During the Christmas Break, I went on a trip to Atlanta. This trip was one of my Christmas presents. We don’t have any family there or anything, but it was a fun experience. We explored the city for 2 full days but 4 in total. During our visit, we visited many attractions including, The World of Coca-Cola, the Georgia Aquarium, the Chik-Fil-A College Football Hall of Fame, and many others. The city was not as crowded as I thought it would be, the streets were nearly bare in areas where there wasn’t that much to do. All of the food I tried was immaculate. There was truly never a dull moment. I went with my family: Cory and Darrian, my foster parents, and Maddox, my little brother. We stayed in probably one of the fanciest hotels I’d ever been in. The floors were marble and some chandeliers hung from the vaulted ceilings. It was a beautiful sight. 

The first day consisted of a long road trip there. We stopped at Buc-ee’s as part of our tradition to do so on vacation. The journey was long, I slept most of the time to allow myself to charge up before the adventurous 3 days ahead of me. If I wasn’t asleep, I was watching Arcane on my iPad like the iPad kid I am. When we got to the hotel, we took everything up to our room. We instantly left to find food because we were all pretty hungry. On our journey through the streets of Atlanta, we found a wing place that was baseball-themed. The workers all wore baseball jerseys and they played different games on the TVs around the restaurant. After eating, we went back to the hotel and eventually fell asleep. 

The second day was an action-packed one. We woke up and went to arguably one of the largest Waffle Houses for breakfast. After that, we explored the Olympic Park where the Olympics were held many decades ago. We then went across the street to the Georgia Aquarium. This is one of the largest in the world so I knew it was going to be incredible. We went through every tunnel that consisted of different animals and creatures. My personal favorite was the see-through tunnel with the whale sharks. After the aquarium, we went to the Chik-Fil-A College Football Hall of Fame. It was interesting to see all who have been inducted as well as when and why. There were different displays of trophies and awards around the building. There was even a small portion of a football field where kids could run drills and have a great experience. We then went and got nitrogen-infused ice cream. When you ate it, smoke would come out of your mouth. It was super cool. We then went back to the Hotel to rest for a little before going to dinner and Ikea. 

The third day was very quick-paced. We went to the World of Coca-Cola first where we tried all of the different drinks they offer in different countries as well as learned the history behind the famous brand. We then went to the Civil Rights Museum to learn about how people gained equal opportunities as others. We then drove to the Braves Stadium to explore. After that, we went to a giant food hall called Ponce City Market. It was a really cool experience to see all of the different cultures there. 

The fourth day was our last, we packed up our things from the hotel and loaded down the car before heading to the Atlanta Zoo. This zoo was incredible, they had so many different kinds of animals and reptiles to look at. My favorite was the Red Panda exhibit. After the 3 hour journey through the zoo, we finally made the car ride home. I slept most of the time again due to being exhausted from our adventures. 

Like most people, I am not one to stick to my New Year’s resolutions. I have a lot of difficulty keeping up with lists of goals no matter the occasion. Like, I can make a grocery list and still not be able to complete it. 

Last year, I made some New Year’s resolutions. Honestly, there were some good ones in there. I wanted to lose weight, read 10 books, publish some works, keep my room clean and work out. But the only resolution I achieved was getting accepted into MSA.

Clearly, change starts with me.

So this year, I will actually try to reach my goals. I’ve made some broader resolutions for 2025 and I’ve cut myself a lot of slack. I’ve also written it in a style that is more personal to me so maybe it’ll actually get through this thick skull.

The first resolution I made was “be yourself” in all caps followed by an explicit. This is obviously my number one goal. Last year, I noticed that I tend to hide my own personality, afraid that other people won’t like me for who I really am. But the thing is, I do it unintentionally. When I’m around people that don’t make me feel true to myself, I change my personality and unconsciously gaslight myself into thinking that’s the real me. So I honestly don’t know who Steph is but I’m working on that, trust me.

That resolution actually had a little more context to it. I wrote, “don’t snuff out your own light to be mysterious for the guys you like, if they don’t like you for your true self, they won’t like you ever,” and I think that’s beautiful. I really need to listen to myself more often because I can give pretty good advice (I think). Maybe I should be a therapist. Right now I think I should be my own therapist, though.

