My plan for my last blog was to finish my “To Pimp A Butterfly” trilogy and send you all off with a little goodbye to my junior year lol, but I wasn’t able to because I underestimated how much time we actually had left. Spoiler alert, the last three songs of that album are very important. It ends on the note of acceptance, self-love, and dedication. So, now that I am unable to, I decided to just be a little personal on this one. My blogs are never really about me, but things that I enjoy or remember, and I am glad that I found that consistent theme, but that isn’t the point of this.
Coming to MSA may have been the biggest change but best decision of my entire life. Though I’ve had my ups and downs, I have lived more this year than I have my entire life. I’ve never felt like a teenager before. I’ve spent so many of my years envious of other kids who got to live the life I wanted, but that isn’t the point either. The point is that I came here and really lived. I’ve lost friends and made friends, and I’ve begun to find myself because I’ve never really known myself. So, the one thing I was doing while experiencing this euphoria, is plan my summer.
I think I’ve been planning my summer since November, and when I got my car those plans actually came into play. My summer has been a thing that changes all the time last second, and I really wanted to do something different this year. I plan to get a tattoo for my birthday, and it’ll be a jellyfish cause they’re so cool, and they stand for transformation and healing! I’ll have my party in my hometown with all my new friends before I leave the state to stay with my grandma. I planned to go to comic con for the first time, but I probably won’t have time sighh. I want to get a job at the mall and meet new people. In all of my years of going back and forth between home and my grandma’s house, I’ve never had any real friends there, so of course I choose almost last minute to do that lol.
These have been the thoughts that keep me going through the year when everything gets to be too much. I think of what my senior year will be like when I see new juniors navigating their way around here. It’ll be different to be the senior, and it’ll be different to see so many people I know just gone and replaced with others. I also think about my senior year and being surrounded by my bestest friends once again. It almost makes me sad to imagine that we’ll be apart for so long. But it makes me happy that these random people that I talked to one day are so much more important to me now and it makes me excited to meet new people soon!
I want to stay optimistic and keep my head held up high as I experience the changes of going from not only a junior to senior, but a 16-year-old to a 17-year-old. I just found out I was the youngest of most of my friends and it makes me so scared to hear my friends talk about how much different it is to transition between ages. Growing up is the most terrifying thing in my life. And I remember being so much younger and being ecstatic about being an adult, and now I’m almost there and I just wanna go back. But I try to think of it like this: It’s my last year as a child, and I want to live it like it’s the last days of my life.
I know this seems very dramatic for just the end of junior year, I mean I’ll be here again in about two months, but I guess it’s the thoughts of moving onto a different phase in my life that’s getting me more than anything.
I hope someone can read this and feel a little bit better if you’re as scared of change as I am, and I hope that everyone has a fantastic summer.
i relate so much to this. i felt like a bland, numb version of my true self at my old school. the community here has given me the oppurtunity to be who i truly am and not be afraid of that. im so happy that i met you and everyone else here, its truly an honor to call you guys my friends. i can’t wait for next year, even tho im also terrifyed. i know we’ll be alright. i hope your summer is amazing! i hope we can see eachother sometime, even if it isn’t at comic con :3 love u !!
I am nervous about the change that is about to come into my life but this helped soothe me. I hope your summer turns out great!
I’m so glad I was able to spend so much time with you this year! You are definitely one of my best friends and I’m so happy that you’re in my life. Thank you for everything and have a great summer! Can’t wait to (hopefully) be neighbors next year!!!
I agree with you on the whole living more than you ever have thing. For me, I used to just sit around, not able to make plans because there wasn’t anything to do. But now that I’m here, I have a bunch of creative friends that push me to be the same and there’s always something we can go do. It’s really refreshing to have friends like the ones I’ve made here.
Don’t be scared to change queen! I’ve had so much fun getting now you these past few months, and if you’ve taught me anything, it’s to embrace myself and life’s changes. You are such a confident and amazing person. You’re going to have an amazing summer, and every change you will experience will be for the better. <3