough to see it yet, I hope they let her character be true to her. I get that actors act, and don’t always play roles that are them. But.. I don’t know..

Oh my gawd, this show just has great characters– set in a big, great place. I have no idea how I keep relating to it in so many ways, but I am. It’s only my fourth day on Sex and the City and I’m already on Season 3. I even got my brother hooked, and my mom re-watching it. If you’ve ever heard about it and wondered what the hype was about, like me, then go see. It’s such a killer sitcom that’s being brought back again for another season soon, so this is like the perfect opportunity to jump on the bandwagon.

Let’s all wanna go be single writers in New York City ! Let’s go ! ♥

Dreaming ON

Hey dreamers! >.< I wanted to remind you to breathe. 2020 is coming to an end, and I know everyone is gonna be talking bout it. I’ll just go ahead and do it too though.

Here we are. Hang in there. Easier said than done. I just wanted to share a story that might give you some hope, and give you some light reading.

I also have a video if that’s more your thing. 😉

It’s about a teen LGBTQIA+ boy who struggles with the isolation this pandemic has brought on, but he reignites life through his memories. I hope it encourages you to do the same if you need to, or keep your spark lit. Thank you.

Dreamer

A young teen, full of dreams, was trapped within the confines of solitude while writing in his journal. He grasped for fragments within the files of memory for bliss and lost sisterhood. A sisterhood, not of traveling pants, but a sisterhood forming a Haus. That’s right. A Haus.

July 28,2020

You see, a Haus is more than friends. It is a group compiled of soulmates who are bound to link back together time after time within every lifetime and alternate reality. To be in a Haus, is to be with a family of linked spirits.

While together, anything is possible. Reality becomes parallel to clay, in which it may be molded and manipulated with the ease of a swipe. Each member embodies their fantasies and walks flawlessly. Snatching crowns across the board, while bringing the ouu-ahh sensation. No one is safe from the power and awe demonstrated and encapsulated from a Haus mother strutting with her legendary children in formation. This momentum even shifts the tectonic plates, causing new maxes on the Richter scale. The trade winds strengthen and regulate to their stride. Cities may burn in their path leaving nothing but ash, soot, and remnants of those who attempted to cross the Haus. They even–

He chuckled, segueing into a rolling laughter. He was consumed with joy upon reimagining his vivid depictions of previous memories. Life didn’t have to stop just because a pandemic started.

The pen next to his open journal was anxiously calling to him, yearning to be in action again. He beckoned to the call and picked it up, feeling the cool metal against his fingers. Chika! Chicka! Toying with the top, the clicking sound of the pen asserted what had been written in the past, and what still could be. Life never stopped, only his imagination had. Chicka! The tip of the pen had emerged, and the boy’s face shifted into a smile. He turned his body to look back at his loved, Buster.

“Buster guess what?” Buster lifted his head from his paws and while turning his head slightly, perked his ears up at the boy, “There is a writer in the house again.”

For the next couple of hours, only the sound of pen on paper could be heard. A dreamer was in touch with themselves. Life continued, and he would be okay.

Thank you for letting me share an experience with you. I hope all is well on your end, I really do. ♥

Now for the video promised! I am excited to share a video called Life Goes On. It was directed and visualized by none other than BTS! They also do the vocals. ( I’m not sure if that was made clear…)

It is all about life in the pandemic and finding the light. Please watch with English subtitles if you need to, so you can really revel and understand the meaning.

AHHHHH! I just looked up and saw Jin front and center looking at me…I’ll try and control myself for the outro though.

Thank you for reading and/or watching the video. I hope it helped you in someway no matter how small. Please carry on the best you can. Be wild, be free, and have fun ♥

A Gay Blog

I am a gay male. If you have seen me or my mannerisms and style you should have probably gotten an idea by now. At this point, it is basically common knowledge. I mean, sis- come on. I was writing my blog to express how it is, and what it is like for those of you who don’t have the gay best friend or are gay and know already.

Being gay is fun, confusing, and a little daring. The fun part comes in with our culture. Our activities of leisure and pleasure just far surpass the straights. We enjoy more wild adventures at our “place of meeting.” Lots of disco balls, LED lights flashing, and dancing with fellow creatures of the night. Whereas, a straight “place of meeting” there will mostly be high top tables, ESPN on the television, and a pool table. Which sounds like a better time to you?

Oh boy.

Confusing. We do not always get the pass or privilege to publicly show who we like. A lot of places still do not accept “the Gays” as morally, or even legally, correct. I get it. We can be intimidating and sometimes a little loud, but at the same time we can make your fashion and interior design fabulous! This idea of being an outlier to society can begin to fester many negative related emotions about our selves. Many gays struggle with even internalized homophobia. This is where we may not like people who are “too gay” or constantly ask if our own actions as a gay person are “too gay.” It is a wicked battle that can sometimes lead to even more wicked coping mechanisms.

The community can be toxic within itself due to the varying types of gays. Just a few are the athletics, theatre, femme, drag queens, closeted, baby gay, etc. The community will categorize into different stereotypes, and then hold stigmas or prejudice against one another. We do not stop there though Mary. No mam’. Then we categorize due to body types. You have your otters, twinks, bears, cubs, foxes, and jocks. These have entire meanings as well, and can usually be forcing on a gay to try and fit into one they deem supreme. Confusion, again. This is all one big mess that can be overwhelming if you do not have a good support system.

Daring. This is one of the most tricky parts in my opinion. Straights are sometimes hard to identify. Especially now that our society is progressing towards a more open view and ” masculine and feminine” things. Thankfully, the lines are being blurred. The daring aspect comes in when you have to muster up the courage to ask someone if they want to be romantically involved in you. Half the time, they will be straight or still closeted, or even still have a wife. It can be such a letdown, especially how the person who a gay is asking reacts to it. That is hard for any sexuality though. Who wants to be rejected? Luckily, a good gay who has learned to heighten their senses and master their gaydar can notice the one gay in a room of 100. It is quite the feat that many do not accomplish fully until later years. Although, sometimes it can be a helpful means to survival and finding where the gays are, so a gay knows they’re safe.

This is only the tip of the iceberg with gay culture and subcultures. There is so much to it that would take an entire book probably to explain. Gays are if nothing else, a lot. I can say that cause I’m gay though.

If you or someone you know has “the gay,” then please be kind to them and try and be understanding/empathetic of what they may be facing. Thank you. 🙂