Another resolution I made was to keep my room clean again. I swear this time will be different because MSA has made me a cleaner and more organized person. I will admit I trashed my bedroom when I first got home for Christmas Break but I left it sparkling! I can’t wait to go home.

I also have a resolution that says “go to church.” I think it’s pretty simple. This resolution comes from a flaw of mine where I want to go to church until I’m waking up and trying to get out of bed for it. It also comes from a goal on my bucket list where I want to attend a church service from every branch of Christianity. I’ve already got Baptist, Episcopal, and Catholic checked off my list. I think that’s pretty impressive for me.

Those were all of my New Year’s resolutions for 2025. Of course, I’ve got some that I’m not willing to share and I’ve probably got some more that I’m planning on adding. I’m really curious about everyone else’s resolutions if they have any, I know some people like to break their goals up by the month or week. I spent New Year’s day in my room on my Nintendo Switch watching the Animal Crossing: New Horizons countdown. I’ve watched it with my best friend the past 3 years but it was just me and my villagers this year.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year (even though I’m a little late) and I also wish myself a Happy New Year because I need it.

Seconds turn into a minute. As his eyes slit, and his new reality begins to hit him like a train. He sees his driveway below him, but his feet don’t touch it. They are far above it in the air. His window is a few feet behind him. Nothing supports him, yet he still stands up in the air. His body feels as if it weighs nothing at all. 

“Okay, what do I do now?” he asks himself while he floats motionless. He thinks back to how he’s seen it in superhero movies. He tries throwing his arms in the air which just makes him look dumb. He then tries to lean forward. That makes him just spin like a wheel. 

“How are you supposed to do this?” he asks while dizzy and frustrated. 

“Make your own momentum,” a voice says. Eve’s body jolts as he looks to find where it came from. Once again, no one is in sight. His body tenses up as he tries to ignore what just happened. He begins to rationalize it by playing it off as a memory. He remembers someone in a superhero show saying that you created your own momentum when flying. You just have to press off of it. 

Eve puts his legs in a squatting position and throws his arms into the air. Then, he throws his arms and legs down. He feels his body get thrown far up into the air. Nothing can stop him. He flies further and further into the sky. He turns his body like you would turn a skateboard to switch directions. He soars through the clouds. His eyes begin to tear up as he’s never seen this kind of view before.  

He struggles to turn but begins to get the hang of it. He is the only person in the world right now who can feel this feeling of exhilaration and excitement. He points himself upwards with his arms wide open. He then closes his eyes and stops thinking while trying to end all the momentum he has so he can fall and land. 

Wind flies past his face as it pulls his hair upwards. His stomach rises to his chest as he falls closer to the ground. He tightens his face as he tries to focus on his flight. He tries to slow his descent down. The more he focuses the less he realizes how close the ground is to him. The less he realizes he’s not slowing down. 

When he opens his eyes, he can see how close the ground is to him. He freaks out and kicks his feet. This launches him forward. He tries to slow down, but nothing is working. He is close enoguh to fly through the streets. Windows break as he breaks the speed of sound.  

“Oh, Shit,” he says as he sees a building in front of him. It’s a small mom and pop shop that he uses to go to with his mom all the time. They used to have some of the best retro games there. The two owners were so sweet to him. They’re a nice old couple just trying to find something to do during retirement. 

This building used to mean so much to him. Now it is a pile of rubble along with the long line of buildings that goes for a few blocks. Eve lays at the end of this trail of destruction. His eyes are wide open as he can’t believe what he has just done. Who knows how many people died in that. He now has blood on his hands all because he got a little too curious.

PBS kids! The channel I only watched besides boomerang, Nick, and Cartoon network. PBS kids was the only cartoon channel we could catch at my grandma’s house since she didn’t have cable. PBS kids is a big part of my childhood, and I know it’s a big part of some of yours, so I will be talking about some shows that I enjoyed that I barely hear about anymore! This isn’t a ranked list! It’s just in order of what I remember.  

1. Word World

I genuinely loved this show as a child. I was always a kid who liked words I think, I was in spelling bees and had so many story books and maybe word world is a part of that. From the theme song to the delivery of most of the jokes I loved this. I have a memory of this playing in the background while doing multiplication cards. I thought I was Einstein man.

2. The electric company

Truthfully, I don’t remember much from this show other than the theme song and how much it reminded me of fresh beat band at times. This was one of my childhood favorites, maybe I’d remember if I went back and watched some of the episodes, anyways that guy with the hat is kind of creepy,, why’s he looking like that.

3. The Berenstein bears

Ah yes, the show that no one could agree on the name of! I honestly read the books more than I watched this, but I always related to the little girl bear. She was kind of my goat, and I’ll never forget the book where she couldn’t stop biting her nails and they wrapped them up in bandaged. (Was it a book, and episode, or both?)

4. Cyberchase

A show that I still watch to this day, because I think it’s the only one on this list that still runs on tv. (Don’t quote me on that!) I have fond memories of this show and thinking that the bird really sounded like that parrot on Aladin. Anyways, this was a problem-solving skill show. I think it’s mostly math, but all I remember from that show is math. Also, I think Buzz and Delete are my favorites, I’ve always wanted a friendship like they have </3

5. Martha speaks

Ending the list with my GOAT!! I love you, Martha!! (For those who don’t know she’s the dog). As a kid who talked a lot, and who talks a lot now, Martha was always one of my favorite shows, because I love words, and she always made me feel so normal to talk a lot. When I was younger, I always knew big words, I loved spelling words, I loved knowing the meanings so I could tell people what they meant. She was and always will be my idol. I love you; Martha Speaks. Also, guys don’t feed your dog alphabet soup!! They might end up being smarter than you.

Were you once a kid who was chronically online and watched those cringey animation memes as a child? Well, I can tell you right now half of those song samples belong to Carvan Palace. Now here is where I admit something embarrassing and that is that I love their music! They are such good songs to imagine yourself in a club or even re-enacting those cringe worthy dances that animators would animate their Oc’s doing. Now you may be wondering well what are some of their songs that could take me back to that era or have such amazing daydreams?  Today I will be listing some of their best (in my opinion) songs and ones that will take you back in time! 

My first song recommendation has to be Lone Digger for sure. This song is based around a lone digger which is in that world essentially someone who dances to their own beat. The scene takes place in what looks like a bar/ club complete with dancers and drinks and gives the overall them of a risqué night. I love this song because you truly can imagine it with the songs tone and beat. Later in the club a fight goes down between a gang of cats and dogs who are portrayed as humans with the cats being in streetwear and the dogs in suits and ties. The song is also sung by a woman which could allude to being one of the dancers there which in my eyes just changes the perspective so much. All together it is just a well put together song for both memorabilia and to listen to on the regular.

My second song recommendation would have to be Wonderland this song is just truly about escaping reality. Its melodies are bright, upbeat, and fast paced and overall, just set the scene for one to imagine themselves escaping reality. It is also personally one of my favorites because it takes me back to some memories that I otherwise would not think of. Such as scrolling through YouTube mindlessly and watching any animation videos I could get my hands on.

My final song recommendation is Aftermath. This song gained quite a bit of popularity on Tik Tok before eventually being forgotten like most music tends on the app. Though it was not popular in a cheerful lighting it was mostly known to be used for people depicting their poor mental state and to vent. This is what the song is about though with repeating lines such as “let it go” goes on to help with the underlying message of hardships and that a person has to let go! I also love this song just for its beat in general it can truly be perceived as a light song if one wasn’t to pay any mind to the lyrics or it can be seen and interpreted very deeply. I love songs which can be taken in multiple ways because at the end of the day it is all up to the viewer!

TW: mention of death/loss of a loved one. 

This year, my favorite holiday doesn’t excite me like it used to. Everyone is getting in the Christmas spirit and decorating, while I’m cooped up in my room. Christmas was once a holiday of joy and taking time to spend with your family. 2024 has been a rollercoaster of events and emotions. My mom passed away earlier this year and my brothers and I became separated across the coast. The time I’m supposed to be spending with family feels nearly impossible. Many changes and separations have happened before, but this Christmas will be the hardest. I have an amazing new family I can spend the holiday with, although it’ll never be the same. I put up my Christmas tree in my room at home and started to feel this emptiness come over me.

When my family was together, we listened to Christmas music and decorated the tree. It would take all of us since we used to get a huge tree to go in front of the living room window. I used to have a special task to water and feed the tree every day before Christmas. While my brothers and I decorated the tree, my mom would start on our decorations outside. Our neighborhood had a decorating contest and it was always fun to try and win.

My mom used to bake sugar cookies and make edible paint so we could decorate them. She would also make Christmas candies to give out to friends and loved ones, we used to help by putting sprinkles on them. On Christmas Eve each year, we would always watch the same movie: The Polar Express. My mom would make us each a box for this night. It included pajamas, a body wash/shampoo set, perfume/cologne, a hot chocolate packet, a mug, and a bag of popcorn. All of us kids would put our Christmas pajamas on and make the hot cocoa and popcorn before starting the movie.

On Christmas day, we would wait for my mom to wake up. My little brothers would try to open the presents without her, but my older brother and I would stop them. My mom always needed coffee before we opened anything, my little brothers were bursting with anticipation and excitement. Finally, when we opened presents, the youngest would go first. After presents, all of us kids would take our new items to our rooms. My mom would then start on the mouthwatering food. She would take hours to prepare dinner because the food always needed to be slow-cooked for the flavors to meld. I used to go into the kitchen and help in any way I could. I always loved cooking with her. This year, none of that will be happening. Hopefully, we can continue some of our old traditions but also create new ones to better fit my and my brothers’ situations. While my mom isn’t physically here to make the candies, put together our boxes, or cook dinner, I could always continue in her place to keep her Christmas spirit alive. 

Whenever I meet new people, one thing I love to mention is the fact that I was born in Indonesia. Sometimes I feel like it’s my only defining trait. Even if it’s the only thing people remember me by, at least it’s unique. I mean, I’m proud of where I come from… I think. It definitely wasn’t my favorite time in my life, but I was also 4 so I wouldn’t even know. I moved to America in April of 2014, which was over 10 years ago now (that’s INSANE to me) and because I was so young, I barely remember it. 

I’m always asked, “What do you remember about Indonesia?” and I usually answer, “Not much!” But that stupid question always kickstarts the rusty little cobweb-covered gears in my brain to start remembering the foggiest time of my life.

One of my favorite memories of my life before America was playing online games with my dad. I’ve mentioned it before in my other blogs but not in detail. I’ve also already mentioned the fact that my dad gave me my first laptop at 4 years old. I still can’t tell if that was a good or bad parenting move.

For those of you that didn’t experience the most magical form of childhood joy, Pixie Hollow Online was Disney’s Tinkerbell MMO thing. Key word “was” because it shut down in 2013 and I was there! I remember logging on and waiting for my computer to crash or something. I don’t remember many details, just a blurry feeling of sadness as my favorite fairy game was ripped away from my little 5 year old hands. I’ll never forgive Disney for that…

I remember one time I was redecorating my house, and I’m sure it looked great because 5 year old me must’ve had amazing interior design skills. I don’t remember what the house looked like, but I do remember having a trash can made of leaves and my dad did the little sitting emote on it and told me he was “using the bathroom” in my trash can. I remember getting so mad because obviously it was for trash! Sorry if that detail was weird, it’s the only thing I actually remember about playing that game. Clearly, you can see who I get my potty humor from…

While I was doing research to see if my brain was lying to me or not, I found a Pixie Hollow blog post from the exact day Pixie Hollow shut down and it is so funny and also so sad. I’ll share it HERE!!! if anyone is curious about what happened in my little fairy world.

Watching all the Tinkerbell movies and playing Pixie Hollow unsurprisingly led me to believe in fairies. Like seriously. Until I was 10. I moved to America when I was 6 so I don’t know what on Earth was keeping my fairy beliefs up for 4 more years but it needs to come back. Anyway, the sweetest memory I have from Indonesia is going outside with my dad and placing doll-sized chairs and tables and coming back the next day to find glitter sprinkled all over it. My dad would wake me up and tell me, “The fairies came last night!” and I would run out to go see the “pixie dust” and that was the only kind of running I ever did as a kid.

Also, I did not believe in Santa Clause – I believed in Christmas fairies. I loved Legos as a kid, and I remember one Christmas where I woke up to glitter all over my (unwrapped) presents and found a little red fire truck Lego set. While I was building it, I was eating watermelon in one hand and playing in the piles of glitter with another hand and my dad mistakenly thought I was eating the glitter. 

I have so many little memories that stand alone without any leading moments. I wish I remembered more but it’s physically impossible for me to. Like this one ad on YouTube that I would watch multiple times a night for a few weeks where it was some sort of dollhouse with a waterslide. It wasn’t for Barbies, it was for little toys and I don’t even remember if they were little humans or animals. I think about it a lot, though.

As a preschool aged child on the internet, I loved My Little Pony. I’m still a fan, I have a bunch of MLP stickers all over my water bottle (thanks Richie!). A memory that honestly haunts me probably sits somewhere on a digital camera’s SD card somewhere. So I watched a lot of skits made with MLP toys. And guess who had a bunch of MLP toys…

Inspired by all of the skits I watched, I decided I wanted to make a video. So I set up my dad’s digital camera in between me and 2 of my MLP toys and I made AppleJack (and whoever the other one was) talk! Except they weren’t talking… Because for some reason I thought the camera would hear my thoughts. So I was humming. Like talking in my head. Apparently a little too loud because my dad interrupted my (totally amazing) video to ask me what I was doing.

I remember watching the video back and being so disappointed that the camera didn’t pick up the words I was saying… in my head. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure that’s what I did every time I played with any of my toys. I probably hummed so loudly because I didn’t know what kind of conversation my toys would have because I didn’t know many words.

Now back to shorter memories once again, my dad worked a lot so I had a lot of babysitters. One time, it was a hot sunny day (like most were in Indonesia) and I was sitting on my bed with the babysitter doing something I don’t remember. And then I saw a big, fat rat come out of our shower drain and run around the room until my babysitter hit it with a broom. That’s all I remember. Now I don’t know if the rat was super big because Indonesia had crazy big rats or because I was a tiny 4 year old, either way it was huge.

I’ve mentioned the fact that I grew up living in a motel in Indonesia before. I think the only reason we were able to stay so long was because my dad was friends with the motel owner. This motel was built on a huge hill that had a little concrete balcony connected to the parking lot. They had potted ferns with the kinds that curl up when you touch them so every morning I would go outside to harass the ferns because I thought it was so cool. I’m still looking for those kinds of ferns by the way, I want to have one and touch the leaves every morning. That would be a nice full circle moment.

Anyway, one day I was running up (or down) the huge slope of the driveway, and I fell. I rarely did anything active so I rarely got hurt, but this one was bad. (This is super gross so skip to the next paragraph if you’re easily grossed out!) Somehow, I scraped almost all of the skin off of my elbow. Like gone. I get so uncomfortable thinking about it now. 

To my knowledge, I don’t have a scar to prove it but I remember my dad making me wear an arm sling that used to belong to him. Actually, when I was looking through my paperwork to apply to MSA, I found a picture of him wearing that exact sling!

It was fun to finally write down all of these memories that might fade out as I get older. Spending so much time thinking about the past made me really sad. When my dad found videos of me playing with my toys and putting my stuffed animals to sleep, I cried so hard. At this point, I was like 10. I don’t even know why I started crying, but if he found those videos again I would probably cry even harder.

I miss being a little kid, and that’s so strange to say. I have so much now and I have so much ahead of me, but I can’t help but miss the past so much. Honestly, my life was probably worse back then but I just want to go back. Writing this blog made me realize how often my dad was in my favorite memories. I miss him, which is something I haven’t said since I was a kid going off to elementary school for the first time.

Sometimes I get these visions of my childhood, like I knew that moment wouldn’t last forever so I decided to remember it until I was 16 and writing about the few memories I have from Indonesia. Watching memories of my childhood is like watching short clips of a TV show that grows more static as time goes on. Something that’s just slightly out of my reach now, but it’s slipping away more and more as the years go on. I don’t want to grow up, but I can’t do anything about it now. I think I should text my dad.